About Steven AitchisonWe all have different glasses we wear when looking at the world, and in particular, when dealing with certain events that happen in our lives.
I’d like to give you an example of what I am talking about here.
A few years ago when I was driving my eldest son home from one of his clubs, I noticed a car just outside our home and next to it was a man who looked to be shouting at a young boy. As I drew closer, I noticed the young boy was my youngest son and he was crying. I slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car and lost it with the guy who was shouting at my son, and being honest, I was ready for decking him. The guy retreated and held up his hands and advised me there had been a misunderstanding. He was simply asking my son who his mother and father was as he had nearly knocked down my son who was showing off to his friends and standing in the middle of the road when cars were going by.
I looked at my son who confirmed with his eyes that the guy’s story was correct. I calmed down almost as quick as I had flared up, apologised to the guy, and explained what I saw from my point of view. We spoke for a few minutes and everything was okay. Needless to say my son was grounded after explaining to him why, what he had done, was dangerous and trying to look big in front of his friends had earned him a two week grounding, plus the fact I nearly decked a guy as I thought he was shouting at my son and making him cry.
Lessons learned
My Son learned valuable lessons on that day: showing off and trying to act the big man is not good, and his father would do anything to protect him. Kids need to know that their parents will protect them at all costs and from that point of view my son knows how much I love him and how what I would do to protect him.
In that situation, I wore the glasses of a father protecting his son. Thinking about it, I could have worn so many other glasses to see the situation from another point of view. In the UK, all workers working with the public have to go through something called a disclosure, to make sure we are fit to work with the public. If there is a criminal record of any type comes through on the disclosure we would be sacked or would not get the job in the first place.
Had I thought about the situation, wearing the glasses of a public service worker I could have approached the situation differently, knowing that I would lose my job if I got a criminal record for punching someone’s lights out.
Putting on a different pair of glasses
We all have different glasses we can wear in life and it’s good to mentally change our glasses in order to be able to see the world from a different viewpoint. We have the glasses of:
A parent
A brother/sister
A daughter/son
A worker
A spouse
A breadwinner
A friend
A hater
A lover
A doer
A thinker
I think you get what I mean here. There are so many glasses we can see the world through and it’s great just to step back sometimes and just wear another pair of glasses sometimes. See the world through a different lens.
It’s amazing how your perspective can change when you mentally say to yourself ‘I am looking at this from my own point of view, how does the situation look if I look at the world from a loving husband’s point of view/a workers view/ a boss’s view.
Be interesting to hear what kind of glasses you wear.
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It would be interesting to add that the emotions that occupy our mind also influence our glasses. If I need acceptance, thats the lens of ‘needing’ I see the world though. Just a thought. Apart from that I’d be a thinker, a seeker..Thank u for this thought provoking post
Uzma recently posted..To nourish the soul
Hi Uzma. Of course, there are a lot of internal goings on that influence what we see from the glasses. You make a great point about emotions.
I love the post Steve.
Ironically I just posted this quote on my facebook page:
”Your perspective is your reality. Don’t like the reality you’ve created? Investigate a new perspective.”
Now the quote is more from the perspective of have you consciously created your life or unconsciously let it create your circumstances. I guess I could have just as easily stated, what sunglasses are you wearing when looking at life?
As we are human it isn’t always easy to respond to situations rather than it’s easier to react. It takes awareness conscious effort and purposely acknowledging we’re in the present.
Great work Steve as always. I like your “perspective”
Tony Teegarden recently posted..Are You Grounded in The Now 5 Steps To Empower Your Presence
Hey Tony, great minds think alike, or is it the other saying
You are right, it isn’t easy to respond to the situation itself and, as Nea, says our emotions can take over in the situation and cause us to react.
Thanks for adding to the conversation Tony.
Hey dude
Really interesting timing… I had an exact moment like this yesterday, and was gonna write a post on it, but wasn’t sure if it was “sticky” enough. Lesson learned
Basically I was walking down a street in Hackney, London, when out the corner of my eye I see two BIG dudes coming up quick behind me. One of them was pointing a gun at my head. Of course, I absolutely panicked. Adrenaline pumped. I prepared for the worst.
Naturally, it wasn’t a gun… It was a bloody shiny phone…
But clearly the glasses I was wearing were “this is a rough neighbourhood” ones.
Lesson learned. I felt like a fool, and the dude even gave me a funny glance cos he must have seen me jump out of my skin.
Silly sod I am.
And yeah, I have different glasses I wear all the time – writer, coach, trainer, boyfriend, “geezer”, geek, dude….
It’s hard keeping up sometimes! Good post man – I’m new here (somehow) but been catching up and it’s alllllllll good
Carl Harvey recently posted..NLP Anchoring- How To Feel Super Confident In About 3 and a Half Minutes
Hey Carl, welcome to CYT and I am glad you decided to join the conversation.
