Often times, I spend my time in forums where many self-employed people interact with each other. One thing that always strikes my curiosity is the self-defeating threads that people start –
“I’m broke, in debt, and depressed,” “I hate my life,” “I have no girlfriend, no job, starting to feel very depressed,” “Starting to lose hope,” “I still haven’t made a dime,” “Fastest way to make $2000 – $3000 in one month?”
Surprisingly, these are the threads that usually get the most replies. There’s usually a lot of hype in them, even a little bit of excitement, but one can definitely feel the energy of the atmosphere as everyone is telling their own personal story to get it on the action. After many responses, the original poster receives wonderful tips to help improve their life. The scary thing is days later, weeks later, and even months later, you will find the original poster there, in the same thread, asking people for the same advice. This has made me realize that there are really two types of self-employed people in the world.
The Ones Who Take Value for Themselves
Some people need to have the perfect plan before they start taking any action. They think they have to read all the books, watch all the videos, listen to all the audio tapes, attend all the seminars, or get all the best advice from people on the forums before they start doing anything. The biggest mistake is that self-employed people make is thinking that by reading a book, watching a video, listening to an audiotape, or attending a seminar, it is the same as producing value to other people. It’s not. Rather, they’re taking value from other people who are giving it to them.
Even if the book they are reading has the answers to every single problem imagined to achieve success, if they have done nothing, they still end up just taking value. If this person doesn’t take action, nothing really changed besides them becoming more knowledgeable. They may feel more powerful or energized, but soon even this feeling will fade away into the distance when they realized that they haven’t given any value back.
So in order to regain that power, energy, inspiration, motivation, or feeling again, they will find it in another book, another video, another audio tape, seminar, or thread reply, until one day they’ve realized how much time has passed by and how much they are in debt. The credits are maxed out and the ink from crossing out all the days of the calendar run dry. Like how a powerful king who falls from the throne when he becomes too greedy, a self-employed person will fall out of greed to know everything, eventually putting them in a helpless, powerless state to do anything.
The Ones Who Give Value to Others
There is hope though. Although in today’s highly competitive world, a normal person – with or without all the rich knowledge of the information age – can still succeed and see themselves rise up to being a king, but not only a king that serves himself (or herself for women reading this – Queen), but a leader who serves the people. And this is done through giving value to others.
There’s a catch to this however. The word “value” is often times misused or misunderstood. The reason for this is because when a word is used too much, the meaning of it becomes inflated. Other examples are words like “best,” “top,” and “most.” But when you look at the word “value,” what does it really mean to you?
Most people might replace the word “value” with the word “something”. So the phrase of this paragraph’s title would read, “The Ones Who Give Something to Others”. This “something” usually comes out to be a form of rehashed or regurgitated material from a common source. What is value then?
In chess, value is not the pawn, knight, or bishop. It’s the queen. Value is something of quality. Value is something important. Value is something unique. It is not something.
So I guess the biggest question is how can you give value to other people? Although human beings may seem different in a hundred billion ways, we have an innate characteristic that enables us to detect on a deep, personal level whether or not the value we are receiving is actually making a genuine positive different in our lives.
This could be something that makes us laugh, makes us think, makes us wonder, or even better, all of the above. But it’s not something that makes us disappointed, frustrated, or even just walk away as if nothing had happened except for time passing by.
You can stand out from the rest; you can rise to the top; you can be the king. But the one thing you must always ask yourself is this question. Are you truly making someone else’s life better?
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Hulbert, thanks for your guest post. You make an interesting point about the greed to be perfect or to have the perfect plan, which can be an excuse to delay truly engaging. Self-employed people, especially, learn and grow by actually doing, even within the imperfection. To deeply know yourself, and to share the best of yourself, is one way to create lasting value – both within your own life, and also for others. And your observation about the complaints voiced in the forums you visit is a good example of the proverb, “misery loves company.”
Wee hour greetings from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
.-= Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Reviving Your Passion and Purpose in Spring Vibrations from Japan =-.
Hey Catrien, thanks for your comment. I agree that there’s no such thing as a perfect plan, as to become successful, it more or less requires us to take action and learn the mistakes on the go. I also liked the proverb you provided here. It really reminds me of some of the people in the forums!
