A little while back I came across the concept of a gratitude journal. It’s such a simple idea, and yet I can honestly say it’s had a profound effect on my mood and the way I perceive the world. In fact, I’m such a convert that I want to spread the word to anyone who hasn’t yet heard of a gratitude journal. So without any further ado…

What is a gratitude journal?

A gratitude journal is quite simply just that, a journal in which you write the things you’re grateful for. However, unlike a normal journal or diary, you’re only allowed to write positive things in a gratitude journal.

Why keep a gratitude journal?

It can be easy to slip into the habit of focussing attention on the negatives in life. Perhaps you’re worn out by ill-health, or you might be experiencing financial difficulties. You may be unhappy with your current circumstances, or consumed by a desire to own something you just can’t afford,or it could be another reason altogether. Whatever the cause, it’s pretty miserable to feel negative all the time, and if that’s how you feel then chances are you’re attracting negative people or situations into your life, which just perpetuates a cycle of negativity.

Keeping a daily gratitude journal may help you to turn this around. By making a conscious decision to focus your attention on the positive side of life you can start to shift your thinking from negative to positive. The more you look for the good things in life, the more you’ll find.

How do I keep a gratitude journal?

Firstly, you’ll need a place to record your entries. You can use a notebook, a diary, a journal, a file on your computer or other method. The important thing is to pick something that’s going to work for you, because you need to be motivated to make daily entries in your gratitude journal. If a beautifully covered book will help motivate you, choose that, but if you prefer technology you may choose a computer file or even a blog (just have a think about whether you want your entries to be private or open to be read by the rest of the world!).

Once you’ve chosen how you’re going to record your entries, you just need to start. Each day, record in your gratitude journal the things you’re grateful for that day. If you find it hard to remember the things you’re grateful for when you sit down to write in your gratitude journal, it might help to make notes as things occur to you during the day.

I write in my gratitude journal each night, just before I go to sleep. For me, this means that I end each day on a positive note, I seem to sleep more peacefully, and I start each day in a brighter mood. But again, it’s important to pick a time when you’re going to be the most motivated to write in your gratitude journal. The important thing is to commit to making entries every day.

Opinions vary as to how many things to record in your gratitude journal each day – some people suggest that you list one thing, other people suggest that you record up to five or more things. I’ve found five to be a happy medium, simply because the first two or so things come to me reasonably easily each day, but I often have to stretch to get to four or five.

I’ve also seen seen it said that you shouldn’t record the same thing twice in your gratitude journal. I think it’s up to you. I try to avoid saying the same thing on consecutive days, but sometimes I’m just truly grateful for something that I’ve been grateful for before, and I think that’s ok.

Really, the one hard and fast rule is that you can only record positive things. Otherwise, I’d figure out what works best for you, and stick with that.

When you start, and on good days, you may find it relatively easy to think of things to be grateful for. After a while, and particularly on difficult days, it can be a struggle. However, it’s on the difficult days that it’s most important to make entries in your gratitude journal, as it’s on those days that you need your positive outlook the most. When I’m having a particularly trying day, and it seems hard to imagine that there could be anything to be grateful for, I’ve found it really useful to re-read my earlier journal entries to help to reframe my outlook and get some inspiration.

You might also want to mix it up when it comes to the things you record in your gratitude journal. I sometimes find that I’ve been focussing on one area of my life (for example, my family or my job), and when that happens I try to expand my horizons by including other aspects of my life (a smile from a stranger as I walked around the grocery store, or having a particularly great cup of coffee).

Once you get the hang of recording the things you’re grateful for in your journal, why not try spreading the gratitude with the people around you. Thank the person who made the great cup of coffee, pass on the smile to another stranger, send some good vibes to a friend in a postcard or email, or let your colleagues know how much you appreciate them. You might also like to visit Gratitude Connection to share your daily gratitude journal entries, and to see what other people are grateful for.

Today I’m grateful for…the opportunity to share what I’ve learned about gratitude journals. I’d love to learn about your experiences with gratitude journals, and to hear what you’re grateful for today.

Someone I know well hates appointments from the bottom of his heart. She really hates to agree on a certain time and date in the future to meet someone or to do something.

When I examined how she reacts before appointments I found that she constantly keeps telling herself that she won’t catch the appointment on time and so she feels extremely stressed and overwhelmed.

Because each time she arranges an appointment to do something she feels stressed and overwhelmed she started to hate appointments.

She wasn’t aware that this is the reason why she hates them but all she knew was that arranging appointments was the last thing she wants to do in life.

In short, we don’t hate tasks, people or our jobs but we hate the emotions we experience while doing them.

