About Armen ShirvanianIt is said that if life hands you something of value like lemons, you should then create what is possible from that value given to you, like by making lemonade. What is often ignored in this message is that you can’t go and make orange juice if you are handed lemons. What this relates to in your ability to make use of your strengths is that you have a certain set structure your body and mind have adapted to, and it makes no sense to try and take on the form of someone else who is successful. This is because they are making orange juice with the oranges life gave them, and you are trying to make orange juice from the lemons life gave you.
Personalities Are Fairly Fixed In Place
A basis for this concept comes from the idea that our personalities are fairly fixed in place. From a young age, you can predict with fairly high accuracy the skills that a child will have 20 years later, as well as where their deficiencies might be. Life experiences do take their toll, but I’ve noticed that the quiet person in a group now tends to be the quiet person in a group 5 years later, and so on. On the other hand, their success is much harder to determine, as they could make use of their skills in a way that is unexpected.
Work With What You Are Built With
If your mind is one that brainstorms well when you are pacing around, listening to classical music, and eating a fish sandwich, then that is what you want to work with. Knowing that some genius in the 1800s would learn and process best when by sitting for 2 hours and meditating before doing brainstorming doesn’t mean it is the way for you. It is worth trying if you are so inclined, but copying the pattern of another person, if it is not fitting for you, will be deleterious to your productivity.
Notice Trends In Each Person’s Behavior
This same concept applies to how you view others. If you see someone responding in a common way each time, or regularly tearing you down, or maintaining an exercise routine for many years, you want to realize that that is a very accurate indicator of what you can expect from them in the near, and possibly far-off, future. Don’t expect that someone else will adapt to what your ideal of them is as time progresses, because in the same way that history repeats itself, past actions and behaviors that affected you from a certain person are very likely to show up again, if not exactly, in a slightly altered way.
Tomorrow Will Be Like Today If No Change Is Made
The call to action from that point is to examine those you know, and see who it is that you have been hoping would understand you a certain way, or work with you a certain way, and take your idealistic glasses off to see if there is actual change taking place. A co-worker who puts you down in some way every morning is not likely to quit that behavior until you realize the trend and respond in a way that makes a put-down from them to you not beneficial in their own mind. It may also do you well to write down a description of how others frustrated you today, and then check on what you wrote today a week or two from now. The similarity is likely to surprise you.
Knowing that oranges can’t be used to make lemonade, and that what you have seen from others is a good indicator of what you can expect more of, provides you with understanding that reduces frustration, and leads you to find those lemons to make your lemonade.
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In the tech industry we always talk about someone’s hard-wiring vs. the soft stuff. Hard-wiring, hard hard hard to change? Soft stuff? Might take a while, might find bugs, might have version control problems, but doable. It’s nice to make peace with some things that are just too hard and not suffer guilt for so doing.
.-= LPC´s last blog ..My (Blank) Bag Snagged My (Blank) Jacket =-.
Call me idealistic or naively optimistic, but I’d say that any person with burning desire and steadfast belief can make orange juice, tomato juice, Kool-Aid, and even champagne out of the lemons life gave them. Live magically!
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..What It Really Takes to Achieve the Impossible =-.
Good post! This reminds me of the saying…”If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.” A friend of mine who was not ambitious 20 years ago is still the same way. They just keep applying at the same agency, for the same type of job and refuse to do any kind of self-improvement (education – college – trade school) to change his circumstances. It looks like he’s just spinning his wheels. He’s very frustrated with his life.
.-= Anita´s last blog ..Finding Joy – Simple Secrets to a Happy Life =-.
Very useful article. I think that it is best to take the least effort and to achieve the most. The hard part is to find out what you are built with.
.-= cassia chen´s last blog ..The delicate balance between feeling safe and vulnerable =-.
One of the important points is to keep your cool. Sometimes when you are “handed” a lemon, you might tend to get angry, or anxious or just simply lose your focus. What you need to remember at those times is that keeping a stable mind at those moments gives you the advantage of being able to make the most out of it instead of using it to further dig down the whole you are in.
