Over the past couple of decades, we’ve all heard a lot of talk about the importance of mentors: Find a mentor. Find many mentors. Use your mentors. Keep the relationships up, and who knows what opportunities your mentors might lead you to?
That’s all well and good. Mentors can play a critical role in our lives, but as a coach I’ve watched clients be transformed again and again by a different kind of mentor that most people know little about –the internal mentor.
What is an Internal Mentor?
An internal mentor is a character or voice that lives within you and represents an older, wiser you. The internal mentor is you –ten or twenty or thirty years form now–very fulfilled, with rich life experience behind you.
You’d think that the internal mentor is a character we imagine, but that’s not the case. The internal mentor is actually a presence already within each of us that we can discover. It is actually the inner essence of who we meant to be, of what is already in us, wanting to be born. It is therefore something we tap into, not something we make up.
How to Discover Your Internal Mentor
You can begin to discover your internal mentor in three simple steps:
- Create a space: Find 25 minutes to be in a quiet, solitary space. Take a walk, go to the park with a journal, or find a secluded spot at home. Take some deep breaths. Notice and release any tension in your body. Spend about five minutes in this step, just unwinding and relaxing. If anxious or random thoughts interrupt you, don’t worry; they won’t stop your internal mentor from emerging.
- Have a meeting: In your mind, make an imaginary journey to meet your internal mentor. Maybe you imagine yourself taking a trip by boat, or walking down a path, or taking a road trip to meet them. Imagine whatever kind of journey feels intriguing and right to you.
- Take in what you learned. When you are ready, conclude this first visit with your internal mentor. Bring your attention back to the present moment. Record what you learned.
Arrive at the home of that fulfilled older you, and greet the person who you see there. What do they look like? What kind of place do they live in? What is important to them? What is it like to be around them? Bask in the place where they live and in their presence.
Feel free to ask them questions directly like, “What do you want me to know?” and “What makes you happy?” Ask this person to give you a name for himself or herself, a name that represents who they are.
Know that you may not receive information in full sentences, but rather in moods, word fragments, sensations or images—that’s just fine. Spend about fifteen minutes in this step, exploring your vision.
You may find that you don’t get much of a sense of your mentor on the first attempt. That’s not a problem. Try using a different modality–journaling about your vision, sketching or making a collage, or even making a word cloud from newspapers or magazines. Or give the visualization a try again a few days later.
How to Call Upon Your Internal Mentor
Call upon your internal mentor when you feel stuck, uncertain, or upset, or when you want to move more towards that fulfilled, mature self. Ask, “What would [your internal mentor’s name] do this situation? How would he or she view it?” In your mind, you can also “visit” with your internal mentor and ask him or her these questions directly – and see what he or she replies.
The Perspective Shift
Remarkably, the internal mentor’s perspective usually differs dramatically from our own, and yet it immediately rings true to us, once it is expressed.
My client Alex began one of our sessions feeling stressed and dissatisfied about her work. She sounded like this, “I’m totally frustrated about my job situation. On the one hand I’m miserable. But things could really change in next six months if I get a new boss, which is looking likely. But can I really do this for six more months? I think I could lose it. ”
Alex had developed a strong connection with her internal mentor through our coaching. Her mentor, whom she named Alexandra, was a very loving, satisfied woman who had a rich family life and had created a lot of meaning in her work.
Alex checked in with Alexandra to see what she had to say about the job situation. After sitting quietly and listening for a few moments, Alex said, “She said that all of this is the small stuff, that it doesn’t really matter whether I try to leave now or wait six months, because my passion doesn’t lie in this industry anyway. What matters is that I get back to my creative life out of work. She’s saying once I’m move forward with that, my boss is going to bother me a lot less.”
Alex had a new way of looking at the situation, one that really resonated for her. She had a lot more peace. I can’t tell you how often this happens in my coaching practice. The wisdom of the internal mentor shows up almost effortlessly and helps us move out of stress, anxiety and confusion.
Always on Call, Always Wise
Here are some of the things that are so amazing about having an internal mentor:
- Always on call: Unlike anyone else in our lives, the internal mentor is always on call, always available to us.
