Conquering Fear

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The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.~Gandhi~

We are often warned not to push anyone into a corner because that is when they fight their best and most vicious battles.

A cornered creature, man or animal, is dangerous, even vicious. That is the point at which one loses all fear. We become fearless when we lose that which we value the most. Because, when that happens, the rest doesn’t really seem to matter as much. And, we also realize the futility of having lived in fear of losing something that is now beyond reach.

We need to understand that we could possibly have been able to enjoy the finer intricacies of our object of desire much more if we hadn’t lived in constant fear of losing it. When we lose it, we see the futility of all the anxiety, the heartburn over it. We start looking for and finding ways of living without it. And the human mind and spirit, amazingly resilient as they are, discover reasons and conviction for why we are better off without that which is now lost.

That is the point at which you start enjoying the positive aspects of fearlessness. For, when you fear nothing, nobody can manipulate you anymore. You would be your own person and not dependent on anyone for your happiness or peace of mind. Your best bouts of courage are reserved for times when you have nothing to lose.

Fear in relationships

In relationships, most manipulations occur because we hand over the weapon of our fear to be used against us to those we love most. A lover is able to manipulate his beloved’s emotions by threatening withdrawal of love and care. He will sulk, not talk or withdraw caring gestures — all the things that a loved one values. So you give in, bow to the will of the lover, and make compromises, all for fear of losing that which is cherished.

On the other hand, if the lover overplays his hand and carries on the withdrawal act beyond a point, the beloved may finally get used to the idea of rejection and taking the loss as an accomplished fact, and lose all fear in the relationship.

Fear of losing leaves you impotent not just in relationships but also in everyday situations such as your work life, with friends or relatives and even with strangers. It extends beyond material things to prestige, respect, happiness, peace of mind, etc.

Fear in life

At work, how often we let people get away with delivering shoddy work, doing an injustice to someone or cheating us just because we fear losing our peace of mind over an altercation?? We allow incompetent people to underperform for fear of creating a situation and so losing our calm.

In financial situations, fear of loss makes us lose money! In the ’60s, reportedly a couple who invested big time in a single stock, PepsiCo, saw a major portion of their money vanish as the market took a downslide. This scared them so much that they not just dumped Pepsi, but never bought a single share after that. If they had only overcome that fear of loss, the same portion in PepsiCo would have been worth $3 million by now!

For courage is not just required for doing battle, but also for maintaining a sense of calm, for making money, for living a good life — in short for everything. The ‘fight or flight’ syndrome kicks in irrespective of the fact whether the thing we fear losing is physical, mental or a financial threat.

Those who can learn the trick of transcending this fear of loss, would find the courage to enjoy that which they love most while they still retain it. What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.

Think of the worst that can possibly happen. Get used to the idea and accept it. From there on, things can only get better… and you can acquire courage even as you retain the object you feared losing, for you fear that no more. You know loss is a possibility and you are moving ahead with that in mind.

You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind. ~Dale Carnegie~

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Comments

  1. Gail @ A Flourishing Life says:
    November 10, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    I appreciate your suggestions, Zeenat. When we know fear directly, it becomes an ally rather than an enemy. Embracing fear can teach us that emotions are not so scary. When fear is brought to conscious awareness, it loses its power over us.

    I, too, have contemplated losing everything – even my life, an exercise that has been incredibly freeing.
    .-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..Time to Forgive (audio) =-.

    Reply
  2. Dayne | TheHappySelf.com says:
    November 10, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real (in our thoughts).

    Once we realize this, and stay present, instead of in our minds and the future, fear can cease. :)

    Great post!
    Dayne :)
    .-= Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..6 Motivation Techniques to Jumpstart Your Life =-.

    Reply
  3. Steven Aitchison says:
    November 10, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    Zeenat, just wanted to welcome you as a guest on CYT. You’ve written a great first article and one that a lot of people will relate to. Hopefully will see more articles from y0u on CYT.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 10, 2009 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Steven,
      Thank you so much for this opportunity. I still cant believe I am sitting here replying to comments to a post I wrote on CYT!!!
      The pic you have chosen is lovely :)
      I am glad you liked this article. I would love to write more for CYT in the future.
      Hey, what do you think of this article??? What comment would you have left had this not been your blog ;) ??? {me curious}
      .-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Do you really Think??? =-.

      Reply
  4. Tristan Lee says:
    November 10, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Great post Zeenat. We often fear things when they haven’t even happened to us yet. I think fear is nothing but made up thoughts inside of our minds that causes uncomfortable feelings during the present moment. If we conquer our thoughts, we can conquer our fears.
    .-= Tristan Lee´s last blog ..Will Power – A Contradictory Concept =-.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 11, 2009 at 5:18 am

      Hi Tristan,
      Great way of putting…’conquer out thoughts to conquer our fears’…!!!
      You know…its easier said than done. But the most important part is..it CAN be done. I think an initiative towards the fear and acceptance of the fear itself..makes all the difference.
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment:) Appreciate it.
      .-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Do you really Think??? =-.

