When was the last time you sacrificed something today, for a better outcome tomorrow?

Life is full of trade offs. Buy the nicest clothes today or build your nest egg for later. Enjoy your ice cream tonight or fit into your pants tomorrow. They are everywhere.

Often it’s the short-term temptations that keep us from ever experiencing the long-term fulfilment of doing the things that are best for our lives and our bodies. Everywhere we look it seems like that we’re encouraged to exploit the short term. Most products, foods and advertisements focus here.

Don’t get me wrong, I am more passionate about the ‘carpe diem’ way of life than most. Today is the only day there is, so take advantage of it. Live it to its fullest and don’t look back. A life of passion begins with a day of passion. Being in the Now has been a buzz-phrase for years-the idea that fear only exists in the past and in the future, but in the present moment it all gets released and we’re free to enjoy.

I agree on all fronts.

But in a world of obesity and so many unfulfilled careers, I feel we’ve gotten the wrong message. It is crucial to live each day with energy and happiness. But just as important is having that align with your long-term visions for life. Blissful living and consumption without a care in the world for the future will likely get you into a deep hole if you’re not there already.

In my pursuit of a healthy and energetic life on purpose, I’ve found that every endeavor seems to come down to this core theme:

Short-term enjoyment vs. long-term fulfilment.

Starting a business has been one of the most direct trade-off experiences for me. I had so many friends and colleagues who were making good money, and conveniently getting paid every two weeks, as I stood there making no money, working like crazy on something I loved. It required a change in lifestyle.

I had to move home with my parents for a while. I had to cut back and learn to live simply. I made major shifts in the effort of building something that lead towards my dreams. At first they weren’t all comfortable adjustments, but I learned to love them all and looking back I would not have had it any other way.

Classic short-term trade-offs include:

Pursuing your dream of starting a business requires giving up the short-term comfort of income and job security.

Living a long and healthy life requires saying no to a few more drinks and French fries today.

A stock market investment requires the patience of forgoing current spending to enjoy a larger sum of money years later.

Building a happy family life requires major personal time sacrifices early on.

This list could go on forever. In order to experience any of these life plans with enjoyment, we must find a way to embrace the sacrifice.

How do we find enjoyment in the short term while still experiencing our dreams in the long term?

Find Balance. Extremes can be the most difficult to balance. Even though you may be building a pristine body long term, doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy your favourite wine or some treats here and there. As soon as something becomes a chore, the fun goes away. Without fun, there’s likely no commitment.

Don’t Compare. The easiest way to be discouraged with your short-term decisions is to watch others with totally different goals. My goal was to have a lean, fit and energetic body, but it used to frustrate me to see others eating and drinking everything under the sun. They clearly had different priorities. As soon as I realized that, the pressure released. This is just as relevant with careers. Remember, you are the only one travelling your path.

Love the process. Every real surfer loves to paddle, since it’s about 99% of what they do. Learn to love the paddle of your life. If you’ve switched to a predominantly vegetable diet because you believe it’s most healthy, find the best and most fun ways to prepare your meals. If you are building your dream business, celebrate every day’s accomplishments. Everything comes down to the process. Learn to love it.

“It’s how you got there. Not what you accomplished.”

-Yvon Chouinard

Have fun with it. Feel awesome that you’ve decided to make a long-term commitment with your life. It’s fun to know you are intentionally living a certain way.

Live your purpose. If you know you are living your purpose and building the life you are meant to build, it will make any short-term difficulties all the more palpable or even enjoyable.

Living congruently with your purpose, value and mission is the best way to meld the short term with the long term. Health is my number one value so passing up many of the options at restaurants is not a big deal. I enjoy it. It makes me feel awesome physically and mentally. And after a while, it’s no longer a choice I have to make. It becomes natural.

Life is full to trade-offs between now and later. Most things if we don’t do now, we likely won’t do later. People will always do things that have the potential to throw you off. It doesn’t make a difference what they’re doing as long as you’re comfortable with your path.

The pay-off often comes sooner than you think.