Ask any person who hates his job to give you more details and you will soon find that he hates it because of the emotions he experiences while doing the job (maybe an amount of stress that he can’t handle or the fear of the arrogant boss who is managing him)

If that person learned how to manage his stress or to control his fear he won’t hate his job anymore!!

The psychology of hatred

The first day Sam went to college he was bullied by one of his colleagues in front of everybody.

When Sam went to sleep that day his mind kept wondering of the possible solutions to the bullying problem he faced. One of the suggested solutions by Sam’s mind came in the form of day dreaming where he saw himself kicking that bully and beating him up in front of everyone

But since the bully was stronger than Sam the suggestion was rejected and so Sam’s mind found no way to avoid the bullying pain but to keep Sam away of that guy.

Sam’s mind decided to let him experience bad feelings upon seeing the bully or even when expecting him to show up just to keep him away from him, these bad feelings are otherwise known as “Hatred”

People Hate others when they find themselves helpless

Didn’t you just notice something about the operation of the mind?

When the subconscious mind doesn’t find any solution to a certain problem it uses hatred as a final resort.

People hate their bosses because they can’t shout at them

People hate their jobs much if they can’t find alternatives

People hate things when these things harm them and they find themselves unable to defend themselves

In short, the next time you discover that someone hates you, make sure that he is feeling helpless. Instead of feeling bad or thinking that you are not worthy of being loved you should feel sorry for that helpless person.

“Ever since there have been human beings, they have given themselves over to too little joy. That alone my friends, is our original sin. I should only believe in a God who knows how to dance.” – Henri Matisse

Don’t we all want a little more joy in our lives? Living in our chaotic world it’s easy to get caught up in every emotion but joy.  Someone who is truly joyful doesn’t get hooked into what’s wrong with our world. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. It means they don’t live in fear. It’s impossible to be fearful and joyful at the same time.

Don’t allow tension, anxiety, depression or world events steal your joy.

How to feel joy and dance with life:

1. Call forth feelings of love and appreciation for yourself. Everybody has days when they feel unworthy of love. Think of a child you love and transfer those loving feelings to yourself. Let the warm and heartfelt feeling blanket you from head to toe.
2. Find pleasure in simple things. It’s easy to live a simple life when you can find appreciation for simple things. Feelings of lack come from overlooking the pleasure of a cold drink, a hug, a new book or a simple blade of grass.
3. Stay out of debt. Debt is one of the leading causes of emotional and psychological stress. Last year I decided to eliminate one purchase a month. In January it was designer coffee, in February it was magazines, in March it was new clothes and as the 2009 comes to an end I rarely have any unnecessary purchases.
4. How are you giving back to life? Do something altruistic and fun. This year we donated money to “Wounded Warriors” and “The Smile Train.” In 2010 we are going to work with wwww.peanutbutterplan.org. People gather to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then hand them out to the homeless.
5. Forgive yourself and others. Is someone in your life you need to forgive and can’t or won’t for some reason? Become aware of the story you tell yourself about this person. Next, drop the story. Everyone deserves another chance. Resentment is like having a ball and chain around you ankle that weighs you down. Choose to begin with a clean slate each morning.
6. Eliminate gossip in your life. For the next 24 hours only speak positively about others. Tiger Woods and his family is an example of gossip gone wrong. In order for Tiger to heal his life he needs our support and prayers not our gossip and insane inquiry of details.
7. Avoid unhappy people. Refuse to be in the presence of people who bring you down or deplete your energy. Surrounding yourself with happy and successful people sounds selfish. It’s not. It’s one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
8. Get off the pity pot. Drop your story about your past. It’s impossible to be happy if you blame others for your life circumstances. You aren’t responsible for what happened to you in your childhood. You are responsible for how you handle it today
9. Find hobbies that make time stand still. In our busy lives many of us don’t allow time to play or get creative. Pursuing a hobby is a joyful gift to your self.
10. Learn to accept constructive criticism. I was twenty two years old, out-of-control and an immature mother when my brother-in-law, Paul, looked me in the eyes and said, “you need help.” With a few months I decided to get counseling. Because I didn’t take it personally his comment changed my life.
11. Live by the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Being able to put myself in another’s shoes has allowed me to be kind, generous and caring when I haven’t wanted to be. We are all on the same path doing the best we know how to do.
12. Choose calm over drama. It’s easy to get caught up in what is going on around you. Inner peace is being able to remain centered in any kind of difficulty.
13. Focus on good. Begin every morning by writing down five things that are right in your world. Today I have my health, my home, a car that runs, food in my refrigerator and people who love me. When we focus on good it multiplies.
14. Change your routine. We are creatures of habit. Take an alternative route to work, change your cologne and sleep on the other side of the bed. This expands creativity and allows you see things in a different light.
15. Radiate positive energy. Decide each morning that you will make it a great day. Choose to smile, laugh and help others. Doing so adds truth and beauty to our world.
16. Be open to change. If you were brave what’s one thing you would do differently? Learn to be flexible and open to the opinions of others. Notice any resistance in your life. When we can embrace change fears fade away.
17. Learn to say “no.” Often we say “yes” out of obligation or guilt. I have learned to say, “No, that’s not going to work for me” when someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do. I never offer an excuse. Usually after repeating the line twice the other person backs down.
18. Read inspiring poetry and uplifting books. You always feel better when you do. This is why “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books are best sellers.
19. Move your body. Being active gets endorphins going and creates feel good energy. Our bodies are built for exercising. I saw a 79 year old man finish the iron man in Hawaii for the eleventh time in a row. I’ll never forget it.
20. Express love. Do you share your love with those around you? Often we don’t tell people how we feel about them. We think they “should know.” Maybe it’s uncomfortable for you to do so. Begin to practice telling others: I love you, I care about you, you are important to me. Hug and kiss when you greet the people who mean the most to you. Call somebody and tell them you are thinking of them. You have the power to uplift others. When you do so you are uplifted as well.

