Update: Please click on this link for more information about The new Mind Alchemy course. All the links to the downloads have now been removed. I would like to thank all 800+ readers who expressed an interest in this course and for everyone who completed the course the first time round, it is becasue of you I could make the course better.

Well it’s officially over. Mind Alchemy started On the 1st February with over 800 people putting their comments on to join the course. We had 388 participants joining the Facebook group to make this course a huge success. I’d like to thank one person for this – YOU! Every single person who participated made the course a huge success and the friendships found through the course has been one of the biggest successes. I am normally a very quiet, introverted guy, but the group of people who joined the course helped me come out and play a bit more I know, with all the comments on Twitter, the Facebook group, and the blog how successful it has been for a lot of people, and for that it has all been worth it.

There were a few setbacks but nothing we couldn’t handle. There were a few people who struggled with their time to do it everyday, but they caught up, and there were a few whose lives have definitely changed for the better.

Your Thoughts

I’d like to ask you to give some feedback on the course as a whole and answer 4 questions about it. Can you leave your feedback in the comment section below. This will be a tremendous help as I out together the Mind Alchemy course for next month and make it even better than it was. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just started the course, didn’t really want to leave feedback before or had an active voice in the group I would really appreciate it if you could spend a few minutes of your time for feedback by answering the 4 questions below:

1. How was the course as a whole for you and what did you learn from it?
2. What was your biggest insight whilst doing the course?
3. Was there anything about the course that could be improved?
4. Would you recommend the course to anybody else considering doing it?

That’s it, obviously from my point of view the more detailed the response the better, but even if you want to put one line answer, it’s cool

Here is a summary of all the modules in the course.

• 27: Mind Alchemy Final Day (33)
• 26: Mind Alchemy Day 25 – Your Three Selves (12)
• 25: Mind Alchemy Day 24 – Reciprocity (13)
• 24: Mind Alchemy Day 23 – The Big I AM (12)
• 23: Mind Alchemy Day 22 – Affirmation Video (19)
• 22: Mind Alchemy Day 21 – Another catch up day (10)
• 21: Mind Alchemy Day 20 – Overcoming Fear (16)
• 20: Mind Alchemy Day 19 – Unconscious Gratitude (20)
• 19: Mind Alchemy Day 18 – My Reality is not Your Reality (21)
• 18: Mind Alchemy Day 17 – The Myth of Happiness (21)
• 17: Mind Alchemy Day 16 – Emotional Homeostasis (18)
• 16: Mind Alchemy Day 15 – Ask the Right Questions (30)
• 15: Mind Alchemy Day 14 – Catch up day (9)
• 14: Mind Alchemy Day 13 – Clearing Your Mind (19)
• 13: Mind Alchemy Day 12 – Letting go of Your Outcomes (25)
• 12: Mind Alchemy Day 11 – Guided Visualization (20)
• 11: Mind Alchemy Day 10 – Relaxation (19)
• 10: Mind Alchemy Day 9 – Changing Your Beliefs (29)
• 09: Mind Alchemy Day 8 – Your Life’s Theme Songs (24)
• 07: Mind Alchemy Day 7 – The Nature of Your Thoughts (35)
• 06: Mind Alchemy Day 6 – Your Perfect Day (41)
• 05: Mind Alchemy Day 5 – Outcomes for life (25)
• 04: Mind Alchemy Day 4 – Personal Vision Statements (26)
• 03: Mind Alchemy Day 3 – Your Life Values (46)
• 02: Mind Alchemy Day 2 – Motivation Direction (61)
• 01: Mind Alchemy Day 1 – Wheel of Life (105)

What Happens now?

Mind Alchemy beta is just the start and will not end here. With your help and your feedback I plan to turn this into a guide, part of the CYT stable of guides, but this one will have a guide, a workbook with all the exercise sheets, and interviews with bloggers and authors on the topic of each module. The new course will have 20 modules, which you can take part in either working on your own or join one of the Mind Alchemy classes which I plan to run throughout the year. The classes will be run on a dedicated forum, and Facebook group and possibly webinars.

I think this will be an excellent course to take part and will be great for your personal development and you can invite anybody to join in with you.

I will post details on the blog and in the Facebook group when the new course is ready to buy and if you were a beta tester for this (guinea pig ) you can buy the new course and join in the fun and make new connections with like minded people.

