Several months ago, I had a remarkable experience with my coach. (Yes, coaches have coaches, and in my opinion they always should. Receiving great coaching helps us be great coaches.)
On this particular day of coaching, I was in one of those rare, contented states. I felt in the flow of my life. There were many areas of my life where things were not where I wanted to them to be, but on this particular day I felt a sense of peace that they would get there. I wasn’t in problem-solving mode. I was in a different, lighter space.
This left me unsure about what topic to bring to coaching. For the first time, I wasn’t showing up with a dilemma to resolve or an area of dissatisfaction to address. I felt a bit like a student showing up unprepared for class.
“I’m not sure what to talk about today.” I told my coach. “There are lots of areas that need attention and change, but I feel, for the moment, like I know how to proceed. I feel like things are on track.”
I waited, expecting an awkward moment or the beginning of digging around for a topic.
“Excellent,” she said. “Now the real coaching can begin.”
“What?” I thought. What did that mean?
“The most powerful work on ourselves,” she said, “doesn’t come from solving problems. When the pressing issues are laid aside, it begins.”
In the coaching session that followed, we talked about who I was and what I wanted to create during the next few years of my life. We talked about those topics in the spirit of “no problem.” From this place, I could create a clear vision, and paradoxically, I could also see with new clarity what was really happening in a few “problem” areas of my life.
Since that time, I’ve had the same experience with my own clients time and time again. Deep, powerful personal growth work often comes from sessions that begin from an open clearing, an empty space. There’s no urgent issue or problem to solve sitting in the center of the conversation.
The power of “no-problem” is relevant for all of us, no matter how we undertake exploration of ourselves– journaling, conversation, reflection, meditation or simply living life consciously.
Problem-solving is one mode human beings can live in. Problem-identifying is another mode. There is nothing wrong with either. They help us improve ourselves and the world. They birth innovations and foster social progress.
Yet human beings are not just problem-solvers. We are also receivers, observers, lovers, experiencers…you can, I’m sure, add to this list. Other modes bring us gifts, ideas, and insights that problem-solver mode cannot.
In our culture, we tend over-focus on the problem-identifier and problem-solver modes. We overwork those muscles. We tend to neglect other modes, such as:
The Observer: The one who just notices how things are.
The Curious Child: The one who examines and explores, led by curiosity.
The Celebrator: The one who appreciates, praises and celebrates what is.
The Creator: The one who brings new things into being, not to solve a problem, but to add beauty or novelty or delight to the world.
The Nurturer: The one who connects, love, adores. The one who strengthens others with words and affection.
Do a quick scan of your life. How much of the time are you in problem-identification or problem-solving mode? What proportion of your thoughts stem from those modes? What other modes do you really immerse yourself in, and how often do you experience them?
Getting to “No-Problem”
Fortunately, we don’t need to solve all of our problems to leave problem-solver mode. In fact, the mistake most of us make is thinking we’ll adopt one of these other modes of being once our problems get solved.
That will never happen. Human life on earth is problem-full. It is problem-generating!
“No problem” is not a state of reality. It is a state of consciousness. We choose that state of consciousness in order to experience ourselves and life at a different level.
Just as in meditation we set aside mental chatter so that we can experience the deeper peace that abides underneath it, we can set aside our problem-focus to experience the deeper beauty and wholeness of life.
We do that by carving out time during which we consciously let go of problem-related thoughts—small and large—when they arise. That includes thoughts about the pressing problem of world hunger to the immediate problem of needing less itchy socks to getting through your inbox to fixing your relationship with Susie.
Four Experiments To Run In Your Life
Here’s how to make this practical:
1. Make it a regular practice to leave your problem-solver identity from time to time, and adopt an alternative mode of being (such as those listed above) instead. Maybe it’s one hour every evening or some time every weekend.
2. Have a conversation with a loved in which both of you refrain from talking about “problems” –not yours, theirs or the world’s. Where does the conversation go? What was the impact on your mood? On your connection?
3. Write in your journal for thirty minutes without writing about any problems. What emerges? Where did your writing lead you? What part of you took over in the writing?
