This is Why Some People Hate You

Written by Farouk Radwan

Someone I know well hates appointments from the bottom of his heart. She really hates to agree on a certain time and date in the future to meet someone or to do something.

When I examined how she reacts before appointments I found that she constantly keeps telling herself that she won’t catch the appointment on time and so she feels extremely stressed and overwhelmed.

hateBecause each time she arranges an appointment to do something she feels stressed and overwhelmed she started to hate appointments.

She wasn’t aware that this is the reason why she hates them but all she knew was that arranging appointments was the last thing she wants to do in life.

In short, we don’t hate tasks, people or our jobs but we hate the emotions we experience while doing them.

Ask any person who hates his job to give you more details and you will soon find that he hates it because of the emotions he experiences while doing the job (maybe an amount of stress that he can’t handle or the fear of the arrogant boss who is managing him)

If that person learned how to manage his stress or to control his fear he won’t hate his job anymore!!

The psychology of hatred

The first day Sam went to college he was bullied by one of his colleagues in front of everybody.

When Sam went to sleep that day his mind kept wondering of the possible solutions to the bullying problem he faced. One of the suggested solutions by Sam’s mind came in the form of day dreaming where he saw himself kicking that bully and beating him up in front of everyone

But since the bully was stronger than Sam the suggestion was rejected and so Sam’s mind found no way to avoid the bullying pain but to keep Sam away of that guy.

Sam’s mind decided to let him experience bad feelings upon seeing the bully or even when expecting him to show up just to keep him away from him, these bad feelings are otherwise known as “Hatred”

People Hate others when they find themselves helpless

Didn’t you just notice something about the operation of the mind?

When the subconscious mind doesn’t find any solution to a certain problem it uses hatred as a final resort.

People hate their bosses because they can’t shout at them

People hate their jobs much if they can’t find alternatives

People hate things when these things harm them and they find themselves unable to defend themselves

In short, the next time you discover that someone hates you, make sure that he is feeling helpless. Instead of feeling bad or thinking that you are not worthy of being loved you should feel sorry for that helpless person.

Some Amazing Comments


About the author

Farouk Radwan

Written by M.Farouk Radwan from http:/ The ultimate source for self understanding


  • I think people hate the better person or the Weak PERSON
    I have met so many people and all are Evil , Negative, and they accommodate each-other and they pick the good ones and hate them

    If you are hated[ you are probably
    5-Weak r Vulnerable Or Shallow .

  • I’m glad I found this page and article. I was looking for an answer as to why anyone could hate another person so much that they would try to devastate their lives financially, emotionally, and socially, just because they are envious. It brings healing to me after I have experienced some extreme hatred towards me lately. When I say extreme, I mean the kind where you are in fear of the other person. I tried the compassionate route, and actually that made them hate me more. They couldn’t handle my peace of mind and abundant spirit. So now I’m going the practical route. I will be standing up for myself, as guilt over their situations has taught me that feeling sorry for someone, just might make you a victim. Compassion has nothing to do with feeling sorry for a person which has become my greatest lesson.

    I like how some of the people here talk about energy I am going to see an energetic healer this week. I believe that we can carry the energy of others and traumatic experiences in our aura, and we need to release it, or clean it out so to speak.

    But I have also made a New Years resolution, to be more careful around negative people and negative energy instead of thinking I can always handle it. Some people have jealousy and greed issues that are buried so deep that the best thing to do is get the heck out of there! That’s why I have decided to start using my critical eye instead of my heart I’m afraid.

