Imagine if you could have the same level of self belief as a successful sports person. Sports people at the top of their game know that the physical training is only part of the story, that being psychologically fit can set them apart from their competitors. And part of this is their unfaltering belief that they WILL win.

Belief can get knocked by the twists and turns of life

When we are young, self belief seems easier. The world is exciting and everything is possible. We haven’t been jaded by the twists and turns of life. When I was at university I believed if I worked hard I could do whatever I put my mind too. Several years on – okay nearly 20! – life feels very different.

Life experience is wonderful and brings with it the joy of wisdom. But how do we balance this with making sure that limiting beliefs don’t sneak in and hold us back? Mortgages, children, knock backs at work, illness, routines, etc etc can all mean our dreams can become tainted by a feeling of limitation.

The power of belief in recovery

I have been living with a chronic illness – for which there is no conventional treatment – for the last 6 years, so the power of belief has taken a whole new place in my life.

I am recovering from M.E. It is a physical illness but I strongly believe that there is a psychological component to recovery from all illnesses. Harnessing the power of belief that you will get better is an important part of keeping your body open to healing.

It’s not easy to keep the faith over such a long period of time but essentially I have: Partly because the alternative is just too awful to think about; partly because my natural disposition is to be positive; and partly because I have read over and over again that people who do get better from M.E. have always maintained hope and belief in recovery.

If I truly believe I will get better, I filter for information that supports this and vice versa. A person who believes they will never recover is inevitably drawn to information that supports this belief. I don’t allow myself to read articles about all the unknowns about this illness, how there are no medical answers, about how difficult it is to recover. People do get better from M.E. and I choose to focus on their stories. This inspires me to carry on doing everything in my power to get well.

I have been significantly better recently and I have no doubt that the power of belief has played a key part in this. I am not saying it is as simple as thinking yourself better but rather that you can’t separate the mind and the body. The power of placebo medicine proves this to us over and over again.

Beliefs change everything

And of course, illness is just one example of how influential beliefs are. They are important in all areas of our lives from the big to the seemingly small.

Just take a moment to think about your own beliefs. Your beliefs change everything: They change how you behave; what you are open to; how you treat yourself; what you go after in life; what you eat; what you wear.

Before I started writing this article I thought I can’t write for Change Your Thoughts. This blog is in a different league to mine. I have only been blogging a few months. I have a few hundred followers. And as we all know Steven has rather a lot more! Then I thought why not? What’s stopping me? Just because I am new in this arena does not mean I am not good enough. And here we are. Nothing changed apart from my belief in myself. This is a small example but it illustrates the principle perfectly.

Clearly belief is not the one ticket answer to personal success and happiness but it must be part of it. If you believe you can do something you actively seek to make that happen – consciously and subconsciously. And if you can supplement this with surrounding yourself by people who believe in you, well, there will be no stopping you! (I know I did my best work when I had a boss who had so much belief in my skills I felt I could take on the world.)

Getting some young people’s magic

Ultimately, I want to try and recapture some of that belief I had when I was younger, the belief I see in young people I come into contact with. I was picking up a coffee yesterday from my regular place and chatting with the Baristas – both young and both just starting University. They are full of optimism and excitement about life. And maybe some of this is naive. But nevertheless I wouldn’t mind some of what they’ve got. I don’t want to become that person whose dreams become smaller because I am getting older.

I was chatting with husband about this topic and asked him how he thought I could replicate the enthusiasm and self belief of a young person. He said ‘Stick your head in the sand and have gung ho optimism!’ Maybe this is one step too far but there is definitely something to be learnt from those not yet jaded by life.

So I am off to pick up a coffee and some young people’s magic!

Would love to hear your thoughts on how your self belief has impacted your life.

Self-esteem fluctuates and it’s affected by a series of encounters and events with other people. Each of us is unique in our own way and we possess various strengths and limitations.
These factors create our framework and as we seek to change or develop them, we move towards a higher level of self awareness and self acceptance.

Building/developing ones self esteem centers on being realistic: Taking a cautious and practical view of your goals, ambitions and desires.

My ‘prescriptions’ are as follows:

Identify the areas for development

This involves building on areas of strength, comfort, craft etc. One important fact of self development is identifying what you are good at. Do things which require little or no effort from you, things which make you feel better about yourself, things which make use of your own special talents and abilities. The result: a huge boost in energy levels and an increase in the level of self confidence.

In areas were you experience limitations; find out your insecurities, lack of confidence in these areas and the motivation for a change. Make only one change at a time, always checking your progress report before making further changes.

Feel good about yourself

• Always feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future.
• Avoid excessive self criticism because over time, constant negative feelings result in negative affirmations.
• Spoil yourself occasionally, it won’t hurt!!!!.
• Give yourself a pat on the back, appreciating where you’ve come from, what challenges or obstacles you’ve faced on the journey.
• Take time to rest and not push it, particularly when things come to a stand still and there’s of wall of confusion around you. ‘LEARNING NEW THINGS REQUIRES PATIENCE, TIME AND DILIGENCE.’

Be Clear About What You Want

This is where being clear about your goals is very important. I have always advocated setting realistic goals. One of the major disputes I’ve had with several life coaches is creating unrealistic expectations in the minds of people and the end result is depression, disappointments, low self esteem etc.