4. Identify an area in your life that you’ve labeled as a problem. Try on another perspective such as, “This is not a problem, it just is.” Or “This is not a problem, it’s a gift.” Brainstorm five ways the new thought is true. If you are stuck, invite a friend with some distance on the situation to brainstorm with you.
Expect that as you try all of these exercises, you’ll drift back into problem-solver mode. That’s completely normal, and just fine. That needs to be said twice! That’s completely normal and just fine. When you become aware this has happened, notice with compassion, and let those problem-thoughts drift by, and simply return to your intention.
Cultivate spaces of “no problem” in your calendar and your life. A part of you was made for problem solving, and part of you was made for something else.
Love,
Tara
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Hi Tara.
This is a healthy way to go about things. Seeing too many things as a problem leaves us feeling like the world is battling against us, when we don’t have to see it that way.
“Human life on earth is problem-full” is a statement we would do well to accept. Having a plan to take action when all problems are cleared up is basically a plan to not take action at any time. Issue #1 gets replaced by or added to issue #2, and so on. I have found that whenever I told myself I was waiting for a certain occurrence before I would do a certain thing, it was more of a postponement plan than a real process I had in mind.
I like your four experiments at the end there. They are implement-able~
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Give Others A Chance =-.
Thanks Armen. There are so many juicy insights in your comment. I love that you pointed out that when we are looking at things through the lens of problems we quickly end up feeling like the world is against us – and that’s another great reason to “put down” problem-solving and regularly pick up another way of being! Sending you all the best, Tara
Yes!! I love this, Tara. Actually, I was just reading some blogs on my reader and mid-comment on another blog, an idea burst into my mind. I then realized that many of the best ideas come when you are not specifically looking for them. Ideas come when you are taking life in and actively participating. Oh this is so awesome!
Just last night I was frustrated because I was getting nothing done on my new blog. I was staring at my new computer with monumental tasks in front of me and I froze. Nothing was happening between my brain and my fingers. No work was getting done to solve my problems. I now realize that this was likely because I was trying too hard to force a solution to my problems, rather than accepting my position and just working on building my life. The answers will come if you allow them to. Did I mention how awesome this was?
.-= Matt Maresca´s last blog ..Be Bold: It’s the Only Way to Stand Out From the Other Characters =-.
Hi Matt,
Thanks so much – I’m glad this resonated with you.
And there is actually scientific data now to back up the observation you are making here – some studies have shown that aha insights come during periods of mental wandering…from a WSJ article about this –
“People assumed that when your mind wandered it was empty,” says cognitive neuroscientist Kalina Christoff at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, who reported the findings last month in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. As measured by brain activity, however, “mind wandering is a much more active state than we ever imagined, much more active than during reasoning with a complex problem.”
She suspects that the flypaper of an unfocused mind may trap new ideas and unexpected associations more effectively than methodical reasoning. That may create the mental framework for new ideas. “You can see regions of these networks becoming active just prior to people arriving at an insight,” she says.”
Here’s the link to the article – http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124535297048828601.html
Thanks again for your comment! All the best, Tara
Loved this article, learned a lot that I can use in my own life for sure. Thanks for the information.
.-= Debbie Turner´s last blog ..Believing You Are Not Good Enough to Lead Is Setting Yourself Up To Fail =-.
Debbie,
Thanks so much – I’m so glad to hear this struck a chord with you and you’ve read things you can apply in your life!
All the best, Tara
Hi Tara
Beautiful work. Love the way your ‘no problem’ day snuck up on you and provided you with a whole new realm of possibility. Isn’t life hilarious. Thanks for sharing the four experiments. Great stuff.
Thank you Leonie! Don’t hesitate to come back and share more as you try the experiments – I’m always curious to hear what it’s like for people to put these tools into practice.
And so true, it never ceases to amaze me how the ordinary circumstances of my life offer so much wisdom ….if I’m open to it and attentive
Warmly, Tara
This made me realize that I’ve been living as a problem solver most of my life. It becomes so tiring I know.
I appreciate how you listed down the things we can do to take other modes apart from problem solving. I believe that we can have a deeper love for life and true happiness if we explore other modes in our life.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..Rosa Parks Is Not Done Teaching Us =-.
