Images of dull, lazy people ran round my head, people who never get round to anything, people who have no sense of drive or ambition. Imagine. How awful.

This is not what I was expecting from this session and it certainly was not what I wanted to hear. Coaching sessions are about goal setting, surely. And this is the part of me I like, I thought, the best of part of me, the part that dreams big, the part that makes things happen. Why on earth would I want to let go of that?

Although at the back of my mind, I knew this is also the part of me that causes the stress: high expectations of myself, wanting everything done now and other lovely ‘Type A’ traits.

And I am a good student, so I forced myself to stay open-minded, to understand what letting go would actually mean – before I dismissed it as hippy nonsense.

‘It’s about not being attached to the outcome,’ Kelly continued. ‘It’s about being present and being happy whether you achieve your goals or not.’ My radar registered the word goals; I felt myself relax.

We wrapped up the session and off I went with my homework of letting go! Kelly had suggested watching The Peaceful Warrior as a starting point. At only £6 and 120 minutes, I decided I didn’t have much to lose. But I wasn’t expecting to gain much either. I love the world of personal development – I read loads of this stuff, as if this was going to throw up anything new (I know – the arrogance).

The Peaceful Warrior

I got myself comfy, looking forward to ticking done on my homework list. The film – based on the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior – is about a young, arrogant, talented gymnast, who gets good grades, all the hot girls and is training for the Olympics. But whilst on the outside Dan seems to have it all, inside this is not the case. He meets a mysterious stranger – who he refers to as Socrates – who ends up becoming his mentor, showing him a different way to live. This becomes even more challenging when Dan has a serious motor bike accident which threatens his whole way of life. But with the help of ‘Socrates’ he learns to let go of the person he thought he was and start living in a completely different way.

I got to the end of the film and wasn’t even sure if I’d got the key messages, surely they would be bigger I thought, surrounded by flashing comic book style lights or something, more obviously life changing.

Off I went thinking I’d enjoyed the afternoon and I would try to live in the moment a little more. Yada. Yada. Yada!

Oh how naive I was. I can’t believe how different life feels after what appears such a small and subtle change.

Living in the moment

I am making a conscious effort to live more in the moment, be present, enjoy the journey and not just focus on the destination, or whatever other personal development cliché you would like to throw into the mix.

And just like Dan continues to train as an Olympic athlete, I continue to work towards my goals: the relief, I haven’t turned into a lazy slob!

But I am definitely calmer and less stressed. If I feel worried about something in the future and I feel my mind starting to spiral, processing what ifs, running scenarios at an alarming pace, I bring myself back to the present moment; and I am more focused on enjoying the activity that I am doing, not just thinking about the result.

I have had some health challenges and been on a bumpy recovery journey in the last seven years (I am recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome); I am a ‘professional’ tester of therapies and techniques – physical, psychological and emotional. And I am always intrigued to see what works and what doesn’t. I’ll try anything (I even bought some crystals recently…) and sometimes it is the unexpected that has a huge impact. And I strongly believe that staying open to new ideas has been a fundamental part of my recovery.

Sometimes simple changes can have a huge impact

And as the wellness light shines brightly, beckoning me to leave the tunnel; as I continue to get stronger and enjoy the delicious feeling of being healthy, I am surprised something as simple as becoming – or at least moving towards being – a ‘Peaceful Warrior’ is one of the last pieces in my recovery jigsaw.

The biggest challenge for me is not being attached to the outcome of being 100% well, but rather to celebrate how far I have come and enjoy my life as it is now; it’s like the dieter who believes they will only be happy when they lose that last seven pounds. This isn’t about giving up the goals but about loving life anyway whether or not I achieve my goals.

I know it sounds simple writing it down and as with anything it takes work and practice. But if I as a self-confessed stress head can make headway on this, I am confident that anyone reading can.

So I leave you with this, my fellow personal development junkies: next time it is tempting to roll your eyes at a clichéd suggestion, take a step back and truly ask yourself whether there is anything there for you. When we are open, try something new, we just never know…and if that one isn’t for you maybe the next one is.

If you fancy joining me on my reinvention tour you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

My coaching sessions are with Kelly Oldershaw at Get Your Life Back from M.E.

Although many people struggle with the actual speech problem, that’s not what I want to talk about today. Instead, I’m going to apply Evans’ technique to an even more common problem: procrastination.

Stuttering or stammering?

The distinction between stuttering and stammering is that stuttering is difficulty stopping, while stammering is difficulty starting (though “stuttering” is often used to mean both). We usually think of procrastination as difficulty starting – but have you ever started a project and put off finishing it?