    We decide how much joy we experience every day. We decide weather we trudge or dance through life. Please share with us your thoughts below.

In what way do you give yourself away to “to too little joy?”

What would “understanding how to dance” look like in your life?”

What might you do to encourage others to “dance?”

It is said that if life hands you something of value like lemons, you should then create what is possible from that value given to you, like by making lemonade.  What is often ignored in this message is that you can’t go and make orange juice if you are handed lemons.  What this relates to in your ability to make use of your strengths is that you have a certain set structure your body and mind have adapted to, and it makes no sense to try and take on the form of someone else who is successful.  This is because they are making orange juice with the oranges life gave them, and you are trying to make orange juice from the lemons life gave you.

Personalities Are Fairly Fixed In Place

A basis for this concept comes from the idea that our personalities are fairly fixed in place.  From a young age, you can predict with fairly high accuracy the skills that a child will have 20 years later, as well as where their deficiencies might be.  Life experiences do take their toll, but I’ve noticed that the quiet person in a group now tends to be the quiet person in a group 5 years later, and so on.  On the other hand, their success is much harder to determine, as they could make use of their skills in a way that is unexpected.

Work With What You Are Built With

If your mind is one that brainstorms well when you are pacing around, listening to classical music, and eating a fish sandwich, then that is what you want to work with.  Knowing that some genius in the 1800s would learn and process best when by sitting for 2 hours and meditating before doing brainstorming doesn’t mean it is the way for you.  It is worth trying if you are so inclined, but copying the pattern of another person, if it is not fitting for you, will be deleterious to your productivity.

Notice Trends In Each Person’s Behavior

This same concept applies to how you view others.  If you see someone responding in a common way each time, or regularly tearing you down, or maintaining an exercise routine for many years, you want to realize that that is a very accurate indicator of what you can expect from them in the near, and possibly far-off, future.  Don’t expect that someone else will adapt to what your ideal of them is as time progresses, because in the same way that history repeats itself, past actions and behaviors that affected you from a certain person are very likely to show up again, if not exactly, in a slightly altered way.

Tomorrow Will Be Like Today If No Change Is Made

The call to action from that point is to examine those you know, and see who it is that you have been hoping would understand you a certain way, or work with you a certain way, and take your idealistic glasses off to see if there is actual change taking place.  A co-worker who puts you down in some way every morning is not likely to quit that behavior until you realize the trend and respond in a way that makes a put-down from them to you not beneficial in their own mind.  It may also do you well to write down a description of how others frustrated you today, and then check on what you wrote today a week or two from now.  The similarity is likely to surprise you.

Knowing that oranges can’t be used to make lemonade, and that what you have seen from others is a good indicator of what you can expect more of, provides you with understanding that reduces frustration, and leads you to find those lemons to make your lemonade.

Many people don’t allow themselves the luxury of thinking big.  I think this may be due to the fact that they don’t believe in themselves enough to allow themselves to think big.

In this article I wanted to give you a technique to start the process of thinking big and I wanted to tell you why it is important to think big.

Planting a thought seed

Planting a thought seed is a fantastic way for you to begin thinking about the life you want and getting it.

Simply put a thought seed is a tiny thought that lets you momentarily dream about what your life could be like if you could have anything.