In many instances it seems today’s enjoyments are traded for fulfilment 20 or 30 years down the road. But what you’ll realize once you start your journey is that the pay-off may come a lot sooner. Doing what you love for work means you’ll have fulfilment by the moment, not just when you reach the mountain top. Passing up rich food at lunch will pay off in the form of no stomach ache and loads more energy only 30 or 40 minutes later. A hard workout this morning leaves you feeling on top of the world before breakfast.

Those are almost immediate results for your actions. And those actions, when put into daily practice, will also yield your dreams many years down the road. Knowing results are closer than we thought, is what can keep us on track to realize the life we desire.

Remember, happiness not spent today does not equal more happiness tomorrow. If we cannot find a way to enjoy the short-term reality of our long-term pursuits then it’s all for naught. The beauty of living a congruent life is that the short and the long term become one. Daily healthy and congruent short-term actions eventually lead to a life of long-term fulfilment.

In the end, your life is a product of today’s decisions. Act upon them wisely and the results will be yours to enjoy…today and for the rest of your life.

Change is never an easy thing to do in our lives. What is even more difficult is making the decision to change when we are unhappy about a certain aspect of our life but it is not so bad that it would cause us to take action to change.

In this video we will look at getting dissatisfied to make the change and why it is important.  Many people are stuck between satisfied and dissatisfied, but won’t make the change because the hassle is not deemed worth it.  If you want to be happy in all areas of your life – get dissatisfied with the status quo.

Before you jump on a new opportunity, take a minute to get a feel for if it is worth it for you to pick that specific one.  The portion of that worth that I am discussing here is that related to how far you will take it.  The thoughts you have about how you will perform on a goal before you even start the goal define whether or not you will complete the goal, and if you will progress beyond it.  This is an area of concern that helps you decide which opportunities you turn down, and which ones you accept.

Example Of Expectation Matching Results – Quitting Smoking

I know an individual who said that he wanted to quit smoking a bit over a week ago.  He told me he had made the goal to completely stop, and asked me for some guidance.  I told him that it needed to be a real goal on his part, and not something said just to impress me or himself.  I got a sense that that is what it might have been.  I tried to keep it as neutral as possible, and not make any statements that would make him feel bad as a person if he did return to smoking.

A few days ago, he let me know that he didn’t continue the goal and smoked the day before.  After talking to him a bit, he ended up pointing out that the honest goal he had in his mind was to reduce the amount of smoking he did, but he hadn’t truthfully planned to quit completely.  I appreciated his honesty, and what he said reinforces this concept that the straightforward goal you really feel you can accomplish and want to accomplish is the goal you should write down or tell others about, because any goal that isn’t congruent with your thinking will not be fulfilled and will cause resentment toward one person or another.

The Attitude You Start Something With Equals The Success You Acquire From It

In the book The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, there is a portion where the author describes how the attitude children take into an activity(playing music in this case) is very correlated with their future success, as the ones who saw themselves practicing the activity in the long-term, and becoming proficient in it, were the ones that did, and the ones who didn’t have as much of a long-term aspiration before starting the process, and couldn’t really see themselves enjoying or succeeding in it, were the ones who didn’t go as far.

What you can take from that research is that your brain lets you know right away when you see a new opportunity as to whether it fits you, or if it would be a waste of your time.  There are loads of opportunities out there, so it isn’t like you have to accept every single one to succeed.  If you focus on the ones where you feel you are willing and interested in putting long-term effort in, you won’t end up in that lost-time cycle where you ask yourself if you should continue because of the time you have already put in, even though the interest isn’t there.

If you want to change, I mean really want to change, something about your life, I’d like to share what I have learned over the last few months that has made a tremendous difference in my life and hopefully help you change.

Lately I have been infused with a real passion and drive for what I am doing; writing and blogging. It’s never really been that way before as I had my mind on so many other ventures. Now the other ventures are out of the way I have the drive and real motivation to get ahead with my blogging, and with my writing. I am not the world’s best writer, I know that, and am working on this every day. However, I love it. I love the thought of someone reading my writing and it sparking a light in their mind that set’s them off down the road to the change they want. There’s no better feeling than that, and it’s even better when I get an email from someone to say how much an article has meant to them.

I am jumping out my bed even earlier than normal and can’t wait to start writing or interacting with readers. My mind is buzzing with ideas which have to be written down and saved in case I forget them. Admittedly not all the ideas mature into a fully written article but they are saved in case I can come at it from a different angle down the line somewhere.

