About Steven AitchisonFear is an emotion that everyone has experienced throughout their lives, it’s sometimes a good thing to experience fear as it can keep us safe and give us strength when we most need it. However, on the whole, fear is a redundant emotion and it would serve us well to try and rid ourselves of fear when it is not needed.
I want to give you a quote by a great lady in history, Eleanor Roosevelt who said:
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Basically what Eleanor Roosevelt is saying here is that the more we face our fears the less our fears will seem like a fear, they will eventually just become little challenges in our lives.
Think back to the first time you went to school, how terrifying was that? for some it may have been a great experience, but for most kids it’s a kind a terrifying situation. However once we got used to it, it became a good experience, on the whole, apart from the ups and downs that school life brings us. So the more we face our fears the less fearful it becomes.
Installing fear into our identity
What a lot of us do is install a fear into our identity, therefore making it a lot harder to get rid of the fear. For example I asked an acquaintance a few weeks ago if he was going abroad this year for his holidays. He advised he was afraid of flying so wasn’t going abroad. His wife then said, ‘we’ve never been on holiday for years because of Bob’s’ (We’ll call him Bob for now) ‘fear of flying’. Bob then began to tell me stories about all the events he had missed because of his fear: his friends wedding, a free holiday to his mothers villa in Italy, a weekend away to Barcelona he had won on the radio. Fear of flying had become part of Bob’s identity, he had installed it into his psychology and others identified it as part of his identity as well, like his wife and his friends.
If we make a fear a part of our identity it will be harder to overcome the fear and the longer we hold onto it the harder it becomes to let go of the fear.
I asked Bob what had made him afraid of flying and he replied it was because of a particularly turbulent flight he had been on about 10 years ago and he said he would never get back on a plane again. I then asked if he had ever been in a car accident and he advised he had been in two, one quite bad and the other a minor accident. I asked if he still drove his car, and he advised he did and it suddenly dawned on him what I was getting at. He then began to explain why it was different. I wasn’t trying to be a smart arse or anything life that I just wanted to point out the flawed thinking, when he thought about his fear. The truth is, that Bob has chosen to be afraid of flying.
Fear is a choice
This might sound a bit controversial, but any type of fear is a choice we have. Yes we may have a physical reaction to snakes, if we are afraid of them, but there is a choice to stay afraid of them. If we faced up to our fear on numerous occasions we would realise there is not much to be frightened of with most of our fears, so when you say you are afraid of something you are really saying I have not faced up to my fears yet.
The rule of 3
When you think about something you fear and it could be a phobia, an event, a situation you are dreading ask yourself three questions:
What is the worst that can happen?
What is the best that can happen?
What is the middle ground of the two?
Have you overcome a fear?
Have you ever overcome a fear in your life, if so it would be gerat to hear about it and how you overcame it.
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This plays right into what I’m currently reading from “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. He says that fear motivates resistance. And in order for us to “be all that we can be,” we need to learn to control that resistance.
I would like to stipulate that you’re also referring to irrational fears or even phobias. There ARE some damn good reasons for fear–healthy ones too. But we need to be able to distinguish between whether it’s a rational healthy fear or an irrational unhelpful fear.
Hi Kari, great to see you here.
Of course there are some great reasons for having fear, but I believe we can rid ourselves of all types of fear.
Nice post Steven. I liked the story you shared about your friend and his fear of flying. I have the same fear too. I think the reason he chooses the fear of flying over the fear of driving is because the fate of his life rests in another person’s hands, rather than him being able to control the wheel himself. But I really like the lesson here – in order to get over our fears, we must face them. That quote by Eleanor Roosevelt rings true, and this thinking has helped me become more able to face the fears that I have. Thanks Steven.
Hi Hulbert, you make a good point about control and non control. Thanks for visiting Hulbert, always good to see you here.