Some people stammer, some people stutter, some people do both – and so it is with procrastination.

So, what’s Evans Brown’s advice that’s helped so many people stop stuttering and stammering, and how does it apply to procrastination?

Relax

Most advice on curing stuttering starts with learning to relax. Of course, this is harder than it sounds, when you are struggling to get your words – or your project – out, when you feel under pressure, when you’re aware of people becoming impatient with you. But part of the reason that you’re struggling may be that you’re putting too much effort into it and investing too much emotion into doing it right.

Learning to take some of the desperation out, and working (or speaking) in a relaxed state, is going to help things go more smoothly.

Slow down

Stutterers stutter because their brain is faster than their speech. They’re already thinking about the next word before they’ve got the first one out (partly because they want to try to avoid certain difficult sounds). I know what that’s like, because I have the same problem with typing. I type part of the word after next, because I can think faster than my fingers can move.

One reason you procrastinate may be that you’re thinking of the task after next – you’re getting distracted, maybe daunted, by something that you haven’t even reached yet (and never will reach if you don’t focus on the task you have right now).

Slow down. Pay attention to one thing at a time. Break the task down into smaller parts and focus on starting and finishing those. It’s easier.

Change it up

When Evans Brown was learning not to stutter, he found that he could shout without stuttering. He could sing without stuttering. He could whisper fluently. If he faced the wall and spoke, so that his voice bounced off the wall and sounded different, he could speak without difficulty. If he lowered his voice by an octave, it worked. If he changed his accent, it worked.

Evans only stuttered if he was speaking in his “normal” voice.

One of the things I often say in personal development is that if the process isn’t getting you the outcome you want, you need to change the process. My shorthand phrase is “work on the work”.

If you procrastinate when working at your desk, work on the couch. If you procrastinate when typing, write by hand, or dictate. Change something – anything – so that your context is different, and you have a fresh opportunity to work fluently and productively.

If there’s something specific that you know helps you procrastinate – like a website you waste time on – block it.

Listen differently

There were two other things that Evans found helpful. He could read aloud with someone else pacing him, and he could speak clearly if he was using a microphone and had loudspeakers behind him feeding him his own words.

Having someone else pace you is a great anti-procrastination technique. If putting things off is not only letting yourself down, but someone else, you have much greater motivation to keep going and hit your deadlines.

And being able to receive your own work as if it were someone else’s – like Evans listening to his voice through the speakers – helps to diminish the self-criticism that often leads to paralysing procrastination.

Overcome procrastination

I haven’t overcome stuttering like Evans. But I’ve learned to overcome procrastination, to get things both started and finished. I used to dream about projects and not start them, or make an enthusiastic start and then never finish. But lately, I’ve started to complete things consistently.

So I have a lot more to say about procrastination – 23,000 words more, in fact, since that’s the length of my ebook, Stop Procrastinating, Start Succeeding. Right now I have a special offer going of $10 off for Steven Aitchison’s readers – if you click through from Change Your Thoughts, you’ll be shown a discount code.

I hope it helps you to achieve amazing things.

I wonder if you’re scratching your head or looking quizzically at that question. It might seem a bit of an oxymoron, after all if you’re in a relationship with someone then surely to heaven that’s personal, right? Wrong!

I only know that it must be wrong because I work in the field of relationships and it’s the very lack of trust and self belief that create the problems of being willing to be fully present in your own person. That’s what personal means doesn’t it?

You might be very willing to let someone come up close and personal physically, don’t we all? I wonder, though, just what you keep hidden away, safe from prying eyes. What fear or shame is it that you wouldn’t want to share with your partner? What desire, dream or longing do you keep to yourself so that you don’t upset the boat?

Relationships are often seen as the last thing to reach out for help with. It seems that it’s okay to seek guidance or input on careers, weight, health, fitness, beauty, etc. but your relationships – they’re just not in the same ball park. I’ve often pondered the reason for this, and think that at last, I’ve come up with an answer.

A relationship is not just yours. A relationship is a container, if you like… a place for two people to put their relating. It isn’t a stand-alone; it doesn’t exist without more than one of you. Therefore to address relationship issues requires both of you to look at it together. If you feel that you’re not getting out of your relationship what you want, then you would have to voice this to your partner, and that can be a scary thought. What might happen if you did that? You might have an argument, or they might choose to leave and therefore it’s better to put up with what you’ve got than raise any concerns.

The time that most folk are prepared to look at the part they play in their relationships is when they’re between partners. Why is this?