Thought seeds start like:

“What if I were rich, what would it belike” and you allow yourself to daydream about what it would be like being rich.

“What would I feel like if I had the job I really wanted?” and allow yourself to daydream about having the job you really want and what it would feel like and how you would change as a person because of it.

“what if I could start my own business?”  and so on

Lots of ‘what if’ statements are examples of thought seeds.  Probably the biggest thought seed a lot of people have is ‘what if I won the lottery?’. We’ve actually had conversations at work on this very topic.

Why plant a thought seed

Planting thought seeds are your key to gaining a better life.  Everything you do begins with a thought seed.  That includes having a shower in the morning to get ready for work, having your breakfast, starting a business, starting a relationship etc.  The kind of thought seeds I am talking about are life changing thought seeds not your run of the mill ones which most people have an act on.  Here are some famous thought seeds throughout history:

‘I wonder what it would be like if we had a black president…..’

‘What if it were possible to connect every computer in the world to share information….’

‘I wonder if it would be possible to build a computer that we could use in our homes….’

‘’What if we could explore space and put a machine on the moon….’

‘wouldn’t it be great if we could communicate with anyone using a wire and a handset….’

‘Would it be possible to make light with the flick of a switch….’

‘Wouldn’t it be great to fly like a bird in the skies…………’

There are literally millions of examples of life changing events that start with a thought seed, a tiny little ‘what if’ statement is usually all it takes.  However most people don’t act on these thought seeds and dismiss them for various reasons, mainly because we think we could never do it.  Well I think it’s time we started acting on these thought seeds and nurturing them to grow and be fully realised.

Growing your thought seeds

Not everyone is going to have world changing ideas and that’s okay, but we can affect the world in a small way by changing our own lives for the better.

To change your life you first have to know what you want and what you would love to change about your life.  So the first thing to think about is what would you change about your life if you could.  No need for writing this down just have the thought, think of something right now that you would love to change about your life.

When you have thought about something you would love to change, imagine what it would be like if you had already changed that aspect of your life.  Go into detail here, think about how you would act, think about how your friends and family would act toward you, dream about how it would feel, try and imagine every aspect of the change as if it had already happened.  You can do this for several days or several weeks before going onto the next step.

The next step is to ask yourself what kind of things you would need to do to allow this change to happen.  Start with the very basics.  For example if you wished you could have a better job you could think the first thing you would have to do is where you could get some training to better your chances of getting your ideal job, or you could think about looking at internet job sites to get an idea of what the employers are looking for.  Think about every aspect of the process it would take to make the change you desire.  Again take as much time as you want to do this, several weeks if necessary but make sure you think about it often and every day.  This way your mind will keep on working for you and help you spot opportunities to make the change you desire.

Let your thought seeds flourish

The only thing you have to do here is keep thinking about your desires and thinking about the kinds of things you would have to o to make your desires a reality.  There is absolutely no pressure on yourself to do anything or take any action other than thinking about your desires often.

Why do all of this?

A lot of people don’t take the time to think about the things they really want in life.  When you have the initial thought of your desire that may be as far as it goes, but now you have gone a step further and actually thought about the steps that you would have to take to make it happen.

When you do this your brain goes into overdrive and starts noticing things in your life that could bring your desire closer to you.  You will start to see strange coincidences in your life that relates to your desire and a lot of people will take action on these coincidences.

So, just by thinking about your desires with no pressure on your part you may be a step closer to gaining the life you want.

Taking action

Of course there is a need, eventually, to take action, as you will never get anything in life unless you take action.  However, as this process of planting thought seeds brings the action closer to you it is much easier to realise your desires.

Life is shit!

I have spoken to so many people who complain about life and how shit is.  In every single case the person who has been complaining has done absolutely nothing to change their life to make it less shit.  Here are the most common ‘life is shit……..’ phrases and how to over come them.

Life is shit because I don’t have the money to do the things I want!

There are literally hundreds of ways to make extra money, but ONLY if you are willing to work for it.  I don’t mean work hard all day and all night I mean work smart and automate as much as possible so you are making money whilst you sleep.  Some things you can do are:

1. Affiliate marketing – Sell other peoples products online.  A simple website, a few keywords, a google adwords campaign and you are more or less up and running.  The easiest place to start is selling stuff from Clickbank.

2. Sell your knowledge – Do you have a skill that could be taught either via seminars or via an ebook?  Truth is, everybody has.  You can turn your knowledge into a saleable commodity.  I have learnt a bit about internet marketing over the last few years and am now selling that knowledge to local businesses, via an ebook to anybody who wants to know.  You can learn the skills of internet marketing in a few weeks of dedicated learning.  If you do this you will have more knowledge than most businesses will know in their lifetime.  Think outside the box with this one.  I know someone who makes a killing just installing wordpress blogs for people and setting it up for them.  It takes her two hours of work and she charges $100 a time.