This is an interesting idea as I look at fear and use it as motivation – If I am afraid, then I need to understand why and make the choice to either do something about it or let it go – no longer a fear but a choice with an understanding of what it is that I am choosing.
There are other situations in which a fear might be in opening up to a possibility – and then I am not sure if the fear is justified or a protection mechanism etc. Example – Ann doesn’t know her dad but is now being asked to have a relationship with her dad. (her dad wants it, she doesn’t) Ann doesn’t trust her dad; her dad isn’t trying to get to know her. So they are in a situation in which communication is not the name of the game. Yet why? Why can’t these two people, father and daughter, start communicating and getting to know one another? I know that there is a lot of fear on the father’s side but of what, I am not sure beyond it having a lot to do with his marriage of which Ann is not a part. But for Ann – a child – is she afraid of opening up and taking the chance of having that relationship? Is it even wise to open up to someone that she doesn’t trust?
That isn’t a very good example but it is the best I could come up with at the moment – I am attempting to illustrate fear as something that might be a protective instinct? Granted – this example uses a child and as an adult we might ask her to let go, open up, take the chance, and if it doesn’t work than so be it… and actually that is what she is being asked to do anyway… give herself a chance, accept her dad for who he is, and let go…
And I think I lost my point… sigh… fear is something that can lend itself to motivation, self discovery, and choice. It can ask us to look it square in the face and live consciously!
Hi Steven,
This is a very empowering article — I esp. love your 3 questions. Perhaps the greatest fear we all face is the fear of failure. Most people would rather not attempt a new challenge for fear of looking bad when they fail. The biggest fear I have faced is when I decided to become an author. This was a very different paradigm for me. The way I face my fear is to allow myself to OOPS my way to success. It is always easier to succeed at something new when I allow myself to OOPS my way through. I have allowed my OOPSES to guide me to success. It is the temporary defeats along the way that have driven me to succeed and subsequently face any fear.
Hi Rob. I think fear of failure is one of our biggest fears which is why a lot of us are not as successful as we could be.
OOPS your way to success? do you mean making little mistakes and learning from them, I like that phrase though
I used to have a fear of talking to strangers, especially of the opposite sex. I realized a big part of that was driven by asking the question “what’s the worst that can happen.” But, I shifted my thinking to “What’s the best that can happen” and that really started to shift my pictures in my head quite a bit. Basically, what’s the best that could happen would always lead to more compelling images.
Hi Srinivas,
This is a fear i have. It’s small but it’s a small part of my overall minor social anxiety. That logic is great and i’m glad it has worked for you. I’m going to give it a shot
.-= Josiah | Tumblr Layouts´s last blog ..Vintage Scrapbook =-.
Hi Srinivas, I think a lot of people have a fear of talking to the opposite sex, I know I did. That’s great that ‘what’s the best that can happen’ question changed your thinking.
Hi Steven,
As I was reading the story about Bob and his fear, it reminded me of the book, NOW (No Opportunity Wasted) by Phil Keoghan (host of The Amazing Race).
In the book he provides examples of people who have allowed their fear to stop them from doing things that they have always wanted to do and offers ways to overcome the fear. It’s true that we are not guaranteed good health (or anything else), so don’t put off (or Waste) any Opportunity that comes your way because you may not get another chance.
Or, if your fear of flying is preventing you from so many things (like Bob’s examples), then you owe it to yourself to do what you need to do to get over that fear. It’s limiting your life experiences.
I’m always thinking – what’s the worst that can happen? But, this is a good reminder to think of the best case scenario and what’s the middle case. Expect the best, but be prepared for the best
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Major Benchmark Today – My 100th Post =-.
Hi Karen, I haven’t heard of that book thanks for bringing it to my attention. I think to grow as individuals we really do have to face our fears in life.
Steven,
Great post, and it is in complete alignment with a Positive Thought card I pulled for myself today which reads “I am without fear.” I agree, fear is a choice. We can choose to succumb to it or we can choose to rise above it.