      Reply
  5. Ideas With A Kick says:
    November 10, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    I know it’s been said a million times, but I like thinking about it every time: fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. I think conquering fear means going on a journey towards understanding this. Great post!

    Eduard
    .-= Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Personal development readers vs. personal development doers =-.

    Reply
  6. BunnygotBlog says:
    November 10, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    Fear of risk is like being dormant. Seriously what doesn’t hold a certain amount of risk in life. I like to think of fear as a great adventure.

    I love what the young man above said. ” fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. I think conquering fear means going on a journey towards understanding this. ”

    The manipulation is relationships is sad but I think when a person allows this they are suffering from low self-esteem. You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.Only we can do that as individuals. A spouse or significant other compliments our life but isn’t responsible for our moods. If I wake up to a grumpy husband, his mood doesn’t effect mine unless he takes it out on me.
    Then I tell him to SNAP out of it!!!!

    Great article, sweetie.
    .-= BunnygotBlog´s last blog ..The Answer Lies Within The Question =-.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 11, 2009 at 6:43 pm

      HI BUnny,
      We make choices all the time to be happy or unhappy….fearless or ferful…it is ultimately our choice. No external factor should be able to make that choice for us. I think making our self strong from the inside makes all the difference.
      And sweetie..youre the ultimate strong woman :)
      Glad you liked the article :)
      .-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Do you really Think??? =-.

      Reply
  7. Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills says:
    November 10, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    such an important issue, thanks for a great article Zeenat!
    .-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..50 Timeless Life Lessons =-.

    Reply
  8. Miche | Serenity Hacker says:
    November 10, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    Hi Zeenat, I have seen thoughtful comments of yours on some other blogs I read but never got the chance to read you, but now I have and have found your blog as well, and I’m glad for it.

    I really enjoyed this post, and loved the Gandhi quote. I like your approach to learning about fear rather than cowering from it. I really appreciate this line the most:

    “We need to understand that we could possibly have been able to enjoy the finer intricacies of our object of desire much more if we hadn’t lived in constant fear of losing it.”

    Fear stops us from direct experience, including joy… yes, we will one day lose everything, which is all the more reason to enjoy what we have, while we have it.

    Thanks for sharing your insights here with us.

    Cheers,
    Miche :)
    .-= Miche | Serenity Hacker´s last blog ..Accepting Suffering and A Call for Compassion =-.

    Reply
  9. Robin Easton says:
    November 10, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    This is a GREAT article, one that hits right into my own Life experience. I’ve been doing the “look at the worst that can happen” thing for years and it works. It’s only when we run from fear and don’t nail it down as to what we specifically fear that it gets bigger and BIGGER and BIIIIIGGGGER! :) Until it’s just this big black unknown intangible could hanging over us. Great advice you are giving here. Sending you love, dear Zeenat. Robin
    .-= Robin Easton´s last blog ..When We Don’t Speak of Death =-.

    Reply
  10. Oliver says:
    November 11, 2009 at 4:02 am

    Fear is the product of our unbelief.
    .-= Oliver´s last blog ..Will You Outsource or Not to Outsource?: Tips for SMB’S Regarding IT Outsourcing! =-.

    Reply
  11. Anastasiya says:
    November 11, 2009 at 4:30 am

    Hi Zeenat, I really enjoyed reading this post of yours.
    I remember a few situations in my life when I was acting out of fear (actually I avoided doing anything out of fear). Those were the worst days of my life and I am very glad that I finally faced my fears and did something. I found that after I faced my first fear it got really easy to face any other fears that I encountered in my life. Living in fear of something is much worse than the worst that can happen to you. If something is meant to happen then it will happen anyway and no fear or thoughts can stop that.
    .-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..Life Priorities, Choices and Balanced Living Simply Said =-.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 11, 2009 at 7:06 pm

      HI Anastasiya- such a beautiful name :) ,
      Its true..that once you are able to muster the courage to face the first fear….the rest dont seem that big a deal.They are…but they are easier, cause in your mind you think “if i could overcome that, i can overcome anything”. It gets easier after that…:)
      Thank you so much for your lovely insight :)

      Reply
  12. Armen Shirvanian says:
    November 11, 2009 at 5:08 am

    Hi Zeenat.

    Thinking of the worst that can possibly happen sure is freeing, as you alluded to in the article and Gail referred to in her comment.

    That’s true about manipulation. Fear is used to manipulate, and it is the reason it can be hard to prevent manipulation.

    I have allowed myself to be manipulated to attend an event, for example, using fear that I might miss out on something, or that I will let someone down and things will change between us. When I let this fear not have a substantial effect on me, I see that it was just preventing clear decisions.

    Valid post here.
    .-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Knowledge Is Your Best Friend =-.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 13, 2009 at 5:40 am

      Hi Armen,
      Youve pointed out a very valid point here….
      The external factors which breathe fuel to our fears need to be eradicated..or taken out of the equation completely..only then will we be able truly conquer our fears. The courage to face and make our own decisions is what makes us unique.
      Thank you for such an insightful comment :)
      .-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Do you really Think??? =-.