How I keep my mind alight

The simple way for me is to literally immerse myself in what I want at the end of all this; to become a full time blogger and writer. I study what other bloggers have done before me and read their stories, I read their writing, I read writing in my field of interest which is personal development, I visit sites about writing, I visit job boards to get work as a freelance writer, I write, I write and I write. It’s seems to have gone beyond passion and my mind is alight with possibilities, with ideas, it’s like the duracell bunny on 10 cups of coffee, the only problem is slowing down.

I am going with the flow just now as words are dripping off the page and I don’t want to stop in case the muse disappears on me, but I have ways for dealing with that.

I always had a goal to become a full time blogger, which is why I started the blog in the first place. However my mind wandered into affiliate marketing, internet marketing, making products that I was interested in, becoming a coach, so many things, and the blogging took a back seat. Now I can honestly see myself as a full time blogger, and it’s the very first time I have believed that I could actually do it. It’s taken me three years to reach this stage but every single change I have gone through to get here has been worth it.

I have managed to secure two long term writing positions with top blogs and am looking for more. This is in the space of a few months of focus and concentration, imagine what it will be like this time next year.

How to set YOUR mind alight to change your life

1. Know what you’re aiming for

The example above shows I didn’t really know what I was aiming for with regards to my online goals. You really have to know what you’re aiming for. It’s like an archer firing at a target that he cannot see. Once you’ve got this clearly in your mind, find out if it sits right with you.

You find this out by visualising yourself doing what you’re aiming for, you feel yourself doing it, living it, breathing it. If it sits right with you and that gut feeling is saying ‘Go for it, fire that arrow’ it’s time for the next step.

2. Deep immersion

Totally immerse yourself in your chosen goal. If your goal is to become a football player, you have to watch football, play football, join clubs, read football, go to matches, dream football, always have a ball at your foot. Read about your heroes in your chosen field. David Beckham’s old neighbours remarked that they never seen David without a football at his feet when he was younger. This is how we learn to become great, this is how we stand out from the crowd. Other people see your passion, your dedication, and are excited by working with you and helping you in your goals.

This part may last for some time, it could be months it could be years before you start seeing results but you have to keep deeply immersing yourself and never lose the passion.

3. Planning from the middle outwards

Once you’ve deeply and passionately immersed yourself you will be surrounded by a network of people who will help you to get where you want to go. It’s now time for planning how you are going to get there. Some people get there in the deep immersion stage and everything naturally falls into place. However a lot of people will have to start planning after the immersion stage.

Your network of friends, family and new ‘network friends’ are key to you reaching your goals. The way to get them to help you is to help them as much as you possibly can. If someone asks you for help with something, you are never too big to do it. Always help out when you can. Even with the ‘outskirt’ people who ask for help, if they are genuine about their goal, then help them. Get a name as someone who is genuine and willing to help someone reach their goal.

From the network you will see a path of people who will help you to reach your goal faster. This is not using people, you are simply using their influence and contact and they will be asking for your help in the future, so they see it as an investment and you see it as an investment; a win- win situation.

4. Maintain the passion

It’s easy at this stage to get sidetracked by other things. there are many people who have fallen from grace with the trappings of fame and fortune and forget the people who put them there. To maintain your passion, practice gratitude and remember all the people who have put you where you are today. This is true of everyday life as well. Keep you passion alive and see everything anew everyday. I read a great post the other night from Jonathan Wells which explains this better than I can, read it here

5. Know when to branch out

There will come a time, like in a footballers career where their passion for playing will be turned to passion for teaching others. Once you’ve reached this stage it might be easy to think that you are over the hill and no longer have the skill you once had. This is not true at all , it simply means you direct your passion, your enthusiasm, your hunger into another part of the goal (no pun intended there). When a footballer plays, he plays for himself and the team, when a coach coaches they are carrying on the legacy they had as a player and reaching and touching the lives of so many more people.

Conclusion

Your thoughts and action determine your success. Keep your mind focused on your target, immerse yourself and help those around you and you will reach your goal.

How are you getting there?

What sets your mind alight? what are your passions? How did you get there? It would be great to hear your stories.

