How often have you asked your kids ‘How was school today?’ and the reply was ‘it was okay!’ and that’s it. My youngest son just started high school today and my wife and I have been nervous and anxious for him, although we’ve been careful not to show him this. I took a day off work so I could spend a little longer with him when dropping him off for school and then to pick him up again. It was heartbreaking to watch him go into school, ‘He’s all grown up.’ I thought with a little lump in my throat, It’s like time is slipping by and before we know it he’ll be a grown man.

Well, when I went to pick him up, I was all excited and asked:

‘Well, how did it go?’

‘It was okay’ he said smiling, knowing I wanted to hear all about it. I eventually got some blood from the stone and he told me about it in dribs and drabs, however he seemed to enjoy it and has made a few friends already which is always good.

My other son, who is in his 3rd year at high school is exactly the same and sometimes I can’t even get blood from that stone. I advised them that we have spent weeks worrying and feeling anxious for them and all we ask in return is a little information about their day at school. So I advise them to give a little more and not have my wife beat the hell out of them just to get a little info. My wife duly comes home, practically running in to see how they got on at school and thankfully they were a little more open.

I guess it’s just boys being boys, I remember being exactly the same and always wondered why my mum was so interested in my school activities. My niece, on the other hand, talks at 100 miles per hour and talks for hours.

here’s a few tips I have learned over the years about communicating with children:

37 Ways to communicate better with your children

1. Always be interested in their day, even if they don’t want to tell you anything.
2. Pay attention to them and make them feel as if they are the only person in the room when they speak to you.
3. Make time to sit down with them in a relaxed manner to allow them to open up more.
4. Sit down for family meals (One of the best decisions we made was to always make it a rule to all sit round the dinner table together).
5. Keep eye contact to show you are listening.
6. Don’t dismiss the little things they tell you about.
7. Keep close to them when they are talking, don’t have a conversation whilst you are in the kitchen and they are in their room.
8. Show them you love them and always tell them you love them.
9. Tell them you believe in them often.
10. Children are not your friends and letting them off with the small things could lead to bigger problems in the future.
11. Always listen to their side of the story if there are any arguments or rows going on.
12. Praise them with every single thing they do well.
13. Be as open and honest as possible with them about EVERYTHING.
14. If you have more than 1 child make time so you can spend time alone together, even if it’s driving to the shops.
15. Read between the lines. Kids have a way of telling you something without directly telling you.
16. Don’t interrupt children when they are trying to tell you something.
17. Ask their opinion on something that’s important to you and them.
18. Tell them about your day and encourage discussion.
19. Give them a hug at least 200 times per day
20. Always say please and thank you when speaking to your kids, they will develop manners this way.
21. Encourage them to voice their opinion on the big family decisions, like buying a house, a car etc.
22. Tell them stories of when you were younger, kids always want to hear this.
23. Play games with them as much as possible.
24. Step into their world for a bit and get to learn what they like.
25. Become a child for a day and just have a toy fight, pillow fight, wrestle, and do the silly things that kids do.
26. Respect their privacy, always knock.
27. Give them unexpected presents.
28. Let let go up the down escalator
29. Let them have their own style and find it themselves.
30. be proud of them ,even when they didn’t quite make but tried their best.
31. Just hold them, that little bit longer than you normally would.
32. Let them find their own hobbies and encourage them in finding them.
33. Stand back to let them them make their own mistakes, they’ll grow a lot quicker.
34.Take them to where you grew up and tell them about it.
35. Forgive them as they forgive you.
36. Don’t make them wear a jacket if they don’t want to even when it’s raining.
37. Just love them for the little individuals they are, just love them!

Is there anything else you would add to this list, why not leave a comment below.

The internet is a fantastic way for us to communicate, quickly and easily and is questionably responsible for changing our lives over the last 20 years. There is no doubt is can help us gain knowledge, communicate, bank, shop, sell, make money, be creative and to express ourselves. However, for every good there has to be a bad and the internet is the same. No matter how we interact as human beings there are still those among us who are evil at heart and prey on the innocent.