.-= Job Self @ Goal Setting´s last blog ..Basic Goal Setting Worksheet =-.
LPC: That is a good example that relates, and is pretty cool for me to hear about. When we are hard-wired for something, we can really struggle to do something out of that area of ability. I like the technological relation there. Sticking to the softer material, and knowing what our hard-wired abilities are, is much easier.
Nea: That is not a bad way to think about things too. We certainly can make Kool-Aid from lemons, but it would take some persistent chemical engineering, but it still could be done, and the attitude that we can do that as well is sometimes what we need to get through something tough.
Anita: Thanks for that example. We often see the same recurring theme, whether advantageous or not, from each person we know of. While that person may have a solid intent in place, the same issues are probably slowing them down repeatedly, which can be frustrating for those dealing with them.
Cassia: Thanks for that. Relating it to return-on-investment thinking, like you are describing, it makes a whole lot of sense to do that which is very fitting for you, and to know that you or another person has a certain personality that is fairly fixed in place, although it can be worked on with heavy effort. About that hard part, it sure is hard because it requires trying new things and seeing what works best and what slows you down, and trying takes effort.
Thanks for the input everyone.
Love the way you adapted the old “make lemonade” saying to make your point. Definitely caught my attention.
I’m still deciding whether or not I agree. True, our personalities are developed at a fairly young age, and for most of us, personalities and tendencies appear to remain static … but do they really? And does that mean it’s futile to try and change your core beliefs and attitudes?
I don’t know exactly, because I see value in both sides of the argument. What do you think?
.-= Jeffrey Tang´s last blog ..A Guide to Self-Reliance Minimalism =-.
Completely agree. I have so much problems with my new boss. He’s asking me things I’m not good at, and asks them as if I’m an expert on the matter. I try to make a balance of what he wants and my limited possibilities. This article should be read by those who are in charge to open their mind to the option that some employees cannot do certain kind of jobs as easy as they may appear.
Great article on working with your own natural genius. Though changes can definitely be made. I was not very social a few years ago, and very bad at image management. We can still change who we will become, we just have to find a way to make it work with the personality we have. So you can make a smoothie with lemons, you can use the juice for fajitas, or fried fish, or you can just have lemonade. Its all up to you, what you become.
.-= Justin- AlittleBetter.net´s last blog ..How to Know and Get What You Want =-.
You can’t but some people try so hard
I think one of the major causes is that we typically put various patterns of thinking or behavior intro very small boxes. We either see them as strengths or weaknesses.
With this frame, it’s reaaaaly hard to see a potential strength behind an apparent weakness and to use what you’ve got.
We all have extraordinary and unique talents. We often become more successful by discovering these talents and using them to our highest potential. Then again with determination and will, I believe talents can be learned and we can really choose to be who and what we want.
Thanks for sharing.
Jeffrey: Thanks for that. I actually was talking to someone about the concept behind this article, without having making it an article in mind, and then made up that example in the title to get the point across. It worked out well.
I like that you are thinking about both sides of the option. I have seen personalities become better suited to work with others based on understanding, like someone who normally talks all the time becoming more of a listener when they realize the benefits of that. In this way, I do see change, but at the same time, I see very little change like this occurring, because it takes more effort than most are willing to put out.
It is much easier to build success momentum working from what we currently have, than to assume our current routine isn’t a big part of our daily functioning, and that we can pretend we have someone else’s routine right now.
Good question there.
Salvia: Well, there is some relevance there. Although him challenging you to take the next step on some things you’re skilled at is a good thing, being disappointed in you at an early stage of the process of learning it isn’t as helpful, if that is the case.
One point I would bring up is that we sometimes forget the difficulty it took us to learn something once we have learned it.
Thanks for your example.
Justin: Thanks for that. I do agree with you there. Even though we have natural abilities, those attained at a young age, there is room for fitting into society with what we have. Some of the people who are naturally quiet in public, or in groups, are very vocal online, and so while the public speaking may still be lacking there, another environment was more fitting for those people. Cool food examples there.
