How to make true friends – part 7 – Be yourself

About Steven Aitchison

I am the creator of Change Your Thoughts (CYT) blog and love writing and speaking about personal development, it truly is my passion. There are over 500 articles on this site from myself and some great guest posters.
If you want to learn more about my products you can check out Steven Aitchison's Products or check out my books and Kindle books on Amazon

This is the last and final part of the ‘How to make true friends’ series. You can see the links to the other six parts at the end of this article.

Be yourself

If you’ve read all the other parts of the series you will have a strategy for getting to know yourself and getting to know others. Now I want you to take all that knowledge, roll it into a little ball and then I want you to be yourself.

What does ‘Be yourself’ mean?

How many times have you heard someone say ‘Just be yourself’. You’re going for an interview and someone gives the sage advice ‘you’ll be great, just be yourself’ , after you’ve picked them up off the floor and apologised for smacking them in the mouth, you ask yourself ‘what does that mean?’
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Being yourself means you are comfortable with who you are and you are confident enough to realise that not everyone will have the same opinion of you. You will not be at the stage of trying to impress everyone all of the time and you’ll know this is impossible anyway. You’ll know that what others think about you does not matter, and you will save so much time in your life by not worrying about what others are thinking about you.

We have all met these types of people before and they are instantly recognisable. They have a quiet confidence about them, they are not brash, not ‘in your face’ confident, not loud, just confident within themselves, not afraid to speak up and not afraid to voice their opinion when needed. That’s what being yourself means.
It’s a shame, but most people do not become confident within themselves until later on in life. That comes with all the realisations in life and that it really doesn’t matter what others do, say or think.

How to ‘be yourself’

 

Unfortunately you can’t learn to be yourself by reading this article but I can give you hints on developing yourself enough to really be yourself.

 

  1. Know the person you want to be – List all the qualities that you really admire in people and develop those skills within yourself.
  2. Be quiet for one whole day – For one whole day try and not to breathe a word to anybody. If you are on the phone all day this will be difficult but try not to speak to your colleagues. Watch how others are interacting with each other; watch how they react to you being quiet. You might feel uncomfortable at first but you will soon develop a silent confidence that it is you who is in control of you, and not others who are controlling you. This is a powerful exercise and it’s hard to describe here but I would urge you to try it.
  3. Be honest – I mentioned this in part 3 of this series. Honesty is a powerful tool, yet it is not used enough. Be honest with yourself, really honest and you will learn a lot about yourself. Be honest with others and you will learn even more about yourself and others.
  4. Dress the way you want to dress – ‘It’s not the clothes that wear the person it’s the person that wears the clothes’ If you like a particular style of clothing but have never had the courage to wear it, next time you are out, buy the clothes you like, wear them, and hold your head high. This all helps to assert your individuality.
  5. Like yourself – It might sound a strange thing to say but I love my own company. I could spend days just being by myself and not be bored. I have developed this over time. If you are not comfortable with your own company how do you expect others to be comfortable with you? If you can, spend a few days alone and you will really learn a lot about yourself. I don’t mean sit and watch TV for 2 days, I mean go out shopping, go to a restaurant, go to the cinema, read a book.
  6. Never gossip – If you’re a gossip, stop it right now. You are giving your power and energy away by gossiping about other people, no matter how much people listen to you when you have juicy gossip.
  7. Create a set of principles and values – This is another powerful tool to learn. Think about a set of principles and values you would like to live by and start living them, e.g.

Never gossip
Always be honest but tactful
Family comes first
Always be on time
Be trustworthy
Be faithful
Hard working

These are obviously just a few and I am sure you have your own principles and values. However, a lot of people don’t know what principles and values they live by. So it is good to look at the type of life you wish to lead, look at the core values and develop your life around these.

If you have read all the other parts of this series you will notice a common thread among them all and that is know yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Until you really get to know yourself and know how you want to live your life, making friends might be difficult or you may make bad choices.

I really hope you have enjoyed this series, I enjoyed writing it. I will be making this into an eBook if you are interested in buying it. I will put it on my CYT Guides page in the next few weeks or so, however you can read it all here for free:

How to make true friends – Part 6 – Attracting the friends you want
How to make true friends – Part 5 – Get out of self deprecation mode
How to make true friends – part 4 – Body language
How to make true friends – part 3 – The art of honesty
How to make true friends – part 2 – The pride of loneliness
How to make true friends – part 1 – know yourself

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Some Amazing Comments

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Comments

  1. hey thanks a lot :)

  2. Thanks for sharing. I really loved the part about manifestations of what you would want to come your way when the time is right. You helped me alot.

  3. Great post! I must acknowledge that I am exactly confident enough to realize that not everyone will have the same opinion of me! Frankly speaking, I am not the most excellent one. While to be myself makes me confident, satisfactory and joyful at any time! Your” to be yourself” suggestions are great, ingenious indeed! Although I know I have not done all of them, I will make effort consistently!

  4. Great post!

    The title says it all.

    Stand up for your beliefs +_+

  5. I like the ” Dress the way you want to dress – ‘It’s not the clothes that wear the person it’s the person that wears the clothes’ If you like a particular style of clothing but have never had the courage to wear it, next time you are out, buy the clothes you like, wear them, and hold your head high. This all helps to assert your individuality.”

    I have my own sense of dressing that others may think too conservative or weird, but I’m comfortable in them. so there. :D

    Cheers!
    Pat

  6. Adeyemi Florence says:

    Thanks for sharing your knowledge with me, I really appreciate it. I will like to have a copy of your book on guide to making true friend. I really want to learn on how to make friendship. Thanks. Florry

  7. I absolutely love self improvement lol you could probably call me a fanatic, nice info

  8. Thanks for sharing this! I enjoyed it very much. I will pass it along. I found this article on AUTHENTICITY! It is a great read!

    http://www.transworldynamics.com/content/view/31/18/

  9. I agree, being yourself is the only way to make true and lasting friendships. If you are fake to yourself, or others, you will only create fake relationships.

  10. hi Tejvan, thanks for your comments, I appreciate your visit and comments.

  11. Hi Phil, thanks for your comments.

    Hi Ana, thanks for making me laugh with your quote ‘just because I’m on the right track doesn’t mean I won’t get run over’

    Hi Marc and Angel, thanks for visiting the site again and thanks for your comments, I must admit to liking this post the best, it really rings true with me.

  12. Simple but effective tips. The difficulty is putting them into practise.:)

  13. Steve, this is by far the best point of your friendship series. If you are not acting like yourself, the chances are:

    A. Your friends are not really your friends.
    B. You are not as happy as you could be.
    C. You will eventually lose whatever you are trying to build.

    Great advice. Thanks.

  14. ana berloni says:

    Steven
    I -in amazement- wondered at just how many of these “life’s little lesson’s” I personally try to practice every day. Being fifty one years old I’m sad to say, alot of them I learned the hard way. I stumbled across your page and think it’s great! And just because I’m on the right track doesn’t mean I won’t get run over if I don’t keep moving! Thanks for the inspiration.
    truly
    a

  15. Thanks for sharing this great information and tips. Being true to yourself I guess is the most important value/attitude if you want to make a true and genuine friends.

  16. Hi Stanley

    Thanks for making this series your picks of the week, I appreciate it.

  17. I posted this entire series to my picks of the week on my blog.

    MrAchievement
    Stanley Bronstein
    Attorney, CPA, Author, Blogger & Professional Motivational Speaker

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