1. They have time to focus on themselves

2. They want to avoid the same mistakes again

I counter, however, that all good relationships start at home, and I don’t mean the house on the street you live in. I mean the relationship you have with you. Until you have a good relationship with yourself, and are willing to embrace all your foibles and the things you don’t like about yourself, you will live and love in fear of being found out.

You might remember the words from the Bible about the man who builds his house on a rock (Luke Ch 6 v 48-49) :

“He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”

All personal development work supports you in building your own roots and foundations so that should any flood (drama, stress, outside influence) occur, you will know for sure that as a person you are safe, strong and able to weather any storms.

In your relationships, it’s doubly important that you have your own roots, like a tree. You grow together with your partner as a team, side by side. Neither taking the other’s light, nor relying on them completely for your happiness.

Relationships are great sources of fulfillment and as human beings, relationships give us our basic human needs of connection, love, certainty and significance. They also provide us with the very things, both positive and negative, which will help us grow and evolve. I have worked with too many people who gave their power away to someone else to believe that all relationships have a healthy balance.

You can address your relationship skills on your own to improve any relationship you are in – be it with a partner, family member, or work colleague. When you realize that each person in your life is there for a purpose and to teach you something, you start to look at relationships slightly differently and with gratitude.

Is it time now for you to do that?

That’s pretty much how I feel when I write about personal development, when I make personal development videos, when I write a new product or write a new guide.  Sometimes I dread an email coming into my inbox saying ‘you’ve got a new comment’ and I fear the comment is going to say ‘Hey dude, I’m onto you.  You’re not a real personal development writer, you’re just pretending.’ (I hate it that a lot of my emails start with ‘hey dude’).

As I contemplate taking Change your Thoughts to another level and doing seminars and public speaking gigs, my mind just shouts at me ‘Are you off your head, if you do public speaking dude, they’ll definitely out you, they’ll skin you alive, no way I’m coming along on this ride with you.’

It happened when I got married.  I drowned in the feeling of ‘this is too good to be true, I shouldn’t be this happy.’  6 years later I’m still drowning, but now I’ve got a life jacket to keep me afloat, mainly my wife and two sons.

It happened when I left my home town to go live in another city and become a mental health nurse.  I was 24, didn’t know a soul, and was considered a mature student (a mature student at 24, I was one of the oldest students there ) It happened 18 months later when I decided nursing wasn’t for me, but I got to know a great bunch of people, and the partying was pretty amazing

It happened again when I decided to do a psychology degree.  If I thought I felt like a mature student at 24, you should have felt what it was like at the age 27.  All the time I thought someone was going to come along and say, ‘Hey Steve, you’re a nice guy and all that, but you don’t belong here dude.’

And then in 2006 I started a blog called Change Your Thoughts.  Jeez, did I ever feel out of place when I started writing.  Why the hell would anybody listen to a guy who tried to kill himself at aged 20, went bankrupt when he was 30, didn’t get married until he was 36, and thinks he is going to be a personal development speaker when he is 42.

The thing is, this feeling, this ‘I don’t feel like I belong here’ feeling, is called being out of your comfort zone.  We all feel it sometimes, and it’s okay to feel that way, in fact it’s important that you feel this way throughout your life. Without that feeling you wouldn’t grow as a person, without that feeling you wouldn’t try new things in life, without that feeling you wouldn’t follow your dreams, without that feeling – well, life would be pretty dull.

I am a creep, I am a weirdo – but awkwardly loving every minute of it.

CYT has grown from a subscriber base of 3,000 last August to nearly 13,000 today.  I have focused on getting more subscribers to the blog and it’s worked.  Now it’s time to make the blog a little more interesting for the readers who visit and all the new subscribers, and to add more value.

Here are a few changes which will be more over the next month:

Design

I have hired a great guy to redesign the blog and he is working on it just now and it should be ready in the next few weeks.  It will still be working on the Thesis framework, so it’s just the skin that will change.  I am quite excited about this as I haven’t really done anything with the overall design, I recognised I am not a designer so I have hired one of the best designers to do this.

There’s also some cleaning up to do with redirects for pages that no longer exist and to re-categorise all the articles, this will happen over the next few months.

I like the white colour of the blog, but it’s a bit too cold with the blue colours so am looking to change to brown based colours and make it stand out from the crowd a little more.

Business

Since selling a few of my other websites this year, income from my online activities have dropped to around $350 per month.  So I have been looking at the business side of blogging in a lot more detail and believe my best strategy is to keep writing guides that will provide great value.

