Jonathan Talks about his story of quitting his corporate job to do something that he truly loves, which is helping others realise their potential.

However, when he realised there were hundreds of other people who were tired of their jobs and wanted to go it alone, and become an entrepreneur, he was suddenly in hot demand.  Ignoring the signs, at first, Jonathan eventually succumbed and started teaching others how they could go about making a living doing what they loved.

Check out the interview below

You can find out more information about Jonathan’s

TRAILBLAZER Movie here

and watch the great video we were talking about during the interview.

If you have any questions for Jonathan I am sure he would be happy to answer them here.  Just leave a comment below and tell us what you think of the interview.

Ever feel like your dreams are never going to become a reality?

It’s not like you’ve completely given up on your dreams. You occasionally think about how awesome it would be if you achieved them, but there are so many other things in the way.

Your job. Your boss. Your kids. Your parents. Your finances. Your mortgage.

All of these problems… I mean, responsibilities.

So you’re afraid of taking the leap of faith.

Afraid of what people will think if you quit your job.

Afraid of going bankrupt.

Afraid of falling behind in the rat race.

Afraid of not being able to provide for your family.

Afraid of not living up to the expectations of others.

Afraid of not living up to your own expectations.

Afraid of failing.

No one wants to be irresponsible, and everyone feels afraid sometimes. But does that mean it’s impossible to realize your dreams?

Of course not. The Michael Jordans, Steve Jobs’, Oprah Winfreys and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world show us that dreams can come true.

“But those people are so much more talented, so much more charismatic, so much luckier than me… I could never be like them,” you might be thinking.

It’s true—you might never be like them. Your dream might not be as big or impressive as theirs.

Your dream might just be to own a house. It might be to start a flower shop. It might be to write a novel. It might be to send your kids to college.

It’s not the size of your dream that matters. It’s the pursuit of your dream that turns your life into a thrilling adventure, an exhilarating story. That’s what really matters.

In this post, I’m not going to tell you about the huge changes you need to make in your life in order to achieve your dreams.

Instead, I’m going to share with you what you ought to stop doing. These are things we all do on occasion—things that quietly sabotage our dreams, sap our energy, and make us less alive.

Don’t do these things:

1. Say “I wish” or “I hope”: Whenever you do this, you put yourself in a mindset where the situation is beyond your control. What you can do as an alternative is turn your wishes and hopes into goals. For example, don’t say, “I wish my boss would give me flexible working hours.” Instead, set a goal that you’re going to have a conversation with your boss within the next three days about establishing flexible working hours. When you set goals, you choose to focus on what you can do to improve your circumstances, which is very empowering.
2. Complain: This is a favorite pastime for many people. There are always things to complain about: the weather, the economy, the healthcare system, the guy who sat next to you on the bus and hummed a really annoying song… but when you complain, you’re not making your circumstances any better. Instead of complaining, think about the many things you have to be grateful for. I recommend wearing a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you’re about to complain, snap the rubber band as a reminder not to.
3. Blame others: If you want to achieve your dreams, you’re going to need to take full responsibility for your life. That means no blaming your parents, friends, relatives or bad luck for where you are in life. Recognize that some things are beyond your control, but take responsibility for the way every situation turns out.
4. Think of reasons why you shouldn’t take action: There will always be plenty of them. Think of all the positive things that might happen if you take action today.
5. Settle: Settling for second best is a sure way to prevent yourself from reaching your dreams. This applies to your relationships, finances, career and physical health. Decide that you’re going to create a masterpiece out of your life. Don’t give in to the allure of a comfortable but mediocre existence.
6. Procrastinate: You can probably think of at least one thing you can do immediately that will bring you closer to your dream. There’s never a perfect time to take action, so do what you can right now.
7. Hang out with toxic people: It’s been said that you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. Hang out with negative, critical and judgmental people, and you’ll become just like them in no time. Those aren’t traits you associate with people who make their dreams come true.
8. Say “I should”: When you say you “should” learn a new language, start writing a book, or go for a public speaking course, it’s unlikely that you’ll actually do it. Say, “I choose to” instead. This makes you realize that everything in life is a choice. You really do have the power to choose, and to turn your dreams into reality.
9. Compare yourself to others: There will always be people out there who are better looking, smarter and more capable than you. But you’re not trying to achieve their dreams; you’re trying to achieve yours. Think about the characteristics that make you special and unique, and about how you can use them to accomplish your dream.
10. Watch so much TV: The same applies for going on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. If you’re not careful, these can become major time sucks. Most surveys show that the average American watches more than four hours of TV a day. I hope that statistic scares you. Imagine how much you closer you could get toward achieving your dream if you spent those four hours every day doing something more fruitful. I’m not suggesting that you go cold turkey, but set a daily limit for yourself and use a timer to make sure you stick to that limit.
11. Say “I don’t have time”: Do you make time to watch your favorite TV show? Do you make time to update your Facebook status? Do you make time to eat? We all make time for the things that are important to us. If you find yourself saying you “don’t have time” to do something you know you ought to, you need to reorder your priorities.
12. Say “yes” to everyone: Many people find it impossible to say “no” to requests and opportunities, even ones that aren’t in line with their values and goals. If you say “yes” to everyone, you’re effectively settling for good, when what you really want is great. The path of greatness is the path of intentional abandonment of everything good, in pursuit of only the best. Think carefully before agreeing to any request.
13. Try to be perfect: I’m not perfect, and neither are you. Accept yourself fully—achievements, strengths, weaknesses, failures, flaws and all. You don’t have to be perfect to realize your dreams, but you do need to be committed to personal growth. You can only begin that journey when you accept yourself completely for who you are
14. Try to please everyone: Like the saying goes, “You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” Your dreams are personal. You’re not pursuing them to garner applause from the people around you or from society. Don’t make the mistake of trying to make everyone happy, because that’s impossible. So don’t even try.
15. Deprive yourself of sleep: When you don’t feel your best, you’re more likely to make impulsive decisions that aren’t in your long-term interests. If you want to achieve your dreams, you’ll definitely have to make short-term sacrifices for long-term gain. If you’re sleep-deprived, you probably won’t have the willpower to make the right decision.