The huge success, for me, was definitely being part of the Facebook group and the people I have met have been amazing and I know I will be keeping in touch with a lot of you.

Good luck everyone, and I wish you everything you wish for yourself in the future. I hope to see you on the next, new improved course. Remember and leave your feedback as it is really valuable for future groups.

Personal development is not personal! It’s not about you.

It IS personal in that what you ‘personally develop’ is particular to your beliefs, your skills, and your situation – but it’s not about the you who is unconditionally valuable and beyond judgement.

I said it would spin your head. But stick with me, there is good news to come.

Some words in the English language are what is called in linguistic studies – multi-ordinal. This means, in brief, that the same word means different things in different contexts. This is obvious if you consider that saying: ‘I love you’ to your fluffy cute dog or cat is not the same as saying it to your husband or wife in bed. It’s the same word, different context and hence different meanings.

So why is this good news for you and your personal development?

It’s good news if you are someone who personalises comments, who feels that you’re being talked about, that you have to have your radar always on in case someone says something bad about you.

Secondly, if you are someone who says “‘I’ failed” and feels bad about yourself (rather than just not getting the result you want), it could be because you are confusing the levels of ‘you’ involved in what actually happened.

It’s good news because you are not what you do. It’s not about you.

Despite what the people around you say.

This might help: NLP pioneer Robert Dilts created a model called the Neuro-logical levels which suggested that change could be made at the following levels:

· Mission
· Identity
· Values
· Beliefs
· Capabilities
· Behaviour
· Environment

You will notice that Identity (who you ARE) is at a different level to Capabilities and Behaviour – what you do.

As a Meta-Coach I find that the act of linking judgements of performance with personal worth often stops people from taking actions and risks they need in order to progress. They feel that the essential core of who they are is being threatened.

The you that knows itself as ‘I’ doesn’t want to change.

But who or what is ‘I’?

Try this: say to yourself: “I have feelings but I am not my feelings…my feelings change but I remain (pause)…I have beliefs but I am not my beliefs…my beliefs change but I remain (pause)…I have a body but I am not my body…my body changes but I remain.

Emphasise the ‘I’. It has a strange effect, doesn’t it?

So if ‘I’ am not any of these things…then what am I?

Many say “I think, therefore I am”.

Up front I’ll state my perspective.

I’m a Christian and I believe that God created me and put His life in me. That life is unconditionally valuable and cannot be devalued. That is what constitutes ‘I’ for me.

I also believe that He gave me the kind of consciousness that enables me to think about myself and all aspects of myself.

Thus, – you might want to read this twice – the thinker (which is me/I) is not the same as what is thought about – my thoughts.

So for me ‘I’ is a spiritual issue, and I (and its/my value) is separate from what I think. “I am – therefore I think”.

I know others will have different ideas and we each have to choose what we base our understanding of ourselves on.

What I have done, however, is develop a concept of ‘I’ that is not affected by the judgements that are made about what I do.

How would this idea work if you did it?

For one, this makes it much easier to pick up the phone and have my ideas rejected rather than my ‘self’ rejected.

And concerning ‘failure’ (which is another one of those ‘multi-ordinal words.) if you fail, what exactly failed?

Was it YOU – the entire mind body system that supposedly constitutes who you are?

Did you mind shut down?
Did your blood stop pumping?
Did your immune system shut down?
Did your muscles atrophy?
Did your throat muscles die?

Did those things ‘fail’? Because that is what you are saying if ‘I’ am my thoughts-body etc

Was it the YOU that remains even if your beliefs and values change? (I stopped believing in Santa at least two years ago…)

Or is it just that your mental blueprint for doing something was incomplete or inaccurate?

You had a missing piece of knowledge.

Something you knew was out-of-date.

Would that be so bad? After all, databases need updating, don’t they? We’ve all had letters for previous tenants or with the name misspelled.

I like to think of my thoughts as tools. Along with my understanding and application of my faith, I want my mind and body to serve me.

Distinguishing ‘I’ as director and overseer from the ‘I’ who thinks and acts may seem a little schizophrenic to some.

But if you consider that since the ‘recession’ started there have been several high profile suicides of very rich people who lost a lot of money – and who may have connected some important aspect of self with the amount of money they had – maybe separating worth and doing, worth and possessions is not such a bad idea after all.

