How to Make Friends as an Adult Without Embarrassment – 3 Powerful Tips

three business men hand shake
Written by Paul Sanders

Why is it hard to make friends as an adult, if it was so easy as a kid? Here is how I see it:

As soon as you’re done with your college education and join the adult world, you get into a cycle between home and work. In that cycle, it isn’t easy to be social.

Every day, you feel so exhausted after work that all you can think of is rest, rest, and rest. It even goes on to the weekend, you just want to relax and forget the pressure of work.

three business men hand shakeYou also get bored that way, and start to wonder if people would want to hang out with you when you have a life that isn’t particularly “fun”. You start to see people who seem like they’re having fun and being social as a different “kind” of people.

Don’t worry, I’ve been there. And I think that, equipped with the right tool, you can stop that boring cycle and get to have the friends and the fun you want.

Read on to discover 3 powerful tips that can help you make friends as an adult, starting now.

Tip #1 – The “Join The Team” Technique

Going out to make friends require a lot of motivation and will power. But there is a way that allows you to make friends with almost no effort or will power. That way is what I call the “Join The Team” technique. Here is how to do it.

I often advise my readers to join a club or interest group with people that share their interests. Now, that works. It will get you new friends if you do it.

But if you want it to work 10 times faster and easier, then join the organizing team. When you’re part of the team that runs the events of an interest group, making friends becomes very easy for you. Everyone in the team becomes grateful for your contribution, and the regular members naturally come to meet you, and get to know you.

This is very easy to do. When you go to an event, go to the organizing team and tell them that you like what they’re doing and that you’re ready to help out if they’re looking for some more help.

And… everyone needs help organizing their events. That’s why it’s easy.

Tip #2 – Expats, Expats, Expats

If you have trouble making new friends, then I’m about to tell you that there is a group of people who is interesting to be around, open minded, and is interested in getting to know you.

These of course, are expats. You can find them in many expat networks like Expatblog or Interenations. And here is why…

Expats are interesting because as soon as they come to your city, they become interested in knowing the history, the habits, and the people. They come with “fresh eyes” and see things in a different way. Most expats make great conversationalists, simply because there is a ton to say simply by comparing the place they came from to yours.

They’re open minded about the city, because they know it’s going to be different from theirs… but they’re also going to be open minded about you, and everyone they meet. This is why it’s easy to express yourself and be who you want to be around an expat.

AND they’re pretty eager to meet people in the new city, where they don’t know anyone interesting. That’s where you come in!

Tip #3 – Partner Up

Wanting to make friends feels like a lonely battle isn’t it? Well, it doesn’t have to be!

Instead of trying to meet and make friends alone, partner up with an already existing close friend. You can even do that with your lover or spouse. It feels much easier to go out and meet people, when you can do it with somebody else who has the same goal.

I know that this doesn’t make sense if you have absolutely no friends, but it’s very important to keep in mind. Because once you do make a friend using the above techniques, use this tip and partner up to make more new friends.

First, you need to ask yourself “would this friend/lover want to go out more often in order to make friends?” Your instinct will tell you.

Then, as you talk about everyday life, just mention it like this: “I would love to meet new friends these days, I’ve been so busy lately that I couldn’t find the time to meet anyone.” And see what happens. If their eyes open wider and they seem interested, then just start inviting them to go out with you. You usually don’t need to be direct about if you don’t want to.

Even More Tips…

If you want to get more tips that will help you find and make new friends, then get in my Free Social Skills Newsletter, right now.

In it, I’ll be sharing with you Advanced Strategies and Techniques that will help you find new interesting people, know how to talk to them, how to stay in touch, how to turn them into friends, and how to build a circle of friends that you keep for a long time.

See to you there,

Paul Sanders

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About the author

Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders's Get The Friends You Want teaches you how to:
Overcome Shyness & Loneliness ; Master Conversation & Social Skills ; Make Friends & Build a Social Circle.
Start here. >> Free Social Skills Newsletter


  • An added advantage to making friends through a group is that you’ll have something obvious in common with these new acquaintances, and you can strengthen your friendships to several people at once — very helpful if you don’t have a lot of free time. Which is important, because for many people, lack of time is a real obstacle to making and sustaining friendships.

  • Wow, #1 sounds like a great idea! I’d never thought of going to the head of the team or the organization, but it makes sense. Next time I’m at an event I’ll make sure to do the same!

    As well as those techniques, I think setting a goal of say one new acquaintance per day might well give you the kick up the backside you need to get out there. The first week may be tough, but with that kind of effort I think you’d be making quantum leaps in learning and making friends!

    Have an awesome day! :)

    • Hey, Nick,

      Thanks for the heads up. I think meeting one person per day is way too ambitious (unless you’re in vacation, or you’re able to go out every day).

      Other than that, I wish you good luck in implementing these techniques.

      Have a good one,

  • Paul,

    I think you have a point. When we become adults with adult responsibilities it is more difficult to even find the time to get out there and socialize. All of your suggestions are fantastic. I especially like the expat suggestion. As a former expat (an American living in the UK, and in Japan) I really appreciated it when the locals reached out. I have to say, my time in the UK in particular was one of the best of my life. A lot had to do with my expat status and the curiosity of the Brits about me, but there was a huge factor involving the hours I worked. In the UK (I was working at Rolls-Royce) we worked about 8 hours each day. I was in the pub with friends by 5:30-6:00. In the US if you dont work 12 hours a day you are considered a slacker… at least in the large corporate environment.

    Thinking about it, there may be something about protecting your work life balance that we could add to the post…


  • Hi Paul,

    First of all I love the tips and the way you put you spin on it. I loved the idea of joining the organizing team. Ha! Second as an introvert myself, it can be difficult to ‘get out there’ and make a bunch of new friends so this really helps. Your Blog also has a great article on making friends for introverts :)

    • You’re welcome, Diana

      When you’re an introvert, you need “excuses” and motivators to get yourself out of the house and go socialize. And this “join the team” technique is a sure-fire way to get you out there, whether you feel like it or not.

      After all, it become like a duty. You have to go out there… meeting people and making friends is like a side effect just showing up!

      Enjoy the articles!


  • You’re right. It’s funny how it’s so easy to make friends when we are kids. Certainly, going to school and participating in all of its associated sports, organizations, and activities has a big role in that.

    But also, part of our friend making success as children is that we really don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of us. We just do our thing, act crazy, and get on without a care in the world.

    If we adults could revive a bit of that childhood joie de vivre, then perhaps we might be able to make friends just as easily.


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