Life is made up of moments. We classify these in various segments of “time” – but really they are all just moments. And every moment is composed of many tiny segments.

In every single one of these tiny segments, we have the chance, the option to cause great change. In fact, we always do, whether we are conscious of this or not.

As so many of us get wrapped up in various spiritual and personal development ideas and paradigms, sometimes we forget to live out what we learn and actually put it into action.

So what does this all mean to you and I, and every moment of our lives?

This means, that life, learning, evolving and growing is happening right now – as you sit there, as you take a jog, as you choose what you buy, as you hug a loved one, as you criticize the government. In all these moments you ARE changing the world.

But how could this be you may think? I am but one, small and perhaps insignificant person, minding my own business, focusing on my own life.

And that is just it – your life is interconnected to all that is. None of us are small or insignificant. If you are here in this physical existence currently, your thoughts and actions matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Many of us still cannot see how this can be, for surely I and my thoughts, words and actions are not as significant as the president’s, for example. But that is just the thing – they are. For if another person does something which we feel is not of the highest possible vibration for the good of all, you and I have the choice to add to that vibration or alter it to reflect the vibration of love more clearly.

Transformational Connections

When we send out our thoughts, wishes, wants, desires or preferences, we are connecting with the universal matrix of life. We are all interconnected.

We must therefore not be surprised by political turmoil, wars or violence on our planet. As long as there is turmoil within you, wars within yourself and between your closest loved ones, or violent ways of living in any and every area of your life, so too those will exist on a grander scale.

You are the microcosm. What you see in the world around you reflected is the macrocosm. See the connection. Know that you and I are shaping everything that is, was and ever will be.

This is where, every single second has the power to change the world. If 7 billion people  made the same decision in 1 second, we would see immediate results. But here is the thing, we do not need everyone on this planet to think or act the same way. In fact, it has been proven that very small numbers of individuals have the potential to create big change. We have seen it throughout history and are seeing it today.

According to Gregg Braden for example, in his book The Spontaneous Healing of Belief, he states that the minimum number of people required for great change is the square root of 1% of the population. That may be astounding, but again, we see this play out in various ways, time and time again.

“Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” -Margaret Mead

Transformational Thoughts

Therefore, the next time you are about to put down or criticize someone for example, catch that thought and transform it – transform it to reflect the kind of world you want to see and live in. Transform it to reflect the highest version of you – the vibration of love.

With every thought, you and I are creating our world. This concept is still pushed away by many for two reasons, I think. One, is that we were always lead to believe that some external force(s) are making life and this world the way it is. And two, for many people this kind of responsibility seems overwhelming.

But you and I are creators. Many of us are awakening to this idea and starting to see it more and more clearly in our own personal lives. Now the time has come to expand that idea, and apply it on a broader scale. Not only are you and I creating our own lives, we are all collectively creating the world as we know it.

If you are happy with every single area in your life, and thus the world, then you have nothing to do. Just keep being and doing what you are.

If however, you see areas in your own life or this world where you crave change, be that change. Stop waiting, stop pretending it does not exist and start transforming.

While we may not all be able to live in conscious awareness of all of our thoughts, words or actions 100% of the time yet, every bit of growth helps.

Therefore in this very second, you and I can choose thoughts, words and actions of love and light to change the world or we can stay separated from the connections that bind us all and create the world we see.

What do you choose?

We learn so many lessons as we get older and it’s only in quiet contemplation that we can really think about the rules we have learned along the way.  Every one of us have rules we live by, whether we realise it or not.

Here are a few rules I have learned so far.

1. Question everything.
2. A happy wife, is a happy life.
3. Take responsibility for your life up to this point.
4. Believe in your ability to change your circumstances.
5. Trust your first instinct.
6. Want the good things in life, but don’t need the good things.
7. Don’t buy until you have the money in your account.
8. Never regret what has happened in the past, you can’t change it.
9. Always put your family first.
10. Don’t gossip.
11. If you haven’t used it in 6 months, give it to charity.
12. Make your peace with death when you are still healthy.
13. Believe in your own higher power, nobody else’s.
14. Practice the art of listening.
15. Help others without expecting anything in return.
16. Help yourself first, that way you have more capacity to help others.
17. Don’t get married under pressure.
18. Work for someone as a means to work for yourself.
19. Stay in touch with your family and friends.
20. Get angry with life when you feel the need, life can soak it up just fine.
21. Don’t compare your life to others, you are on a different path altogether.
22. Never settle for second best.
23. Prepare in advance for your own confidence.
24. Don’t give your power away by letting others dictate how you feel.
25. Stop trying to read everyone’s mind, it can’t be done.
26. Hug as much as you can.
27. Believe in the power of serendipity.
28. Get some sunshine every day.
29. Don’t spend half your life in bed, grab the life outside your head.
30. Study nature, it’s a gift waiting to be discovered.
31. Say ‘I Love You’ from the heart.
32. Cut down on your TV time.
33. Love your partner with everything you have, but don’t depend on them for anything.
34. Know your values in life and start living by them.
35. Learn to argue your point.
36. Always admit to your mistakes in life and look to rectify them.
37. Give everyone one chance.
38. Don’t tell everyone all your problems all the time, you just become a pain.
39. Never kill a spider.
40. Don’t be confined by rules, break them every once in a while.

A little while back I came across the concept of a gratitude journal. It’s such a simple idea, and yet I can honestly say it’s had a profound effect on my mood and the way I perceive the world. In fact, I’m such a convert that I want to spread the word to anyone who hasn’t yet heard of a gratitude journal. So without any further ado…

What is a gratitude journal?