Hulbert, you raised the question I ask myself every day – how can I deliver value? And I learned that the more I am doing what is aligned with who I am, the more I follow my heart and try to surprise myself first of all, the better I do in the world. Awesome guest post as always. Keep rocking, my friend!
.-= Lana – {Daring Clarity}´s last blog ..9 Steps To Get You Back On Track When Things Are Messy + Out Of Balance + Out Of Flow =-.
That’s true Lana, it’s also a good question to ask yourself daily because it challenges us to come up with creative ideas. I think the more passionate we are with what we are doing, the more we come to surprise ourselves to how we can provide value to others. Thank you Lana!
WOW Hubert!
You hit the nail on the head. I too spend some time in forums and have noticed the same patterns. Once I tried to point this out to someone, they got really defensive. So I decided to pull back a bit. Hopefully he/she reflected on it.
A quote comes to mind when reading your article “Be the change you want to see in the world”
Cheers,
Rishi Pathani
Hi Rishi, wow that’s ironic when you were trying to point this out to someone and they got defensive. You were just trying to help them out. I think they will reflect on it later though. That’s a nice quote from Gandhi that you put up. I definitely relates to the article that I wrote about in terms of providing value to others. Thank you.
This is an awesome post Hulbert and its nice to see you here, like Rishi says you have hit the nail on the head …. When we think of self employment it’s absolutely necessary to be clear of our motives and in that…. ask are we truly able to provide value to the people we serve. From my little experience every business serves people directly or indirectly.
Thanks Fatibony. It’s nice to see you here too! I agree that asking ourselves that question will help improve business, as usually successful ones will know how to serve their customers indirectly or directly. Thanks for your comment!
Ace post, Hulbert. Way to break down value takers and value givers – the difference lies in how much action each takes. It’s quite ironic that the value givers who try stuff out actually learn as much as the value takers do, except instead of secondhand experience, they gain firsthand experience – which is much more applicable and meaningful.
.-= Brett – DareToExpress.com´s last blog ..The Real Return =-.
That’s very profound what you said there Brett. One would “think” that you get more out of taking value, after all, you get the answers. But when you give value, you get the answers in a different way, by learning. And that experience itself is a lot more valuable, because it’s first hand experience like you say. Thanks for this Brett.
Awesome post, Hulbert! You’re absolutely right. We all need to put something of real value in what we have to offer to others. The more one offers value to other people, the more they flock to one’s way of thinking. You won’t get far offering less than you will receive. However, you must also realize that giving too much value to others can make them entirely dependent on you. When that happens, you might be placing an enormous burden upon yourself. It might be better if one stays in the middle. What I mean by this is that never fail to give but never fail to fulfill your own needs as well. Besides, one cannot provide help, inspiration, or advice if one has not acquired anything for himself.
Are you truly making someone else’s life better? – I hope so. LOL
.-= Ryhen @ VS Mind Power´s last blog ..Correspondence: Why The Macrocosm and Microcosm Are So Fugging Awesome =-.
Hey Ryhen, thanks man. I agree with what you said on giving too much value. If you’re actually doing a good job, they might become entirely dependent on you and it won’t benefit them. But if you’re giving people value just for the sake of doing so, you won’t be benefiting yourself either. That’s why it’s important to have a balance; you need to be able to learn things yourself and give these things to others, not just one way or the other. Thanks for your comment Ryhen.
Hulbert,
I always go the extra mile for clients, friends, family…If you make someone feel important they won’t forget it!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..My Dad and His Tool Shop =-.
Tess, it’s good that you go the extra mile for people. I won’t forget what you have done for me, and I’m sure that others won’t forget what you have done for them either. Thank you.
Hi Hulbert,
great post! I think it is difficult to be satisfied in life without giving something of value to others around you. being self-employed does not mean easier life. it means life with more challenges and more decisions to make. It is a life that requires more creativity and responsibility every day. It is the life that only you can control and you cannot rely on somebody else to protect you. I think that this is a great life (because this is the life that I have) but before anyone decides to become self-employed they must realize what it actually means and whether they are ready for it.