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Mr Self Development from MrSelfDevelopment.com

Do you have a written plan that details how you will succeed, step-by-step, month-by-month? If you don’t, then you are planning to fail.

I don’t care if you’re trying to lose 20lbs, become CEO, win a golf tournament, or start your own business; you’ll need a ‘solid’ plan that you ‘believe in,’ in order to succeed.

Without a plan, you have very little direction, and it will be almost impossible to be consistent. Without consistency you will never make any long-term progress; you will never experience success.

Develop a Good Plan

Sometime ago when I was looking to start a weight-lifting regiment, I decided to put together a weight-lifting ‘plan.’ I read several books on weight-lifting, I scanned the internet, and I talked with several individuals who were currently lifting weights.

Based on my research, I developed a plan using the best advice from each of my sources and I placed that plan on the wall of my home gym.

[A 'good plan' should always include your goals, as well as specific daily direction to ensure you meet your goals.]

My plan included how long each workout would be, as well as what time I would begin my workouts.

Work the Plan

Of course, it’s not enough to just have a plan. In order for the ‘plan’ to work, you have to ‘work’ the plan. The ‘plan’ works, when you ‘work’ the plan.

If you’re trying to become a professional dancer, ‘working the plan’ may mean practicing 10 hours a day, but the plan has to be ‘worked.’

You must develop the habit of following the plan daily; ‘consistency’ and ‘habit’ will take you further than your ‘desires’ ever will.

Make Adjustments to the Plan

Although I believe I put together a good weight-lifting plan initially, it wasn’t a perfect plan. Three months into the plan, I realized that I needed to make some adjustments: I was over-working my pectoral muscles, so I decided to work them less frequently. I also made some additional changes in my diet.

Your initial plan will almost always change; this is not a problem (just make sure to have your ‘plan’ saved on your computer, so you can make quick updates and re-print as necessary).

‘Tweak the plan,’ until it’s the perfect plan for you.

Remain Faithful to the Plan

This is the most critical of all the steps. If you don’t faithfully work your plan everyday, how can you expect to succeed? A good plan will challenge you, it will stretch you, it will demand the very best from you.

Are you willing to remain faithful to your plan when things get tough?

Are you willing to stick to your plan, when someone is passing out ‘free’ donuts? Are you willing to stick to your plan, when everyone else has gone home for the day? Are you willing to stick to your plan, after you reach your goal? The question really becomes, how bad do you want it. If you want it bad enough, you will remain faithful.

In closing, if you don’t have a plan, develop a plan this week. Start with your research; find the best ways to get the results you seek (study folks who have already succeeded). Then begin to ‘work the plan’ daily; make adjustments as necessary, stay faithful to the plan (in the face of challenges), and you will succeed.

Recently I wrote an article describing my goal to reach 10,000 subscribers by the end of the year. It’s a very tall order but one I feel I will reach. I honestly don’t know how I can do this I just feel it. That was around 15 days ago and I still don’t know how I am going to reach that figure. When I see that I have only added around 100 subscribers in two weeks I was starting to think ‘I think I might have made a bit of a fool of myself by stating my goal of 10,000 subscribers’. As soon as I started thinking that my passion for the blog and writing diminished a little. Now that I have caught that thought I put even more effort in.

I have written a guest post for Lifehack.org, Zenhabits and DumbLittleMan (2 have not been published yet). I have added new features to this blog, which may or may not work, I have banished the Google ads and have just bought the Thesis theme to make the blog more simple in style (don’t know when that will be ready as I am still working on it).

My thoughts are now firmly on writing and over the last two weeks I have written over 10,000 words in posts, produced two videos, tweeted my little beak off, set up a facebook profile, a youtube channel, sent off an article as a freelancer, and joined a forum for A-ListBloggers. My thoughts are all on writing just now and reaching that goal, it’s a hunger from the minute I wake up, even when I am at work I am thinking ‘oh, that would be a great post’ and I get it down on paper before I forget it.

What has given me the drive?

There are 3 things that are driving this passion right now

1. A big hairy measurable goal
2. A passion for writing
3. The avoidance of pain (being made to look stupid if I don’t reach my goal of 10,000 subscribers)

5 ways to inject some passion into your goals

Have a goal in mind

You can’t have passion in your life if you don’t have a goal or goals. Try and make your goal measurable so you’ll know that you’ve reached your goal at the end of all your hard work.

