Do You Know What You Want?

CYT Desire
Written by Adel Refai

Over the course of our lives, we run into a lot of different people.  Different cultures, languages, professions, shapes and sizes. Successful and unsuccessful. Rich and poor.  But for whatever reason, none of those differences stand out the most to me.  The two types of people that have always stood out the most to me were:

  1. Those who get what they want and
  2. Those who don’t

To me, there’s a big difference between being rich and successful and getting what you want.  And there’s a difference between being poor and/or unsuccessful, and not getting what you want.

CYT DesireTake financial success, for example.  Most people measure success using dollar ($$) signs. When in reality, it’s not the bank account they want.  It’s what the bank account can get them. The lifestlye.  The vacations.

Most people measure success in health by outer appearance.  Slim, muscular, etc.  And that’s fine. Self esteem is impotrant.  Feeling good about how you look is important.  But a lot of people will confuse looking good on the outside with being healthy on the inside.

The point is that it’s important to be clear on what we want. To really have an understanding. I recently came across a great example. An online entrepreneur that I follow and admire wrote about how he and his wife take vacations.  They do well, but they are not ultra-wealthy by any means. But they still take lavish vacations.  How?

They have a credit card that racks up airline miles on all their purchases. When they went on vacation for 3 weeks to Asia, they booked two first class seats with their miles – paying just $45.  These tickets would have been over $8,000 each for first class, or about $1,600 each flying coach.

They used a service called to rent out and watch their apartment while they were gone.  It paid them $2,800 before they even left! With that money, they booked an oceanside room on the sand at $150 per night. With money left over.  They actually made money from booking their vacation.

  • They used airline miles to book expensive first class seats (cost, $16,000 1st class or $3,300 coach) that they wouldn’t have though to pay for otherwise. $45.00
  • The used a reliable and insured service to rent out their apartment – paying them $2,800 before they left.  Basically covering the cost of their hotel and giving them spending cash.

They were clear on what they wanted.  They wanted the lifestyle and the perks. And while they may at some point become ultra wealthy, they’re not waiting until then to do the things they want.  They understand that it’s not the money they want.  It’s what they can get with that money.  And they’ve found very real ways to do that in the meantime.

Things didn’t start changing for my until I stopped obsessing over dollar signs and lambourghinis. When I understood why I wanted those things, my goals and action steps became clearer.

When I start focusing on how I wanted to FEEL in a relationship, I met a wonderful girl.  I spent so much time thinking about what I wanted my potential girlfriend/wife to look like. To do for a living. What her family would be like.  If she was clean or messy.  How she’d dress. What kind of person would get a long with my friends…

Surface appearance.

One day after I ended another bad relationship, I stopped.  And I thought about how I wanted to FEEL.  I wanted to feel loved. Admired. Respected. Cherished. Warm.  When I thought about feeling that way with someone, all the other superficial desires melted away.  They didn’t matter.

And I did meet someone who makes me feel like that :)  And the best part is, I am aware of it.

It’s important to understand what we want.  And why. Get to the root of your desires.

When you do, you might find that it’s much simpler to get what you want after all.

To Your Success,


Some Amazing Comments


About the author

Adel Refai

Adel (‘Oddle’) has spent years as an online marketer and marketing coach. He realized very quickly that mindset, attitude and approach to life and business were always part of success. How you go about achieving your goals – your successes – are just as important as what you want to achieve.

Everybody needs help and guidance. He feels it's part of his mission to offer that guidance.

If something is holding you back. If there's a life out there that you want to reach for. Visit to unleash it.


  • Truly inspiring post Adel. Yes, I do find a majority of us go about life wanting something and doing something. Be it in personal or professional life, this is a huge difference that makes or mars a person’s happiness. To know what we want is the google map that gives a better direction in life.

  • Thank you for your post Adel,

    Quick question for you. Once you had established your goal on a feeling level how long did it take to connect with your new partner?

    Also, what ‘wants’ that you had established prior were actually characteristics of hers?

    • Hi Kael, hope you’re well.

      You know, it was some years ago. But I’d say about 5 months.
      Also, during that time, all the people that I was meeting were also better quality – not just the one woman I ended up being with.

      Once I was very, very clear on how I wanted to feel in a relationship, it just became so much easier to know (very quickly) if a person would provide that.

      So I stopped spending time dating or talking to people that I may have wasted time on before, and started focusing on people with the qualities I needed.

      It was pretty cool :)

      I’m not totally clear on your second question – sorry! Could you clarify or re-word it?