We have to think the unspeakable before we can protect our children and there is no better place to try and hide than behind a telephone line or satellite dish with hundreds of miles separating us.

I was at a talk at my son’s school the other night and I am still amazed at how many parents don’t know what their children get up to on their computers. It’s not because we are not concerned about our children it’s because of the technology, we are scared of it and don’t have the inclination to learn about it: ‘it’s for the young’. Tell me this; if you had to learn how to use computers and the internet to save your child’s life, would you do it? That’s how dangerous the internet could be, so it’s better to learn as much as you can.

Here are 10 ways to keep your child safe online

1. The most important thing to do is talk with your children about safety online and how important it is for them to talk with you about anything that happens whilst on the internet. It is important for your children to understand that you are trying to protect them and talk with them about some things that have happened in real life to other children and how you want to prevent this happening to them. Advise your children that you don’t want to invade in their privacy but you will be keeping tabs on what they do online from now on.
2. Make sure you are the administrator on the computer and create another user account for your children which you will have control over. This means your children will be restricted as to what they can view and download.
3. The first thing to do is put a filter on what your children can and can’t access online and what type of sites they can view. Windows Vista has a parental control built in however there is other software out there which can help to keep children safe online, the most popular is ‘Net Nanny ‘.
4. Learn what your children are learning. Get to know sites like Bebo, Facebook, MySpace, and create a profile on them to get to know them better.
5. Learn how to use MSN messenger, AOL Messenger, Google talk etc. Insist that your children record their conversations so you can scan them at a later date. This sounds very intrusive but I would much rather keep my children safe and have them think I am being a pain. Learn how to record conversations in these messenger services and check on them weekly. You don’t need to read every detail of the conversation, you are there t protect, not to spy. I have advised my children they can still talk how they normally talk on these messenger services and they will not get into trouble, within agreeable limits of course.
6. Keep your child’s computer in a communal area within the house. If locked in a room there are unscrupulous people who can get your child to do something that they don’t want to if they know they are alone in a bedroom.
7. Remember that older children are curious about sex and relationships and the internet can be a safe way to explore this. If you find inappropriate content on the computer and it is not illegal and disturbing don’t worry too much. Try and remember what you were like as a teenager and how curious you were.
8. Check the sites your children are visiting by clicking on Control + H whilst in the browser they usually use. This will give you an idea about their surfing habits.
9. It’s not so common these days but make sure if your children enter chat rooms that they do not stumble in over 18’s cat lines. Also advise your children not to chat in the private rooms available on these sites, especially with people they do not know.
10. Know who to report any abuse that may happen on the internet. The first port of call is obviously the police if it is serious enough. However there are websites you can go to report abuse:

Virtual Global Task Force
Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre
DFES funded Parent’s Centre on Bullying
Internet Watch Foundation

Other sites you might be interested in:
http://safekids.com/
http://www.getnetwise.org/gnwtv/
http://www.kidsmart.org.uk/
http://www.netfamilynews.org/
http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/usingcomputersandtheinternet/

Appreciating your children

It’s father’s day again over here in the UK and I received a fantastic gift from my two boys. It was a speaker set for my iPod Nano. I love it and it was bought from my sons own money which makes it all the more special as they were willing to spend their own money to get this.

Whilst being given gifts is not a pre-requisite to appreciating your children, it does help their case. Seriously, I often stop to appreciate my boys but I feel I don’t do it enough.

I think about ways of being a better father all the time and think of ways to show my appreciation. I think most children want a bit of our time and attention and to be loved. If they have this then they will, on the whole, be happy. Obviously events will come up in their lives which will make them unhappy but as long as we are there to pick up the pieces then their suffering should be lessened.