Thank you for such empowering advice!
Kitara
.-= Kitara R. Wilson´s last blog ..The Law of Reflection : christywhitman.com =-.
Hi Kitara, welcome to CYT I don’t think I’ve seen you here before so thank you for commenting, it’s always good to hear from new readers.
Dear Steve, I relly appreciate your help to this, in fact it doesn’t work, why? simple you are not me you don’t know my fears I have no courage to do face it, then say this , or that is easy. We are different, if something works for one , or many, it doesn’rt prove worksfor all. I need help , deffinitive solutionsfor my fears
REJECTION, FAILURE,POVERTY,DISEASES,PEOPLE,SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR. I HOPE YOU HAVE ANSWER FOR ME, THANKS
Joao, sorry I don’t have answers for you. Thanks for your comments though.
Joao, not one of us has all the answers, but I would recommend some resources. Google anything by Brian Tracy and Anthony Robbins. Both of these writers emphasize probably one of the greatest solutions to fear: taking personal responsibility. Whenever we feel helpless, we feel fearful. The best way to conquer all these fears is to formulate goals toward the opposite: in other words, focus on: Acceptance, Success, Abundance, Health, People as Helpful. I hope you will check out those resources and take action, because you are the only person who can do so!
.-= Steve-Personal Success Factors´s last blog ..Who Else Wants Self-Confidence? =-.
A few years ago, I was very scared of speaking in front of a crowd. My voice would shake and I’d forget certain ideas I wanted to say.
I managed to get rid of this fear by remembering that the audience I’m talking to are also human, just like me. We all make mistakes, and failing in one public speaking event is not the end of it all. Plus, practicing often has been very effective in this particular scenario.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..How Blind People Identify Color =-.
Hi Julius, thanks for sharing your experiences I think you have given a fantastic example of how facing our fears over and over again is a great way to banish the fear.
Thanks for your response Steven. I also think that once we have managed to overcome a fear (public speaking for instance), it is always good to help others overcome the same fear as we did.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..Rosa Parks Is Not Done Teaching Us =-.
There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain by being brave.
This is the second Eleanor Roosevelt quote I’ve found today.
.-= Simon Hay´s last blog ..Change the world with as few words as possible =-.
Thanks for your comments Simon I appreciate it.
Steve,
I remember when I was training at the Marine Corps OCS in Quantico we had to navigate what they called the “Jungle Course,” which was a series of ropes suspended over about 300 square yards in the trees, ranging from 5′ to 20′ off the ground. We had no tethers and no safety nets. One of the obstacles was a single rope about 15′ off the ground and maybe 20 yds long that you had to lie on your bellie on, and slide backwards to the other end, without arms extended straight outwards to your sides. In other words, you were totally at the mercy of gravity and your balance. Very frightening for most. But through the entire ordeal, the drill instructor kept screaming up at us: “FEAR WILL GET YOU HURT!!” And in this case he was right. The guy that went before me grabbed the rope midway, and I did not realize it, so I pushed off and kicked him in the face… and he went tumbling to the ground 15′ below. My boot broke his nose, and the fall broke his ankle. He nearly made it…
The moral is, sometimes in the face of fear you just have to trust yourself and those around you, and let go of the rope.
Chris
.-= Chris Akins´s last blog ..Confirmation bias and maps of reality =-.
Wow Chris, what a great story to illustrate fear and what can happen if we listen to it. Thanks for that.
I love the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. I think it’s a powerful statement because it gives us assurance that no matter what we’re faced with, when we overcome it , it affirms that we can overcome that same fear and even worse. I think that when we overcome fear we build more character in ourselves.
Thanks for sharing!!
Eleanor Roosevelt has some great quotes and I think this is one of her best. I believe you are right Jarrod, the more we face our fears the more we grow in mental strength and character.