Reach out

Reach out to other people who can help you reach your goals even your competition. If you see someone you are competing with and they are doing well, look at what they are doing, break it down into little pieces and emulate each piece. There are always people who are willing to help you if they feel your passion and hunger so ask other people to help you, if they say no, then move on to someone else who can help but always make it a win-win so you both gain out of the partnership.

Small changes

100 incremental changes can make a huge difference on your goal whereas 1 big change might not make that much of a difference. You find out what works for you, throw away the bits that don’t and keep improving bit by bit.

Obsess about it

I can’t believe how obsessed I have become about writing over the last two weeks. At first i thought ‘I’ll write a few guest posts, get some guest writers for CYT and write a little more for the blog’ It’s nothing like that. It’s like ‘I want to write the best post ever, every single time, I want to write it now and I want to find a way to write in my sleep.’

Think about your goal often and every single day. Have a picture in your mind of you reaching your goal and the rewards it will bring. Do this especially when you are feeling a bit down and things aren’t going quite the way you planned. It’s a hunger, a drive you need to reach that goal no matter what.

Speak about it

I have spoken to my wife about my goals for the next five months and she has asked some great questions one of them being ‘What are you going to get out of it?’ honestly I don’t know I just know I have to do it. So if you have friends and family who are willing to listen speak about your goals or join a forum who have people with similar goals to yours. Small goals can be a one man show, big goals need an audience.

What are your goals?

What are your goals right now and how are you injecting passion into them? Why not share your thoughts with the readers and help them out.

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Celestine Chua of The Personal Excellence Blog

Excellence – noun. the state of excelling; superiority; eminence:

Are you someone who strives for excellence? If you are reading this post, chances are you are . Personally, I firmly believe that all of us are here to achieve greatness; to be the best that we can be and to shake and move the world. There is nothing more satisfying than overcoming a challenge that was previously deemed insurmountable; nothing more satisfying than looking back at who you are now and realizing that you have grown much more than you thought you could. To be human is to live to our highest potential.

Like you, I’m someone who endlessly strives for excellence. Excellence is one of my top values in life and is something which I hold myself towards ever since I was a kid. When I was in school, I was constantly striving for the best; I graduated from my business school as the top student in my major (I was in marketing). In my career, I secured placement in the best company in the world for marketers, after being pit against hundreds of applicants and evaluated in multiple rounds of tests and interviews. Even as I ultimately chose to quit my corporate job last year, it was a decision made to wholly pursue my passion in personal development and helping others to achieve personal excellence.

In my years of pursuit of personal excellence, I have found 5 timeless steps in ensuing my own growth which I’d love to share with you here and I hope will be useful to you:

1) Believe in Yourself

Self belief is the utmost important step. If you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect anyone else to believe in you? If you want to achieve greatness, you have to first believe that you are capable of doing it. Know that there is no one else but you who can attain what you want to do. As Napoleon Hill puts it, “What the mind can conceive, it can achieve”.

One of my favorite stories is Sylvester Stallone’s real-life rags to riches story. Before he was propelled to stardom with the Rocky series, he was living out what others would deem as a ‘paltry’ existence as a wannabe actor. Because of his birth complication where he was born with a side of his face paralyzed and a slurred speech, he was rejected by countless casting agents in his quest for his dreams. At some point, he became poor as a pauper, and even his wife left him. But he never gave up. He firmly believed that he would be able to make it as an actor – not just an actor, but a movie star. And he finally did – today, he is an internationally acclaimed movie star, film director, producer and screenwriter. This would never have happened if he gave up his self-belief.

2) Keep Building Your Skills

The path to excellence is a continual one which requires constant upgrading and skills development. It’s said that it takes someone 10,000 hours of practice to reach the top in his/her discipline. Have you invested your 10,000 hours to develop your skills? If you haven’t, when can you start investing the time? If you have, how can you invest another 10,000 hours? No matter how much time and effort we have already spent in developing ourselves, there will always be opportunity to improve and be better.

Think about the skills which you possess at the moment as well as skills which you would like to have, but have yet to acquire. For example, some of the skills which I target to build for the upcoming few months are (1) Writing (2) Public Speaking (3) Productivity (4) Discipline (5) Organizational Skills (6) Badminton. How about yours?

3) Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

When you are out of your comfort zone, you are already growing by default. Comfort zones are called comfort zones because it’s where you feel safe and comfortable. When you stay in an area of comfort, you subject yourself to things you have become accustomed to – which leads to little or no growth. On the other hand, if you move beyond that area of comfort, even by a little bit, you start facing things which you are not exposed to before. This new context and new stimuli triggers off a reprocessing process  in your mind as you adapt to handle them. This means growth.

What are your comfort zones when it comes to your work? Environment? Diet? Daily routines? Places you go to? Clothes you wear? People you hang out with? Your goals? How can you change them around just to experience something different? How can you push yourself to an uncomfortable zone so you can grow? The more uncomfortable you feel about something, the more it means you are growing.

4) Be Around the Best.

I love this quote from Jim Rohn, which I feel sums this up – “You are the average of the five people you are around“. Who you are with has a role in affecting who you become. If you hang around people who are committed to excellence, sets themselves up to achieve nothing but the best, you are going to emerge a different person compared to if you hang around people who are jaded and are constantly lamenting about life. Cut yourself loose from people who don’t support you and increase your contact with the people who do. Above all, connect yourself with the best – the cream of the crop. If you have a goal to be a chef with your very own restaurant, start linking up with the top chefs of your country, or even possibly the world as you move forward on your endeavors. Even if it’s not possible to be personal friends, you can be connected with them by virtue of exposing yourself to outputs of their work – books, shows, interviews, etc. You will find yourself improving by leaps and bounds just from framing yourself together with them.

5) Set Huge Goals.

Emphasis on the word huge. Not the normal, standard goals which you know you will definitely be achieving with a certain amount of work and effort. We’re talking about the humongous goals which make you feel somewhat nervous and uncomfortable on whether it’s possible to even attain them. These are the goals which will really make you stretch yourself, soar, and then beam with an incredible lot of satisfaction when you do achieve them. Even if you don’t eventually get to nail them in the bag, the most important thing to realize is you have grown a lot more than if you set puny goals and achieved them. Be focused on the amount of growth you get and don’t be attached to the specific outcomes, because the outcomes don’t define who you are – Who you are define who you are.

Do you have any other personal ways / strategies to achieve personal excellence? I’ll love to hear from you Please share them in the comments section!

Changing your life with the Cycle of Change Model

The cycle of change model is for anybody looking to make a change in their life, be it small or large.  You will normally do this on an unconscious  level.  Knowing this process can make a huge difference in the changes you are trying to make in your life.  So what we will do here is bring this process into your subconscious and you can find out where you are in the cycle of change and make adjustments accordingly.

This model was originally developed in the 1970’s and 80s by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente.  It was originally used for smoking cessation but they soon found it could be a transferrable model used for making changes in any area of your life.  Today it is used by drug and alcohol workers.

Working with the cycle of change

Think of something you want to change in your life just now.  It could be a habit you want to rid yourself of, it might be a goal you have in mind.  Now, keep this in mind when I explain the cycle of change model and figure out where you are on the model:

Pre-contemplation Stage – This is the stage where you are not really interested in change. You might be forced into thinking about a change due to your family or friends but you don’t see any problem with a habit or a behaviour.

Contemplation Stage – At this stage you are thinking about changing some aspect of your life.  It could be something like getting fitter, giving up smoking, going on a diet, going to university, getting a new job or anything you are thinking about changing.  At this stage it’s just a thought but it’s important to note that this is the start of any change.

Preparation Stage – At this stage you are making preparations to make a change in your life.  You might have checked out the cost of the local gym, or checked out some university courses, or made preparations to get a new job, any change really.  The important point is you have made some preparations and you are one step further to your goal.

Action Stage – This is the stage that requires the most time and energy and is the stage where you actually take the action to change.  You have started going to the gym to get fitter, you have cut down on your food intake, you have given up smoking or you have applied for new jobs etc.

Maintenance Stage – Now that you have taken the action stage you want to maintain your new habit, behaviour, or attitude.  To maintain yourself at this stage requires you to keep taking action and being mindful not to go back to your old ways.