- Just for you: The internal mentor’s guidance is just for you. Smart as they are, our external mentors can’t always know what is right for our unique paths.
- Always on track: The internal mentor’s voice never speaks from fear or stress or illusion. It always speaks wisdom.
- Brings in the right brain: The internal mentor shares information from intuition and the subconscious mind, often speaking in images or sensations that sound strange at first but always reveal their profundity as we explore them.
Most important of all, the internal mentor a manifestation of who you are meant to be, of what wants to emerge from you. Every time you follow the inner mentor’s guidance, you literally bring your desired future into the present. You are becoming the person you want to be.
Note: The concept of the internal mentor draws upon the “future self” concept and tools pioneered by The Coaches Training Institute (www.thecoaches.com) where I received my coaching education.
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Sometimes we tend to forget the real reason why we have mentors. It’s not so that we can mimic them or be who they are. But to have them as a tool or a support structure to help us with our goals.
There’s a tendency to rely on this person for answers rather than learn and create our own selves.
I’m glad this article exists. We already know everything we need to know …
Cheers,
Rishi Pathani
.-= Self Improvement Explained´s last blog ..Comfort Zones Explained =-.
Rishi,
This is a great point – we really do lose perspective about the purpose of having mentors in the way you describe.
And even when we remember the purpose of our mentors, sometimes our mentors can teach us valuable lessons and bring us great opportunities, but they may not be sensitive to our unique path, particularly where it looks different from theirs.
Hi Tara
I want to welcome you to CYT and thank you for such a wonderful article. As I said to you I don’t often put guest posts up on a Saturday but had to make an exception with this one as I thought it was so good.
I love the thought of getting into to someone else’s head, the future you, and trying to think how they think and use that knowledge to better our lives.
I also love the fact that you gave a mini case study as well which will help a lot of readers to get what you are speaking about here.
Thanks Tara and I hope to see more of your writing and I know you will get a warm welcome from the CYT readers.
Thanks, Steve. I’m delighted to be here.
I know from reading CYT what a remarkable community you’ve created here.
Looking forward to hearing the reactions and conversation about internal mentors.
Thanks Steve for allowing Tara to write this article. It was a cool new perspective! And Hi Tara, it’s nice to meet you and have your website brought to my knowledge so that I can explore it as well.
Do you have a name for your mentor Tara? This idea is brilliant. Because the goal is to get somewhere. And if we tap into a mentor that is us, who is already there, then the course of progression will naturally follow. This reminds me of the book, “Think and Grow Rich” where Napoleon Hill creates his ‘invisible councilors’. He would meet with them regularly – they were famous people throughout the world and history.
I’m going to try this. What would my older, wiser, and more successful self say? I’m certain there are things I am doing now that aren’t what my future self would be doing. Thanks Tara, I’ll be visiting you!
.-= Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..Passive Income Experiment – Beachbody Coaching =-.
Thanks Jeremy, for the warm welcome, and really nice to meet you too.
I can hear in your comment that the internal mentor concept resonated with you and that you immediately “got it” – why it is so powerful and makes so much sense.
I love your articulation of this – that as we tap into a mentor that is already us, already there, there’s a natural unfoldment that happens of us becoming that person.
My internal mentor does have a name, but it is something I keep personal – it just feels very sacred to me that way. But suffice to say she’s a big part of my life, and has guided me through countless situations. She’s what I’m growing into, and it has been transformative to have a clear picture and sense of her living in me internally.
I am curious to hear what happens for you when you start asking questions of your internal mentor…and I’ll look forward to your visit over to Wise Living!
Warmly, Tara
Thanks for the quick response Tara. I am going to come up with a name for my mentor. Not sure what that name is yet. I have found though that when I ask my mentor what I should be doing there are three things that keep surfacing. They are:
* Become a MASTER
* Get amongst the people
* Enjoy every moment
This is already good advice. I can see my mentor – my older and wiser self speaking to people. I can see him having an immense amount of knowledge that articulating himself is effortless. And I can see the sheer joy of every moment through being able to reach many people. This is powerful stuff!