Jesus said: “A man’s life does not consist of his possessions.”

So – do you still think that if I get something wrong the failure is about my worth?
Is personal development still personal?

Look me in the ‘I’ and say that.

What is this person teaching me about myself?

I am intolerant of negative people – wow!, what a revelation (sarcastic tone there) , how is this relevant? Well, I do counselling work  for a living and being intolerant of certain types of people is not a good thing and that will come across to the person who is talking to me.

What am I teaching them about themselves?

If someone who has a dark outlook on life is talking to me and I am giving them vibes that I don’t like talking to them this is going to re-enforce their belief about themselves that nobody likes them, the world is a dark place etc etc.

What I did to change

I looked at the person in a different light.  That person was there to teach me patience, to teach me tolerance and I had to remind myself of that.  I was there to ask him a simple question ‘Why is your world so dark?’

This is exactly the question I asked him and he was taken aback when I asked that.  He didn’t really think he had a dark outlook on life and it was a bit of a revelation to him as well.  We spoke about it for a while and by asking that simple question he was able to change almost instantly as his perception of his world had changed.  The next few sessions revealed that he had changed the way he looked at life and constantly asked himself what he would do if he was a positive person, obviously there were still dark moments but he was much more able to cope with them.

Everyone is a teacher

This was a great lesson for me and it’s one of those moments that changed a certain aspect of me for a lifetime.  It’s those moments that make us grow as people and we can’t change overnight but we can have lots of a-ha moments which help to shape our lives.

What is someone trying to teach you?

The cycle of change model is for anybody looking to make a change in their life, be it small or large.  You will normally do this on an unconscious  level.  Knowing this process can make a huge difference in the changes you are trying to make in your life.  So what we will do here is bring this process into your subconscious and you can find out where you are in the cycle of change and make adjustments accordingly.

This model was originally developed in the 1970’s and 80s by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente.  It was originally used for smoking cessation but they soon found it could be a transferrable model used for making changes in any area of your life.  Today it is used by drug and alcohol workers.

Working with the cycle of change

Think of something you want to change in your life just now.  It could be a habit you want to rid yourself of, it might be a goal you have in mind.  Now, keep this in mind when I explain the cycle of change model and figure out where you are on the model:

Pre-contemplation Stage – This is the stage where you are not really interested in change. You might be forced into thinking about a change due to your family or friends but you don’t see any problem with a habit or a behaviour.

Contemplation Stage – At this stage you are thinking about changing some aspect of your life.  It could be something like getting fitter, giving up smoking, going on a diet, going to university, getting a new job or anything you are thinking about changing.  At this stage it’s just a thought but it’s important to note that this is the start of any change.

Preparation Stage – At this stage you are making preparations to make a change in your life.  You might have checked out the cost of the local gym, or checked out some university courses, or made preparations to get a new job, any change really.  The important point is you have made some preparations and you are one step further to your goal.

Action Stage – This is the stage that requires the most time and energy and is the stage where you actually take the action to change.  You have started going to the gym to get fitter, you have cut down on your food intake, you have given up smoking or you have applied for new jobs etc.

Maintenance Stage – Now that you have taken the action stage you want to maintain your new habit, behaviour, or attitude.  To maintain yourself at this stage requires you to keep taking action and being mindful not to go back to your old ways.

Relapse Stage – This is the stage when you have reverted back to your old behaviours, attitude or habit.  This can be a temporary stage and is part of the process and if you do fall into this stage you shouldn’t feel discouraged at all as it is all part of the learning process and the cycle of change.

How the cycle of change can help you

Knowing that there is a process to changing your life can be a great help to some people and can help in the difficult times of relapsing.

Are there any changes you are looking to make in your life? Find out where you are on the cycle of change model or have you made a change and you are in the maintaining stage?

This is a good model to work with if you have a goal in mind and are looking for positive changes to occur in your life.

Termination of the stages – You will look back one day after you have changed your behaviour, habit or attitude for good and reflect on where you were before.  Now is the time to look forward and enjoy this new you and possibly use it as motivation to change further.  Looking back on your past successes is a great way to keep you motivated and to be proud of your achievements in the past.  Remind yourself often of your successes as there will come a day when you will need to motivate yourself to change again and these successes will help you.