I haven’t achieved all of my dreams. Far from it, in fact.

I do know, however, that pursuing your dreams isn’t easy. Somewhere along the way, you’ll want to quit. You’ll want to run away. You’ll want to go back to your comfortable, familiar, boring life.

But I beg you not to. The world needs adventurers who are fully alive. Most people are barely surviving, barely making it through each day. Don’t be one of them.

Dream big. Start small. Act now—right now.

Many times in our daily lives, we face situations, where we should say “no” to a request. However, we find it to be a very difficult thing to do.

We are afraid to think what others are saying if we decline. We might also think that saying “no” will hurt our relationship with that other person – permanently.

In most of the cases, those fears are unnecessary. They are just our imagination and in reality, nothing scary will happen, if we turn a request down.

Why you should decline from a request

There are many reasons why you should decline to do something, if you are being asked to.

• Increased productivity
Saying “no” will increase your productivity, because you are not accepting any new work that would possibly distract you. Also, you are able to focus to your current tasks better, which ensures that they get done.

• Keep the deadlines
You are much more likely to keep your deadlines if you say “no”.

For example, if you are about to deliver some work to a client, you want to keep the agreed deadlines. Saying “yes” to an external request might potentially increase your workload so much, that you don’t have enough capability of handling all the work in time.

• You are in control of your life
If you have difficulties of saying “no”, then in the worst case others may take advantage of your kindness.

However, if you decide to say “no”, you are in control your life – not others. You decide what task to accept, what meetings to attend or what activities to participate on your free-time.

• You are true to your core values
We all have core values that we live our life by. For example, honesty is one of those values that is very important for me. That’s why I would find difficult to commit to an activity, which requires me to lie.

Your inner voice will most likely advice you to say “no”, whenever your values are going to be violated.

• Less stress
Closely related to productivity, saying “no” is also one way of decreasing your stress levels. When you are not overloaded with work and tight schedules, you have much less stress to handle.

That in turn affects positively to your well-being and happiness.

The right way to decline

Now that you learned about the benefits of saying “no”, you should also understand the different ways of saying “no” the right way.

These are the ways I have used myself. Although I’m not saying that declining becomes effortless by applying these tips, it still becomes easier.

1. Evaluate the situation
When someone comes to you and asks you to do something, you have to evaluate the situation first.

Obviously, if the situation is critical and the other person is depending on your help (for example in a traffic accident), then it is natural to answer “yes”.

However, in normal, everyday situations the request is most likely much less severe (your colleague asks you to come for a drink after work), so you have both the options “yes” and “no” at your disposal.

Also, you most likely have more time to come up with a justification why you are going to say “no”.

2. Be discreet, but firm
I tend to start my “no” answer in the form of “Unfortunately I’m unable to …” and then follow with the justification, why I’m not able to fulfill the request.

The main point here is to say “no” in a polite, but firm manner. Some people are very rude in their replies when they decline and that kind of behavior leaves me cold every time.

Although in those cases the message (denial) comes very clear, I still prefer the softer and more polite way of saying things.

3. Say your opinion clearly enough
Truly mean what you say. Your answer should be a definite “no”, not a “maybe”. Don’t leave other people wondering what you mean by your answer.

Say your answer in a clear and loud enough manner, so that the other person understands your point at once.

4. Be honest
When you say “no”, be honest with your reasonings. Don’t make up reasons why you are not willing to fulfill the request. When you are caught lying, it is embarrassing to yourself.

Also, if the other person happens to be your colleague or friend that you lied to, it will have negative consequences to your relationships.

5. Be selfish
This last point is perhaps the most important one when it comes to saying “no”. The thing is that

if the other person has a right to present you a request, you have the equal right to say “no” as an answer.

Also, you should also reflect your own situation to that request before you answer; Are you willing to fully commit to it, does it fit to your schedules and are you capable of handling the request in the first place.

Conclusion

I try to keep these tips and techniques as my guidelines when I evaluate a request – and when I decide to say “no”.

It is understandable, that saying “no” is not the easiest thing to do at times. But at the same time, if you are polite and honest, it is much easier this way.

However, this doesn’t mean that I’m saying “no” all the time. In fact, sometimes you have to say “yes” as an answer. This depends of course from the situation you are in.

By carefully evaluating the situation first before answering, is the right way to move on in that that scenario.

How complete is your life? Can you say that you are 100% satisfied with the direction that your life is going, with your relationships, your goals and your health?

Some people call this type of life completion “control,” others call it “inner peace” but I call it “life balance.” It really doesn’t matter what you call it, the only thing that matters is whether you have it.

So, do you feel in balance today?

Imagine your ordinary day. How does it start? How many things do you accomplish during the day? How do your relationships unveil during the day? Do you spend enough time with the people you love and care about? At the end of the day do you feel that you have completed everything to make this day great or do you feel that you have accomplished a lot but still are missing something?

If you get a warm and pleasant feeling inside when you answer these questions you know that your life is in balance. If your mind starts racing and focusing on all the things that you haven’t completed then you know that you need to work on your life balance. Why not start today?