That’s only two examples of making extra money.  There are hundreds more you just need to put your thinking cap on.  Dennis Becker advocates trying to earn an extra ’5 Bucks per day’ and then take it from there.  How hard would it be to earn an extra $5 per day.  If you can earn an extra $5 you can then double that.  Each time you double the amount to make in a day your money limit will go higher and you will become more confident and in turn your own mind will keep working for you and you will begin to see new ideas in everything.

Life is shit because I don’t have my ideal partner!

When you are thinking like this you are giving all of your power away to an unknown entity, namely the person you think you should be with.  The thing to do here is concentrate on being happy with yourself before giving up part of the power to someone else.  When you are totally content within your skin you are ready to meet your ideal partner.  Work on yourself in every single way possible.  Thinks of all the things you want to be and work on each part in turn.

Another piece of advice would be to concentrate on your strengths.  Don’t waste time on minor weaknesses, concentrate on building up the things you are already good at.

Life is shit because I don’t have the job I want!

Tell me, what have you done to find the job you really want?  Most people who say this don’t really know what they want so how are you going to find your ideal job when you don’t know what it is.

You first need to figure out what you want to do and then figure out how to get it.

For example if you want to get a job as a web designer.  You start small and learn the basics by building your own sites, one site at a time.  Then when you get more confident you can go to college for a certificate of some kind and then build up your knowledge and certification from there.  If you don’t have the time to go to college then learn at home and build your own websites then ask someone if they would like a website built for free.  This way you will gain experience of working with clients and the kind of questions and difficulties they will have.  Do one a month, then two a month and then three a month and pretty soon you will have a website business, always building your knowledge as the world of the internet is always changing.

I remember having a conversation with my older sister a few years ago and she was saying how she wanted another job.  She was babysitting for a few people and doing a few part time jobs cleaning and working in a shop.  When she sat down and thought about what she loved she became a registered child minder and set up business for herself.  Her business is now booming and she is doing great for herself.  Everybody is always looking for reliable, registered child minders.

This applies to any type of work you want to do.

Life is shit because I don’t have a job!

Unless you have some sort of disability there is absolutely no need to be out of work.  I would do anything, anything at all to bring money into the family home and for my self respect.  There is no need in this day and age not to have a job, if you can’t find an employer create a job for yourself.  I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.  We are so engrained into thinking that somebody has to give us a job that we don’t think outside the box.  Why do we have to go through the job hunting, the letter writing, the research, the interviews, to help someone else make money? There is no need at all, create a job for yourself, be your own boss.  If you are a hard worker there is virtually nothing you cannot do, however if you are a lazy so and so then put up or shut up, there is no point in complaining about something if you are not prepared to do anything about it.

Life is shit because nobody likes me!

You might be right, everybody might not like you and for one reason – You don’t like yourself.  There is no possible way people will like you until you truly like yourself and if you’re at this stage you have a lot of work to do on yourself.

Small steps – Every single journey you take in your life will begin with a small step and this is the same for changing your life.  At this stage don’t think about the bigger picture, think about the small changes you want to make and work on them continuously and build up your repertoire until you are happy with yourself.

I have to say if you are happy feeling like shit then there is obviously no need to make any changes.

Life is shit because I have lost a loved one!

There is nothing at all I can say that will change your mind and rightly so.  The grieving process needs to be realised fully before you can move on and this, I know it’s clichéd, will take time.  I cannot begin to imagine being in your shoes and I would not dare insult you by offering advice.

There are a million other different ‘Life is shit because……..’ phrases and 99.9 % of them can be overcome if you are willing to put in the effort.  I am probably not going to be liked for this article but I had to say it.

Other posts you might be interested in:

The GOYA method for personal development

Why you should stop worrying

Everybody has worried about something in their lives, but do you realise the cost of worrying on your energy and your health?

What does it mean to worry?

“Worrying is when somebody frets about something that may or may not happen in the future”

You’ll notice that the above statement has two key phrases in it “….may or may not happen…” and “…in the future.” When we worry we are actually projecting ourselves and the things we worry about into the future. When we project ourselves into the future we are laying a seed for something to happen. Let me explain this a little better by way of an example:

When you got out of bed this morning you automatically project yourself into the future by asking yourself what you are going to do next. You don’t consciously ask yourself it’s a habit, so you won’t notice yourself asking you’ll automatically project your thoughts into the future. When you get up your first thoughts might be:

“I’ll make a cup of coffee”

“I’ll brush my teeth.”