    • Hi Kael,

      You know, it was several years ago or more. If I remember correctly, I started to take the time to get clear on how I wanted to FEEL in a relationship right after I had ended a bad one. Not because she was a bad person, but because we were a terrible fit. And then it was about 5 months before I met my new partner.

      The thing about it is that during those 5 months, all the people I was meeting were gradually different. I saw people differently – or should I say that I saw them more clearly. I could tell pretty quickly if they would be able to provide me that feeling I wanted. And so, I moved on quickly when I met a bad match. Whereas before, I might have pursued them longer because I was focused on the wrong things.

      As for your second question, I’m a little unclear what you mean. Could you rephrase it? Thanks!

  • It’s so important to know what you want in life in order to work towards achieving your goals… great article

  • What I really want is to make decisions that are based on what I want and not what I can afford. I want to make decisions with my heart and not my wallet. Come what may, let me make the decisions based on my heart song. =)

    Melissa Curran
    Author of Find Your Paradigm: The Art of Living With Grace and Ease

  • Yep, you’re right. I do want alot of money… but I never cared about having the fancy cars or a massive house with rooms I don’t see for weeks cos there is so many.

    What I want is the experience. I want to be able to go anywhere I want without worrying about money, or goto courses or seminars I am interested in, or just randomly go on a trip with friends without having to say “I can’t, i’m pretty broke at the moment.”

    That is why I want more money, sure a ferrari may be cool to drive once or twice, but it doesn’t really motivate me at all.

  • I love all these comments! All great insights and experiences.
    It’s so important to take that extra step. To figure out what we want, BUT more importantly – Do NOT stop there.

    Learn to close your eyes, get quiet, and FEEL what you want. Get familiar with how it feels. FEEL being successful. FEEL having a good relationship. Figure out how you want to feel in those parts of your life.

    Then, you’ll focus your energy and time on the things that will contribute to that.

    Thanks for contributing your comments everyone. I learn a lot from you all!


  • I agree completely. When I was younger I thought I wanted all sorts of expensive things. When I got older, I realized I was going to have to work a lot and very hard to afford all of that stuff. When I really thought about it, all I wanted was to be n control of my life – to work if I wanted to or not. If I had bought all of that stuff, I would have to work, and probably past my expiration date!

  • Del,you are so right. Look at everything you’ve ever wanted and ask yourself, “why do I want that?” The answer is almost invariably “Because it will make me happy.” So focusing on that feeling and finding it today but also focusing on it as the end goal is really wise.

  • Hi Del ,
    That’s an interesting insight you’ve brought out about knowing what we want.What is necessary is the ability to take action towards our cherished desires.

    This action can come from feeling of inspiration, intuition, or even coincidental events. One very important thing to keep in mind when you do take action: be sure to feel good about it, about yourself and what you want beforehand. Now you know how to assist the Universe in fulfilling your dreams.
    All you need is firstly to have deep faith in your goals,and you need terrific honesty for that.It simply means that the goal you are pursuing is actually your passion only and not an imposition,that is cultural or personal.
    To that end you need to break away from your past and everything that doesn’t lend itself to your fulfillment.

  • I’ve been stuck in limbo for what seems like all of my life. Never knowing what I wanted whether it’s financially, career-wise, or in a relationship. I love the way you reframed the whole thing and made it about how you FELT instead. Perhaps that’s a much more effective way since I’m clueless about the what anyway.

    I want to feel financially secure enough, but not necessarily be a millionaire.

    I want to wake up every morning excited for work.

    I want to feel, in a relationship, like it’s an equal partnership where we’re both learning from each other.

    Ah, much better than, “I don’t know.”

  • ‘Get to the root of your desires.’ I really like that, Del! I strongly believe that the underlying belief, and underlying emotion about why you want what you want is one of the foundations that everything rests upon. It definitely is all about what emotional state your desire to create these new things in your life is stemming from..

    I also believe that in order to get what we want, we need to learn to accept and enjoy our life exactly as it is now. It’s not just necessary to accept it, but to feel grateful for it. I do love your example with the couple going on holiday, as it portrays exactly that!

  • I think this is where we often get lost when we set goals. We focus on an end result not what we really want to get out of it. I recently had some career goals I re-evaluated because I realized that an interesting job doing meaningful work was more important than a little extra money and a fancier title. I realized my real goal was to be financially secure and to do meaningful work that had lots of variety. Which my current job has.

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