CYT Guides

I have a new site coming out at www.cytguides.com (nowhere near finished yet, but will be by the end of September).  This new site will be the site where I am offering all my current guides: ‘Lucid Dreaming: Living in Your Dreams’ and ‘How to Make True Friends’ as well as two new guides: ‘How to reach 10,000 Blog Subscribers’ and a new one coming out ‘How to Become an Advanced Early Riser: Getting 5 Hours Sleep and Feeling Fantastic‘.  The first 3 guides will be a flat $10 and the guide ‘How to Become an Advanced early Riser….’ will be on offer at the end of September priced at $29 and $39 depending on the version you buy.

‘How to Become an Advanced Early Riser: Getting 5 Hours Sleep and Feeling Fantastic’ is something I have been working on over the last month.  If you are interested in looking at the first draft and helping with editing please let me know (it’s only the content you’ll be looking at and giving feedback and editing, as the design has not been completed yet).  I will choose 5 people if there is enough demand to help with this.  Obviously editors will get a copy of the guide when it’s been completed.

I am stepping things up on the business side and want to bring more value, at the same time making the guides accessible to everyone.

As you know the Alter Your Jacket video program didn’t work out too well so I have gone back to basics and concentrated on the writing, instead of doing videos.  The new guide on becoming an advanced early riser was a choice made by over 250 readers who responded to an email I sent about the type of book they would like to see written.  Subscribers to the blog will get a 50% discount, 1 week before the main launch of the guide.

I will also be sending out an email  inviting bloggers to become an affiliate for the launch in the next few weeks.  If you are a blogger interested in becoming an affiliate please contact me.

Coaching

I will continue with the coaching side of things but am looking to get more ‘blog coaching‘ clients and will be promoting this more over the next few months.  When the CYT guides take off I will expand this to ebook Coaching as well.

Advertising

I will continue to promote my own products as well as a few select affiliate products, but want to keep this to a bare minimum as i don’t want it detracting from the main aim of the blog, which is to show readers how to change their lives.

Guest posts

I am looking at changing the guest post scheduling from once per week to twice per week.  Currently I have guest posts lined up until the end of November.

If you would like to contribute an article you can do so by sending in an article, that has not been published elsewhere, and putting it into html format and sending it in a .txt file.

Unfortunately I cannot accept guest posts from everyone.  If you are a personal development blogger or are blogger in a similar field then please send in an article.

Unfortunately due to time constraints I cannot give feedback on your articles, if they are not accepted.

So, from the beginning of October CYT will be publishing 4 articles per week instead of the current 3 articles on a: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday (Guest posts will be on a Wednesday and Saturday)

Forum

I currently have a forum at stevenaitchison.ning.com and I have not had the time to do much with it, but am looking to change that at the end of the year, but this will depend on time.

Your feedback

I am immensely grateful for all the help from readers and friends and value your thoughts more than you know.

If you have anything you’d like to see or have suggestions or feedback please let me know by commenting or writing to me

I recently read the book ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho. It has been around for a number of years and I was a bit late to read it, but I am glad that I did because it is among one of the best books I have ever read (which is probably the reason why it has already sold millions of copies around the world).

Although this post is not meant to be a book review, I want to give you a very brief summary of what ‘The Alchemist’ is about, because it will help you understand the rest of my post.

‘The Alchemist’ is a story about a boy named Santiago who lives his life as a shepherd somewhere near the north of Africa. One day, as part of his life as a shepherd, he went to a village to sell some wool from his sheep. In this village he knew of a gypsy woman who could interpret dreams. He went to see her because he had experienced a very strange dream that he wanted to know the meaning of. The gypsy woman told him to go to the Pyramids of Egypt so that he will find a great treasure that is destined for him.The boy was very sceptical and unbelieving, and he walked out thinking that the gypsy’s words were utter nonsense.

However, back in the village, he meets an old man who was actually a great king. This king gives the boy the inspiration and the belief in the gypsy’s spoken words and the boy proceeds to sell his sheep and travel across the water to reach Egypt in search of his treasure.

From that moment on, Santiago embarks on a journey across the dessert. On his journey he learns much about himself and the world. He overcomes incredible challenges and he meets and parts with an Englishman, the woman of his dreams, angry tribe leaders and finally the alchemist. (An alchemist is someone said to be able to transform lead into gold).

As Santiago learns more about himself and the Soul of the World, he comes closer and closer to realizing his destiny and how to get there and eventually he does, while it was right in front of him all the time, he needed to go through the entire journey of crossing the dessert and overcoming incredible difficulties to be able to see and find his treasure.