I communicate with a lot of people and way too often their lives remind me of a carrot chase. All day long they are busy doing things, working on projects, going somewhere and yet at the end of the day they feel broken down and even further away from their happy living than they were in the morning. No matter how fast they go or how much effort they produce they can never catch the carrot that they are chasing because it’s attached to their backs. Do you get the picture?

I must admit, sometimes I feel that I get into that carrot chase myself. A big work project, sudden illness of my kids, extra help that I offer to my friends or just that ìperfectî combination of circumstances send my life tumbling down a hill with no chances of stopping before I reach rock bottom. In times like that I remind myself about the magic of life balance and stop to reclaim my daily peace.

Inner peace and balance come when you stop chasing that carrot and start enjoying your life. Let’s see how you can get rid of that carrot and stop sabotaging your happiness.

1. Become aware.A lot of times the carrot race is just a cover-up for inner emptiness or pain. Filling life with tasks won’t fill your life with meaning.Todayspend some time reflecting on your inner motives and priorities.How do your everyday tasks help you achieve your personal goals?What goals are truly important to you?The more insight you gain into yourself the easier it will be for you to find your balance.
2. Try “reverse” time management.Every day you probably focus on accomplishing certain tasks that you planned. At the beginning of the day you look or think about everything that has to be done and your brain almost freezes in silent panic. All day long you try to catch up on everything but something constantly interrupts you, you lose your focus and at the end of the day your list of tasks looks only longer.Todayfocus on how much time you can spend working. Plan 1-2 hour work blocks when you are 100% focused and nothing can get in your way. Work as a mad man or woman during those blocks but then let yourself rest. At the end of the day focus on how many productive work blocks you have had instead of how many tasks you have marked off your to do list.This little change in your thoughts will help you avoid procrastination, prevent “brain freeze” and let you have some time for the unexpected things that will come up during the day.
3. Listen to the people around you. Our relationships are a huge subject that can’t be tackled in just one paragraph. However, if I was (and I am) to give you advice that will improve any type of relationship then it would be “Listen to others.”So many times we tune out of the conversation with our loved ones to watch our favorite show, check messages on the smartphone or just think again about that work project.By depriving our loved ones of our attention we lose connection with them and stop understanding them.Today listen to the people around you. Don’t judge, don’t get offended, but rather try to use any comments that you hear for your personal growth.
4. Focus on your vitals first.Do you ever leave the house without brushing your teeth? Do you try to drive the car without first getting the keys? These little actions seem obvious, don’t they? Then why is that taking care of our vital needs isn’t as simple as that?What is vitally important to you in life? For me my kids, family, health and spirituality are vitals no matter how busy my day might be. Every day I make sure that I spend time with my kids, have at least one peaceful hour with my husband, do at least a little bit of exercise, eat healthy food and spend time praying. My entire day is focused around these vitals and whatever time I have left I spend on other goals and necessities.Today figure out what your vitals are and find a place for them in every day. Itís not as hard as it seems. Split your exercise into 10 minute blocks throughout the day. Fix healthy meals that take less than 30 minutes to prepare (easy vegetable stir fry, spaghetti with marinara sauce, grilled chicken breast on a bed of fresh lettuce are just a few ideas) and include your loved ones into your everyday activities (exercise by taking your kids or your partner on a walk, fix meals together, spend time playing games [no sorry, video games do not count] instead of watching TV.) Figure out what works for you and start by adding 10-15 minute blocks of your vital activities into every day.
5. Be flexible. Napoleon had a brilliant idea of strategic military planning which he summarized as ìYou engage, and then you wait and see.î By making contact with the enemy and then improvising, he triumphed and made his armies the envy or Europe.In a modern world the ability to improvise is a crucial component of balance. Instead of making daily to-do lists try to create a list of goals for a week or a month. This flexibility will let you have time for the unexpected surprises and ways to deal with them. And instead of always sticking to rigid plans and goals let yourself go with the flow sometimes.Today question your plans and goals and think of creative ways to work around any obstacles. Donít push through the walls all the time. See when itís better to use your strength to push a little harder and when itís best to avoid an obstacle that seems to be ruining your plans.
6. Live in positive reality.Our view of the world is just a perception. The difference between optimists and pessimists is not how many good events happen in their lives but what information they tend to focus on.Unfortunately our brain is hard-wired into focusing on negative events. Scientists call this phenomenon the “negativity bias.” After years of studies researchers have come to the conclusion that it takes about 5 positive events to overwrite one negative one.However, focusing on all things positive is not the best way out either. Too much positive thinking makes you ignore possible obstacles standing in your way which decreases your chances of success.Today focus on being a positive realist. Take things for what they really are instead of spending all your mental energy to find a positive reason why you are stuck in a traffic jam. To reinforce positive emotions in your life think about all the positive events that happened to you today. When setting goals think of any obstacles that can get in your way and create a plan to work around them.
7. Start living life at your own speed. Instead of focusing on the quality of our life we often focus on the speed of it. We have a bunch of goals with (most of the time) unreasonable deadlines. We don’t stop and think whether we picked good timing for something. We try to bust through the walls and achieve our goal no matter what without ever asking whether it was an important enough goal to work so hard for.Today take some time to slow down. I am not asking you to meditate or walk around the park marveling at every bug that you see on your way. Take a look at your current goals and schedule and see if you have picked the right timing for everything. We can accomplish pretty much anything we dream about in life but for every dream we have to pick the right time to bring it to life.Living in balance starts with changing your thoughts.Stop chasing that imaginary carrot and start focusing on living your life at your own speed, with your own goals and to your maximum potential.What actions do you take to bring your life in balance?