Very cool. Thanks for reporting back. It sounds like you’ve got a clear picture, and now that vision gets to be your guide as you become the vision. And when you get stuck or confused…you know just the wise person to ask
Warmly, Tara
What a great find! I look forward to practicing this approach. I know we have inner guidance and why not incorporate our inner mentor! I love it!
Thank you for this valuable information!
Fabulous Lauren! Sending you all the best for your first meeting with your mentor! Warmly, Tara
Great article, Tara and one that really spoke to me.
If we cannot find an external mentor, then we can always count on ourselves for whatever we need. When I am faced with the struggles of life, I like to think of the 10-10-10 rule. Is whatever I’m confronting going to make a difference in 10 minutes? In 10 months? In 10 years? Sometimes when we ask ourselves and are truly prepared for the answers we can break through the deadlock. Projecting yourself 10 years (or more) into the future and acting as if the decision was made is a powerful technique that you can use in your current day. Doing this and then listening to what your gut tells you can strike some decisions that would not be in your best long-term interest.
Also, the older we get, the more relevant this technique of talking to (and listening!) to our internal mentor is. Would I have listened to my future 50 year-old self back when I was 20? I doubt it. But, I’m listening to her now!
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Friday’s Links =-.
Thanks Karen, I’m so glad this idea spoke to you.
I too think the 10-10-10 rule is a great tool – first read about it in Suzy Welch’s recent book.
Your point about age is interesting. My experience with internal mentors is that what they have to say is always so resonant and illuminating that its hard not to listen to it once we ask for and uncover their wisdom…they rarely give “do this and that” kinds of guidance, but instead often return us to deep truths about what’s really going, who we we really are. They often take us out of our little stress fits with reminders about what we *don’t* need to do, or we *don’t* need to worry about.
Anyway, so glad you enjoyed the post, and very happy to hear you are listening to your inner wisdom.
Warmly, Tara
Tara,
I enjoyed reading your post on WSL this morning, and then spent some time browsing around your site. You are doing powerful work – it’s very clear that you are in touch with your life’s purpose.
What a nice surprise to get to read another great piece of writing from you this afternoon. Keep shining your beautiful light!
Joy, thank you so much. What a beautiful message to receive. Thanks for visiting and I am looking forward to checking out your site too! Warmly, Tara
Hi Tara,
This is a powerful gift you have given! There is no reason for staying stuck when this process is available any time and any where. Love your writing and can’t wait to read more.
Tess! Thank you, and I love how you put it – so true that there is no need to stay stuck when we can always tune into this inner guidance.
Thanks so much for your enthusiasm about my writing too, its delightful connect with you! Warmly, Tara
Interesting perspective Tara,
I like how you honed in on the idea of the inner mentor. I think it would certainly be helpful for me to take out about 25 minutes a day whether it be at home in silence or take a walk and spend time thinking.
I believe that’s when my inner mentor will come out for sure. And I could use all the mentoring I could get because I love learning and growing. I don’t think I’ll ever stop learning and growing!
Thanks for sharing Tara, I look forward to more of your articles.
Fabulous Jarrod! We are all so lucky that we can learn from external inputs–wise people, great texts, etc–as well as from the voice of our own inner wisdom. It’s surprising – amazing really – to hear that voice within us that has such a wiser, calmer, perspective than the voice we hear inside of our heads most of the time. Thanks for your comment your kind words! Warmly, Tara
Thanks this reminded me of a technique from NLP where you take a situation that you fear and then imagine a future you who has learned everything it needs to learn to succeed effortlessly and watch them do it.
After in your mind you pay attention to how they are being, what they believe, how they feel, what they think and then embrace and integrate them. Now whenever you want to do well in a situation like that you can just pull up that person inside you and act as them, which is you.
I have a whole host of them and then a super awesome level one which encompasses them all and the awesome person I can/am being. You could consider them my mentor
Teachings that go beyond words.
Thanks Jarrod, and yes what you describe embraces a very similar idea and capacity within us. I find it to be such a miracle that we can access that wiser self simply through vision/imagination/don’t think we have the exact word for it– and that if we don’t put our attention on doing so – we can miss out on its voice and guidance.
Thanks Tara for this informative article. And you too, Steve, for allowing this to be posted here.