Wow, Julius, that’s a huge insight – realizing you’ve been living as a problem solver most of your life – that’s BIG. I’m so excited for you – and I’m sure interesting things are going to unfold in your life as you sit with that insight and explore other modes of being.
You are so right – leaving problem solving mode and going into some of these other modes open us up to a different kind of contentment and harmony with life.
Warmly, Tara
Hi Tara,
Thanks for your response. Recently, I’ve been looking at daily problems at a different perspective, and avoiding being too much of a problem solver. I like what is happening: I don’t lose my patience as much as I did before, and my decisions are starting to become more calculated. I have a long way to go but I’ll carry on.
Thanks!
.-= Julius´s last blog ..Rosa Parks Is Not Done Teaching Us =-.
Brilliant post. Having just meditated for 15minutes with my new commitment to stillness and a sense of not rushing after tasks and problems but to keeping the big picture in mind, this post could not have been more timely. My favorite line: ““No problem” is not a state of reality. It is a state of consciousness. We choose that state of consciousness in order to experience ourselves and life at a different level.” I also like to think of my problems not so much as problems anymore but as part of life. Just like events that happen, fun happens, parties happen, work happens, yoga happens, so problems happen too. It’s not a category that is worse or better. It just is part of life. Thank you Tara!
Hi Farnoosh!
Thanks so much for your beautiful comment, and I’m so happy to hear this came to you at a time when it felt so useful and relevant.
I love your concept of problems as things that just happen, like other things in your life that happen. Feels to me like that framework would relieve a lot of stress and anxiety. I’m going to try it out! Thank YOU.
Warmly, Tara
Hi Tara,
It’s indeed extremely interesting to think about how much time we spend in “problem-solver” mode. For me, I know it’s a lot. And definitely much more than is needed. This post will remind me to limit the amount of time I spend on this.
The ironic part is that solutions to problems often come to me out of nowhere when my mind is calm.
I’m glad you mentioned meditation in your post. I started meditating a couple of years ago and it has made a tremendous positive impact on my life. Now I also incorporate visualization while meditating. Therefore, instead of spending this time in problem-solving mode, I am visualizing what I want my reality to be. And I have found that this is much more productive for me.
.-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..My personal 30-day money challenge starts next Monday on May 10th =-.
Greg,
I’m glad this struck a chord with you and highlighted some ways you could reduce the amount of time you spend in problem-solving mode. I also love the points you make about how solutions often don’t come from problem-solving anyway! Check out my response to Matt’s comment above – there I link to a Wall Street Journal article about the science phenomena you mention -that our best insights, solutions etc. don’t come from a problem-solving mode. And so true that also, as you say, we’re almost always better off focusing on the desired solution and then returning to the problem – rather than just focusing on the problem itself.
Thanks Greg! Tara
I think being a man it’s tough to leave the problem solver identity sometimes. We just want to fix the problem. I think I’ll try bringing the creator into play. Thanks for this Steven, very refreshing.
Hi Tara,
“A part of you was made for problem solving, and part of you was made for something else.” Amen!
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..Learn to dance in the rain =-.
This put a huge smile on my face!
Great article! You’re right, our life is full of problems, and it’s good to forget sometimes about them, to clear your mind and to relax. I do it from time to time and I really love it. Thanks for this!
.-= Roman Soluk´s last blog ..The main benefits of walking outdoors =-.
Thanks Roman, glad you enjoyed this piece.
You’ve hit the bottom line here: put the problems aside and relax. So critical, and often easier said than done.
I like practical step #4. Too often, simply changing our thought life is the means to changing or eliminating a problem. I maintain, we can be our worst enemy!
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..Tri Cities Has Lowest Cost of Living in the State =-.
Thanks Colleen! I totally agree with you – we create many, many of our problems….and often with a change of perception we can get rid of them instantly. Warmly, Tara
I read this first thing this morning and realized that I am a problem solver that can go over board with the solving. There is a time and a place for that part of my life – for that persona… and there is a time and a place for different parts of my personality. For the last little bit, I have let the problem solver have its way – and it is a bit exhausting as I wonder if I create problem sometimes for it to solve?