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin — real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

Father Alfred D’Souza

Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking once offered to show a young man in despair a place where thousands of people had no problems at-all.

The young man, eager to hear about such a place, was not so pleased when he found out where it was.

It was Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx.

Peale argued that if you’re alive you’re going to have problems. Using a reframe that might be a stretch for some he further said: “If today you have no problems, I urge you, go home as fast as you can. Go into your room, lock the door, fall to your knees and cry out to the Lord, “What’s the matter Lord? Don’t you trust me any more? Give me some problems!”’

Yes, I can hear you making some barely printable comment or more charitably muttering saying ‘”Sheesh!” Give me a break. Who’d want more problems?’

And you’d be right – most people don’t want more problems.

But I’m betting you are not most people. You are interested in taking your development to the next level (or you wouldn’t be reading this blog!) and while I hate to say it – problems are one of the routes to get there.

But I still don’t want problems!

Am I channeling Larry Winget (author of Shut up, stop Whining and Get a Life) when I say wishing they were gone won’t get rid of them? We will never be without problems* so the sooner you face up to that fact the sooner you’ll be focusing beyond them to solutions.

Therefore it’s in our best interests to develop a good robust mindset for dealing with problems. As the quote says ‘these obstacles ARE your life” and the quality of your life can improve in proportion to your attitude to problem solving.

We have framed problems as terrible, awful, something to moan about etc.  And so we “as we think so we are” and problems and inconveniences produce uncomfortable and so-called negative feelings – and accordingly are experienced as awful events that just get in the way of us having what we want.

I tell you – when you visit a third-world economy country – and then come back to seeing people having a fit in the superstore because they had to wait five minutes to pay for their piled high trolley of food – it puts things in perspective.

Many things we think of as problems are merely reflections of our lack of patience and our spoilt brat expectations of getting our own way. A life with so few problems is a luxury of the West and not reality for most of mankind.

But the fact remains – We will always have problems. If we’re going to succeed we need to learn to love them.

Love my problems? Yeah, right?

I will be the first to admit this process can seem HARD and it seemingly goes against the grain. But that only exemplifies the power of the case we’ve built up against them.

If….if you can learn to approach problems with excitement and verve, IF you can LOVE them – you can gain a tactical advantage over 90% of people in the world**.

More on how to do this further down.

Problems can make you rich.

It has been said “Don’t become a millionaire for the money, make a million for the person you will become in the process.”

Now, hopefully you’re planning to be an ethical, philanthropic contributor to society rather than paranoid billionaire locked in a room with talons for fingernails (sorry Howard) but either way – to get there – you’ll need to overcome lots and lots of problems to get there.

Millionaires (unless they inherit) get paid for solving problems. You can get paid for solving problems. In fact, you DO get paid for solving problems – think about it.

The more problems you can solve (and the bigger those problems) the more value you can add – and the more you can get paid. Imagine if you were the person who invented the wheel – think of the royalties from that…!

Adding value to other peoples’ lives increases the impact you can have in this world. And since ‘making a difference’ is so often on peoples’ list of values when you are known as an avid problem solver you will win people to you.

You can lead in your field. You can be a servant leader, providing for mankind in some area. And you can feel a whole darn lot better about your life.

So how do we change our attitude to solving problems?

Change our reaction to problems

Paul Stoltz in The Adversity Quotient suggests we retrain our brain’s reactions to hearing about problems. Instead of groaning he advises we sound klaxons like this one:

Likewise, we can also force ourselves to rejoice when we have a problem:

When I was training to be a coach the trainers would have the class raise their hands in the air and shout “How fantastic!” when they had an insight.

Doing this when you realize you have a problem to solve helps break the neuro-linguistic-semantic state that used to get you down.

Yes, it’ll feel weird at first like laughing when something isn’t funny but you’ll get used to it.

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. If you don’t feel the love, fake it until you do!

Increase your ability to bear pain

Peter Daniels is a 78 year-old Christian billionaire who is one of the four-hundred richest men in the world.

When asked on a talk show what one of the secrets to his success was, he said “my willingness to bear pain”. Daniels said that to be a success you need to be willing to bear pain, suffering, humiliation and ridicule.

Although he didn’t specifically mention problems it is obvious he had overcome numerous odds to get where he was. Did I mention he had gone bankrupt 4 times and was illiterate until age 27?

He once asked an audience member on his show if he thought he could make a million pounds in two years. The guy said ‘no’. He then asked the participant if he could make the money if his wife and three kids would be killed if he didn’t. The guy said ‘of course’.

And there you have it. With a powerful enough motivational source you could overcome most any problems in your life or give it such a good go you wouldn’t feel bad if you failed!

But what would drive you to endure, to pursue solutions with the same intensity you would have if you’re loved ones would be killed?

What would be so important not to loose, what would be a loss so grievous you would do almost anything to avoid it?

Conversely, what do you value so much you would live for?

“Let someone else get killed!” “Suppose everyone on our side felt that way?” “Well then I’d certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn’t I?” “Englishmen are dying for England, American’s are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can all be worth dying for?” “Anything worth living for,” said Nately, “is worth dying for.” “And anything worth dying for,” answered the old man, “is certainly worth living for.”

Joseph Heller, Catch 22

What are you willing to endure for your goal?

Identify yourself as a problem solver

This one comes from Switch by Chip & Dan Heath. People who identify themselves with an idea become more likely to behave in a way congruent with that idea.

Remember a time when you really loved solving a problem. Perhaps you didn’t identify it as a problem but it was a situation in need of a solution so it could be defined as a problem.