Hi Steve,
One big thing obstacle that is holding us back in life is fear. I believe if we have no fear and doubts holding us back, it is possible to achieve almost everything in life.
Cheers,
Vincent
.-= Vincent´s last blog ..Are You A Serial Idea Hopper? =-.
Hi Vincent, great to see you back at CYT and you are spot on with your comments.
Great post Steven. I have started to face my inner demons recently and found them just to all be illusions. Face your fears guys. They can’t compete with your strength. They’re not even close.
Nice post. Makes perfect sense not to include the fear into your personality/identity. Just that one tip cuts the fear but more than 90% since now you can see it externally, share it with others and effectively kill it off.
Hi Craig, nice tip about sharing the fear with others as long as you don’t mean pass the fear on to others
I loved the three questions you suggest, Steven. I usually try to remind myself that I live once and that fear is an opportunity to grow and that nothing really matters that much, it will be forgotten much sooner than I think. Really helps me. It is a choice, I agree with you. Awesome post as always!
.-= Lana {Daring Clarity}´s last blog ..My Biggest Pain, My Biggest Fear, My Biggest Love – My Baby Nicholas – It’s All About You. =-.
Hi Lana, I love your perspective on fear and that you see it as an opportunity to grow.
Hi Steven,
Fear is such an incredibly strong emotion, it can stop us in our tracks and overwhelm our ability to act rationally (I’m speaking from bitter experience here!). I can attest to the fact that the best way to overcome fear is to face it, square on, look it straight in the eye. And, as you’ve said, keep your thoughts firmly focussed on the best possible outcome, rather than the worst one. I now try to use fear as a positive (eg, I use my fear of failing at public speaking to motivate me to do extra preparation and practice). I think it’s a lifelong challenge (you can conquer a fear but if you don’t keep on top of it, it will sneak back), but most definitely worthwhile! The opposite of fear is freedom.
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..Learn to dance in the rain =-.
Hi Topi, fear is an incredibly strong emotion and it really is the number 1 motivator for most of us i.e we are trying to move away from fear which is why we are motivated to do something.
“The opposite of fear is freedom” – I like that.
I agree with this whole premise about facing fear. My personal problem is I did face a lot of my fears and it backfired. Those bad things that could happen…happened. So I’ve now become almost paralyzed to take even the most calculated risks in life.
It’s conundrum to say the least. Before everyone says, “get right back up on that horse and try again!”, try really getting demolished a few times, not just knocked down, demolished….THEN try to give that advice.
Sorry for the negative outlook on this article but I think it’s slightly misleading for those of us who have hit some major highs, kept pushing and “facing fear” and hit the lowest of lows not really realizing how bad the consequences can really be.
Hi Drew, I am sorry to hear about your personal situation, obviously I don’t know the details.
We all have major problems in our lives, I’ve certainly had my share, and I am sure all the other readers have had their share, which is why I am here today teaching others – I had a choice and I still stand by what I said that we all have a choice.
Your outlook is not necessarily negative, it’s raw! It’s raw at the moment which is why, I believe, your perspective feels negative. When your emotions are still raw your perspective on life is totally different from what it normally would be.
I can’t say that I’ve gotten rid of my fear of spiders, but I can say that I have chosen to stop letting it paralyze me. If I see a spider I get rid of it. I don’t know if I really can choose to not be afraid, but I do know that I can choose to act instead of freeze up.
.-= Justin Dixon´s last blog ..Life Doesn’t Come in Easy: Why That’s a Good Thing =-.
Hi Justin, that’s a great way to put it – “choose to act instead of freeze up”, thanks for stopping by, always appreciate your wisdom.
Hey Steven, I can so relate to that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt as it pretty much sums up about recent events in my life. I haven’t let fear hold me back in a long time, if I’m afraid of something I use that as an excuse to face it head on.
I remember when I walked on fire, twice now actually, I would still feel that fear but doing it is not so much of a problem. You learn to just do it.
Great article.