    • I enjoyed your response and your statements. I think that people really put too much emphasis on “energy” or “vibes”. Days that I just give up and stop trying and feel like I’m ready for battle against those who are so blatenly hateful to me without any cause which btw seems I am a STRONG magnet for, on those days are when people are actually nicer to me and I have prepared myself mentally not to be nice so it’s hard for me to return their kindness. I just moved into a townhome community. I am the quietest person and never make my presence known. Their was immediately a complete dislike for me in spite of going out of my way to be so friendly with everyone here hoping I could make new friends. They went as far as to kill my precious little boy, my dog but he was like my son. He was only 4 and loved everyone. He was quiet and adoring. He never made himself known either. All the other dogs here are mean, big and run the neighborhood. My neighbor ran over him and stood in the parking lot at 1:30 in the morning letting me know she did it. There was absolutely NO reason as we never even had contact with them. I had just let him out for a minute and I know he was hit in the head with a blunt instrument just outside my door. It only took 5 minutes out of my sight to happen. She has always been mean. This isn’t the only place I have lived that had similar people but I didn’t have him then but neighbors still found reasons not to like me. Perhaps because I don’t make my business known and my routine changed weekly with work. I don’t know but I have been plaqued with hatred from others all my life and all who know me always have complimented me on my gentleness, quietness and humbleness. I can’t figure it out. I have been ruined by jealous people and now I am tired of running. I am at the point where I am ready to kill. Why do people drive others to this insanity because they are jealous or don’t know anything about you. They don’t bother getting close because they have just made their mind up immediately not to like you. I even had a Doctor who lashed out at me almost violently in front of the nurses. Come to find out, it was his last day as they had let him go. But I was told I was the only one who he had done that to that day. I don’t know what to think. I know it has defined my life, my happiness or lack of, took away any feeling of safety or security and almost disables me with fear. People will go as far as to lie to justify their behavior toward me to another and have lied to my face. I have always tried to be the worst kind of people pleaser but now after losing so much, I am ready to strike back like a snake. Maybe this is what people are looking for. They want to see a negative reaction from someone who is always friendly. I don’t know. I sure believe in the war of good and evil. Maybe this is the answer too. I have read that the war that takes place in the heavenly realms also takes place on earth. Does anyone share this experience?

      • I’m sorry that you have to go through such negative situations. Some people are pathetic, sad and angry, and haven’t learned how to deal with negative emotions appropriately. The one thing I’ve noticed though, after feeling the same as you (“why always me?”), is that we’re never the only ones at the receiving end. However, everybody doesn’t react the same way to the mean people. Some people don’t notice they’ve just been targeted. For exemple, the awfully tragic situation with your dog, could’ve been interpreted as a simple accident by someone else if it happened to them. Because they have a different perception, their attitudes bring a different reaction from the “bully”, that may nullify her negative intentions if she had them.
        Also, I realised that I could be a “bully” to someone else – unknowingly, of course – in certain circumstances. Recently, I was going through a lot of stress for several weeks, and was often “in my head” and keeping to myself, because that’s how I react to stressful situations. One morning, I was startled when the coworker who shares an office with me asked me if I was mad at her for some reason. She felt this way because I wasn’t social with her. She felt like I was ignoring her on purpose to make a point, while I was really not thinking about her, even less about hurting her, at all. I was glad she asked me, because it allowed me to clarify the situation with her. I had no clue.
        Noticing this, I made the concious decision to always believe the other person’s intentions were positive/neutral first and react accordingly. If the negativity persists, I try to understand why by openly discussing the situation with that person. If he/she’s truly evil, I walk away.

      • What I just wrote doesn’t apply to criminals or criminal activity (stalking, beating, threatning, torturing, abusing, harassing, etc.) These situations need to be handled by authority as soon as possible.

  • I agree that feeling frightened, threatened or helpless can be a source of hatred; however, it is somewhat naive to insist that hatred can or should be overcome by compassion and understanding. People who threaten the security of a group tend to be despised: consider Hitler and Jesus. Some individuals are scapegoated as a source to diffuse tension and blame – consider genocide and dysfunctional groups. Without hatred we would not comprehend love, and despite fear sometimes being a block to love it can be foolish not to accept the capacity for hatred to be a legitimate emotional response to disturbing and threatening behaviour. Those who are afraid to hate can appear phony when confronted with a justified cause to feel animosity. If someone appears “too nice” they can seem insincere or out of touch with their “darker” emotions. Overall, I do agree with the notion that helplessness and fear tends to generate feelings of distress that may manifest as hatred. Ignorance and prejudice also provoke hatred, as does gross injustice, unfairness or inhumane acts. Mobs can be infected by emotions and then later shocked to discover the way they betrayed their values and civilised beliefs if triggered to hate.

  • I believe that Hate is positive thing, sometimes you hate others instinctively and involuntary and all of us have felt that, sometimes you just hate others not knowing the reasons , Hate can be turned into positive things for instance, if you are doing great at your work or life you will face haters ,,,well in other words, they are just jealous ,, and that can be good thing because they are wishing to be good at their lives and work.
    it’s true Hate shows your weakness , at the same time , it can be wake up call that you have raised by parents who hate things you have seen it as child.
    the conclusion is hate or dislike are just emotions just like you said and those emotions are UNSEEN.

  • People may hate you for several reasons:-

    1)The difference between you and them.
    2)Being unpredictable and unfamiliar to them.
    3)Having different way of thinking.
    4)Being better than them.
    5)Some hate being open minded.