.-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..A Chilled-Out Plan to Stop Being Over-Productive =-.
Hi Anastasiya, I agree that being self-employed does not mean having it easier. In most jobs, you’re working under someone so giving value is a must. But when you are self-employed, you have the decision to take or give value, and not everyone will want to give value. That’s why before becoming self-employed, one must decide if they are ready or not to give away their best stuff. But this entire process makes us more responsible and creative like you say, and in the end, does more good to us than we think. Thanks Anastasiya.
Hi Hulbert,
A powerful point regarding being self-employed. I have just recently entered cyberspace and I have been so touched by the wonderful people I am engaging with.
I love that it is all about providing value and forming relationships. I used to think “relationships” formed on the internet would be superficial. How wrong I was!
It warms my heart to engage with all the wonderful people I have encountered. It means so much to feel all the support and I want to give back.
Life really is a process of giving and receiving. It is a great reminder to always provide value. It is what provides the PASSION for me to continue – feeling that perhaps there may be a benefit to others.
I love the love that we give one another in the process.
THANK YOU!
Hey Lauren, wow thanks for this really cool and enthusiastic comment!
Welcome to cyberspace!
I used to think internet relationships would also be superficial, and to a degree they are. Some people completely hide themselves, some people totally reveal themselves, and I think you just need to find a good balance between the two. If you can be genuine, the better. If you can provide value and support others, that would be nice too. And if you can be genuine, provide value, and support others, you’ll do very well online.
Remember, you have many people here to support and help you so never hesitate to ask if you need anything. I wish you the best Lauren.
Hulbert -
As a self-employed change agent and coach, I try to give value simply by being present for others, listening and offering support. I give my all in every interaction I have with the world and set out to bring out the best in everyone I meet. Frankly I don’t feel like I can go wrong with this approach.
Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..Spring Clean your Mind =-.
Hey Phil, it’s rare to find someone who is always present for others, who listens to others, and who offers support to others. It’s good to have people like you who give it their all in every interaction and bring out the best in everyone they meet. I’ve never heard of a change agent before, but as a coach, I think people would be lucky to meet someone like you.
Hi Hulbert,
A powerful point regarding being self-employed. I have just recently entered cyberspace and I have been so touched by the wonderful people I am engaging with.
I love that it is all about providing value and forming relationships. I used to think “relationships” formed on the internet would be superficial. How wrong I was!
It warms my heart to engage with all the wonderful people I have encountered. It means so much to feel all the support and I want to give back.
Life really is a process of giving and receiving. It is a great reminder to always provide value. It is what provides the PASSION for me to continue – feeling that perhaps there may be a benefit to others.
I love the love that we give one another in the process.
THANK YOU!
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..7 Tips For Choosing A Therapist: It’s Like Finding A Good Mechanic! =-.
Hey Lauren, I think this is a duplicate comment. I have replied to your original one above.
Hi Hulbert
I wanted to be the first to welcome you to the CYT blog but I see lots of other people beat me to it by a few hours.
You’re doing great in the blogging world and your posts and writing is well respected and it’s great to have your here at CYT.
You honestly have made some great points here and I believe our true calling in life is to teach others what we have learned, we learn from someone from a higher mind than us and others learn form us as we are a higher mind than them at the time. We are all teachers and students of life and your post said this perfectly.
I hope you enjoy CYT and the great community here.
Take care.
Hey Steven, you’re a little bit too late… haha, just kidding.
We all have different time zones so I’ve lost track of when people in the world are commenting.
I agree though. We all are teachers and students in a way. We take and we give. It’s a beautiful cycle. I enjoyed sharing my thoughts here with your readers. Thank you.
Wonderful posting, Herbet. You touch on a very huge principle: we must give value to get value. Clearly, qualities like kindness, joy, generosity, and patience are already a part of you (and this community), but if we do not teach them to others by demonstrating them in our daily behavior, it’s like locking gems in our mental vault; neither you nor anyone else gets to enjoy their brilliance. I have found that there is is no better way to learn something new than to go out and spread the word. One of my greatest joys has been having students to mentor — I find I get to deeply learn the lessons I have been preaching and truly experience them myself.