When you see what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt, adjusting your body to allow the maximum experience of this you can stand, imagine what it would be like having this feeling as you approach other problems?

For example, if you enjoyed planning a holiday, what if solving that knarly work issue felt like the joyful anticipation of a week on the beach?

If you choose to accept the definition, you acted as a problem solver that time.

Now, think of all the problems you have solved throughout your life. Everything you have had to work out how to do is a problem you have solved. From walking, to baking a cake to figuring out how to fund that holiday in three months rather than six, these are all examples of how you have used your problem solving abilities. Don’t dismiss it, you did those things and what seems effortless to you may be hard for someone else.

In the field of NLP we call using a strategy that was successful in one area in another ‘mapping across’. If you want a real in depth discussion of how you can develop new strategies try NLP Volume 1.

Redefine your meanings of problems and pain

As I alluded to earlier, a good frame to have is: “I love problems because they make me rich!”

Additionally, here are some frames you could use:

• Problems are solutions waiting to be found
• I’m bigger than any problem
• Don’t tell me a storm is coming, tell the storm my God is coming
• What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
• Problems are opportunities: in the middle of every adversity is the seed of its own solution (Napoleon Hill).

If you have a particular problem (ha!) with your concept of problems and pain, get the Change your Concepts Change your Life which will help you map out and redefine your conceptual states of mind – leading to a change in your behavior.

Redefine your expectations of ‘settling’

At what point do you want to stop solving problems?

I ask because, truly, perhaps you’re satisfied with where you’re at in life?  Perhaps you really don’t need to solve some of the problems that others insist are part of everyday life.

You could be happy to rent not buy, normal in some parts of Europe.

You might be happy being single when everyone tells you that marriage is wonderful (it is!)

But you get my point.

Or perhaps you’re conflicted inside because you don’t want to venture outside your comfort zone but know you need to in order to grow.

You need to give yourself permission to redefine your expectations of where you stop.

This can be as simple as putting your attention inside your head and telling yourself in an authoritative voice: “I give myself permission to press on, even though I feel uncomfortable.”

I mean, imagine what would open up to you if you didn’t value listening to your problems any more…!

So here you have some thoughts on problems. We will always have them, so let’s step up and learn to love solving them, if not the issues themselves.

Our entire futures can be changed by the issues we solve for ourselves and those we love. So problems? Bring it on!

*(Yes, if you like you can reframe this to “I don’t have problems I have solutions waiting to be found” – fine, if that works for you. )

Although many people struggle with the actual speech problem, that’s not what I want to talk about today. Instead, I’m going to apply Evans’ technique to an even more common problem: procrastination.

Stuttering or stammering?

The distinction between stuttering and stammering is that stuttering is difficulty stopping, while stammering is difficulty starting (though “stuttering” is often used to mean both). We usually think of procrastination as difficulty starting – but have you ever started a project and put off finishing it?

Some people stammer, some people stutter, some people do both – and so it is with procrastination.

So, what’s Evans Brown’s advice that’s helped so many people stop stuttering and stammering, and how does it apply to procrastination?

Relax

Most advice on curing stuttering starts with learning to relax. Of course, this is harder than it sounds, when you are struggling to get your words – or your project – out, when you feel under pressure, when you’re aware of people becoming impatient with you. But part of the reason that you’re struggling may be that you’re putting too much effort into it and investing too much emotion into doing it right.

Learning to take some of the desperation out, and working (or speaking) in a relaxed state, is going to help things go more smoothly.

Slow down

Stutterers stutter because their brain is faster than their speech. They’re already thinking about the next word before they’ve got the first one out (partly because they want to try to avoid certain difficult sounds). I know what that’s like, because I have the same problem with typing. I type part of the word after next, because I can think faster than my fingers can move.

One reason you procrastinate may be that you’re thinking of the task after next – you’re getting distracted, maybe daunted, by something that you haven’t even reached yet (and never will reach if you don’t focus on the task you have right now).

Slow down. Pay attention to one thing at a time. Break the task down into smaller parts and focus on starting and finishing those. It’s easier.

Change it up

When Evans Brown was learning not to stutter, he found that he could shout without stuttering. He could sing without stuttering. He could whisper fluently. If he faced the wall and spoke, so that his voice bounced off the wall and sounded different, he could speak without difficulty. If he lowered his voice by an octave, it worked. If he changed his accent, it worked.

Evans only stuttered if he was speaking in his “normal” voice.

One of the things I often say in personal development is that if the process isn’t getting you the outcome you want, you need to change the process. My shorthand phrase is “work on the work”.

If you procrastinate when working at your desk, work on the couch. If you procrastinate when typing, write by hand, or dictate. Change something – anything – so that your context is different, and you have a fresh opportunity to work fluently and productively.

If there’s something specific that you know helps you procrastinate – like a website you waste time on – block it.

Listen differently

There were two other things that Evans found helpful. He could read aloud with someone else pacing him, and he could speak clearly if he was using a microphone and had loudspeakers behind him feeding him his own words.

Having someone else pace you is a great anti-procrastination technique. If putting things off is not only letting yourself down, but someone else, you have much greater motivation to keep going and hit your deadlines.

And being able to receive your own work as if it were someone else’s – like Evans listening to his voice through the speakers – helps to diminish the self-criticism that often leads to paralysing procrastination.

Overcome procrastination

I haven’t overcome stuttering like Evans. But I’ve learned to overcome procrastination, to get things both started and finished. I used to dream about projects and not start them, or make an enthusiastic start and then never finish. But lately, I’ve started to complete things consistently.