Everybody Walks Their Own Path

You are not your father, you are not your mother or your brother or your sister or anyone else in this world.

You are you, and you are unique. Your life is unique and nobody else in this world will experience exactly the same things as you will. Nobody will perceive the world to be exactly the same in all aspects the way you perceive the world.

One of the best things you can do is to accept this fact. While it is okay to look up to others, and learn from their success and their habits, it is not okay to wish you were them. You have to be content with the fact that you are you, and it is up to you to become the best possible version of yourself that you can be.

Every single person in this world needs to walk their own path, from beginning to end. Your life path is different from mine which is different from my friend’s life path and so forth. Sometimes that path may be very clear and easy to follow, and sometimes it is like a jungle with no clear path. That is when you need to make the path, pick up the machete and cute the bushes,plants and branches out the way so you can make progress. (Figuratively speaking of course).

When there is no path and you have to make your path, it is by no means easy. It will go very slowly, it will be very tiring, and sometimes you have to go back and start a new path in another direction because the current direction leads to a dead end.

You can compare cutting your own path to for instance quitting your job to pursue your dreams and passions of starting your own business. The fact that it is so difficult and that it costs so much effort is the reason why so many people do not do it. They are too scared to start the journey towards their dreams by making their own path where there is no path.

If you choose to follow an entire path that someone else has already made you will likely not live up to your full potential. You don’t learn as much from it, you don’t grow as much and your success is not the same as when you cut your own path after the easy path ends.

The Only Way To Learn Is To Do And To Make Mistakes

Theory and observation can only teach you so much. You can sit next to your parents in the car for years and yet when you have to drive it is really difficult. The chance is big that you are going to make many mistakes before you are as good as your parents are at driving.

You can study the theory and techniques of boxing for years, but when you get into that ring for the first time, you are going to make mistakes and take a lot of punches. It takes experience to become good at something. Experience is just a fancy word for having made many mistakes and having learnt from them.

Making mistakes is not a crime, it is not even a failure. It is what you need to do to get better. Ask any successful person and they will tell you they have made tens if not hundreds of mistakes when they were learning to do what they are now so good at. I have made many mistakes in my life so far, and I will continue to make many more in the future, I’m certain of it. Yet, I do not regret making these mistakes because they have made me who I am today, and they are part of the path that I have to walk.

Taking Responsibility

The most difficult part of forging your own path is the fact that you have to take responsibility. You have to take action and risk failure. You risk making mistakes, wasting time, losing money and being laughed at. To take this kind of responsibility takes serious courage and determination, but in the end, that which does not kill you only makes you stronger.

Do not view taking responsibility for your actions as a burden. Instead, see taking responsibility for your actions as taking responsibility for your own life. You are taking control of your own life so that you can head towards where you want to go and how you want to live.

Your Destiny

I cannot tell you what your destiny is, I don’t even know what my own destiny is. I do believe that when you live your life to the fullest, be the best person you can be (love generously) and work hard, that your destiny will reveal itself. My definition of destiny is that one thing that feels like you were put on this earth to do it or to complete it.

Life is full of surprises, both good and bad, that is what makes it interesting and fun! Whether you believe in destiny and fate or not, you have one life and it is yours to live and enjoy. Make the most of your life and become the best person you can be. Do not let your fear or other people’s opinions hold you back from living the way you want to live. Follow your heart and follow your dreams and do not be afraid to have to forge your own path in order to get to where you want to be.

Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Don’t just read this article if you agree with it, put it into action. Take that first step of your thousand mile journey today, and take it one step at a time.

P.S. If you have not read The Alchemist yet, I really suggest that you do because it is an amazing book.

Photo Credit

Sitting in a Waterstones Costa Coffee cafe, I was happily reading ‘The Deeper Secret’, with a cup of coffee and a biscuit. I hadn’t really started reading the book when I followed a train of thought through to its conclusion. The thought started something like: ‘Have I really developed as a person?’ I then, mentally, listed everything I had achieved in the last few years:

1. Bought a beautiful home

2. Stopped Smoking

3. Had more family time

4. Started a good job as an addiction counsellor

5. Grown my blog to over 6000 subscribers

6. Published Guest posts on some great sites

7. Started getting paid regularly for my freelance writing

8. Been interviewed on 3 radio stations

9. Connected with some great people

10. Even more in love with my wife

11. Lost fat

12. Attending gym regulalry and am the fittest I have been for a long time

13. Become much more productive with my time

Okay, so that was good, that was a lot of evidence to prove I had developed myself, but is it really evidence that I have developed? Then I followed the train of thought: ‘what is personal development?’