.-= rob white´s last blog ..The Health Care Bill is Confusing =-.
Hi Rob, my name is Hulbert.
I agree that we must give value in order to get value. This is one of the basic principles in building good relationships. It’s also not just about knowing kindness, joy, generosity, and patience, but it’s about demonstrating these qualities to others in our daily behavior. Spread the word! Go Rob!
oops! Hulbert!
Steven you hit it right on the head here. I have been self-employed for the last 6 months and read at least 20 books, read another thousand blog articles, but realized I was just consuming, consuming, consuming. I had talked about creating content but always was waiting for some reason. I am now putting the finishing touches on my new blog and look forward to creating value and solving peoples problems instead of just learning how.
Hi Brandon. I’ll answer for Steven.
I think most of us starting out go through that process that you just described above. We feel more safe by consuming more information and developing a perfect plan. It’s good to learn, but if we are always learning, the only person that’s benefiting is ourselves. Learn and share, and you’ll benefit yourself as well as the world. Good luck on your new blog!
Yes, I agree that so much of the information is regurgitated. However, if someone can state ‘something’ in a new way that inspires others or even just one person, then that is value.
I think if we were to meet in person some of the people you are talking about who keep asking the same things in the forums we might call them ‘Drama Queens’ or ‘High Maintenance’ . These are people who just want attention and have no true desire to change.
.-= Sherri Frost | Self Hypnosis´s last blog ..Past Lives Regression | Explore Your Past Life Memories =-.
Hi Sherri, nicely said. Because so much of the information on the internet is regurgitated, thinking of ways to take that information and produce something new and creative will be more valuable than just passing it on.
I also agree that if we were to meet these types of people on the forums in person, they might also be full of a lot of drama. But maybe they will be more shy in real life, because after all, when you’re online, you’re behind a screen, so causing drama is most likely going to be a lot easier.
Hulbert: I enjoyed this post and thought you made an excellent point about value and really evaluating what we are giving to others. I think that idea is key and if we can genuinely and sincerely focus on doing all we can to give people real value everything else falls into place. Essentially we have turned our focus to where it really belongs and that is a sincere desire and interest to help others and offer them something useful.
.-= alternaview – Sibyl´s last blog ..Change Your Routine and Get Better Results =-.
So give value in return. Hmmm. I have heard that before and this is the second time I’ve heard this again. The question still remains “How can I give meaningful value that impacts the lives of others?” I got work to do:)
Hey El Capitan, there are many ways to do this. The internet is full of information that is beyond the human imagination. If you’re creative enough, you can find something and turn it into your own. The possibilities are endless. You’ll find away.
It’s surprising how many free ebook offers are out there, but very few of them pack value. I’ve been guilty of this, but each month I seem to improve my offers. That’s the key, we can’t let perfection kill our motivation to put stuff out there. So we need to get it out there and slowly improve the product every week.
Hi Karl, I agree that there are many free ebooks out there that are just regurgitated material and pack little value. At least the people are trying though, and like you say, we can’t let our perfection stop us from trying. There’s no such thing as being perfect all the time. It’s just an illusion in my opinion. If you keep improving your product every week, eventually you’ll have something that’s really valuable to the people. Thanks for your response Karl.
Hi Hulbert,
My favorite part of the post is these two sentences at the end:
“But the one thing you must always ask yourself is this question. Are you truly making someone else’s life better?”
This is a question that we should all probably be asking ourselves a lot more often. Because when you do this, you know you are providing value. And when you provide value you should be on your way to having a successful business. I think this is the best-case scenario, because you are providing for yourself while at the same time making other people’s lives better.
.-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..An annoying dog and gratitude =-.
Hey Greg, yeah that’s what I wanted the question to mean. Information is good sometimes, but if it doesn’t really make a person’s life better, than it becomes kind of pointless. Like you say, when you help someone’s life become better, you are providing for yourself at the same time, which makes a win-win situation. Thanks Greg.