I am going to let the other parts of me out to play…
Thank you for this Tara!
.-= The Exception´s last blog ..What is Family? =-.
Yup, sounds like you got it. I wish you a beautiful adventure of starting to suspend problem solving mode and trying on some of these other modes of being in relationship to life. They each bring so many gifts.
Tara
Beautiful post Tara. When we leave our problem solver identity and can just be mindful and present in the moment we can really start to grow.
Chris
.-= Chris Akins´s last blog ..The lost art of casual conversation =-.
Thanks so much Chris – I couldn’t agree more!
t
Hey Tara!
How are ya? I really liked this unique post, it helped me understand why I’m successful in some areas, and how I can apply your “no problem” strat in others areas I can definitely improve upon.
I checked your blog, sad to see the last post was written in Jan :/
Hope to see more of you,
–Parker
.-= Parker Lee´s last blog ..The Secret of Being Loved and Liked, Without Trying Too Hard =-.
Hi Parker,
Glad you enjoyed this and found it useful!
Actually, I write quite regularly at my blog – if you scroll down you’ll see. I just keep an overview post on my front page for newcomers!
All the best, Tara
Tara -
I’m a coach and echo these sentiments. Problem solving can get us past lifes wrinkles, and that usually takes us to the next wrinkle. When we come from a place of peace and “no problem” we can go deeper and learn about ourselves. We can develop sustainable skills that last a lifetime and can help us in every situation. Great insight – thank you.
Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..15 Secrets to Thriving in the 21st Century Workplace –Part 1 =-.
Hi Phil,
So beautifully put – past one wrinkle and onto the next one.
I love your use of the word “wrinkle”- so often what we make into problems are just little unexpected occurances that aren’t in line with our expectations.
Interesting Tara. Got me thinking. Do we have ‘problems’ as such or are we so used to looking for issues and then trying to solve them that we label them problems? Maybe if we simply viewed things ‘as they are’ and let them play out they may not have been or will be a problem. Mmm??
.-= John Sherry´s last blog ..4 Benefits of being an Early Bird Riser =-.
Hi Tara
Apologies I hadn’t even written a comment here. It was one of those times when I thought I had done it but then had a sudden realisation that I hadn’t – getting too old for this game
Anyways, I thought this was a great post and loved your 4 experiments at the end of the post.
I am most definitely a curious child and observer and I am happy with that, however, obviously there are times when I am a real problem solver and it can be frustrating.
Tara thanks for a great post and being a great guest answering all the comments, it’s really great to have you here.
Tara, love this post! Recently a number of gifts have entered my life — and they threw me into a state of uber-problem-solving, so much so that I was stressed out by them, instead of happy about them. I like the idea of trying on some of these new perspectives to face these life-gifts differently. Thank you!
Hi Tara,
Very wise and pragmatic article. Most people run around creating problems and subsequently solving them. People are addicted to Soap Operas and drama in their lives and would not know what to do without them. I identify most with the ‘Creator’ and believe this is the highest expression of our Authentic Nature. You are 100% right… when we let of being problem solver we can reac this highest expression of our selves
Hello Tara. Many thanks for your post. I especially loved hearing about your experience with your coach where she said the real work begins when we lay aside our busy preoccupations.
This reminded me of the many years I spent with a spiritual mentor and how I would sometimes go and see him with a huge problem to shove on his lap. Funny thing was, just going into his little office and sitting in a chair with him had an effect so profound my “problem” immediately began to dissolve or reduce in size almost before he said a word.
I’m trying to say that when I touched directly the stillness that he carried with him everything changed as if by magic. He has passed on now. So now it’s my job to do my bit to invite others to experience a moment of stillness — which often doesn’t need words at all.
Thanks again for your post Tara and every good wish to you.
Coaches and leaders should be submitting themselves to other leaders. I choose my mentors and heros based on the fruit that came before them.
Spot on with your coaches comment at the beginning of the article! I would be concerned if you weren’t being challenged by a coach/mentor.
Grow on!