Personal Development Is

• Getting past your comfort zones and stepping into unknown territory
• Standing up to your fears and kicking their arse
• Doing something that will develop you in some way
• Becoming the best person you can be before you die
• Giving yourself to others in order to help them grow
• Experiencing life as part of a community mind and not from a ‘Me’ mind

So going by my definition of personal development I have to scrub out what I think I have achieved over the last few years and re-evaluate it, to check if it comes under the heading of personal development:

Bought a beautiful home (NO: It’s our perfect home and the right size but from a personal development point of view it means we have to work more years to pay it off).

Stopped Smoking (NO: I actually enjoyed smoking, that might sound crazy but I did, I stopped smoking to stop my sons telling me I was going to die very soon. I know all the bad things about it and I’m really fooling myself into thinking I enjoyed it, but the fact is, I did enjoy it.)

Had more family time (YES)

Started a good job as an addiction counsellor (NO: Working for someone else, even with a good job like this, has never appealed to me and I’ll always look for a way to go it alone).

Grown my blog to over 6000 subscribers (NO: It’s another badge to add to my blog and a bit of social proof that people like what I am writing, it’s saying to people ‘look how many people like me, I’m really popular’ but it isn’t really saying that at all, it just means I have found a way to get readers to sign up to my RSS feed or newsletter).

Published Guest posts on some great sites (YES: I Enjoyed writing for some of the sites)

Started getting paid regularly for my freelance writing (YES: It’s one step closer to my dream of working for myself).

Been interviewed on 3 radio stations (NO: I hated being nervous before the interviews and not saying what I really wanted to say, that’s what so great about writing you can press the delete key and start again, with a live interview you can’t)

Connected with some great people (YES: I have made a lot of false contacts when it’s connecting with people for the sake of it or just to bump my Twitter, facebook, SU number ups, but I have met some real, genuine people online who I would go out of my way to help if they asked).

Even more in love with my wife (YES: Our relationship is continually evolving which means having enough self awareness to grow)

Lost fat (YES: I was unhappy looking 3 months pregnant)

Attending gym regulalry and am the fittest I have been for a long time (YES: It’s for me, it makes me feel good

Become much more productive with my time (NO: I am lying to myself, I haven’t become more productive I have just created more time in my day by getting up earlier and working later)

Personal Development Lies Inside You

The operative word in the phrase ‘Personal Development’ is ‘Personal’. It’s something that means something to you and nobody else. It’s sometimes easy to forget, in our quest to be all we can be, that we look to external factors to provide us with the feeling of satisfaction and to feel that we are growing in some way. Having a bigger house means nothing more than being somehow able to afford a bigger house. Having 10,000 subscribers means nothing more than 10,000 people subscribing to your RSS feed. I had a goal to reach 10,000 subscribers by 31st December 2009, and I still do, but at the end of the day it doesn’t mean that 10,000 people like me and my writing.

If I am unhappy about something inside me and I work to get rid of the feeling then I have, personally, developed myself. If I am full of rage all the time and I work on my issues of anger then I have, personally, developed. If I manage to get better at writing simply by the very act of writing then I have, personally, developed.

Personal development is a feeling within us. It’s a true feeling of being happy about an aspect of our life. If I am happy that I am 200Ibs but people keep saying to me ‘oh, you’ve put the beef on’, should I then do something about it? No, absolutely not.

If you are happy, then there’s no need to do anything about it as long as you accept the possible consequences of your actions or inactions and are being totally honest with yourself.

Being Authentic

Having followed the train of thought a little further down the track I started thinking about the blog and whether or not I was really helping others with the articles I was writing. Honestly! Not all the posts said much that hadn’t been said before. There are a few articles I have written that I am quite proud of, and feel they say something meaningful, others I’m not so proud of feel they have been regurgitated from books, blogs, websites, and other stuff I had read. There was nothing original.

It actually started to get me down and then I looked at other self development blogs and most of them are the same, by that I mean they are sharing information that has been said elsewhere, however, and this is a huge however, they were saying it in a different voice, they are saying it authentically and sometimes from personal experience. Even the top personal development blogs were saying a lot of what has been said before, but they were saying or presenting it in a different way, they had a unique way of presenting the information and being authentic about it.