.-= Amit Sodha´s last blog ..Why Charity Is More Than Just Donating Money =-.
Hi Amit, she has some great quotes – a very wise lady.
I love it when I hear of people, like yourself, who face their fears head on and make it a part of getting to know themselves and grow. I know Tony Robbins does the walk on fire thing as well, was that the seminar you were at?
Yep, the first time I went as a participant and the second time as a volunteer. The second occasion we helped others do it and then did it ourselves. We also did fire eating too, now that was cool!
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..Why Charity Is More Than Just Donating Money =-.
I think fear is a completley limiting factor for some people and I like your statement about it being a choice, very very true, although it may not always feel like that when the heart is pounding and body is sweating!
I love the quote (sorry, can’t remember off hand who said it) that courage is not being fearless, it is facing your fears and doing things anyway. The only way to grow and develop is to do the thing you are most afraid of – it may seem impossible but take a deep breathe and just go for it, as you say what is the worst that could happen?!
Best wishes,
Kate
Hi Kate. It doesn’t feel like a choice when we are in the middle of it, you’re so right.
I would say that fear does not live in the present moment, so when something that you previously feared is happening to you at a particular moment, then you no longer have fear as you are grounded in the present and you are dealing with the situation.
Fear only resides in the future, not in the past, not in the present but always in the future. Fear is an emotional state that we have to work up by thinking of things that may or may not happen in the future. We don’t fear the past because the past has come and gone and all we could fear is a possible consequence of something that happened in the past but we can’t fear an event from our past.
Sorry I rambled on a bit there
Hi Steve,
I like the example on flying on a plane and driving a car. It definitely makes sense that driving a car is much more dangerous than flying in a plane. There are even numbers to show for it.
Fear makes one illogical and sometimes it is easy to dispel fear by looking deeper into it.
Cheers,
Vincent
.-= Vincent´s last blog ..Are You A Serial Idea Hopper? =-.
Hi Vincent, you have made a great point about fear and not being able to think logically. When we are thinking from an emotional point of view we are almost never making good decision – that’s why there is millions of pounds spent on advertising to get us into an emotional state to get us to buy something – we never make good, informed decisions whilst we are emotional. Great point Vincent.
Hi Steve,
Thanks for the post!
Like with worry, I have found that the best way for me to deal with fear is by taking action. I also really like the Eleanor Roosevelt comment. It’s almost like the ability to confront fear is similar to building a muscle that gets stronger with more use. The confidence that comes from confronting fear breeds more confidence.
.-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..Relationships as mirrors =-.
Hi Greg, thanks for your comments and for stopping by. You have made a great analogy about facing fear being like building a muscle.
“…..Yes we may have a physical reaction to snakes, if we are afraid of them, but there is a choice to stay afraid of them.” It is amazing to know that we could really choose courage over fear. I want to add that, courage means not letting our decisions being affected by irrational fears, it doesn’t necessarily means absence of fear. But it is true that as we do not let our decisions being affected by our fear, we gradually loose our fear. We discover our strength when being strong is the only choice we have.
It’s a wonderful post Steve!
Thanks!
SUMIT
.-= SUMIT´s last blog ..How to heal a broken heart? =-.
Hi Sumit. I agree with you about courage not meaning absence of fear, we need fear in our lives at critical times, that’s why it is useful sometimes. Thanks for your comments, always appreciated.
I had a big fear once in my life. I was afraid that one thing might happen. I could only overcome this fear when this thing happened. Now, after that situation I try to avoid all fears (according to the law of attraction). It’s really easier for me to live I must say.
.-= Roman Soluk´s last blog ..Do you want to become rich? =-.
Hi Roman, thanks for your comments on this. Do you mean the more you think about the fear the more you are attracting it?
Yes, Steven, that was exactly in my situation. I was constantly thinking about my fear and later it became a reality. The strange is that my fear was groundless, I had no reasons to be afraid, but then it was realized.