So I have a lot more to say about procrastination – 23,000 words more, in fact, since that’s the length of my ebook, Stop Procrastinating, Start Succeeding. Right now I have a special offer going of $10 off for Steven Aitchison’s readers – if you click through from Change Your Thoughts, you’ll be shown a discount code.

I hope it helps you to achieve amazing things.

Making an effort

Making a beginning is worthy of praise. If you are in the habit of striving for things you want, you have a lot more courage than than those who just dream. You are way more likely to succeed. But, praiseworthy though it is, making an effort does not guarantee success. It is just a beginning. When you start, there is a lot of enthusiasm and excitement. As you move on this journey, the initial enthusiasm wears away and the effort becomes routine. Once this happens, the real test starts.

When the effort loses its novelty, it is not, in fact, a bad thing. I see this as nature’s way of helping us on our journey. We get to know whether we really want what we want? Past the initial enthusiasm, the only reason you can continue is if you genuinely want what you are after. If you don’t want it, there is really no point continuing. It was most probably a passing attraction, not something you want from your heart.

Are you ready for all the effort required?

There can be another reason for losing enthusiasm, maybe it is only now that you realize the amount of effort required and feel overwhelmed by it. If you leave because of overwhelm, that is OK too. Don’t beat yourself up for it. You probably are not ready for it yet. The time will come, have faith.

The above reasons apart, if you really want to have the object of your desire and are not intimidated by the effort, you will have to learn showing up on bad days. If you think you can give in once and then continue later, you are deceiving yourself. It will not be the same again. When you slip once, it opens the floodgates for more such instances. Your resolve and confidence crumble before your very eyes.

Learn to show up. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. It’s OK to not do your best every time. Success requires you to show up, not to give the same performance every time. We are humans, not machines. We have ups and downs in performance. It may be good to strive for consistency but obsessing over it can leave you with frequent feelings of guilt.

While there is a sense of achievement in planning for something and being successful at it, life is also an adventure in which we have to be ready to let go and take things as they are. Just show up every time, make your best effort and then let things be.

2. Shift focus. Make your bad day a ‘change day’. Shift your focus from achievement to enjoyment. Focus on enjoying what you are doing. It will be a pleasant change and it may also give you some new insights about the way you approach your work. You will see things from a different perspective. Sometimes, this helps people break a plateau in their performance and enthusiasm.

3. Allow yourself more frequent breaks. Try taking more frequent breaks. Usually, I work with Pomodoro blocks, that is 25 minutes of work followed by 5 minutes of rest. On the days I am not in the mood, I start off without a clock and may do 10-15 minutes blocks with 20 minutes breaks between them. I do way less than my capacity but I don’t give in to the urge to leave either.

4. Once in a while, let go totally. Once in a while, I think it is good to leave your work totally for a day or few days. This is not the same as leaving because of lack of desire or overwhelm. Here you only let go temporarily to allow for replenishing of your energy reserves and enthusiasm. Such ‘total let gos’ add balance to life, they are the ‘yin’ to the ‘yang’ of hard work. When you work too hard on some days, it makes sense to go to the other end and allow yourself big surprise adventures once in a while.

*****

Show up, tire yourself out regularly. You will see the limit of your potential and can plan accordingly for optimal performance. Not only that, when you regularly push yourself to the limit, you start stretching your limits further, your potential starts growing!

High Achievers don’t do clutter

You may have an untidy desk or a bit of chaos in your wardrobe, but that’s not how a High Achiever lives. High Achievers have clear minds, clear thoughts and clear desks, ready to go. They haven’t got ‘Tidy my desktop’ on the top of their ‘to do’ list, they’ve got ‘Meet Mr. A regarding sales program’. What could you do to start getting rid of your clutter? How could you clear your mind to be ready for action? What would you achieve first once you were on the start line?

High Achievers don’t drift

When we think about success and the times we’ve been successful, we’re usually thinking about the goals we’ve set and completed and the things we’ve achieved. These goals can be large or small, it doesn’t matter. The success comes in having set and achieved them and, also importantly, noticing that you’ve achieved them. If you make a plan and follow it through, you are and feel successful. The next time you’ll set a bigger goal. I’ve had participants at Life Clubs workshops who feel lost in life and it’s because they haven’t taken the time to decide what they want to do next.

Knowing what you intend to do is the route of the High Achiever. They know that having a goal is essential, that the focus needed to achieve that goal feels good and that the discipline of achieving a goal boosts confidence. High Achievers aren’t afraid to break their goals down into small steps so they can get them done, and they aren’t afraid to plan well in advance.

High Achievers don’t sit on the couch

Unlike the rest of us, High Achievers don’t waste time procrastinating. It’s easy to get hung up on having to do something perfectly or be overwhelmed by the task in hand, but just get on with it. We may spend hours surfing the net, chatting on the phone, waiting for people and in general distracting ourselves from the task in hand, High Achievers will get on with things – if there’s a reason that they have to do them – or they’ll delegate. They don’t hang about waiting for life to happen, they make it happen. Ever heard a High Achiever say ‘I’ll do it in a minute’ or ‘I’ll do it in five months’ or even ‘I’ll do it in five years’. Stop putting off your life. Do it now.

High Achievers don’t focus on failure

How easy is it to focus on what’s gone wrong? Very. But High Achievers think about what’s going right and build on that. Even when things go ‘wrong’, learn from your mistakes. Like a High Achiever, focus on whether your failure is real or not. Maybe your painting didn’t sell at that gallery, but how many people get the chance to be in an exhibition. Maybe your cake didn’t rise as you wanted it to, but your friends had a great evening. You’re a High Achiever already. Focus on those achievements.

