How to Be a Social Introvert

About Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders's Get The Friends You Want teaches you how to:
Overcome Shyness & Loneliness ; Master Conversation & Social Skills ; Make Friends & Build a Social Circle.
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As an introvert, your instincts don’t push you to be more social, they instead push you to do your own things, by yourself. At the same time, you still crave face-to-face social interactions, and you would love to spend your weekend nights in great company.

Introverts love to be social, but not too much, not too little, just right. If that’s what you want, then read on to discover 4 of my best strategies that will get you ready to start living a great social life.

cyt social introvertHow To Be More Social By Understanding Friendship Dynamics

To optimize your time, as you’re making new friends, I’d like to introduce you to a friendship dynamic that will help you make sense of why some people just click and become friends, and other don’t.

Before you start looking for new friends, get clear on whether you want close or casual friends. Once you know that, you have to understand that other people may or may not have the time and energy required to maintain a close and meaningful friendship.

Some people have a small circle of close friends and a wider circle of casual friendships, some only have casual friends, and others only have close friends. When you meet new people, expect them to act according to their current friendship life: if they have enough close friends already, then they’ll only be open to casual friendships.

Set Weekly and Monthly Social Rituals

As we said at the start, your instincts won’t push you to socialize unless you’re very lonely. That’s why you need to set up your life in a way that it has a social component. You need to put regular systems that will make sure you remember to do your socializing.

I suggest that you start by setting a weekly reminder in your calendar that reminds you to take one hour of your time and follow up, email, text, and call whoever you want to stay in touch with, or whoever you have something to say to. This makes sure that you don’t neglect people and cause them to just forget about you.

With that, you can subscribe to one or two interest groups that hold monthly meetings and commit to always showing up for the events. You can also take it to the next level by joining the organizing team, and become strongly involved. This will make sure that every month, you get to meet new people.

These kinds of regular commitments will bring you peace of mind because you realize realizing that, for the rest of the time, you can enjoy your solitary activities without feeling guilty about it. They also get you the friends you want in a semi-automatic way, as long as you stick to your rituals, you don’t have to worry about it.

Focus On Groups Of Friends, Not Just Individual Friends

Another trick you can use to be more social, is leveraging the group-effect. When you only have individual friends, you still have to do all the work of following up, making plans, and inviting people. But when you make friends, introduce them to each other and form groups of friends, it’s a different world.

Within a group of friends, everyone makes plans, not just you. Everyone also talks and texts everyone, so you don’t have to contact everybody to make something happen. And you don’t get to feel desperate because your friends will seek out the group to go out and be social on the weekends, automatically.

To benefit from the group-effect, make sure that you introduce your new friends to each other, every single time.

Reach Your Socializing Sweet-Spot

If you want to learn more techniques for balancing me-time and socializing-time, then I recommend that you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

In it, I will show you the best techniques and strategies for meeting and making friends. I’ll also share with you new tips for having amazing conversations, that instantly make people want to get to know you.

See you there.
- Paul Sanders

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  1. This is one of the best articles I’ve read on this topic! I love the shift of a)deciding what kinds of friends you want to have, casual or close and b) designing rituals to help you stay connected with both close friends and groups of people.
    Steve Borgman recently posted..Autism, Employment, and Small Talk

  2. This was clearly written by an extravert who is projecting their extravert values onto a personality trait they obviously don’t understand – introverts are perfectly happy to spend a quiet weekend night at home ALONE. We do not need company to be happy and rarely crave social interaction, face to face or otherwise. Please stop confusing us with shy extraverts!

  3. Thanks for the article Paul. I found it so interesting I decided to check out your site as well. I read a dozen articles, subscribed, and am getting ready to start working more on my social life. I hope you continue to write new posts for your site.
    Cameron Chardukian recently posted..Tough Times by Cam Chardukian

  4. Yes being an introvert and being socially is a balance. I can talk to anyone and at the same time I am an introvert because I like my alone time. I often tend to have too much alone time (since most of my friends live 30 miles from me) unless I am working a lot which forces me to interact with others.

    A great way to meet people in a group setting with mutual interests is through http://www.meetup.com

    I have met a lot of cool individuals through that. I also don’t work for them, but am just a user of the site.
    Sebastian Aiden Daniels recently posted..How to Overcome Crushing Guilt

  5. Hi Paul,
    Appreciate your call on social rituals,as also the social “sweet spot”,i like that term.
    I believe that appreciation plays a major role in the sweet spot part.

    When you appreciate you make others feel better,you lend them a bit of external validation.Your words,and actions matter to them at that instant.Appreciation is such a marvelous human power that no other living being possesses it,literally.You are unique in your capacity to appreciate,to help light up some one’s life for a few moments.To begin with, the act of appreciation is only a few moments long in most cases,yet the after effects on the one receiving the appreciation are life transforming. Again the benefits are ,in most cases,hidden,unseen.But ,boy!what matchless power you wield with your capacity to appreciate.
    Thanks
    Mona
    richmiraclefiles recently posted..13 Great Qualities You Can Achieve Only Through Relationships

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