Yes, we all do have the “wise one” sitting somewhere dep inside us, ready to respond whenver we call on Him. The only issue is, do we sincerly call on Him? If only we heeded to the guidnace given to us by this ‘inner voice’, we will be able to handle all our situations better, feel better and indeed make life better for all of us.
Many call this voice Intution. Whatever it be, the thing is, we should listent to it. You cannot have a better and truer guide for yourself than this Inner voice friend of yours. Others flatter to decieve, this friend neither flatters nor deceives, it speaks the truth, that which is in the best interest and highest good for you.
Thanks, once again.
Naresh,
So beautifully said. Keep spreading the message!
Tara
Tara, I just LOVEd this post! All the answers are truly within us already, all we have to do is stop and ask. I love the process that you outlined for having the meeting with your mentor. Really powerful. Thank you!
.-= Lana – Daring Clarity´s last blog ..Clarity Series or Questions to Crack Open Your Reality – Episode 1 =-.
Thanks Lana, I’m so glad to hear this resonated with you. It’s really true – so often we make things confusing or complicated when in fact the answer is resting within, just waiting for us to allow and accept it. Wishing you a gorgeous meeting with your mentor! Warmly, Tara
Awesome post with great tips, I love the idea of creating time and space for a meeting with our inner mentor and the whole concept of asking questions.. and right questions though
.-= Fatibony@ Self help Motivation´s last blog ..Are Your Personal Beliefs and Values Still Serving You? =-.
Fatibony, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Just checked out your website which looks great. I look forward to reading more. Warmly, Tara
Tara,
I definitely rely A LOT on my inner guidance.
As you mentioned in the post, it is very important for me to be quiet inside. I meditate every day which helps enable this. And then the right answers usually come to me once I have taken in all of the necessary information.
I also find that sleeping on something and getting away by doing something fun (and then revisiting the issue) are two other helpful ways to make the best decision.
.-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..Letting go of certain relationships =-.
Thanks Greg.
Its so true, it takes some stillness – even if just a few moments – for us to hear our own inner wisdom. While I love the upbeat pace and multiplicity of connections we can enjoy in modern life, I also do worry that this can diminish our capacity to slow down to hear the whispers from within.
And yes…about sleeping or doing something fun as a way to get to our inner answers. I recently wrote a post about alternatives to thinking – other ways we can come to clarity around decisions. It’s easy to get lost in mental loops that aren’t fruitful. Writing, sharing with others, simmering on it (as you suggest), experimenting, and tuning into one’s gut are other tools that can lead us to our own answers.
interesting. I appreciate how you listed in detail the steps to get in touch with our internal mentor. I’ll share this with my friends and try it out for myself.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..A Day in the Life of a Person with a Cognitive Disability =-.
Excellent! I hope you’ll report back on what you learned.
Tara
Great job Tara. Out there, in the external world, a lot of confusion and struggle going on. But in this internal space you bring so effectively to our awareness is stillness and peace — and our own true intuition. I had a vivid experience of this when I was a young fellow of 23 or so in UK many years ago feeling an urge to give up a good job in London and go out to British Columbia. It was like this voice of which you speak was saying, “Just go, and you will find the freedom for which you long.” It was an agonising time for a month or two, being pulled this way and that. I was an only child, and the idea horrified my parents.
Then this still small voice said, ‘;Go and spend a day by the sea and you’ll know the answer.’ And the answer came through so loud and clear. This was what life wanted me to do. Felt joy singing through every fiber of my being.
I am very happy to make this connection with you Tara and thank you again for your valuable offering.
Thanks Chris. Yes, there are the inner voices that pull us this way and that, and then there is the voice that offers a simple, clear truth…if we are willing to listen.
Your part was listening to the voice and going to the sea. We all have to make choices to listen to the still small voice.
Nice to connect with you too Chris, and glad you found this piece valuable.
This is a terrific guide to getting in touch with your internal mentor or intuition as I would call it. Sometimes we are too focused on external mentors and then become disappointed when we discover that they are just human. But the internal mentor is all knowing. We have the answers if we just take the time to pay attention.
