Help! My Relationship is Stale, Fizzled Out, Boring, and Dead!

couple kisses and is shut by the hands

If you’re anything like me, you totally enjoy sharing life with that special someone who makes your knees wobble and butterflies dance in your tummy. Falling in love, having adventures, partnering, and growing together is super duper amazing. I have learned though, that the spark in a relationship can easily get dull after a certain amount of time. For some, things begin to fizzle out in a year and for others it may be two or three years. It is disheartening that this happens so frequently, but it does not have to be that way.

Relationships take effort and consideration. Too often men and women will “woo” each other in the beginning with romantic date nights, little gifts and tokens of appreciation, passionate kisses and meaningful intimacy, affirmations, etc., but after a while these things happen less and less. Life gets busy, kids come along and take up lots of time and energy, annoying habits are noticed, and so on.

Icouple kisses and is shut by the hands always wonder how some people simply lack affectionate skills. It does not take a genius to figure out that both men and women like romance, receiving thoughtful tokens of appreciation, hearing positive affirmations, or just plain being spoiled sometimes. Many women will complain that their men don’t even try to be romantic for one reason or another and I’m here to challenge them. I’m here to challenge both men and women to take some action to put the spark back into your relationship.

You Take The Initiative


Maybe you do your part but your partner is slack, so you’ve given up. Maybe you’ve been super thoughtful and romantic and are disappointed that your partner has not. I want to encourage you to do two things. One, let it go. If you don’t, you will carry resentment. Two, sit down and have a talk with your partner. Tell him or her how you are feeling about this issue. Spell it out plainly that once in a while you would like some TLC like you used to get in the beginning of your relationship.

Be specific. If you would like a date night once a week or every two weeks, say it. If you would like flowers once in a while, a back massage, a ticket to the opera, affirmations more often, or a romantic getaway occasionally, say it. Much of the time we don’t let our partners know what we want or what our needs are and then we begin to carry resentment.

Pick Up The Slack


If you’re in a relationship and you have been slack in this area, then it is time for you to pick up the slack. I don’t care what’s been going on in your life, how many struggles are occurring, or how much you really don’t care about being romantic- do it anyway.

It takes two people giving and receiving in a relationship to make it work. I am not talking about superficial giving here. I am asking men and women to dig deep and out of love think about ways to bless their partner. It doesn’t even have to cost money. There are ways to show love and appreciation that don’t cost one penny.

Ideas To Rekindle The Flame


Here are some ideas for both men and women to begin romancing each other. Remember that you don’t have to go overkill here. Just make it a conscious habit to incorporate some romance into your relationship on a daily or weekly basis. You’d be surprised how one passionate kiss can rekindle the fire, as opposed to kissing your mate like Grandma Ruth.

  • Incorporate date nights into your life. If you have children, get a babysitter and go out. Your relationship is worth it.
  • Occasionally buy flowers or a plant for your partner.
  • Massage your partner. Yes. I mean it.
  • Get your partner a massage gift certificate.
  • Randomly do the chores that your partner normally does.
  • Slide your partner some cash so they can go shopping. Women, that means you too!
  • Write your partner a love letter or poem. It can be serious or silly.
  • Chocolates are a must once in a while!
  • Write a song and perform it for your partner.
  • Plan a romantic getaway for a weekend.
  • Cook a nice dinner and eat by candle light.
  • There are always sex toys to add some spice to the bedroom.
  • If you have children, take them out of the house sometimes for a few hours so your partner can soak up peace and quiet.
  • Turn off the television one night and just hold your partner and reminisce about how you met and things you have done.
  • Do something that you would not normally do with your partner. If she likes to go walking after dinner, but you really don’t, do it anyway just for her!
  • Create a memory scrapbook of your relationship and give it to your partner.
  • Slightly caress your partner from head to toe once a week.
  • Simply say, “I love you” all the time.
  • Kiss your partner passionately MORE often than you do now.
  • Surprise your partner with a picnic lunch at a local park.
  • Buy the book, “The Five Languages of Love” and read it and discuss your love languages.
  • Buy sexy lingerie and actually wear it.


You can add some spark to your relationship if you really want to. It does not take much time or effort. It just takes willingness.

Begin today and let me know what you are planning first!

Some Amazing Comments


About the author

Dominica Applegate

Dominica Applegate is dedicated to the art of self-discovery, creative expression, and raw truth. She loves words like epic and hardcore and needs a bit of chocolate each day. A sought-after author + speaker + coach, her work is ultimately about helping people remove blocks that keep them sad, fearful, lazy, and stuck. Author of Recycle Your Pain: It Has a Purpose, Conquer Codependency, and To You, Weary One, she’d love to meet you. Learn more at


  • What I really like about this article is that it not only encourages you to take the initiative and forgive your partner’s forgetfulness, but also gives actual suggestions on how to bring back some intimacy into a relationship. I am a true believer, though, that the love and sparkle don’t go away, they just transform into something deeper in successful relationships. When this is the case, it’s in fact very easy to take the steps Dominica has outlined here. If not, nothing can stop the couple from growing apart :)

  • I love this article – I despair at the ‘if it takes work it’s not worth it’ mindset when it comes to relationships. We know how the brain works – endorphins and dopamine create the attraction but eventually they wear off. Passion needs rekindling and we need to continue to nurture and build a relationship and keep that connection alive. That way it deepens and becomes something so much more real, human and profound than the butterflies in your tummy feeling. But like anything that matters, it’s going to take some work.

  • Every relationship goes through certain ebbs and flows so it is GREAT to emphasize that the good ones take time and effort–but I honestly believe that it is equally important to point out that they do in fact get better and better if you do all the things you suggest above….as a person who has been happily married for over 35 years I can attest to the fact that it can and does get better if you stay with it and do many of the things you suggest…for my suggestions have a post that I titled, “The Best Marriages Get Better and Better” for anyone who wants to check it out. While I happen to agree it is more than just rekindling romance…I appreciate the the ideas to help make a relationship better…

  • Many people (including my younger self) never realized that relationships are work. They aren’t just some magical thing that happens and then lasts forever. You have to keep at it, working to improve it so that it evolves into something great.

  • Hi its great to see an article about better relationships. We have to cherish all of them, nurture and let them grow. Sometimes its grows with you staying together and sometimes it grows when you are apart. But the message I get from this article is to put focus and thought to the other person. When we are not playing games and come from confidence and a sense of self we can reach out and give without feeling the fear of rejection, because in a way there is no rejection happening.
    Thanks for the article .

  • When we are gifted an intimate relationship with others we often slip into ennui,especially regarding the help we seek from them.Even if we don’t seek the help rendered ,it is worth acknowledging it with the appreciation that is due to others who may not be so close to us.
    Help received is as valuable as the recognition of the circumstances it has been obtained in.It is important to realise The cost it took the provider to render the aid.It is a learning experience.There is enormous value in learning from inconspicuous circumstances of a close relationship.

  • I think it’s easy for couples to fall into a “funk”. Everyone naturally wants to show only their best versions of themselves in the beginning.

    Overtime, we tend to become more comfortable and neglect each others’ feelings.

    I think some of us also take our partner’s for granted.

    I really liked the suggestions you listed. In addition to just turning off the TV, I think it’s important to have deep conversations with one another without being interrupted by cell phones!

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