    And this is about my own experience.
    Hope it is useful.

  • I must agree out of my own experience that this seems to fit perfectly. The buddha said, “Anger is like picking up a hot coal and throwing it at someone.” Hatred is a lot like anger in that sense. You aim your anger or hatred at someone, but really your burning yourself more by partaking in a hot coal fight. You can choose to go and take a swim instead. They will wear out if they are ignored, because you can only take getting burned by yourself so many times before you learn a lesson. Our egos can’t bare to think we’re the cause of our own misery, but when they realize that they ARE the cause, they crumble. That is what we call humility.

  • I made my mistakes too but I always tried to correct them, and sadly, not everybody is forgiving. Yeah, I had a friend whom couldn’t accept the fact that he did something to me, but continues to blame me this very day. I hated him at first for thinking like that, but since I follow the gospel, I choose to forgive just as Jesus did on the cross for us. I use to let people step all over me, but my faith in Christ no longer permits that anymore. If my friend does choose to say hi, then I will be nice. If not, then like some others, I guess I can only feel sorry for him/them.

  • It seems that I am the most hated person in the world by my own race and other times wondered why this is so. Some of the people that hated me I once had a great deal of respect for that person which makes it hard to believe that they were jealous of me. I guess I show have expressed what I admired about them but they might be breaking a man law.

    Although I keep hearing this, it does not make it easy because I ever saw myself as being all of that. I view myself as kind, loving person that tries to help everyone in need. I never tries to hurt anyones feeling or speak bad about them. In fact, I would prefer to be left alone. My mother taught me a long time ago that we all have our special gift and that no one person has it all which is why I do not hate on others.

  • I think there must be some type of aura or “energy field” that surrounds people, and causes situations where you meet someone and just dislike them, or like them for no reason. Also, it could be in the very subtle make-up of the way they talk, look,act or interact with the nearby environment you share with them. I must admit, I have been guilty of disliking a few people on first meeting without really understanding why ( although in my defense most people where I work feel the same about this particular person), and I have also been disliked by people right off the bat for nothing. I’ve also met people I liked right away, as they did me. It is troubling because we just don’t understand what we did to be disliked, or why we are uncomfortable with some people. I try to avoid being around those I dislike since there must be some undetectable, subtle “conflicting energy” or aura around each of us. It is a rather fascinating sociological phenomenon, and maybe someday science will learn more about it.

  • Good points.

    Shy people are often not liked as much as outgoing people. Dare I say shy people are even hated sometimes? The reason for this is called “contagion of emotions.” Being around an extremely shy person makes many people feel shy themselves, and they don’t like this feeling, so they tend to dislike the shy person who makes them feel this way.

    It helps to understand this, but the shy person really, really needs to work on their shyness if they make too many people feel this way.

    • I respectfully disagree with this comment. A shy person is not responsible for “making” someone else feel a certain way. If someone feels insecure around a shy person it is because they do not feel secure enough in themselves to be able to handle themselves around people with different personalities.

  • He said he hates everything about me,and that he never loved me. My love for 7 years of my life, we have two children together. He left me 5 months ago for another girl.
    He said that he hates me, and my children and that he wants nothing to do with me any more he wants me out of his life.
    But he hid the girl as a secret from me, thought I didn’t know kept trying to string me a long sayin he loves me and he’s only with her to make me mad, immature.
    But I don’t know what to do or how to feel the person who I love dearly hates me and his 3 year old daughter, not to mention the 4 month old I recently gave birth too!
    Whenever I speak with him there’s a lot of animosity generating from him to me and its weird! Especially when he’s with her. If I ask about him getting our girls he hangs up.
    I’ve sacrificed a lot for this person and he just acts as if we never knew one another. He said he loves her now, and we will never be together he always says this when I put on a show as if its the least of my worries. Although sometimes I do worry if I lost him forever, and I don’t really know why he left me as sneaky as he did an now dosent want to do anything but be with that new gurl, he won’t even get his children!!!!!!!everything is about her. It makes me sick because I’m giving everything I have to raise our kids and he aint doin nothing. 2 weeks ago he had called and told me that he would do anything to be with his family again but its me and he can’t.
    I’m so confused at one point an time I had no self esteem I had allowed him to strip that from me, but once I satrted u know coming out of his control he ran far from me…
    But i feel like he’s my enemy, but I love him