.-= Sherri Frost | Self Hypnosis´s last blog ..Self Hypnosis for Weight Loss: Is It Safe? =-.
Exactly! That’s what amazes me so much – our external mentors can fail us, but really our internal mentors never do. We may misinterpret what they are saying, or water it down, or not listen to it, and thereby fail ourselves, but what they offer is always on track. Glad this resonated with you Sherri.
Warmly, Tara
Hi Tara,
Great post. I must admit I have not heard of the concept of “inner mentor,” at least not in the way you describe it. It sounds like an interesting and potentially powerful resource.
When I read your post I immediately thought of the importance of aligning goals with values, and incorporating values in our definitions of success. As a postgraduate student in psychology, a clinical hypnotherapist, and an NLP practitioner I often discuss the importance of doing so with clients (both in clinical and coaching sessions), and work with clients to draw on their subconscious resources to do so.
I am going to do more research into the concept of inner mentor. Thanks for the post.
Chris
.-= Chris Akins´s last blog ..6 ways to effectively communicate your needs =-.
Thanks Chris.
The internal mentor can absolutely be seen as a reflection of our values – a version of ourselves that has our values more fully and maturely expressed.
Look forward to hearing what you learn…feel free to bring it back to the discussion here!
‘Talking to yourself’ takes on a whole new perspective
. It’s a great reminder of the knowledge within and so well presented Tara.
Jarrod’s post reminded me of another useful NLP tool that marries well with this concept…. When you go back to the first instance where you adopted a limiting belief and you ask ‘your inner mentor’ what the positive message was that was available for you then, but you missed at the time.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. And yes, “talking to yourself’ takes on new meaning once we start differentiating the voices within. I love the exercise that you mention here. Very cool.
Just tried this and it kind of just exposed some bad progamming which I’ve been caught up on. A useful tool and I will use this again.
And I liked my mentor, he was really relaxed, easy going and smiling the whole time. Strange but fun.
thanks
Glad you found it useful. And yes, I have yet to encounter an internal mentor that doesn’t show up with an amazing sense of calm. Interesting how that quality emerges so strongly.
Hi Tara,
I love your “Inner Mentor” conversation. I am one that can make quick decisions by gut instinct. This very often works for me, but every once in a while it backfires. Most of the time a quick decision comes quickly and easily. I think a good distinction I can make is the difference between decisions that require fast action and those that I can call upon the ‘Inner Mentor’ and meditate on.
Tara:
What a great post and message. So often we are looking all around us for answers, guidance and direction, and the reality is that everything we need to know and understand is inside of us. All we have to do is ask and learn how to listen. I really like your concept of an internal mentor and it helps solidify this reality. Thanks for sharing.
Nice post! I tend to use an internal mentor for most things, mostly self-developed so it’s very interesting to read tips on how to discover it. I’m sure they’ll improve what I mangled together.
.-= Craig Thomas´s last blog ..How To Effectively Change Someone’s Mind =-.
Tara, wonderful post, thank you. I especially appreciate your insight that the internal mentor is always on track. So no matter how disillusioned or stuck or even crazy we might feel, our internal mentor always comes through with a voice of wisdom that reconnects us with the calm center of ourselves. Another great benefit is that our internal mentor is always all ears – there’s a willingness to listen as we voice our hesitations and fears – and then it’s our turn to listen for the guidance. I enjoyed your sharing and writing so much. Thank you from the mountains of Japan – Catrien Ross.
.-= Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Finding 9 Powerful Meanings in Your Smile When You Don’t Feel Like Smiling =-.
I love this. Giving yourself an interview is I guess what I call it. Ask yourself what you want out of your life but most importantly, don’t share it with anyone for a long long time. That way you get answers that you feel you have to impress other by. It’s an exercise I love to try with people.
I love the way you describe it as an inner mentor.
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When I make the recommended journey to meet my internal mentor, there is no mentor where I end up, or anywhere within sight/reach only a deserted village, a wrecked/vacant lot, or a long-uninhabited ruin or disaster site (such as the aftermath of a tsunami or a nuke explosion) or something similar … desolation, no matter where I probe. Why? What’s going on? And what do I do in this circumstance?