How An Introvert Can Build A Great Social Life

About Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders's Get The Friends You Want teaches you how to:
Overcome Shyness & Loneliness ; Master Conversation & Social Skills ; Make Friends & Build a Social Circle.
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If you’re an introvert, then you naturally spend lots of time by yourself, but still have the need to meet people and make friends. Many introverts think that it’s a black or white area; either you’re a social star or an introvert.

This is not true at all; you can be naturally introverted and still make time for friends and fun. In this article, I want to share with you four strategies on how to make friends, without changing who you are.

cyt introvertThe common mistake is to learn a few techniques, and only use them when you’re motivated to meet people. We all know that that motivation is hard to get for introverts. What you can do instead is adopt a series of social habits that don’t require a lot of motivation.

Let’s talk about two habits to get you started:

Habit #1 – Go Out To Meet New People Once A Month

If you want to build a social life, you need to constantly be meeting new people. Not everyone you meet will be a good fit for you, and not all your friends will be around forever. This is why you need to be supplying yourself with new faces, but not necessarily more than what you’re comfortable with.

You can dial it up or down, but don’t stop it; people won’t come knocking on your door to meet you.

What I recommend is to commit to helping some sort of social community that has the kind of people you want as friends. When you find a good community or group, go to the organizing team and offer to help, and get involved.

Most of them love to have more people involved, even if they don’t need that much help. They just appreciate your presence and will be grateful. You’ll instantly be in a position of a value-giver.

This works very well for two reasons. First, it’ll be more than easy for you to meet new people; many members of that community will come to you and get to know you, as one of the hosts. Second, this commitment will somewhat force you to go out and attend their social events, which means that you won’t need any more motivation to do it. It’s like beating procrastination before it even starts.

Habit #2 – Do Something Social Once A Week

Again, if you have to remember to be social, you probably won’t do it. This is why I suggest that you focus on building the habits, once and for all.

First, let’s make sure you don’t forget to keep in touch with people. What you do here is mark in your calendar an hour of time where you usually don’t do anything important. Block that hour, every week, for reaching out to people, calling, sending texts, etc. Something like Wednesday at 7 pm works great.

When you make that decision, you won’t have to remember to call people, you’ll just do it for one hour and enjoy the week without worrying that maybe you’re ignoring people.

During that hour, contact new and old friends, and try and make plans to meet with some of them. If you have one social activity per week, that’s far better than having no clarity and no consistency.

To make this even easier, start introducing people to each other, even if they’re both new friends. This will create a group effect, and they will start to call and make plans as well, you won’t be the only one doing it.

This works because people naturally call their friends who they know in the context of a group, especially around the weekend. It’s more fun to be inside a group, even if it’s just a group of three people.

Wrapping Up

The keys to social success then, are: Ritualizing your social activities, instead of doing them only when you feel the motivation + Thinking in terms of groups of friends, instead of individual friends.

If you want to learn more techniques for overcoming hesitation, meeting new people, and making friends, you can get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

Best of luck,

-Paul Sanders

Some Amazing Comments

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Comments

  1. Sorry, Paul, but you, like thousands of others, have confused introversion with shyness. Introverts don’t need to put themselves in social situations. They’re fine just where they are. If they want to go out, they will. It’s not an anxiety-producing situation.

    I would suggest you either change your content to reflect how introverts truly think, or change your title to something resembling “How Shy People Can Build a Network of Friends.”
    Maria

  2. I think that many extroverts don’t understand introverts. I love to go out and have a great time and meet new people. But at the same time, I need a lot of down time or me time to be alone and just recharge my batteries. It certainly isn’t black/white. There is a lot of gray mixed in.
    Don @ Breath of Optimism recently posted..Positive Life Quotes – January 12, 2014

  3. I’m an introvert and I strongly relate to this. The way I see it is, I just go all out in social situations for 30 minutes or so. Then I go home.
    Sebastian recently posted..It’s Called Mentorship

    • Hey, Sebastien,

      Thanks for your comment. IMO, it’s better to be the calm social person all night, than go totally “ON” and wear yourself that quick. I actually tried both. :-)

      So, if you’re an introvert and can’t handle too much stimulation; find the people who are calm too; find the quieter side of the place; it’ll probably result in you having a better experience and make some real connections with people.

      Cheers!

  4. Introversion has been a hot topic the past year or two, and I’m glad to see it getting the type of attention it deserves. Our work environment today rewards more aggressive behavior, which is why extroverts seem to excel the easiest. Meanwhile, most introverts are fine at home with a good book. It takes self-motivation to get out and be social, but once out there, I find that it gets much easier to keep rolling. Thanks for the insightful post.
    Tommy Landry recently posted..Cheap SEO = Bad SEO

    • Hey Tommy,

      Yes, it takes motivation to get out of the house; that’s why I share with people the techniques that I found that require the least amounts of will power and motivation.

      If it’s too hard to do, you’ll eventually forget to do it. :-)

      Cheers,
      -Paul

  5. I like your proposed habits which I call ‘reaching out’ . Introverts like me can easily stay happy in our comfort zone and would not bother. I have learned that while being introvert is a gift and beautiful by itself, self-awareness of our nature should lead us to self-acceptance and at the same time understanding of our environment. That being said, we should make the balancing act to enjoy our introversion without forgetting to that we below to a real world.

    I think we should connect more Paul as we blog about similar topic ;)
    Rob Leonardo recently posted..12 Habits to Develop to Gain More Confidence in 2014 (Part 2)

  6. Thank you for the great post Paul.

    I think people also need to recognize that thoughts of low self worth need to be rejected and eliminated for those whose find themselves in isolation. That was a huge reason why I use to avoid meet and greets
    Kael recently posted..Prime Your Life For Success – The Water Well Story

    • Thanks for pointing that out, Kael.

      Low self-worth, and self esteem, is a definite reason why some of us don’t allow ourselves to be out there and meet people. At the same time, that has nothing to do with being introvert; and the danger is that some introverts lose their confidence just because they don’t understand that being quiet is in their nature.

      Thanks again,

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  1. […] raises are handed out.  The rent is due so crawling back into bed isn’t a viable option, but what’s an introvert, albeit a hard working one, to do?  Perhaps you need to step up your […]

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