When I talk about children I am talking about 0 – 16 years of age. After this it’s time for children to take responsibility. It’s important they know they are still very much supported but to a lesser degree, it’s called tough love at times.

If I were to give 5 tips in appreciating your children more it would be:

How do you appreciate your children? Leave a comment and let us know…

Here are some recommendations and the products I have spoken about in this post

10 traits to lose friends and
lovers

I think of myself
as a fairly pleasant person who is kind of laid back and likes most people. I have
been teaching my sons, which is an ongoing process, about potentially harmful
traits. As children we all learn our personality from the feedback we
get from those around us, if we lie and get a lot of attention for it we will
continue to lie. If we are rude and get a reputation for it we will continue
to be rude.

I have looked at some traits
that I dislike in other people and hopefully am teaching my sons to avoid. I
think if people could rid themselves of the following traits the World might
be a better place.

The ten most hated traits

1. Arrogant– (Meaning
   = unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you are more important than, or
   know more than, other people).
   We’ve all come across
   people like this. When I think of the arrogant people I have met it seems
   to be mainly men that display this trait. I have also noticed that it
   seems to be a class trait i.e. people who are in the ‘upper class’ can
   be arrogant with the ‘lower classes’ (yes the class system
   is still very much embedded in UK culture).
2. Rudeness – (Meaning
   = not polite; offensive or embarrassing)When I think of people who are
   rude I tend to think of shop sales assistants. I know in America they
   are much more customer focused but in the UK customer service in shops can
   be terrible. It’s especially annoying when someone is serving you
   and they are talking to their friend about what happened last night.
3. Domineering – (Meaning
   = inclined to rule arbitrarily or despotically; overbearing; tyrannical:
   domineering parents.People who try to control others
   are not a good trait at all. Again this can often be seen in the office
   and at home. It is a form of abuse and can be hard to spot sometimes. Of
   course some people like to be dominated (stop that!!) but that is a choice,
   which is different altogether.
4. Dishonesty – (Meaning
   = not honest)The trait that I abhor the most
   in people! Everybody lies whether it be a white lie or a big ‘honestly
   I didn’t kill him’ lie. However when someone lies constantly
   it is very irritating and annoying especially after you have pointed out that
   you know they are lying and they continue with it. I am teaching my
   boys that honesty is always always always the best way even if it feels difficult. If
   you are honest all the time it will lead to people trusting you more and
   valuing your opinion more.
5. Temperamental – (Meaning = describes
   someone whose mood tends to change very suddenly)Sorry ladies, but I have
   found the most temperamental people tend to be female, especially if you’ve
   ever worked in an office. I don’t know if it’s the office
   air or sick building syndrome but people change as soon as they enter their
   office of work. I have seen me standing chatting to someone outside and
   then when I see them again in the office their eyes have turned blood red,
   little horns have sprouted from their heads and they talk like they’ve
   just smoked 100 cigarettes “ what the F%*& are you talking to me
   for”, at that point I’m outta there.
6. Conceited – (Meaning
   = Holding a high opinion of yourself)Much like arrogance and just
   as annoying. It great to have a good opinion of yourself but when
   it is displayed to others in a manner as to make others feel small it can
   be very unpleasant.
7. Unreliable – (Meaning
   = cannot be relied or depended upon)Another trait that can extremely
   annoying. Again we’ve all come across people like this at work,
   at school, at university, in fact every area of life. We also know, very
   quickly, not to rely on that person for anything. When reliability
   is not there we tend to think they have other traits related to this such
   as lazy, disorganised, selfish etc.
8. Dependent – (Meaning
   = relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc).I am talking
   here about people who are overly dependent especially in relationships. There
   is no bigger turn off for a person than the man or woman who seems to depend
   on your relationship to survive.
9. Pessimism –(Meaning
   = the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable
   outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc)How to lose friends quickly
   = be pessimistic all the time. It’s quite funny when you get the
   grumpy guy in the office who moans about everything but deep down you know
   he likes the world. However when you get the person who moans about
   their job, their house, their life, their children, the world and are serious
   about it– how quickly do you run away from them? It can be
   very draining being around people like this they literally sap your energy.
10. Condescending – (Meaning
    = showing or implying a usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority).This
    is another trait which riles me. Of course this is open to interpretation
    in many cases. On
    a few occasions I have asked people if they are meaning to sound condescending
    and often they are embarrassed and explain that it was not their intention,
    so it can be a tricky one.