The Originality Of Mathematical Equations

As a personal development blogger I strive to come up with original writing and it got me down when I couldn’t do it all the time. Until the day I was helping with my son’s homework and he was doing equations and percentages at school. I showed him a different way to present 4/25 as a percentage. He had been shown the calculator way whereby you divide 4 by 25 and then multiply by 100, which is great. I taught him to do it in his head as well by asking what do you have to multiply 25 by to make 100 = 4, now multiply the top part of the fraction by 4 = 16 and there you have your answer: 16%. He was very happy and said: ‘That’s a new way of working it out. Why doesn’t the teacher show me that way?’ I explained that the teacher needs everybody to do it the same way as it would take her 5 times as long to teach the sum if she was showing 5 different ways of doing it.

It’s exactly the same with writing about personal development: you might be teaching someone how to reach a goal, which has been taught a hundred times before but there’s more than one way to show how it’s done. That is why ‘The Secret’ was so successful, it was done in a totally different way from anything that had been done before, it’s the same information that has been written about 100 years earlier by the likes of Wallace D Wattles, Napoleon Hill, James Allan, Christian Larson, and Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Life is the same nearly every day, you are more than likely not doing anything original but that doesn’t matter, who says it has to be original? You just have to make life as interesting as possible and take lessons from the many classes life has to offer.

Faking Personal Development

Sometimes, well a lot of the time, we fake personal development. What I mean by that is we tell ourselves we’ve changed in some way when in actual fact we haven’t. The classic is going on a diet. You’ll hear a lot of people saying ‘I will start it on Monday’ which basically means they are not ready for it but will be ready by Monday. And then when the diet’s started, they say things like I ran an extra ¼ mile today so I can have this Mars Bar, and all sorts of crazy justifications. The truth is dieting is a lifestyle, it’s not temporary, it’s a way of being, a way of seeing, and a way of doing. Personal development is also a way of being. I have pretended to be much more productive and told my family, I have written 3 x 1200 word articles today that must prove I am productive – absolute rubbish, it just proves I have either: written it extremely quickly, the content is garbage, I haven’t done any research or I found some extra hours by stealing them from family time or sleep time. More often than not I would steal the extra hours from my sleep, so I would get up at 4.30am and start writing, instead of lying in bed until 6.30. That’s not developing myself, that’s kidding myself.

The truth is I am happy twittering away, or stumbling sites or commenting on other blogs. When the business really takes off then I will need to re-evaluate my productive ways and cut down on twitter, Stumbleupon, reading other blogs and commenting, I’ve actually had to start doing that recently because of the work coming in so I am becoming more productive but it now seems more of a chore rather than enjoyment, so it’s time to re-evaluate and look at making it fun and productive.

Look at your life and be honest with yourself and ask if you’re faking personal development. It doesn’t really matter, as the only person who will know the truth is you, if you are faking personal development there will be a dissonance within yourself which will eventually lead you to make the real change you want to or forget making the change altogether. However, it’s better being honest with yourself now rather than later.

Conclusion

Personal development is a way of being, it’s not about getting extra badges for your jacket of life, it’s not about adding accolades to your CV, it’s not about having 1 million friends on Facebook. Personal development is about being self aware at all times and having the ability to recognise what areas you want to change and making plans to change them. Recognise when you are faking personal development and work to put it right or at least be honest with yourself.

Are you faking it or making it?

You can sign up to the newsletter to get the ebook which features 96 pages of great self help work from myself and several other great writers such as Ayo Olaniyan, Mr Self Development, Celestine Chua, Francesca Kotomski, Armen Shirvanian, and Douglas Cartwright.

I know you might have signed up already, if you have please sign up again and it will give you a message to advise you have already signed up.  I will send out the second volume to exisiting subscribers.

It would be good to hear your thoughts on the book.

Exciting new project

I believe I have a project which will create a lot of buzz at the beginning of next year and will see me giving up my day job around February/March time and see a lot of publicity for those who help out. I have 100 spots available for this project which will hopefully create a lot of net publicity for the 100 people involved so it will be a definite win/win situation.  More details to come soon.

How can I become more assertive?

How can I deal with overpowering people at work?

How can I become less introverted?

How can I overcome a recurring nightmare?

These are only example questions and you can ask more of less anything you want.

Coaching is a process and one on one coaching can be much better as one issue you have in life maybe a manifestation of problems in other areas of your life. So it is not a comprehensive solution to your problems but rather a guide to get you started thinking about the issue at hand.

Meet the coaches

For anybody who doesn’t know me here is a short bio. Steven Aitchison has been writing for Change Your Thoughts blog for 3 years. He has a BSc in Psychology and is currently working as a drug and alcohol addiction worker. His main interests in the field of psychology are thought processes, belief formation and the dreaming mind.