“I’ll take the dog for a walk.”

“I’ll get the kids lunches ready for school.”

“I’ll get the kids up for school.”

There are a hundred little ‘future projections’ going on in your head from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Here’s the thing, most of these ‘future projections’ will happen as you have given your mind an action to take and your mind will work out ways to best fulfil your wish. Your mind is there to be commanded and most of the time it will fulfil every command you give it. With bigger wishes it will take longer but it is always working for you to find ways to fulfil your wishes.

Now, here’s the real sting in the tail. Your mind does not know the difference between a positive wish and a negative wish. To your mind, a wish is a wish whether it be a good or a bad one.

Right now my mind is working on lots of different wishes that I have commanded it to work on simply by voicing the wish internally, imagining the wish, voicing the wish externally, and thinking about it often. I firmly believe that as soon as I think about something, the thought has the power to make something else happen until a desired goal is reached.

This is the same for a worry. I used to constantly worry about my children and the fact that something might happen to them if I wasn’t around to protect them. I do the same with my wife. I have to consciously stop myself from thinking about all the things that could happen to her if I am not there to protect her. When my wife goes out in the morning I used to think ‘oh it’s a bit dark outside what if someone were to attack her and nobody would see it happening’ or ‘it’s a bit icy outside she might fall and hurt herself’. These thoughts are actually harmful to me and possibly even harmful to my family as my thoughts might cause another action to happen to make that ‘wish’ come true.

The anatomy of a worry wish

Here is what happens to our bodies and minds when we worry about something:

• Initially, we will internally vocalise the ‘worry wish’ for example, if you ask your son, who is 14 years old and responsible, to go to the shops for a loaf of bread you might worry ‘What if he get’s run over when I ask him to cross that busy road to get to the shops for a loaf of bread.’ You then have a few choices; you go to the shop yourself, you postpone going to the shop, you tell him to be careful when crossing the road, you carry on worrying about.

• When you carry on worrying about it you form a mental picture in your head. This is called visualisation, which is a very powerful way of achieving your goals in life. When you visualise something in your head your mind thinks it is actually happening and takes the appropriate action and responses. So in your mind you see your son getting knocked down by a car, your body starts producing and pumping adrenaline round your body in preparation for a shock, your blood pressure goes up slightly, your heartbeat rate increases dramatically, blood is taken away from your vital organs in order to give more blood to your muscles in preparation for you to start running and give you more muscle strength. Then you son walks in and your body starts relaxing after 15 minutes to a few hours. That is only after 1 worry thought.

• You them might give the thought even more power by telling your friends at work what you worried about this morning. In other words you are externally vocalising your worry wish. What happens then? Your friends will start telling you about the time when one of their friends son was knocked down and what happened to them after that. This gives even more power to the worry wish as you head is full of worry and everything that could happen. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, your mind is working hard to fulfil your wishes, it’s saying ‘Jesus! They must really want this bad, that’s them telling me privately, then they have given me an image to work on and they have now voiced it out to their friends, I better work hard on making this happen.’

• You then decide that you will not ask your son to cross the road in the future to go to the shops you will always go yourself. Problem solved!

That decision that was just made might not be a good one as your son will then never become road smart which might lead to problems in the future.

This could go on and on. Basically, the more you worry about something the more power you give the worry.

People who worry a lot are undoubtedly a lot less healthy than people who don’t worry as much.

How to stop worrying

There’s no point in writing about this if I wasn’t going to try and help you to become less of a worrier.

Here are a few action plans you can take to worry less:

1. Learn to accept uncertainty

People who worry a lot don’t like uncertainty in their lives and because they cannot control the dangers in life for themselves and their loved ones they worry even more. You have to accept uncertainty in your life. Accept the fact that you love someone enough, including yourself, to worry about them, but you cannot control what may or may not happen.

People who worry say it prepares them for something that might happen. This is not the case, when you constantly worry you are taking away all that is good from life and you are choosing to focus on the bad things that might happen. When you catch yourself worrying make a point of thinking about something good which is going on in your life just now. I am not saying never worry, I’ll talk about this later, but be balanced and think about the good things in life.

2. Designate a time to worry

This might sound ridiculous. When I used to worry about my family I weaned myself of the worry wishes by catching myself worrying and then postponing it until a certain time of the day, usually 1pm when it was my lunch break. By the time lunch break came around the worry wish had disappeared. Not all worry wishes are like this but you will find most worry wishes will completely go out of your head if you postpone them until later in the day.