  • It’s with some irony, I’m sitting here waiting to go into training for the day.
    Lately I have been very angry with myself, my wife and everyone around me. The anger is eating away at me, to the point it hurts. I keep forgetting the most important things in life like a smile once in a while, a kind word to someone and some time to myself. I’m going t0 try and think of this training in a different way today thanks to some of the comments. Look forward to looking through this site more when I get home. Thanks, George

  • @ Everyone
    i am really happy to join this community and to have the chance to share my thoughts with brilliant and intellectual people like you, excuse me if i am slow to reply to comments because i am new to wordpress but am sure i will catch up shortly

    Everybody, thank you :)))

  • @ Lana
    That’s a different topic but worth writing another article about , thanks for your comment lana :)
    @ Greg
    I heard a lot about EFT but you encouraged me to read even more about it now
    thank u:)
    yes Gail, being conscious of our emotions and the reasons we experience them is the key to emotional intelligence which can make us live happier lives
    thanks for the addition :)
    that makes a perfect sense, and am really happy you managed to get over this and turn your life around to become a great person , thanks for your comment :)
    Thanks randy :))
    Really glad that you liked it :)) thank uu
    @ Sherri
    yes sherri, this is one reason i love self understanding and i write most of my articles targeting that topic , thank you:))
    @ Justin
    Very good point justin, i strongly agree, thanks for the addition :)
    @ Jarrod
    thanks a lot jarrod, i hope that i can always write posts that appeals to you and to other people, thanks a lot for commenting

  • I always say that when people hate on you, they really feel down about themselves so they find something about you that they wish they were or had and attack you for it.

    This is somewhat a coping mechanism. I feel sorry for people like this because they don’t have a sense of validation inside. They don’t feel a sense of self worth. It’s great of you to bring up this point.

    Great post!

    • I agree with you Jarrod. Jealously, envy, greed, and intimidation are major factors of hatred. You made a very good point!

      • Great post and replies, and sooo relevant to current situations in my life. I can feel this. People can try to justify their “dislike” of you for all sorts of reasons, and even try to get allies in their quest; getting others to “dislike” you. I feel, the bottom line is they “hate” you because they see something in you they really admire, but are afraid to admit it. As a result jealousy creeps in, and develps into hatred. Are they helpless? I don’t know. I’ve had feelings of jealousy, but when I recognize this I try to work on it. When I recognize this in others I try to forgive; something I’m working on: Forgiveness. But I agree, we have to be aware of these people, and deal with them accordingly; they can be dangerous. They are sneaky.

  • I think in order to avoid these feelings, one projects their thoughts onto others and this lets them think of themselves as the victim who can’t do anything about it because the other person is at fault. Understanding them can give us a bit of compassion for them. They will have to learn the hard way that a shift in their thoughts will change their lives.
    .-= Sherri Frost | Self Hypnosis´s last blog ..Overcoming Fears and Phobias with Self Hypnosis =-.

  • When most of us discover that somebody hates us, one of the normal reactions is to hate him or her back. But I think this would be a waste of time, and instead we should feel sorry for that person and just try to understand that he may have issues in his life.
    .-= Julius´s last blog ..A Day of A Deaf Blind Person =-.

    • That works with those who back away. Sometimes people can become a real nuisance (stalkers, bullies etc.). That’s when one has to be careful, even to the point of defense. There are very mean people out there who will beat you up for your hairstyle or the way you walk/talk etc.

      We can be as positive as we want but that won’t always help with everyone. People are also becoming meaner as stress is magnified in daily life.

  • Great conversation going on here, and beautiful addendum Catrien :). Hate is such a strong word. Indeed, it seems correct that hate is ultimately a helpless state, an illusion of power. Real power is a state of peace. My first 30+ years on this planet were very angry. I spent my energy collecting grievances, carrying grudges and harshly judging others. When I was able to earnestly consider myself sufficient as I am, it’s was because I diligently practiced ‘Forgiveness.’ And all that means is to For-Give; GIVE up harsh opinions FOR refreshingly accepting points of view whenever a begrudging mood descends. This condition of progress calms the subjective mind and revitalizes the spirit, which gives us the real power of peace.
    .-= rob white´s last blog ..Right Feelings Generate Right Action =-.

  • There is so much intelligence in this post, Farouk. It’s not just about being hated by others, but addresses our own experience of hate.

    When we feel a challenging emotion like hate, anger, or even sadness, there is a natural tendency to avoid the pain, so we project onto others in the outside world. As a result, we end up blaming people, trying to control situations that can’t be controlled, feeling frustrated and resigned – all sorts of misguided reactions.