Some time after that I learned about the law of attraction and clearly understood that my case belonged to it. Now I believe that the more you think of your fears the bigger are chances that they become real.
.-= Roman Soluk´s last blog ..Do you want to become rich? =-.
Hi Roman, thanks for clearing that up. I think you’re spot on when you say the more you think about a fear the more chance of it coming to pass.
We have a cottage in Northern Michigan and that has skylights and is surrounded by oak trees. I’ve always wanted to climb the ladder and clean the roof and windows but always chickened out.
Yesterday I did it! I climbed the ladder, crawled to the windows and cleaned two of them. Then I stood and walked to the third one. After I asked my husband to hand me the wide broom and I swept the roof.
The worst part was getting my feet firmly on the ladder before getting down. I think I’m ready for the show Amazing Race now. LOL
Well done to you Tess, isn’t it an amazing feeling when you overcome a fear? How did you feel when you got to the bottom of the ladder?
I haven’t seen ‘Amazing race’ but I’m guessing it’s a TV show where people overcome obstacles?
A favorite topic of mine, Steven. So call me crazy but Paulo Coelho is not one of my favorite authors. I read “The Zahir” and did not enjoy the book except for ONE section where the narrator talks about the greatest fear of human beings is NOT the fear of failure, it is the fear of Success. It is the fear of becoming everything we can become and accomplishing things beyond our wildest dreams and that vision scares us so much that we stop in our tracks, we stop our forward progress and we find excuses to not move past a certain point. It is more eloquent in the book but it stayed with me because it’s such a different perspective….imagine everything you could become as reality, now would that not be a scary image?
I used to be deathly afraid of singing. I would never even hum in front of anyone. Then, I decided to face my fears and I took a singing lesson. Three weeks later, I sang in front of a class of 20 experienced singers. A year later, I am still taking lessons, am still in the class, have sung at many karaokes, am doing a guest performance in a friends show next month, and love every minute of it. My confidence in everything has skyrocketed and my life is on course for great things. All this because I simply faced one of my biggest fears and ended up loving it!
Hi Steven, nice article, always love to read articles about fear and courage, because courage is most powerful tool for growth…
Of course I have overcome many fears in my life, more than once….
I was afraid of bad people, big bugs, I was afraid when I had a headache, I was afraid that I will not succeed in different quest in life, I was afraid to approach girls… and so on….
The one and only remedy for the fear was to do it.
Simply, I’m not thinking about fear, but I do it… with this approach, I eliminate many fears in my life…
In that way, I’m happier and healthier … In that way I accept change and grow…
.-= Marko — Calm Growth´s last blog ..Moral Tales and Inspirational Stories Website =-.
Nice post. I’ll have to think about where I might have assumed fear into my identity. Hasn’t occurred to me I might be justifying a fear simply on a belief the fear is who I am.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..Tri Cities Has Lowest Cost of Living in the State =-.
Steven, what a powerful post- it really hit home for me! I love that you use the example of going to school for the first time to point out that an event people anticipate with fear isn’t really as horrific as we perceive it to be.
I am a Director for a Success Center for an online university, and I encounter people who are thrown back into this “school fear” on a daily basis. I find that I encounter two big fears when it comes to students considering going back to school: the fear of failure, and one that almost always masquerades as something else, the fear of success. Humans are creatures of habit, and while we may not love what we do every day (be it a job, relationship, exercise habit), we are familiar with these motions, and we know they can’t hurt us. But if we succeed, we must change- a new job forces us into new and scary challenges. If we are successful at that, we get promoted, and we must face change-and the unknown- again. The question I ask these students, Is it fair to ourselves to stay “safe”, but unhappy? Is it fair to our community to hold back all that we have to offer?
I love the three questions that you pose in this essay. These are “bottom line” questions, and I think you strike at the heart of the issue for someone who may be afraid to challenge themselves to become the best version of themselves that they possibly can. We aren’t facing down wild tigers, we are enriching our lives. As you say, what’s the worst that can happen?