3. Designate a time for gratitude

This is extremely powerful and can help drastically change your worrying nature. I constantly, internally, thank my external force for everything I have in life. This is not religious, I believe in a force outside ourselves and whatever that force is I thank it for my life, for being alive, for my family, for my friends, for everything. This takes time away from the worry wishes and actually drowns them out to a degree if practiced every single day. I usually do my thanking in the morning but catch myself being grateful all the time.

4. Learn to relax

Worrying causes stress and anxiety which can lead to health problems. It is important to learn how to relax. You can do this by doing something you enjoy or learning how to meditate, or buy a guided meditation, whatever it is make sure it relaxes you and calms you for a period of time. Reading is also very good for relaxing and building up the brain muscles at the same time.

5. Stand up to your worry wishes

Just because you start worrying about something doesn’t mean to say you have to continue listening to the worry. Start to stand up to your worries and ask yourself for evidence of the worry, the probability of the worry happening, look at a more positive spin on the worry, and another great way is to pretend you are talking to a good friend and they were telling you the worries that are going through you head, what would you say to them?

I hope this helped some people who are worriers, I know what it’s like and it can be a real drain on your energy.

Here are some more resources you might find useful:

Self help strategies for anxiety relief – helpguide.org

How to stop worrying – mind.org

Undo the worrying habit – anxietyculture.com

7 Ways to stop worrying when under pressure – wishfulthinking.co.uk

Mild anxiety – bupa.co.uk

Tips for a better life #8

I first discovered someone called Win Wenger in 1998 when I started reading his site at winwenger.com . His site is a fantastic resource for furthering human potential. Win’s missions statement is:

• To enable as many human beings as possible to become more than a match for the situations, opportunities and problems or difficulties that they find around them, and
• To enjoy a richer quality of life and experience.

One of his techniques which I have used in the past and recently discovered again is called ‘Noise removal breathing’
Win hypothesised that for every situation in our lives there is a different breathing pattern. This is logical as when we are angry our breathing pattern is different from when we are calm and relaxed. This is obvious as the two situations are opposite ends of the spectrum. However breathing patterns are also different when we are calm and sleeping and calm and alert.

Using this information we can control and rid ourselves of certain behaviours, fears and phobias.

There are various methods for using these techniques but I will use the ‘noise removal technique’ to describe to you here:

This method is used to rid yourself of all the bad energy, toxins, and leftover emotions that dwell inside your body. It’s like having a really refreshing shower after a hot sticky day, only you are cleaning the inside of your body.

The noise removal method: (This is direct from Win Wenger’s site)

1. With each breath in, begin imagining (even picturing and feeling, if possible) that your air is coming in through the bottoms of your feet, all the way up from there. Breathe in as if you have to pull your air all the way up through ankles, legs and body, up to where you can breathe out through normal channels. (Perhaps picturing a nose in your feet might help, a nostril in the bottom of each foot between mid-arch and toes.) With each breath, breathe in against the pull of your air having to make its way up through the tissues and cells of your feet, ankles, legs and lower body …. Continue for several minutes, examining the effects you feel from this procedure ….

2. Picture or imagine piles of dried leaves or other debris being swirled up with each breath, out of your tissues and cells. Experience this stuff as being swirled up by each incoming breath, swirled up from the breath-swept tissues of your feet, legs and body, and swept up out of you on your deeply exhaled breath. Experience this as vividly as you can, with every breath. Sweep all that stuff cleanly out of you with your breath. (let all these leaves or debris represent all “noise”— tensions, toxins, tiredness, other pollutants which didn’t belong there.}

3. As these clouds of “noise” sweep cleanly out of you on your slowly, deeply, calmly exhaled breath, as all this debris hits the open air, see it flaming into showers of bright sparks!

(Even “noise” is energy: there is no such thing as “bad” energy, only congested energy compared to free flowing, useful energy, so that when this stuff is swept from “bad” configurations and hits the open air, it becomes good clean usable life-enhancing energy again.)

Sweep up as much of that stuff as you can with each and every incoming breath, blowtorch out that shower of bright sparks with your breath, deeply and softly breathed out as the flame of a blowtorch, and see how much more, with each breath out, you can fill the space around you with good released energy …

Continue for some minutes, studying the effects you feel from doing this…

4. Breathe in not only through your feet but through whatever parts of your body come to your attention in this context….. Breathe in against the pull of the air having to come in through the tissues and cells of each such part, swirl up as much “noise” as you can with each breath in; blowtorch out as much released energy in bright hot spark-showers as you can, with each breath …

(You may find it interesting to make mental note of just which parts of your body do come to your attention in this context, for you to breathe in through and to thereby swirl up and remove even subliminal “noise” from….)