Let me give you an example.  At the right hand side of this blog post there is a chicklet which tells you how many people have subscribed to this blog, to date there are about 2500 subscribers.  This is a form of social proof, it is a statement saying ‘Look, there are already 2500 people who have subscribed to this blog; it must be worth subscribing to’.  Little do we know it but we are being influenced every day by different forms of social proof.

This is why celebrities get paid millions to advertise products as the advertising company know that with a celebrity endorsement it could potentially bring in millions of pounds in extra sales.  When you see the likes of Nicole Kidman advertising Channel No 5 and then learn that it boasted sales by 30%, according to Euromonitor, you’ll realise the power of social proof.

Okay how can you use social proof in your everyday life to influence others with the use of social proof?  Here are 5 ways to do just that.

5 Ways to use social proof to influence others

1. Use others behaviours – When trying to influence people to do something for you at work, for example get them to sign a sponsor sheet for you, you could say ‘Will you sign my sponsor sheet..’ and show them a list of people who the person already likes who have signed.

What if there is someone who everyone despises who has signed your sponsor sheet, then you simply make separate sponsor sheets.  This is quite simplistic but I think you get what I mean.

Another example could be if you are trying to get your child to do something they don’t really want to you could mention one of their friends who are already doing the activity you want your child to do. This might sound like manipulation, and you’re right it is, but we all unconsciously use it everyday without realising it. 

2.  Link yourself – Linking yourself simply means making yourself known and be seen with another person who is considered popular, intelligent, cool, important or influential.  Think about the most popular person at school and think about their friends, did you think their friends must have something for the popular person to hang around with them? This is linking yourself.  For some, it happens by accident and the influential person wants to know you and you suddenly have better standing in your community whether you like it or not.

3. Testimonials – For those of you who have websites you’ll know the power a testimonial from someone in your field can have on your website sales or sign ups.  Using a testimonial is crucial if you are looking to sell anything on your website.  It is telling your visitors that others are using your product so it is worth buying.  When someone is trying to decide if they should buy something or not, using a testimonial cuts down the decision making time if an influential person is already endorsing the product.

4. Socialising to attract others – If you are trying to attract a member of the opposite sex, using social proof can help your chances of attracting the person you desire.  For example if your dream date is a beautiful blonde, then talking to other beautiful blondes will up the chances of you getting to talk to the beautiful blonde you’re trying to attract.  How do you get to talk to beautiful women in the first place? Simple, hang out with people your workplace who know you well and you get on reasonably well with.  When you are seen with other beautiful people it will increase your chances of other beautiful people being attracted to you.  Sad but true.

5. Socially brave – A lot of people are scared of one thing or another.  If you want to overcome a certain fear observe someone similar to yourself who is also afraid but manages to overcome it.  This will help you bypass some of the doubt you have and give you the courage to go for it.  For example if you are afraid of speaking in public, attend a toastmaster’s session and observe someone similar in age and status to you and watch them.  By doing this you start to realise that there is noting to be afraid of.  You have to be careful with this one also, as observing someone who is younger, smarter and more confident than you might make you even more scared.

Social proof is a powerful force in our lives and if we learn to recognise it we can use it to our advantage.

The quickest way to lose potential friends is to put yourself down all the time. People who do this, no matter what’s going on in their lives, are very tiresome and drain everyone’s energy.

The self-deprecator

We’ve all been the victim of self-deprecation before. The times when we have lost our confidence in ourselves and used language that conveyed to others we were incapable of doing things. Now this is okay as we quickly recognised it or our friends, family and colleagues would ask us why we were putting ourselves down and hopefully we would get out of self-deprecation mode and regain our confidence.

For some people they have developed the art of self-deprecation and function very well. They draw people in and make people feel sorry for them, thereby offering help when someone is putting themselves down, this quickly becomes tiresome and the person who is helping all the time will start to avoid the person putting themselves down.

Self-deprecation can also be an indicator of some form of mental illness; severe depression, and stress. It can also be an indicator of some kind of trauma in someone’s life such as abuse, in the past and in the present. Many women who suffer from domestic abuse are prone to self-deprecation. Therefore, we as colleagues, friends and family have a duty to try to understand what is going on in someone’s life and help them through difficult times.