High Achievers also focus on how they’re going to think when they have reached the pinnacle of their career, when they’re feeling really successful. Every time they need to make a decision, they think about how they’d make it if they were already really successful. You’d be surprised at what decisions that High Achieving you will make.

High Achievers don’t slouch about in jogging pants

After I’d had my third child we moved from the rural suburbs into Central London. I was walking down my street one day, pushing my buggy and surrounded by children, when our refuse man came up to me and, with the best intentions, told me to ‘smarten up’. ‘You’re in London now’, he said, ‘You can’t walk around looking that casual’. It was a wake-up call. I’d felt a High Achieving mother, but suddenly realized that the rest of my life was going nowhere.

I started observing how other people looked and began to imitate them. I’d check out what outfits they were wearing and read lots of fashion magazines until I’d found my look. It may sound superficial thinking about dress and physique, but it’s vital. When did you last see a High Achiever with so much as a hair out of place? Our clothes, shoes and indeed our body say a lot about us. What do you think your appearance is saying about you right now?

High Achievers don’t beat themselves up

Working with a High Achiever the other day, he told me his name was James, but he asked everyone to call him ‘Jimmybiz’. He knew he was ‘the business’ and he wanted everyone else to give him the respect he felt he’d earned. High Achievers aren’t modest. They don’t hide their light, they let everyone know how good they are. On a big scale they enter themselves in competitions – just how many awards can I win? And on a small scale they pump themselves up by noticing every compliment they get, every small thing they achieve.

High Achievers don’t read autobiographies

It’s a real ‘No No’ to compare yourself to others. You may think it’s motivational to read Donald Trump’s autobiography to learn from him, but there’s learning and learning. If you’re learning about the characteristics you share with the Trump to boost your confidence, that’s one thing, but if you’re feeling ‘How come he’s successful and I’m not’, put the book down and start focusing on you and everything you’ve achieved. It’s so easy to blame ourselves when we compare and then we start feeling the very debilitating envy.

Another reason not to compare is that your values may be very different from the person you’re comparing yourself to. Someone at Life Clubs said she wanted to be fantastically wealthy and yet two of her main values, equality and charity were opposed to personal wealth. Would being wealthy make her feel successful? I don’t think so.

Instead flip it around. What can you do that they can’t? And, if you don’t know the answer to that, find out. Being a High Achiever is all about knowing your skills and appreciating and using them.

High Achievers don’t burn themselves out

It may look as if High Achievers sometimes forget to breathe as they rush around making things happen, but they relax as ‘hard’ as they work. And that’s what you’ll have to do to sustain a high energy performance. Eat healthily, remember to take days off work, keep super fit and learn to enjoy relaxing as much as you do working. Now you’re achieving!

Several years ago, I was working twelve-hour days as a lawyer, eating processed food on the go, not exercising, and drinking copious amounts of coffee and Diet Coke. As I rushed to catch the last train home after a particularly late night at work, I wondered to myself, “How did I get here?” The answer was something I hadn’t been able to admit before. I was addicted to work. My life, identity, and value had become all about work without me even noticing.

Like a smoker addicted to nicotine, I’d become addicted to the buzz I felt from a well-written legal brief or well-argued motion. It wasn’t the work itself that I was addicted to, but rather the approval and validation I was seeking from my colleagues when they affirmed that I was smart, capable, and worthy. And like a smoker who needs more nicotine to get the same fix, I was never satisfied with the praise that I did get and was always seeking more.

I was in serious need of a work detox. I’m sure you’ve heard of popular detox diets like my favorite, Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Diet. They recommend you become more aware of what you eat, stop eating certain foods to cleanse your body of harmful toxins, and break bad eating habits. It’s the same idea for a work detox. You become more aware of your relationship to work, stop working in ways that are toxic to your psyche, and break bad working habits. My work addiction was about seeking approval. What’s your work addiction about?

Signs You May Need A Work Detox

Is any of this sounding familiar? Well here are some signs that you might need to break your dependency on work:

• You devote most of your time, energy, and thoughts to work.
• You feel stressed or anxious about work when you’re not working.
• Your personal relationships have deteriorated or decreased in number.
• You don’t feel like you have time for hobbies or creative outlets.
• You don’t allow yourself to laugh, play, or be silly.
• You’re afraid if you don’t “work hard,” then you’ll be a failure.
• You’re passive aggressive, resentful, or overly competitive with colleagues.
• You’re working longer, but not accomplishing more.

Why Go on a Work Detox

Work is the main source of identity in our culture. We want to know what others do for work, and feel compelled to tell them about our own work, even if we have to make it sound better than it is. Sometimes we take it too far and rely on work to determine our self worth.

It’s a losing game, however, to depend on work to determine our identity, value, and significance. We end up limiting our ability to fully express who we are. When we spend all of our time working or obsessively checking our work email, we leave no space for other parts of our identities.

We forget we are not our work. Before my work addiction, I’d been able to see that I was also a supportive sister, loyal friend, committed activist, reluctant runner, water lover, and outdoor adventurer. But I’d neglected these aspects of my identity.

There are lots of reasons we do this. I was seeking validation. Maybe you’re trying to please or impress your parents, your spouse, or a potential mate. You might be trying to fill a hole in your personal life or escape a bad relationship. Perhaps you’re like many and are scared you’re going to lose your job or not be able to make enough money. Whatever your reason, you can benefit from a work detox.