Relapse Stage – This is the stage when you have reverted back to your old behaviours, attitude or habit.  This can be a temporary stage and is part of the process and if you do fall into this stage you shouldn’t feel discouraged at all as it is all part of the learning process and the cycle of change.

How the cycle of change can help you

Knowing that there is a process to changing your life can be a great help to some people and can help in the difficult times of relapsing.

Are there any changes you are looking to make in your life? Find out where you are on the cycle of change model or have you made a change and you are in the maintaining stage?

This is a good model to work with if you have a goal in mind and are looking for positive changes to occur in your life.

Termination of the stages – You will look back one day after you have changed your behaviour, habit or attitude for good and reflect on where you were before.  Now is the time to look forward and enjoy this new you and possibly use it as motivation to change further.  Looking back on your past successes is a great way to keep you motivated and to be proud of your achievements in the past.  Remind yourself often of your successes as there will come a day when you will need to motivate yourself to change again and these successes will help you.

A lot of people find it difficult to reach their goals and consistently give up on them, often thinking themselves a failure for giving up.  This compounds their fears and pretty soon they are afraid to try anything new for fear of failing.  Well, it’s time to buck the trend and finally reach your goals.

How is it possible to reach my goals now if I’ve failed in the past?

Every single person on this planet can reach their goals if they really want to. Don’t worry I’m not going to give you stories of people who have overcome, seemingly, impossible hurdles to reach their goals.  This is about you, nobody else.  Every time you set yourself a goal or a target you are wrestling with yourself.  However there are ways to give yourself a fighting chance of reaching your goals.

A scenario

You’re all ready to go, you’ve set yourself a goal in your head and you’re saying ‘Right, this is the first day of the rest of my life’ you screw your face up like a sherpa puppy dog, clench your fists and say ‘I’m going to do it this time!’ Then a few days later you don’t reach your goal and say ‘Oh well, I knew it wouldn’t work anyway, but I gave it my best shot.’

Did you really give it you best shot?

Here is the conversation of the above scenario between you Id and your Super-Ego

Id: ‘I want to reach that goal‘
Super-Ego: ‘We’ve been here before and it’s sure to fail, look at everything we have to do to reach that goal, it’ll be too hard’
Id: I don’t care I want to have it!
Ego: Okay, let’s plan this, we all want the same goal but we have to take it easy.
Super-Ego: ‘Ego, we have failed in the past what’s the point of even trying.’
Ego: Let’s just try again, we’ve had some success in the past.’
Id: ‘Yeah, yeah, knock yourself out, go for it.

A FEW DAYS LATER

Super-Ego: ‘Oh well, I knew it wouldn’t work anyway, but I gave it my best shot.’
Id: ‘Of course you did, you thought about it really hard, you did lots of good work (Sarcastic tone), you didn’t take any bloody action but you did think about it really hard, it’s a shame it didn’t work out, I still want it.
Ego: This is another thing that’s going to dent my confidence in the future, maybe I should hold back a bit more and listen to the Super-Ego.

The Id, the Ego and the Super-Ego

Most of us have heard of the Id, the Ego and the Super Ego, they were terms coined by Freud as part of the Structural Theory of the personality.

The Id is the part of you that craves pleasure and the basic desires in life like food, water and sex.  When it gets the basics it moves on to other pleasure seeking thrills; ‘I want that new car it’ll make me feel so happy, I want a new dress, I want a new house’ it’s always want, want, want with the Id.

The Super-Ego will give you all the reasons why it will or won’t work, it will look to your past and look at the successes and failings of the past and correlate it with your current goals.

The Ego is the go between for the Id and the Super-Ego trying to satisfy both of them with reasoning and acts like the mother/father figure.

How will this help with reaching your goals

Knowing that the Id and the Super-ego are constantly in battle is useful to know in many ways.  For example, imagine setting yourself a goal of making 1 million pounds in 2 months.  The Id is going crazy, jumping up and down thinking about all the pleasures it might bring.  The super-ego is going crazy thinking about all the reasons it will never work and poor old ego is is stuck in the middle trying to appease both of them.  When the goal to make 1million pounds fails, the Id is extremely annoyed, the Super-Ego is saying I told you so, I told you so and the Ego has it’s hands on it’s head saying ‘Oh my god, this is a nightmare.’
So your aim is to satisfy all 3 parts of the personality.   How do you do this?