In simple terms ‘YOU CAN’T BE THE NEXT DAVID BECKHAM, WHEN YOU CAN’T KICK OR DRIBBLE THE BALL.’

• You need to sit down and make a list of your abilities.
• Create the goals in stages.
• Be proactive, initiative and decisive about what you want.
• Be realistic about the time frames of your goals. ‘Low standards gives rise to little achievements while perfectionism undermines the pleasure derived in your exceptional achievements.’
• Think about how people you come in contact with assist you in reaching the desired goals.

Build your personal and physical appearance

• Fix up look sharp: Dress smartly and decently. It doesn’t mean you have to buy expensive clothes all the time but look ‘cut out’, creating a good first impression.
• Avoid being sluggish:It is said ‘people with confidence walk briskly and quickly because they are time conscious, have targets to achieve and deadlines to meet.
• Exercise often: You’d notice I didn’t say go the GYM. Some people are comfortable going to the gym, others prefer jogging, walking…… Any form of physical exercise is okay as long as you stay in shape. ‘Being in shape’ is relative; I believe a lot of people feel unattractive, insecure and less confident when they are out of shape.
• Remain Thankful: Be thankful for things you have, people who love you and have spent time impacting your life.
• Eat Wisely: Pay attention to what you eat. Remember ‘YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!!’

I intend to continue from where I stopped in my next post, but in the meantime it would be lovely to note your ‘prescriptions’.

]]> http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/self-esteem-tablets/feed/ 6 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/29-ways-to-increase-your-feeling-of-self-worth/ http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/29-ways-to-increase-your-feeling-of-self-worth/#comments Tue, 02 Jun 2009 05:42:52 +0000 Steven Aitchison http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/?p=744 Self worth comes from within, you won’t find it by having more money, having more friends, having a fancy car or a big house.  It is something intrinsic and something we can’t gain extrinsically, meaning we won’t find self worth from external factors.  Here are some things you can do to increase your feeling of self worth.

29 Ways to increase your feeling of self worth

The quickest way to lose potential friends is to put yourself down all the time. People who do this, no matter what’s going on in their lives, are very tiresome and drain everyone’s energy.

The self-deprecator

We’ve all been the victim of self-deprecation before. The times when we have lost our confidence in ourselves and used language that conveyed to others we were incapable of doing things. Now this is okay as we quickly recognised it or our friends, family and colleagues would ask us why we were putting ourselves down and hopefully we would get out of self-deprecation mode and regain our confidence.

For some people they have developed the art of self-deprecation and function very well. They draw people in and make people feel sorry for them, thereby offering help when someone is putting themselves down, this quickly becomes tiresome and the person who is helping all the time will start to avoid the person putting themselves down.

Self-deprecation can also be an indicator of some form of mental illness; severe depression, and stress. It can also be an indicator of some kind of trauma in someone’s life such as abuse, in the past and in the present. Many women who suffer from domestic abuse are prone to self-deprecation. Therefore, we as colleagues, friends and family have a duty to try to understand what is going on in someone’s life and help them through difficult times.

Dealing with the self deprecator

There are ways to deal with people who put themselves down all the time. Here are just a few things you can do:

• Point out to the person when they are using self deprecating language
• Ask if there is anything they want to talk about
• Point out their strengths
• Stop them from apologising all the time
• Never put them down in front of people

The cycle of self-doubt

If you constantly say to yourself you can’t do something, guess what, you won’t be able to do it. If you don’t do things you will sink further into the ‘can’t do’ attitude and try even less activities. The less you try to do the lower your self esteem will become. This is a vicious circle and is hard to break if not recognised.

Stopping the cycle and gaining confidence

If you are someone who puts yourself down all the time there are a few things you can do to try and stop the cycle and regain your self confidence

• Focus on your strengths and do more things around them
• Work on smaller goals which are achievable
• Do not compare yourself to someone else
• Think about your successes in life (everyone has success stories)
• Learn from someone you admire (Don’t compare, just learn i.e. how do they react in certain situations, how do they walk, how do they talk)
• Learn to talk positively to yourself
• Recognise the demons of self consciousness and stop them in their tracks by talking positively and remembering your successes
• Congratulate yourself often, even with small jobs
• Build your confidence slowly and learn from each success

A powerful way to change your beliefs

The way you speak to yourself internally will literally change your beliefs about yourself. If you constantly tell yourself you’re no good at something you are literally hypnotising yourself into believing that. Don’t underestimate the power of self talk.

Low self esteem and low self confidence can be debilitating but you can break the habit by changing the way you think and changing the way you speak. Stop the self deprecating talk and start to learn more about yourself and build on your successes.

Read the other parts of the ‘Making true friends’ series here:

How to make true friends – part 4 – Body language

How to make true friends – part 3 – The art of honesty

How to make true friends – part 2 – The pride of loneliness

How to make true friends – part 1 – know yourself

Other articles you might enjoy

Building self confidence – about.com

Seven powerful steps for self confidence – Simply Smart Tips

Improve your self confidence in 15 minutes – Out-side the box

How to stay confident in your decision to be a WAHM – Vineyar designs

10 ways to instantly build self confidence – Pick the Brain

25 killer actions to boost your self confidence – Zen habits