Bethany Irvin
Director, Success Center- Chicago
American InterContinental University
Somewhere I read that fear should guide our path, we should follow our fear because destroying them will lead us to the light. I am wondering what people think of this as to me my gut tells me that we should also do many things that, to us, FEEL GOOD? Conquering fears brings more peace of mind, but after the fear, do we not have the right to enjoy the comfort?
Just curious. Relevant post can be found in my blog below.
http://futharklifehack.blogspot.com/2010/04/into-forest-phenomenon.html
.-= Mathieu´s last blog ..The Futhark Idea =-.
It is amazing how a simple click can lead to a great moment. I am pleased I found myself at your site. Thanks for doing what you do.
I love your reframing of an experience with new questions. A cool thing that is possible along with adjusting the perspective is to focus on the sensation. When you really ‘boil’ it down the sensation of fear and its physiology has extraordinary energy available. It may take a little practice but when you experience the sensations of fear without the story there is truly incredible energy ready to be used.
Thanks again and I look forward to more of your work.
in gratitude,
Jay
Two months ago I would have agreed that fear was something that I could choose to do something about, and I could still proceed in spite of fear. Isn’t that the definition of courage? Being afraid and doing it anyway?
Almost all of my fears can be handled that way. I may still cringe at the sight of snakes, but I can hold my ground. German Shepherds still make my heart pound (I was attacked at age 3) but I can work through it.
But on a recent vacation, I experienced something that has never happened to me. We were preparing to snorkel, all for the first time. I was so excited to do this! But the minute I put my face in the water I started to hyperventilate. In spite of all I could do, every time I put my face in the water with my mask on, the same physical reaction happened. Now here’s the kicker: I don’t have a problem swimming without a mask.
Can this be overcome? I have no doubt it can, and I’m determined that the next time the opportunity presents itself I will meet the challenge. But all the analyzing (and I used the three above, along with deep breathing) was not calming the very physical reaction I had to the situation.
While I agree that most people hang on to their fears, I do believe there are exceptions.
Yes… I have overcome fear in my life. Trauma at an early age can instill fear in us. Sometimes completely illogical fears are born. Many times lack of the right perspective on an event can lead us to fear something.
I believe what dissipates fear is truth. Truth sets us free… If we get informed on the topic, it can change our perspective and we can slowly overcome our fears. Associating positive things to whatever it is that we fear can dissipate the resistance we have also.
All the best,
Eren
.-= Eren Mckay´s last blog ..Christian Poem for Mother’s Day =-.
Hey Steve,
I really loved this post. Your three questions were the ones my mother told me to ask myself when I told her I was afraid of the test in school I had to take.
I asked myself these questions quite a bit and they helped with all kinds of fears, but there are fears that go deeper and I would like to ask those readers who are having such a deep fear that all the advice on this page doesn’t help them to try EFT. This technique of tapping your acupuncture points is easy to learn and has amazing results. There are all kinds of videos on U-Tube, which can help you to learn this yourself.-
I hope this helps those people who did not get any results with all the wonderful advice on this site.
All the best
Urda
Actually i still can not get rid of fear even i get these wonderful tips. I always afraid to make friends with people because i fear that many of my flaws will be exposed and then people will think i am not as perfect as they think…
Wow Steven thank you! I just realised that I always ask myself “what is the worst that can happen” to calm my thoughts, which was working so well until the answer became “being brutally murdered” and as soon as that gets mentioned, well Love just backs down completely – Fear steps up with his bravado-buddy Anger “leave this one for me” – arrogant schmuck…. I never ask myself “what is the best that can happen?” this question can give back Love his power. I love when Love gets a say in my unconscious feelings, SO nice, and it was so simple, cannot believe I didn’t think of it! Thankuuuuu