Dealing with the self deprecator

There are ways to deal with people who put themselves down all the time. Here are just a few things you can do:

• Point out to the person when they are using self deprecating language
• Ask if there is anything they want to talk about
• Point out their strengths
• Stop them from apologising all the time
• Never put them down in front of people

The cycle of self-doubt

If you constantly say to yourself you can’t do something, guess what, you won’t be able to do it. If you don’t do things you will sink further into the ‘can’t do’ attitude and try even less activities. The less you try to do the lower your self esteem will become. This is a vicious circle and is hard to break if not recognised.

Stopping the cycle and gaining confidence

If you are someone who puts yourself down all the time there are a few things you can do to try and stop the cycle and regain your self confidence

• Focus on your strengths and do more things around them
• Work on smaller goals which are achievable
• Do not compare yourself to someone else
• Think about your successes in life (everyone has success stories)
• Learn from someone you admire (Don’t compare, just learn i.e. how do they react in certain situations, how do they walk, how do they talk)
• Learn to talk positively to yourself
• Recognise the demons of self consciousness and stop them in their tracks by talking positively and remembering your successes
• Congratulate yourself often, even with small jobs
• Build your confidence slowly and learn from each success

A powerful way to change your beliefs

The way you speak to yourself internally will literally change your beliefs about yourself. If you constantly tell yourself you’re no good at something you are literally hypnotising yourself into believing that. Don’t underestimate the power of self talk.

Low self esteem and low self confidence can be debilitating but you can break the habit by changing the way you think and changing the way you speak. Stop the self deprecating talk and start to learn more about yourself and build on your successes.

Read the other parts of the ‘Making true friends’ series here:

How to make true friends – part 4 – Body language

How to make true friends – part 3 – The art of honesty

How to make true friends – part 2 – The pride of loneliness

How to make true friends – part 1 – know yourself

Other articles you might enjoy

Building self confidence – about.com

Seven powerful steps for self confidence – Simply Smart Tips

Improve your self confidence in 15 minutes – Out-side the box

How to stay confident in your decision to be a WAHM – Vineyar designs

10 ways to instantly build self confidence – Pick the Brain

25 killer actions to boost your self confidence – Zen habits

A few months ago, the battery on my watch went dead and I kept meaning to get the battery replaced but kept on forgetting. What I noticed, when I didn’t have the watch, was that I had more energy. I woke up more refreshed in the morning and seemed to have more energy throughout the day. As I said, I put this down to coincidence and threw it to the back of my mind. Then my wife eventually bought a battery, trust my wife to put me to shame, and I started wearing the watch again.

Within a few days my energy levels seemed to drop, I was tired and weary in the morning, I struggled to get out of bed and felt sleepier during the day. Again, the thought that the watch was causing this lethargy was dismissed as nonsense. Of course, I didn’t tell anybody about this.

Therefore, to get the thought out of my head and dismiss it altogether I decided I would try a little experiment.

For two weeks, I would record my energy levels in the morning (6am) Afternoon (1pm) and Night (9pm). The first week was when I was wearing a watch and the second week was when I wasn’t wearing a watch.

The results surprised me.

Energy levels wearing a watch

Nothing much wrong with that, except looking at it now my energy levels seem pretty low. I may have been too harsh when scoring. I judged my energy levels: lethargy (how tired I was feeling), enthusiasm (how eager I was to keep working), and sharpness of mind (was I foggy or was my mind still thinking clearly).

Energy levels without wearing a watch

I was a bit shocked by this. An overall drop in energy levels over the week by about 8%. I definitely felt a difference in my energy levels.

The difference

I thought about this and thought I might have skewed the results in a number of ways;

1. By already noticing in the past that my energy levels were low, thereby I had sort of formed a hypothesis already in my mind. So I could have inadvertently been more energetic when I was not wearing my watch, it’s a possibility.

2. In the second week not wearing my watch I thought about my energy a lot more. I could have boosted my energy by simply thinking about it.

Nonetheless, it was interesting to carry out this experiment. I wonder if anybody else has seen this as well and if it might just be quartz watches. I wonder if it would be the same with a digital watch or a mechanical watch. Let me know your thoughts.