The Benefits of a Work Detox

By owning and cultivating a diverse identity and rich life beyond work, you take yourself out of the losing game of over identifying with work. You’ll start to live with a new set of rules more aligned to your values. From that place, a lasting sense of personal worth is possible.

Time and energy you’ve devoted to work can now be re-focused on activities that you’re internally motivated to do. You’ll begin to break your bad habit and create a new relationship with work that allows you to:

• Do the things that energize and excite you other than work.
• Spend more time with friends and family.
• Improve your personal relationships in and outside of work.
• Develop or rekindle a hobby or creative outlet.
• Laugh and be playful.
• Realize that you are more than your work.
• Feel more confident in who you are.

How To Start A Work Detox

With awareness, you can begin to change habits, shift perspectives, and explore ways of cultivating your identity outside of work. Here are some starting points:

Consider how you would work differently if you knew you were leaving. Would you feel less attached to the work? Would you limit your work responsibilities and hours? How would you feel going to work? How would your interactions be different? Your answers represent what work would be like when you’re not over identified with it.

Be honest about how much time you actually need to spend working. Are you mismanaging your time? Are you staying late simply to impress others? By working less, we often can actually increase our productivity.

Commit to 2 weeks when you’ll work less and focus on other parts of your identity. Create a schedule and include on your calendar time with the important people in your life and time for you to do things besides work.

Carve out time for what’s joyful and meaningful. Recover a hobby, take a class, or take up a sport. Pick one thing that you can do consistently so that it becomes part of your routine.

Be social. Get together with friends for dinner or host a dinner party where no one can talk about work. Repair or renew friendships with people who make you feel good about yourself. Build strong relationships based on who you are and not what you achieve.

In my own work detox, I stopped working so much. At first, I didn’t know what to do with my extra time. I couldn’t find the inspiration for a new hobby so I simply began taking better care of myself. I started going to weekend farmers markets, cooking my own meals, and inviting friends to join me for some of them. I slowly added in new activities, like hiking on the weekends. Over time, I became more efficient at my job as a result of working less. I returned to what inspired me about the work and became more creative and productive. Eventually, I started to recognize that I’m more than just my job.

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A few readers are now blogging about their experiences on the course, and it would be great to lend your support:

Stacy Claflin – Grow With Stacy

Marty BoneIdol – Living Life in Chapters

Derek Breuning – Tech Life

Stephen – New Life Starts Here

Read the interview I have done with Angela Artemis from Powered by Intuition

Read the interview I have done with Sandi Faviell from DevaCoaching

Watch an interview I made with Suzie Cheel on Mind Alchemy

Mind Alchemy Day 13

Welcome to Day 13 of Mind Alchemy

I originally called this module ‘Organize Your Life’, but I think a better title is ‘Clearing Your Mind’ as that is exactly what we are going to be doing today.

Today is going to be a relatively short piece as it is really about doing the exercise.

Typical scenrio

Nowadays we have so much stuff in our heads that it gets cluttered with all the things we have to do.  I frequently get emails that are important, and I say in my head ‘That’s important, I need to reply to that as soon as I’ve done this’, I then go about my task and subsequently forget about the email.  What happens is that my mind, or my subsconscious mind, tells me that I have something important to do and it clears a little pocket of energy in order to remind me that I have got an important email to reply to.  I go to work and suddenly my mind receives a message in its inbox to tell me I forgot to reply to that email: ‘Shit, I’ll need to do that when I get home’.  And that’s only 1 little task.  My mind is full of these little, important tasks, and the pressure starts to build as I am forgetting things right, left and centre.  I feel a certain amount of stress as I am sure I’ve forgotten to do other things.

It’s only when I dump everything from my mind onto paper that I feel a sense of deep relief, a huge weight has been lifted and I can relax again and get on with clearing all the important little things I have been meaning to do.

When you have done your first ‘dump your brain’ you shouldn’t really have to do it again, as you can write everything you need to do in a notebook as soon as you receive it.  So, as soon as you get an email in that you will need to reply to, write it in your notebook or worksheet to do later on, only if you can’t deal with it just now.  If something is literally going to take 60 seconds to do, do it there and then.

For now, get everything out of your brain and onto the worksheet or a piece of paper.

Clearing your mind

I am sure everyone knows how this feels.  We’ve always got something else to do, some important job that our partner has asked us to do that we keep forgetting about.  When we don’t do these little important tasks we are really saying; ‘okay that’s not terribly important in my life just now, but I know it’s important to you so I will get it done asap.’

Well, now it’s time to dump your brain onto paper and clear the clutter and stress from your mind.

Today’s exercise

Today we are going to get everything that we need to do and put it down on paper.  Yes, it’s the old fashioned way of doing things, but it’s still a valuable way to get rid of mind stress.

Download today’s exercise

Once you’ve dumped your tasks onto paper, it’s time to get those things done and out of your mind forever.  Once you’ve completed them put a tick in the completed box.  It’s amazing what that little tick can do for you psychologically.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow we will be having a catch up day, so you can catch up with any or all of the exercises so far.

Action follows a thought…

This course is about taking action, and to become pro active in changing your life.  Take time to do this exercise and really think about it throughout the day.  You don’t need to wait until tomorrow to take steps to improve your ‘Wheel of Life’, but with the support and encouragement from all the members we can help each other and support each other, but ultimately ‘you have to bring something to the table!’

Your thoughts

As always it’s good to talk about your experiences and share it with the rest of the members of the course, so let us know how this exercise went for you and if you gained any insights or had any revelations about yourself or your life.

You can share your thoughts at Mind Alchemy Facebook Group

You can Tweet using the hashtag #MindAlchemy

Or of course you can leave a comment below