    What you are suggesting is to be aware of our own inner world and take care of ourselves inside so we don’t project our feelings onto others. This involves the willingness to meet all of our experience in open-heartedness and compassion. And, likewise, when we find ourselves the target of others’ unconsciousness, we can have compassion for them, even if we decide that keeping our distance is the wisest response.
    .-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..The Art of Listening to the Still, Small Voice Within =-.

  • I completely agree that it is the emotions that we experience that we like or dislike.

    Two techniques that have really helped me experience more positive emotions instead of negative ones are EFT (which Steve recently discussed) and daily meditation. I find that they help me stay in what I think is the natural state of love, happiness, and self-acceptance.
    .-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..How to feel better when you are REALLY down =-.

    • Sorry, not need to shift the blame on those hated. “Don’t love yourself enough”–no need for this bull. The haters are envious, helpless, little-minded cowardly people with boring little lives (or no life at all, in most cases). They hate those who are different and live more interesting lives, in their opinion and threaten their miserable boring existence. I guess gays and Blacks don’t “love themselves enough”? I’m sure it’s their fault for being hated… sure. Sorry, NO. DON’T shift the blame.

      • Yes man. I was about to write a similar thing until I read your post. It doesn’t always have to do with loving yourself but with the rampant ignorance of most of the western world and particularly ‘Americans’. Anyone who thinks or does something different is automatically subject to be vilified. Anything not perceived as ‘cool’ in society is misunderstood and thus hated instead of being understood. You can love yourself to heaven and back and still there will be those who feel the need to judge you for whatever idiotic reason they can imagine.

        A good example of these pawns are the type that feel a knacking need to police people based on their spelling or hairstyle and other forms of expressing themselves. You rarely ever see people hugging eachother for the heck of it but instead we witness fights everyday whether verbal or physical. It’s all a big game of ego “I know what’s right and you don’t so boohoo to you” diseased western mentality. You cannot always be nice to such bullies/dogs, for they will incessantly keep barking (with no bite) until you stand up to them and put them to their rightful place (where they can get even with the dirt).

        This society has conditioned people into policing one another when the government’s too busy with their caviars off of our taxes. People just don’t care about others. They want their shallow sex, their money, chips, beer, american idol and to drool over naked pictures of plastic-women on magazines. Anything else; anything thought provoking is considered ‘irrational’, ‘wrong’, ‘weird’ or just about any label you can throw out. If they don’t have a point to argue (which they usually don’t) they resort to verbal ‘abuse’ and spelling police. It’s really laughable but also annoying and sad. There’s no real freedom of speech anymore and never really was.

        Watch if at least someone doesn’t post a one liner response to what i said (i guess i would have hit a weak spot :) )

  • Farouk, thank you for this post. Unfortunately there is such a feeling of helplessness prevalent in modern society that feelings of hatred are burgeoning, too. You point out that when “the subconscious mind doesn’t find a solution to a problem it uses hatred as final resort.” In one sense this is true, because when our mind cannot find a solution it often perceives the situation as life-threatening. We have a natural trigger response to threat that allows us the choice of “fight or flight.” Yet how many people can run away from a boss or job or situation they hate? Trapped, their feelings build up instead into anger, stress, hatred, and there can be destructive, explosive results.

    Yes, from a perspective of compassion you can try to understand that someone in deep hatred may actually be feeling helpless. You may, however, still need to get yourself out of the way of such a person. All of us also need to understand that there are practical steps you can use to manage feelings of threat and anger much more constructively. Understanding and working with the body’s natural energy flows and rhythms is one of the best ways I know to do this.

    Feeling helpless is a feeling that can be changed once we learn that we actually have the practical means and the inner power available. What we really need to be doing is getting the word out more and more that change is entirely possible, and that it can often be started on a physical level. Do we want to live in a world where hatred is growing out of control? We need to begin showing that there are alternatives.

    Evening greetings from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
    .-= Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Reviving Your Passion and Purpose in Spring Vibrations from Japan =-.

    • your comment makes a perfect extension to the post, have it not been published i would have added your conclusions to it :) , yes i agree with you Catrien, while the article focus on explaining how the process happens we are in need of more advice on how to control hatred and to channel our emotions correctly thanks for your comment :) ))

  • Its cent percent true that some ones hates us because they are not worthy of being loved. In future i will never hate the people who hates me.Instead i will feel sorry for them…

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