Is your eye contact aggressive, is it soft, is it inviting, do you love with your eyes? Eye contact is a very tricky art to master but vital to effective communication. How can you make it better?

Eye contact provides social information to the person you are listening to and talking to. Too much eye contact and you could be seen as aggressive, too little eye contact and you can be seen as having no interest in the person speaking. It is an often overlooked skill to have and an under utilised skill when communicating with people. You can see masters of eye contact in great sales persons, politicians, and good public speakers.

I realised the importance of eye contact when I was counseling people face to face. I noticed when I broke eye contact the person would stop speaking. When I maintained eye contact the person would continue talking knowing that I was interested in what they had to say.

Physiological signs of eye contact

Street traders know the importance of the eyes when using their selling skills to keep their potential buyers interested. When you are aroused or interested in an object your pupils will dilate and this is a big cue for salesmen all over the world.

Also when you are interested in someone sexually your pupils will dilate and you hold the person’s gaze a little longer than normal. When I was single I always knew when a girl was interested in me through her eyes, now that I am married if I get the same signs I discourage eye contact.

Every day conversation and eye contact

We will use eye contact every day of our lives so it makes sense to learn the best ways to use your eyes to your advantage.

Certain situations demand different uses of the eyes. For example if your are arguing it is seen as strong if you can hold your gaze. If you are deferring to someone it is better to lower your eyes, if you are loving someone it is good to stare into the pool of the eyes.

6 Ways to improve your eye contact skills

1. Talking to a group – When talking to a group of people it is great to have direct contact with your listeners. Don’t make the mistake of maintaining eye contact with just one person as this will stop the other members of the group from listening. To get past this, focus on a different member of the group with every new sentence. This way you are talking to all of the group and keeping them all interested.
2. Talking to an individual – It is great to maintain eye contact when talking to a person however it can become a bit creepy and uncomfortable if you stare intensely at them. To combat this, break eye contact every 5 seconds or so. When breaking the eye contact don’t look down as this might indicate the ending of your part of the conversation. Instead, look up or to the side as if your are remembering something. Try it just now: don’t move your head, and think about the first time you started school. You will notice your eyes might move up or to the side as you try to remember this. So when your listener sees this they will think you are trying to remember something and keep on listening to you.
3. Listening to someone – When you are listening to someone it can be off putting for the talker if you stare at them too hard. The technique I use when I am counseling someone is to use what I call ‘The triangle’. This is when I look at one eye for about 5 seconds, look at the other eye for 5 seconds and then look at the mouth for 5 seconds and keep on rotating in this way. This technique coupled with other listening skills such as nodding, occasional agreement words such as ‘yes’, ‘Uh –huh’ ‘mm’ etc is a great way to keep the talker talking and to show them you are interested in what they are saying.
4. Arguing – Arguing with someone is a skill in itself and if you want to compete in an argument holding the gaze shows strength. If you look away when arguing with someone you have all but lost the argument. Obviously this depends on who you are arguing with but in general it is better to hold the gaze whilst you are making your point and also when you are listening to the other person. We have all come across the person who is great at arguing and making you feel small, you will notice that everyone who is like this try to stare you out. Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put them off what they are trying to say. Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is also an effective way to win an argument without saying a word.
5. Attracting someone – When you are trying to attract someone and show them you are interested you can talk and listen with your eyes. When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your focal point. Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places. If you feel you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don’t smile when they have just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes (yes I did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone’s body language with your eyes).
6. Loving someone – My wife and I often share a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and it is a very special thing to just stare without talking. My wife’s pupils will dilate and she can my pupils dilating. It creates a strong bond between us. To make your pupils dilate even more you can try this: as you are staring at your partner imagine yourself going inside their body and your two souls making love. You are trying to touch their very soul. This will release adrenalin and make your pupils dilate even more.

Other posts you might be interested in.

I could talk about this topic for ages as I think it is a very important skill to have. However here are some other bloggers and researchers who have studied eye contact.

How to improve your body language

How to handle or strike up conversation

Happiness tip: smile at a stranger

Are you looking at me? Eye gaze and the perception of others

How to attract and seduce single sexy women with your eyes

Integrating social and physical cues when judging attractiveness (pdf)

The eyes have it: The fundamentals of eye contact

Theory of non competitive stare

Defeat the stare down

Eye contact and blushing