Jai Kai: Hey there. I agree with what you are saying here. I think those first two sentences of yours are a good summary of my message for the article. We certainly have control of what we choose we want out of our time. Thanks for your thoughts.
I just wanted to clear up one point for all the readers. I am not trying to discourage or demotivate by saying that you can’t get to your desired point of success. What I am saying is that you have a current routine and set of abilities at this time, which you want to view as your foundation for building success or partial change. Assuming someone elses foundation discounts the lemons that life has given you, as others have some different traits that give them other advantages.
You can make great lemonade with your lemons.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Outdoor Mountain Hiking Trail Adventure – Setting Goal Points =-.
love it, I often heard, step back a little and do what you can instead of what you want. Evaluate yourself and make yourself useful to the world instead of putting yourself in the center of the world.
.-= Fang Jin´s last blog ..Vessel in segments =-.
But Armen isn’t this re writing the traditional meaning of this saying? The meaning that I have always understood is that lemons are considered the bum prize and NOT something of value as you have suggested, therefore one is encouraged to simply turn the bum prize into something wonderful – no matter what kinda wonderful it may be – lemonade, orangeade, peanuts or rolls royces.
Also figuratively speaking and even physically, you CAN indeed make orange juice from a starting point of lemons by getting out there and finding enough oranges to supplement and over power the lemonade. Especially now that presumably you have purchased all the utensils and acquired the know-how to make the first juice, (the lemonade), already in place, you can adapt. Who says it has to be a direct route to the O.J?
When is life ever that direct?
I defo agree with you that one should work predominantly with what their mama gave them though, but the other side to that is the usage of a discipline such as NLP which encourages one to take on the traits and positive elements of others if you don’t possess them naturally, which has always worked for me. May I suggest that the young quiet one in the group remains the older quiet one in the group because no one has helped them re wire their shy personality?
Am I missing your point Armen? Much as I genuinely enjoyed your article, to me you have re-interpreted a fairly positive and motivational concept in a way that has led to a less positive, less stimulating outcome, which is that the task is not achievable???!!
Fang: I like what you said there. That is a nice way to put it. Instead of focusing on how a certain item is what you need to get to, focus on your own current position and path, and you still have the potential to get there. Sometimes our own expectations of ourselves can slow us down if they don’t match our routine well.
Coach Rosie: That is a good point about the relation to the original saying. When I first titled this, I was making a point to someone else using similar terms to the saying, but not the same basis, but I can see how it would get viewed that way. If you hadn’t pointed that out, I wouldn’t have remembered that saying, so I am glad you did. In my example there, lemonade is just as good as orange juice, but is just different in its qualities.
Life certainly isn’t direct in that way from the present point to the point of reaching a goal, as you have pointed out there, and it is important to have a path of steps in mind to make it seem more direct.
Your point about the shy person in the group altering their presentation is valid, as anything is possible, and at the same time, it is not often that we see this occur, so we have to work from what the current status is to improve upon it.
I’m glad you brought these points up, as I was able to elaborate on parts, and clear up my usage of the terms similar to the well-known saying.
@Job Self from your earlier comment that I had missed: You bring up a positive way to deal with a tough incoming item, and an attitude like that is the way to go. Thanks for your thoughts.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Outdoor Mountain Hiking Trail Adventure – Setting Goal Points =-.
“It may also do you well to write down a description of how others frustrated you today, and then check on what you wrote today a week or two from now. The similarity is likely to surprise you.” – This is so true. Sometimes we may forget our wrong doings because we do not have something to remind us. Writing down frustrations, anger, and other unwanted experiences help us recall and not repeat the same experiences again. It also helps us find ways on how to avoid them.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..How Internet Marketing Makes Everything Just a Click Away? =-.
Thanks for your reply Armen having read your title again “you can’t make oranges…..” and then found a post on your site about “realistic optimism” I can see what got me going as I have always preferred to reside with the dreamers who never say “can’t.”