Conclusion

Do you recognise yourself in
the list above? If you do it is easy to rid yourself of these traits. The
main trick is to recognise it when it happens. As soon as you recognise
you can change you. For the next few days be aware of how you interact
with people around you, listen to your language, be aware of what you do
when you are listening, and be aware of what you do when you are talking.

Next week I
will talk about deleting old traits and installing new traits. Sounds
simple when you put it like that but it really is simple to install a new trait.

Why don’t
you leave a comment and tell me what traits you hate.

Being a dad, not just a father

Being a Dad is possibly the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your
life. It will be the longest commitment you ever make in your life and
it will be the source a lot of you r emotional turmoil’s. I am
a dad of two boys aged 9 and 11 and they constantly drive me nuts, make me
laugh, make me mad, make me feel proud; one minute I am on a high with them
the next minute I am on a downer. No other relationship will be as wild
as this. But what is being a dad?

I was out today in Glasgow with my two sons and the youngest one, who I am
probably hardest on, as he is probably the hardest to deal with, was complaining
of being cold. We were walking along and he started singing a little
marching song: ‘I don’t know what you’ve been told, but my
big butt is freezing cold’ and we all started laughing, I mean real belly
laughing and tears forming laughing. It was one of those moments that
happens every once in a while and it does so much for our relationship, it
brings us closer than ever before.

I constantly feel I could be a better dad. I feel I work too much and
don’t see my kids or wife often enough and it’s this time in their
young lives which I will affect the most if I am with them. My wife
also feels like this sometimes and we convince ourselves we do it for the family
and for the future. The truth is we are good parents and we do spend
enough time with our boys. However, unless you are not working I think
one always feels that they do not do enough for their kids.

The fact that myself and my wife are so loving towards each other makes a
huge difference in the boy’s lives. It is teaching them so much
about relationships, about love, about respect, about how to treat other people. All
that from a kiss, a cuddle, a look and a bit of larking around.

The three stages of boyhood

Research has shown that there are distinct stages in boyhood, and in general
there are three.

Ages 0 – 6 years: Boys are still very much attached
to their mother. Their father is still very important, and it is important
to be around. However the mother shows the boy warmth love and shows
that the world is a safe place to live in.

Ages 6 – 14: This is the stage when boys want to develop
their sense of what it is to be male. This is where the dad steps up
and takes the reigns form the mother. The mother is still very much there,
but plays a less prominent role. This is when the boys are learning about
skill and being male. There is a big change and they want to play with
swords, guns, knives and want to wrestle with their dad and siblings. The
dad is the role model in every sense, their sense of humour, their playfulness,
their love and respect for the world is learned from their father at this stage.

Ages 14 – Adulthood: This is when the mother
and father take a step back and let other role models take a more prominent
role. This is when the parents have to, as much as possible, make sure
that their son has role models and peers in their lives that will be a positive
influence.

Tips for being a great dad

You can’t be a great dad all the time, but as long as you are conscious
of the way you are parenting your boys it will go a long way. My wife
and I have frequent discussions about parenting and how we could be better
parents. We have an open and honest talk about where we can possibly
improve. We also tell each other if we think the other is being unfair
in certain aspects of parenting.

Over the years the most important tips I would give about being a great dad
are;

Being a dad can be very hard work but it can also be very rewarding. I
love my boys and cherish them. I am not always a good dad but I question
my responsibility every day and that’s what will make me a better dad.