Must have been a scary moment when that happened to you and even funnier when you got back to somewhere safe to think about it
I think I would have reacted the same in that situation.
Hi Steven, this story sounds similar to something Steven Covey was discussing which build up to his paradigm shift concept. What we perceive first as we look at things and what we reality really is – and indeed it takes patience and a deep breath to save us from reacting the very normal way you first did. The hardest part in all of these tough lessons is remembering to think before we act. Thank you for the reminder!
Farnoosh recently posted..Making Tough Decisions- How to Break a Commitment Professionally
Hi Farnoosh. Thinking before we act can be tough at times especially in situations which are emotionally charges bit it’s worth the practice.
Steven
Great post. The lenses of our glasses contain all of our beliefs and prejudices and give us the view of the world that we have. Each time we take the opportunity to see something from someone else’s perspective we get the chance to refine those lenses and help us see the world more clearly.
Marion recently posted..How to Succed with Success
Hi Marion. Absolutely right! I have spoken about beliefs, emotions and prejudices in past posts and it definitely changes our reality and changes our world. If we are willing though the world can look different and, as you say, we can see more clearly.
I think the glasses I wear has to do with the assumptions I bring to the situation. In your story you assumed the man was yelling at your son for no good reason. When in fact he had a loving reason to be doing so. These assumptions can lead us to carry resentments and negative feelings (about our self or others).
I think the key is to take off any pair of glasses and enter each situation without assumptions – difficult to do – but once we know the facts, we can make better informed decisions.
Hi Katie, you’ve made a great suggestion there and with practice I think we could get better at it. Thanks Katie.
Hey Steve,
This is a great subject & one we all have to re-examine on a daily basis. And it has been this way for ever, in Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, the father offers advice, ‘There is no such thing as good or bad, only your thinking makes it so, so change your thoughts & change your world’. Tim.
Hi Tim, thanks for the quote, I think that’s going in the quote book
Hi Steve,
. My passion for philosophy is yet another very different lens. When I have these on I love who I am being and expressing… I get so passionate that I can go on for hours and hours… hmmm… my wife also wants me to leave these at home when we go to dinner parties… I have a much harder time leaving those glasses at home.
I love that anecdote… it is very powerful. We have to be aware of what glasses work for us and what glasses work against us. My businessman glasses have me keenly aware and savvy. These same glasses may have me seem pessimistic or cynical… my wife has taught me to leave them at home when we go out
Hi Rob, I totally understand, I am forever having to leave my business, networking, worried father glasses at home when I go for a night out. When I am out, sometimes I will look at something or hear something and say ‘That would make a great post’ or ‘I could write about that’, my wife just gives me that look and the glasses come off, well, folded away neatly in their case
Hi,
What lens I wear? Well, husband, father (first timer), big brother, first son, employee, entrepreneur, blogger, christian… wow I already tired just mentioning them…
I agree that it is healthy (and key to success) to be able to change perspective in the situation we encounter in life. Especially it is useful and very effective to put on the glasses of the persons we are interacting. So you can understand her and meet both needs her and yours. Another perspective (or glasses) is to take the time to respond to situations before acting (difficult, but with practice achievable)… in that way we can make better decisions and take better actions…
Regards…
Hey Melvin, it’s amazing the different glasses we wear isn’t it.
Putting on someone else’s glasses is a great way to look at it and important if we want to get on in the world. Thanks for adding to the conversation Melvin.
In a situation involving my daughter, I’m definitely more on edge. I’m wearing “protective mommy” glasses. However, I wear different glasses in different circumstances. And I’m getting better and better at seeing things from the perspective of other people. Awesome post, Steven!!!!
Nea | Self Improvement Saga recently posted..How to Let Your Guard Down
Hi Nea, thanks for your comments. The protective parent glasses are very powerful glasses to wear but also difficult to take off.
I totally dig the different glasses and different perspectives approach. I’m a firm believer that our experiences in life are based on the way we see life. Therefore, if we want to change our lives, all we need to do is change the glasses we use to see our lives with. Beautiful metaphor. Loving blessings and much love!
Andrea – britetalk recently posted..Why Did You Do That
Hi Andrea, thanks for your comment I really appreciate it.
Hi Steven
great post, it all depends on our perception of reasoning things out according to what we have in our sub conscious mind. Cleaning up of the lens has to be a regular feature. Things recorded have to be wiped out making space for the new ones. Seeing often leads to reaction to which we should respond rather react.
looking for more posts.
Hi Jitendraa, yep we have to carry that little piece of cloth to be able to clean the lens on a regular basis.
Thank you, Steven, for this nice post! I like your words. You are very right here, wearing different glasses can really have a strong impact even on our lifestyle.
Hi Roman, thanks for your comment, always appreciated.