      Reply
  13. Positively Present says:
    November 11, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Fantastic post! I’ve been having a lot of fear when it comes to happiness lately so it was great for me to read this. Thank you!!
    .-= Positively Present´s last blog ..note to self: it’s okay to be happy =-.

    Reply
  14. Tess The Bold Life says:
    November 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    I love to bring myself to the present moment when I’m afraid. If I find myself in fear it’s due to the pain of the past or fear of the future. Great post Zeenat!
    .-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..If I were King or Queen…I’d Change Our World =-.

    Reply
  15. amanda@choosing-life-my-way.com says:
    November 11, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    Fear is such a powerful force in our lives. Understanding how it works and how to manage it can make the world of difference, and I really like your insights on the topic.
    .-= amanda@choosing-life-my-way.com´s last blog ..Nothing In My Way =-.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 13, 2009 at 5:47 am

      HI Amanda,
      Fear can truly break us..if not checked and caught at the right time. The force it has on our psyche is tremendous. Understanding it and having the courage to face it can truly as you say make a world of difference.
      Glad you liked this post. Thank you for your lovely comment :)
      .-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Do you really Think??? =-.

      Reply
  16. Chris Akins says:
    November 11, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    Zeenat,

    Great article. I remember during my military training we had to navigate a rope course that was suspended 10-15 ft above the ground, without safety gear. The sergeant kept yelling up at us, “fear will get you hurt!”

    Learning to face your fears is a crucial step in personal development, and in becoming a purposeful being. As you say, once you let go of fear you can then be the person who you truly are. You are no longer bound by outside expectations.

    But, I would also say that fear has its uses as well. The idea is not to eliminate fear, but to overcome it. A person who simply suppresses or denies fear puts himself at risk. But a person who accepts fear and consequences can act in an informed way.

    Reply
  17. Karlil says:
    November 12, 2009 at 7:17 am

    This is really a great article Zeenat. I would have commented earlier if I wasn’t busy. I truly believe that fear exist only in the mind. For me personally, I control fear by staying in the present and stop assuming. Thankfully it works most of the time.
    .-= Karlil´s last blog ..20 Commandments That Makes A Man =-.

    Reply
    • Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:
      November 14, 2009 at 9:19 am

      Hey Karlil,
      Youre right..its all in the mind…and staying in the present does work wonders to keep the fear off…as usually its past experiences that have triggered that fear in the first place.
      Glad you liked this article…and stopped by to comment, Thx :)

      Reply
  18. Farouk says:
    November 12, 2009 at 9:58 am

    hi zeenat
    nice post indeed:)
    one of the main reason we fail to get the most out of our lives is preferring to live in our comfort zone

    Reply
  19. Debby Bruck says:
    November 13, 2009 at 5:34 am

    Fear is a very powerful force. What do we have to fight against this fear from the outside that seeps into the inside? We must believe in others. Find the good and beauty in others. Believe in ourselves that we can heal pain and make a better world.

    Debby, Founder of Homeopathy World Community
    .-= Debby Bruck´s last blog ..Paraskevidekatriaphobia – Fear of 13th November =-.

    Reply
  20. Nikka says:
    November 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    I think everyone has fears. Even if you conquer a specific fear, another one will arise. I think it’s somewhat healthy to have fears as long as you know how to handle it and you do something about it. Just my two cents.
    .-= Nikka´s last blog ..Creating That Connection =-.

    Reply
  21. Zoli Cserei says:
    November 17, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Hey Zeenat!

    I’m so glad I found you here, too!
    Fear kills too many things in our lives. Fear can kill passion, fear can kill love, fear can kill courage. I think that fear is the universal opposite to all things positive! Sometimes, fear is a good thing to have, because it warns you of danger, however, it should stay on the level of a warning, and should not develop into a happiness blocker.

    Take Care, Zeenat!
    Zoli
    .-= Zoli Cserei´s last blog ..Green is the new Digital! =-.

    Reply
  22. Janet says:
    November 19, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    You are complete correct when you say that you have to overcome and conquer fear if you want to accomplish anything great in your life.

    Reply
  23. jasin simms says:
    December 3, 2009 at 5:17 am

    i wanted to ask a question relating to conquering fears through adventure activities. Is it possible for people to push their life to a new level by participating in an activity that is outside of a persons natural comfort zone like bunji jumping for example? If so would the relative feeling of excitment and empowerment allow a person to push aside anxiety and fear in all aras of their lives? Are ther any pittfalls to participating in such activities and would people look at this as an effective thing to do in their past time in order to enhance their lives.

    Reply

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  1. Tweets that mention Conquering Fear | Change your thoughts -- Topsy.com says:
    November 11, 2009 at 3:45 am

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steven Aitchison and Timothy Enalls, Gina @ JMP. Gina @ JMP said: RT @tweetmeme The Enemy Is Not Hate but Fear http://bit.ly/2GAKdh [...]

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