‘I believe anybody can be coached to reach their true potential, sometimes it just takes a nudge, some direction, and a little encouragement.’

Ayo Olaniyan has recently joined us an author on CYT and writes for blogs across the net as well as his own at www.discoveringpurpose.co.uk He is a certified Unitive™ Life Coach, having completed an Advanced Postgraduate Level tutorial in Unitive Coaching with the foremost UK Life Coach Charles Bentley PhD. He is currently studying for a Post Graduate Certificate in Personal and Professional Development (University of East London) with a view to carrying out research at a Masters Level on completion. He also holds a BSc. in Chemistry, Certificate in Counselling from the Institute of Counselling and a University Diploma in Psychotherapeutics from the University of Derby.

The way it will work

You will be able to ask a question here on this post. So if you have a question on your personal development just post a comment and when we answer a question we will email you to let you know we have chosen your question to be answered. There will be two questions answered per week which will give us a chance to answer as many questions as possible. Remember and put your correct email address when posting a comment as we will email you directly to let you know your answer as well as posting the answer on this blog.

Questions will be chosen and answered every Thursday by myself and Ayo and will be around 500 – 700 words replies. This will hopefully benefit other readers who have similar type questions. We will also answer any questions by way of comments on the question and answers for that particular week.

Do you have a question about your personal development?

Go ahead and leave a question in the comment box below and hopefully next week we can help to guide you in the right direction.

Self-esteem fluctuates and it’s affected by a series of encounters and events with other people. Each of us is unique in our own way and we possess various strengths and limitations.
These factors create our framework and as we seek to change or develop them, we move towards a higher level of self awareness and self acceptance.

Building/developing ones self esteem centers on being realistic: Taking a cautious and practical view of your goals, ambitions and desires.

My ‘prescriptions’ are as follows:

Identify the areas for development

This involves building on areas of strength, comfort, craft etc. One important fact of self development is identifying what you are good at. Do things which require little or no effort from you, things which make you feel better about yourself, things which make use of your own special talents and abilities. The result: a huge boost in energy levels and an increase in the level of self confidence.

In areas were you experience limitations; find out your insecurities, lack of confidence in these areas and the motivation for a change. Make only one change at a time, always checking your progress report before making further changes.

Feel good about yourself

• Always feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future.
• Avoid excessive self criticism because over time, constant negative feelings result in negative affirmations.
• Spoil yourself occasionally, it won’t hurt!!!!.
• Give yourself a pat on the back, appreciating where you’ve come from, what challenges or obstacles you’ve faced on the journey.
• Take time to rest and not push it, particularly when things come to a stand still and there’s of wall of confusion around you. ‘LEARNING NEW THINGS REQUIRES PATIENCE, TIME AND DILIGENCE.’

Be Clear About What You Want

This is where being clear about your goals is very important. I have always advocated setting realistic goals. One of the major disputes I’ve had with several life coaches is creating unrealistic expectations in the minds of people and the end result is depression, disappointments, low self esteem etc.

In simple terms ‘YOU CAN’T BE THE NEXT DAVID BECKHAM, WHEN YOU CAN’T KICK OR DRIBBLE THE BALL.’

• You need to sit down and make a list of your abilities.
• Create the goals in stages.
• Be proactive, initiative and decisive about what you want.
• Be realistic about the time frames of your goals. ‘Low standards gives rise to little achievements while perfectionism undermines the pleasure derived in your exceptional achievements.’
• Think about how people you come in contact with assist you in reaching the desired goals.

Build your personal and physical appearance

• Fix up look sharp: Dress smartly and decently. It doesn’t mean you have to buy expensive clothes all the time but look ‘cut out’, creating a good first impression.
• Avoid being sluggish:It is said ‘people with confidence walk briskly and quickly because they are time conscious, have targets to achieve and deadlines to meet.
• Exercise often: You’d notice I didn’t say go the GYM. Some people are comfortable going to the gym, others prefer jogging, walking…… Any form of physical exercise is okay as long as you stay in shape. ‘Being in shape’ is relative; I believe a lot of people feel unattractive, insecure and less confident when they are out of shape.
• Remain Thankful: Be thankful for things you have, people who love you and have spent time impacting your life.
• Eat Wisely: Pay attention to what you eat. Remember ‘YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!!’

I intend to continue from where I stopped in my next post, but in the meantime it would be lovely to note your ‘prescriptions’.

]]> http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/self-esteem-tablets/feed/ 6