Hi Steve,
Your story is a very powerful illustration of the point you’re making, thanks for sharing it. I try as much as I can to wear positive glasses, believing the best from each situation and trying to inject positivity as a result. It’s not easy, by any means, and it’s not always a comfortable fit, but it’s an approach that works for me and helps me to see the glass half full.
Hi Claire. It’s not easy staying positive all the time, it’s much easier wearing the negative glasses, but you persevering which is all you can do. Thanks for the comment Claire.
Hi Steven,
This is so true. I sometimes look through the lens of a very impatient person, particularly with family. Things I may snap at my parents or boyfriend for, I would tolerate a lot more coming from others. Sometimes I think I need to deal with those closest to me looking through a different lens.
Kate recently posted..Lovely Lists!
Hi Kate, I admire your honesty in this comment. At least you recognise what you have to fix, now it’s time to practice wearing a different pair of glasses. Let us know how you get on.
I love this post. I just wrote a similar article called Seeing with New Eyes. It was inspired by the movie “The Kids are All Right.” I noticed that the couple looked at each other through the prism of decades of disappointment and hurt. It reminded me of my marriage.
My new challenge to myself is to look at my ex husband and myself with new eyes so that I am not just repeating old patterns. It takes patience and mindfulness but it has really improved our relationship.
Molly@Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce recently posted..A Day in the Life of the Peaceful Divorcee
Hi Molly, this is very insightful and a very honest comment, thank you for sharing it.
Very timely piece for me. It’s interesting how we have one view or judgement which changes to suit us as soon as whatever we are casually judging happens to us.
I try and wear the other persons glasses all the time which automatically makes me less judgemental…most of the time at least!
Hey Rosie, where have you been?
It’s definitely not easy wearing anothers glasses but the main thing is you try!
Dear Steve, This is wonderful because you have not only acknowledge this aspect of us ALL, the part that really does have many parts and many perspectives, but your actually encourage us to pick up a different pair of glasses and for a fresh perspective. I think kids do this naturally and openly, but flowing from one “character” or role to the next, trying out each one to see how they feel about it.
I also LOVED the story of you, your son and the man on the street. Very emotional and honest. You are a wonderfully protective and caring Dad, and a deeply kind human being. It’s so moving to see all these various aspects of you that you honestly share. As you move ever more into the world and share your life/stories you grow richer and so deeply human. Hugs, Robin
Hi Robin. Kids do wear different glasses naturally and experiment. I think adults lose that experimentation part of themselves as they get older, unless there is a conscious effort to keep experimenting.
Thank you for another wonderful comment Robin.
Hey Steven
Some great comments above.
My first reaction was similar to Uzma’s
Our emotions can quickly cause us to put on the wrong glasses
I really enjoyed the post, thanks.
Peter Fuller MBA recently posted..Attention this book will make you MONEY
Hey Peter, I agree with you in that our emotions play a big part in the glasses we wear, but if can start to control our emotions we can start to control the glasses we wear as well.
This is an important thought. not only are we quick to judge situations but also people. its important to stop and analyse before jumping to conclusions but I think if I was in your shoes and someone was yelling at my kid, I would react the same way you did. Its tough to not be protective with your kids.
Great post.
Alejandro “The Fittest Vegan” recently posted..Why You Need to Exercise Outdoors
Hi Alejandro, I think it’s that speed of judgement that can sometimes save us in times of trouble, but on the whole stopping to think should be developed. Thanks for your comments, always appreciated.
Hi Steven, Perspective is everything! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to approach a situation with a fully open mind and not blinding by clinging to any perspective?
Sandra Lee recently posted..6 tips for overcoming a challenge
Hi Steve,
I liked your story very much and have recently felt exactly the same way you did with your son and the man who was yelling at him. It is very easy to see through the eyes of a parent. My son, not so young anymore had 2 break ins while he was at work. He works nights and lives alone. I immediately jumped into mother mode and bought him an alarm system and had a friend change his locks.
A few weeks later I find out that my son knew and had invited the thief in his home to play x-box. Somehow this neighbor got a hold of his house key and was helping himself to my sons electronics. I had to have a long talk with my son about honesty and not playing the victim. I can understand feeling embarrassed about being ripped off by someone you know but not telling me the whole story caused me great worry.
I really like the analogy of different glasses, the way in which we see the world definitely influences and shapes our actions and reactions.
The story that you shared about your son is a perfect example of this! I can easily relate as I can get very ‘mama bear’ when it comes to my own son. But as a professional who works with children I react very differently with other children, with less emotion/instinct. It’s much easier to see the bigger picture when I have the professional glasses on!
Stacy recently posted..How Do You Deal With Grief
That thoughts and feelings of people when it sees the world differently with Glasses. Think that’s just right for his people is always the best, but not socially acceptable. Besides, there is a reason for them to use double glasses when working or reading newspapers because it is the tool to protect their eyes …. etc. We should not have opposed such a review, thank you for a good thoughts about the difference for those who wear glasses