I've accepted a healing journey as the specific focus of my life. My moments and breaths consist of a fierce discipline of awareness. Why? Because the cost of not doing life that way is just too fucking high.
What does it mean to be myself in a world that would rather I stay quietly in the shadows? It means I have to be brave. Every single day. In every interaction. What's my reward? Only my very soul.
It also means acceptance of the fact that I'll gain enemies. And that I'll fail. And make big mistakes. Maybe it is my age (47) or stage of life that shoves me forward despite all that. I'm not sure of the motivation except to say that staying small without expressing myself out loud causes chest pain nowadays. I'm not into heart attacks much, so I have to risk it all and shout from the mountain tops.
I'm recognizing that being myself takes a crap load of courage. I have to be a warrior for myself and my precious life. I don't think I'm alone in this. So I choose to write my heart out every day in hopes that you'll read and say, "Me too!" Not because I want you to feel this way, but because I want to help show you the way out.
Wake up. Be brave. Heal your shit. Do what you love.
This's the way I've found that works for me. When I follow these steps I feel like myself. I feel like the warrior I am. I feel good about who I'm being, what I'm saying and the actions I take in the world.
There's one key ingredient in how I've come to know and practice this; Awareness. Awareness is such a big deal that I find myself writing about it in every piece I create. It's what I feel called to teach. It's been that powerful.
Awareness is the way I get to be myself; to have the courage to express my wild, crazy, sexy, passionate, enthusiastic self out loud. It's what helps me be brave and it's what helps me take action, even when I'm scared shitless.
I believe everyone has a deep desire to be their true, wild, authentic, passionate, creative self. I also believe that many of us have been conditioned right out of our self-worth. To the point that we've stuffed that amazing self underneath heaps of crap. That crap gets heavy after a while. It covers up the light you're meant to shine. Mine has caused chest pain.
So now I have a choice"¦to move my way toward a heart attack, or risk speaking up, and living in my deepest desires. I look at it this way – I'm in mid-life right now, so it's now or never. We aren't guaranteed another day. Now or never has an urgency to it inside my body. It has become a deal breaker.
I measure the things, people, circumstances or opportunities in my life against this deal. If they don't jive, they have to be reconsidered. This clarity gave me the courage to be myself. And it feels so good. It's a clarity you can have too.
Let's do a little exercise:
Where are you not being yourself? Grab a notebook and pen and set a timer for 5 minutes. Fill in the blank until the timer goes off. Take a deep breath and relax into your body. Clear your mind. Don't censor yourself. See what comes up.
When I'm not being myself I feel________.
I've used writing as a means to healing and combined it with several other powerful modalities to do the work of peeling off the layers of crap that kept me from shining. When you have a practice of awareness and a deep desire to be yourself there's almost nothing that can get in the way of your success"¦except maybe the way you react to fear.
Stay tuned for my next article about using the feeling of fear as a compass to lead you to your deepest desires. In the mean time, I hope you will let me know in the comments below about your struggles to be yourself in the world, and any questions you have about that.
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