But I also like your blog comment “I have a tough time when I’m around glass half-empty folks” and will explore more with nosey interest!
Literally, it’s pretty obvious that you cannot do orange juice from lemons.
Love the blog.
.-= jake´s last blog ..Babylock Embroidery Machines =-.
Good day Armen from quickly freezing Canada. You have just stuck the right pin in the right balloon of so many sincerely helpful…but mistaken …. gurus. “You can be anything you want to be” they shout from rooftops. What they should be saying is…”you can PRETEND to be anything you want”. But you can only be who you’re MEANT to be. In “lemons and oranges” terms…..a lemon of a guy can glue orange peels all over himself if he wants. Blind bystanders might even mistake him for a strange-looking orange. And the moral of the fruity sounding story? Learn how to listen to your heart, and it will tell you who you really want to be. Pretend to be something you’re not at heart though and you’ll get a big surprise when St. Peter gives you your Big Life Review. Namely, you missed the life you were put here to live. Thanks for the penetrating post Armen. John Duffield
.-= John Duffield´s last blog ..Do You "Know Thyself"? =-.
Jessica: Hey there. I am glad you liked that point. I learned a lot from doing it. Whenever I write something down, I start to realize how often it occurs. Our memory is good, but it doesn’t tend to keep track of how often something happens over again, which would help us when we are in a problematic cycle. Good to hear from you.
Coach Rosie: Hey there. That post I put up about realistic optimism sure does connect with this one. I tend to find a running theme through my articles, regarding one message or another. Thanks for that about the comment over there, as I am much more able to excel around those that are upbeat. I hope you like what you read there as well.
Jake: That is a good point. I wanted to stick with something certain, to make the point that there are some items that just don’t fit us well. Thanks for your comment.
John: That is a hilarious introduction. Canada sure is cold huh. Yeah, I’m not against the message that we can, but telling someone who is on one path that the other path they have no interest in is where the gold is at is sort of like saying they are out of luck unless they switch to some set path. Gary Vaynerchuk said his DNA, or background and experiences, don’t lend themselves to him becoming a quarterback for the New York Jets. He accepts this and succeeds in another way, which is just as good.
Your point about pretending is one to take note of. It hurts pretty bad when you pretend to be something, losing your identity in the process, and get criticized in your pretended form. Then, it is a lose-lose because you are wasting energy acting like something else, and also lose because you are getting criticized for something that isn’t even part of your regular self. That is the point when people usually switch back to being themselves, as the return-on-investment is seen to be non-existent in acting like something else.
@Ideas With A Kick for that earlier comment I missed: I agree with you there. We put certain abilities into a box labeled “successful”, when it is not the actual ability, but how it is used, that matters for success. We always see examples of people doing things that seem out of touch with what relates to success, and then 2 years later, they are labeled a success because they stuck with it. It is sort of like saying we can re-label the box of one of our abilities “successful” if we work well at it. Thanks for your input.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Outdoor Mountain Hiking Trail Adventure – Setting Goal Points =-.
What you wrote sounds logical – you really can’t make orange juice out of lemons. Just be realistic and stick to what’s possible. You have to work with what you have and settle for possible outcomes or solutions. And yes, this kind of thinking may reduce your frustration and stress, and I’m all for that! Thank you for your wonderful insights!
.-= Nikka´s last blog ..The Youth and Financial Literacy =-.
My life motto has always been make a positive out of a negative. So I love this blog post.
I am a firm believer that every disaster is an opportunity – it just takes the right way of looking at it to find what and where it is.
BUT – a word on behalf of the much maligned lemon.
Lemons are wonderful. They don’t always need to be changed into anything at all. Some lemons are delicious as they are with tender luscious flesh and sweet tasty pith and skin.
Sometimes the answer is to examine the lemon you have – and try a bit. It may turn out to be perfect already.
The right lemon is better than the wrong orange
.-= Michele Brenton/banana_the_poet´s last blog ..1st Review of Alternative Poetry Books – Yellow edition on Barnes & Noble!!! =-.