Thanks Hulbert, I am definitely a recovering “consumer of information” so I like what you said about making sure we are using it! I read yesterday about a concept called FTAD – finish, then add details which basically means that you create a usable product after each period of work you do, like releasing a slightly improved software build. You get it out there, get feedback, and improve it with the feedback.
Cheers
Doug
You’re welcome Douglas. I think consuming information is good, but consuming too much of it leads to analysis paralysis. In other words, we don’t take any action. I like that concept you mentioned because you’re not waiting for it to be perfect until it’s released. You release it, get feedback, and improve it on the way. Thanks for this man.
Thinking about the value we add or subtract in our relationships is really important. Great take on the subject Hulbert.
.-= Mick Morris´s last blog ..The Goldilocks story of your true value =-.
No problem Mick. Thanks for your response!
Thanks for this. I’m glad YOU read all those posts so I didn’t have to, and shared the results with us.
Helps me understand why I don’t feel I need to read every book, either.
Haha you’re welcome Dean!
Hi Hulbert,
I found myself cheering for you as I read this post. You hit the nail on the head. So many people are obsessed with making money that they forget that it is important to create a product or service that will be of benefit to others.
Furthermore, if something is created out of love and passion, it will be far more successful than if it is created out of greed. People can come up with quick rich schemes but it won’t last. People are not stupid. They want quality and creating quality comes out of passion and love.
Keep up the awesome posts, Hulbert. You rock!
Hi Nadia, yeah that’s partially the reason I wrote this post to remind others that when you become obsessed with money, not only is it going to be hard make it, but you’ll mostly likely not have a lot of fun on the way. When you do something out of passion, making money because easier and the quality you give out becomes better. Thanks Nadia. You rock as well.
It’s easy to live in a mind-set that everything is about us. How I landed here… What I did to make this happen, me, me, me… but when we get the mind-set of providing value to others, then that’s when our lives change for the better. Great post! And like Nadia says, you do rock!
.-= Jarrod@ Optimistic Journey´s last blog ..It’s Okay =-.
Thanks Jarrod. I agree that it can be easy to focus on only ourselves, but when we can break out of that and focus on how we can help others, life doesn’t become so frustrating anymore. More opportunities come up in ways that we didn’t know existed before and help drive us towards success.
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Will Smith and Hustle =-.
The ones who write on threads saying that they are depressed and in debt have probably tried to skip a few steps to success. In every endeavor in life, cutting corners almost is a sure way to fail.
I agree Jason. Another way to say it is that taking shortcuts is usually never going to be better for success in the long run.
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Howard Schultz and Trust =-.
Nice post and I’d have to agree with the two types you’ve pointed out. From personal experiences, my success didn’t start emerging until I switched to offering value to others and to stop caring about monetary gain.
.-= Craig Thomas´s last blog ..13 small things to simplify your workday =-.
Nice! It’s good that this post is backed up by examples of people who had better success giving value to others instead of just taking value in for themselves. Thank you Craig.
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Howard Schultz and Trust =-.
Hulbert,
I couldn’t agree with you more, for I too see this all the time. If your going to be self employed then you definitely need to have the right mind set. As that’s where it all starts, with the correct positive mind set, period!
.-= Jack´s last blog ..(Small Business Ideas) & Getting Massive Exposure ONLINE! =-.
Hi Jack, having a correct positive mindset is definitely important for success. Giving value is part of an abundance mindset, while taking value is part of a scarcity mindset, and from the past, we know which mindset prevails.
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Howard Schultz and Trust =-.
Information can be an addiction (very much like you described in the first half) because we are so ready to go from one idea to the next.
What I’ve found the net has created is this sense of wonder which doesn’t have context. Think of a blog you’ve visited where the owner created an amazing art work – you only see the finished piece and want to replicated the results.
However, you fail to realize it may have taken years to create the piece so, after you’ve become frustrated with the process, you move to the next ‘buzz’ item.
On the flip side, if you can be that person that shares the amazing piece, you’ll be able to give value to the world. Help those which want to do the same, don’t let them give up and be honest about how long it’s taken you to master your skills.
.-= Murlu´s last blog ..A Crash Course On Holding Your First Blog Contest =-.