3 Ways to reach your goals quicker

All of this helps to entrain your brain into thinking about success and directly communicates with the super-Ego to appease it and make it believe you can achieve your goals.  In essence you are giving yourself evidence that your goals can be achieved.

For a more indepth look at the Id, the Ego and the Super-Ego you can read more here:

The Id, the Ego and the Super-Ego

Last week I went to a football game with a good friend, Celtic v Hibernian. He had tickets for the executive lounge at Celtic Park and asked if I wanted to come along. I was hesitant at first, knowing that family time is at a premium as I work a lot of hours between my job and my online work. I was also hesitant as I hadn’t been out without the family for a while. It might sound crazy but I had gotten so used to going out with my family whenever I had free time that I was a bit apprehensive about going out with a friend and meeting new people. It turns out the day was fantastic and we were treated to a champagne breakfast, the game and dinner. I have followed Celtic for years, I’m not a true supporter, but my team won that day. The atmosphere was amazing at the game and the people we were sitting with were nice.

I had gotten into a rut, albeit a very nice rut, by being with my family all the time. When the chance to step out of my, now, comfort zone, came along I took it and it was a good feeling. We are not anti-social people we just want to spend most of our time together as a family as we know the boys will be grown up and will not want us hanging around them in a few years time.

A lot of us are stuck in a rut in a lot of areas of our lives, whether it be work, relationships, friendships, hobbies and our free time.

Here are 8 ways to get out of the rut.

1. The first step is to recognise you are in a rut. You will know this instinctively but maybe not been able to put a name to it. It’s that feeling you get when you think you just can’t be bothered doing the same thing that you’ve been doing for ages like going out drinking every weekend with friends, being stuck in the house yourself every night, doing the same old thing day in day out with your job. When you recognise this feeling, you can then do something about it.
2. Once you have recognised the feeling of being in a rut start to think about what you can do to mix things up a little. If you are used to going out drinking with friends every weekend suggest something else you can do together or go and do it yourself or with other friends. If your job is your rut , start thinking about what you want to do with your life. People are stuck in a rut as they don’t know what else to do and haven’t really thought about doing something different.
3. When you have thought about other things you can do in your life start thinking about ways of implementing them and incorporating them into your life. It may be just a case that you are stuck in a comfort zone and it can be scary breaking out of your comfort zone.
4. ‘Small moves Ellie, small moves’ (Contact, 1997), this is a quote from one of my favourite films and it is so true when trying to get out of a rut. Some people like to change their whole life and turn it upside down and that’s great if it works for you but the period of adjustment can be overwhelming. When you take it slowly and take ‘small moves’ to get out of a rut it is not so overwhelming and you can ease yourself gently out of your comfort zone.
5. If your job is your rut start taking action to change it. Think about what you REALLY want to do and start taking steps to getting there. See in your minds eye the outcome and how you will feel when you reach that outcome. Your imagination and your thoughts are key to change.
6. If your friends and your social life is your rut do something different from the norm. Sometimes we outgrow our friends and it’s okay to make new friends, give yourself permissions to do this. It might be hard for you and your old friends, but you have to recognise that you are growing both spiritually and mentally and it can be good to have new friends.
7. Changing your routine can also be a good way to start changing your life for the better. If you are used to getting up late every morning, rolling out of bed, going to work, going back home, lying on the couch and falling asleep to TV try changing this. Get up early, yes you have to force yourself, go for a walk and then relax until it’s time to go to work. This is a small change to a routine but it can have a major impact on your life. When you are up early and possibly walking you start to think about other things you can change, when you think about this you are more likely to act on your thoughts, when you act you will change.
8. If you are not used to being a sociable person start getting yourself out there. Even if you are quiet, you can practice the art of small talk and get out of your comfort -zone of being alone.

We have to realise that being in a rut is down to our thinking being in a rut, it’s not our lives it’s our thinking. When you recognise you are in a rut you will start to think of ways of doing something different. When you think of something different to do you will see in your imagination something new, when you can see it in your mind it is possible to do it, when it is possible to do it it’s time to get out and do it.