Continue for several minutes, studying the effects you feel from this pattern of breathing and imaging.

5. In the same manner, use your breath to breathe up and away whatever could have in the slightest stood between you and even more profound levels of relaxed awareness. Continue this breathing-goal for several minutes, studying the effects you feel from it …

(In the same manner, use your breath to sweep up and away any feeling of discomfort, whenever experienced and not just during these exercises. Throughout your life, make it a reflex to respond to any problem, discomfort, difficulty or distress by this deep, slow, calm, releasing, noise-removal breathing. Emphasize breathing slowly when dealing with any distress … But first, before using this breathing on specific “targets” and problems, get in, over several sessions, a total of at least an hour’s worth of this type of breathing, emphasizing the clarity and pleasure aspects especially, to build your general comfort levels.)

For future reference—If and when you like: think back to some situation, relating to problems or difficulties or hurts you have experienced, and “breathe on it” in this manner, drawing up and away any static or negative feelings out of that experience, until you feel perfectly, wholly, comfortable while clearly recalling all aspects of that situation …. )

6. In the same manner, for several minutes before any task, creative work, schooling or performance of whatever nature, picture your goal for that activity and breathe up and away whatever could in the slightest have impeded full swift rich clean attainment of that goal—then go directly into that work and let fly!

7. In the same manner, breathe up and away whatever could in the slightest have impeded your clear, rich perception of beauty or of some insight ….

I am in no way being paid for this post, I just want to bring a great technique for you to use in your life. I believe it can make a huge difference.

Tips for a better life # 7

Do you ever feel you do the same things over and over again and it feels like
Groundhog Day? Why not take a leaf out of the Dice Man’s book and roll
the dice and make a choice for you.

Luke Rhinehart wrote the Dice Man back in 1978 and it is still as fresh today
as it was then. I read it about 7 years ago and thought the concept of
living your life by the dice was a great concept. I didn’t have
the balls or the inclination to try it out in my own life back then but it
is a great way to try something new which is not too life changing.

How to use it:

By way of an example, list six things you would like to do. Make two
of them quote mild and run of the mill, make another two a bit more daring
and the last two way out there. For example say you want to do something
different on Friday night as you usually go out for a meal and a drink afterwards. Your
choices might be:

These are quite mild examples, but I am sure you get the picture.

I have tried this in the past with my sons. I have asked them to choose
6 different things they would really like to do and then we have rolled the
dice and let it decide what we do. We made a game of it, it was great
fun and we have had some great days out.

Roll the die take a chance!

Tips for a better life # 6

I am trying to stop eating as much rubbish as I can just now. My downfall is biscuits and cakes. If I see a pack of cookies you can be pretty
sure that with a cup of tea or coffee they will be all gone in a matter of
minutes. I want to stop eating them as much as I know the pounds will
pile on; however is it fair not to have them in the house at all when I have
2 healthy children? No it’s not. So I was looking for another way
of stopping myself eating a packet of biscuits whenever I had a cup of tea
or coffee. I have finally discovered a really simple way of doing it. I
have been using it for the last 7 days and it is working brilliantly, I can’t
believe how easy it is.

Train your brain method

Whenever you reach for that pack of biscuits say out loud ‘I don’t
like biscuits!’, whenever you are offered the food you crave say ‘I
don’t like (the name of the food)’, if you are talking about your
downfall food in conversation tell people you don’t like that particular
food. Don’t tell people you are telling yourself this to stop you
eating as much, just tell them you don’t like it and leave it at that.

I can imagine the conversation between my brain and my conscious:

Brain: “Steve reach for that pack of biscuits I’m dying on a little
biscuit fix.”
Conscience: “I don’t like biscuits!”
Brain: “Yeah right! just put out your hand a slide a few from the packet
and into your mouth.”
Conscience: “I don’t like biscuits!’ A little more forceful
this time.
Brain: “What! You love biscuits, you had twenty just yesterday. What’s
going on?”
Conscience: “I don’t like biscuits!”
Brain: A little confused “Okaaaay, I’ll play your little game.”

2 days later

Brain: “Steve, reach out for that pack….oh, sorry I forgot you
don’t like biscuits. Fancy an apple”
Conscience: “I love apples, take my legs to the fridge.”

What is happening here is that there is, what psychologists call, cognitive
dissonance. You are saying to yourself you don’t like something
but your brain doesn’t believe that just now. After a few days
both brain and conscience work hand in hand as the brain has been told that
many times it believes the conscience and simply accepts the fact that you
don’t like the food.

This is simplifying it a little but you get the picture.

I am thinking of ways of using this method on other areas of my life. Let
me know your thoughts on this.