A gratitude journal is quite simply just that, a journal in which you write the things you’re grateful for. However, unlike a normal journal or diary, you’re only allowed to write positive things in a gratitude journal.

Why keep a gratitude journal?

It can be easy to slip into the habit of focussing attention on the negatives in life. Perhaps you’re worn out by ill-health, or you might be experiencing financial difficulties. You may be unhappy with your current circumstances, or consumed by a desire to own something you just can’t afford,or it could be another reason altogether. Whatever the cause, it’s pretty miserable to feel negative all the time, and if that’s how you feel then chances are you’re attracting negative people or situations into your life, which just perpetuates a cycle of negativity.

Keeping a daily gratitude journal may help you to turn this around. By making a conscious decision to focus your attention on the positive side of life you can start to shift your thinking from negative to positive. The more you look for the good things in life, the more you’ll find.

How do I keep a gratitude journal?

Firstly, you’ll need a place to record your entries. You can use a notebook, a diary, a journal, a file on your computer or other method. The important thing is to pick something that’s going to work for you, because you need to be motivated to make daily entries in your gratitude journal. If a beautifully covered book will help motivate you, choose that, but if you prefer technology you may choose a computer file or even a blog (just have a think about whether you want your entries to be private or open to be read by the rest of the world!).

Once you’ve chosen how you’re going to record your entries, you just need to start. Each day, record in your gratitude journal the things you’re grateful for that day. If you find it hard to remember the things you’re grateful for when you sit down to write in your gratitude journal, it might help to make notes as things occur to you during the day.

I write in my gratitude journal each night, just before I go to sleep. For me, this means that I end each day on a positive note, I seem to sleep more peacefully, and I start each day in a brighter mood. But again, it’s important to pick a time when you’re going to be the most motivated to write in your gratitude journal. The important thing is to commit to making entries every day.

Opinions vary as to how many things to record in your gratitude journal each day – some people suggest that you list one thing, other people suggest that you record up to five or more things. I’ve found five to be a happy medium, simply because the first two or so things come to me reasonably easily each day, but I often have to stretch to get to four or five.

I’ve also seen seen it said that you shouldn’t record the same thing twice in your gratitude journal. I think it’s up to you. I try to avoid saying the same thing on consecutive days, but sometimes I’m just truly grateful for something that I’ve been grateful for before, and I think that’s ok.

Really, the one hard and fast rule is that you can only record positive things. Otherwise, I’d figure out what works best for you, and stick with that.

When you start, and on good days, you may find it relatively easy to think of things to be grateful for. After a while, and particularly on difficult days, it can be a struggle. However, it’s on the difficult days that it’s most important to make entries in your gratitude journal, as it’s on those days that you need your positive outlook the most. When I’m having a particularly trying day, and it seems hard to imagine that there could be anything to be grateful for, I’ve found it really useful to re-read my earlier journal entries to help to reframe my outlook and get some inspiration.

You might also want to mix it up when it comes to the things you record in your gratitude journal. I sometimes find that I’ve been focussing on one area of my life (for example, my family or my job), and when that happens I try to expand my horizons by including other aspects of my life (a smile from a stranger as I walked around the grocery store, or having a particularly great cup of coffee).

Once you get the hang of recording the things you’re grateful for in your journal, why not try spreading the gratitude with the people around you. Thank the person who made the great cup of coffee, pass on the smile to another stranger, send some good vibes to a friend in a postcard or email, or let your colleagues know how much you appreciate them. You might also like to visit Gratitude Connection to share your daily gratitude journal entries, and to see what other people are grateful for.

Today I’m grateful for…the opportunity to share what I’ve learned about gratitude journals. I’d love to learn about your experiences with gratitude journals, and to hear what you’re grateful for today.

It’s started!

Your future has just begun, the moment you read this sentence.  With each passing word you read, your future possibilities changed.

Doesn’t that blow your mind? The fact that because you stayed to read just a millisecond longer that your future changed it’s path.

Right now, this very second, your future is getting prepared, eagerly awaiting your arrival, waiting for you to come and claim it, waiting for you to welcome it with open arms and shout ‘It’s me, I’ve arrived’ – What frame of mind will you arrive in?

Are you going to journey to your future complaining about the rest of the world?

Are you going to reach your future with a heavy heart and slowly drag yourself through the rest of it?

OR

Are you going to run and scream into your future, singing, whooping, thanking the world that you made it to your future, excited, ecstatic by the possibilities that this new place brings, your mind races with the possibilities, the endless possibilities – a new love, a new friendship, a new book, a business, rekindled love, your family join in the celebrations with you as they can see your future is a bright one, one that is infected with the possibilities of a new way of doing things, a new way of thinking, and an old way of happiness, forever following you.

Failure, depression, lost dreams, forgotten love, hatred, and anger all go with you to your future but each time diminished by the thoughts of a new future.

Your future asks you to let go of your inhibitions, stop trying to please others, dump falseness, drop the protocol, open up the person inside, the person that wants to say ‘Fuck it’, this is me, this is who I really am – I want to be genuine, I need to be passionate, I have finally met my authenticity.

Your future awaits you!

All it asks of you is:

Honesty!

I am reading a fantastic book just now by Robin Easton called ‘Naked in Eden’.  In it Robin shares a story about her connection to a Bandicoot which reminded me a lot of a similar connection I had with my dog ‘Trinty’ (named after the character in ‘The Matrix’).

We bought Trinity, a gorgeous Lhasa Apso, for our son who was terrified of dogs when he was younger.  She was a little pup and our son could grow with Trinity and get over his extreme fear of dogs, which he has now.  Over 4 years Trinity became my dog, you know how in every family who has dogs, the dog has a special connection with one person, well, I had the connection with Trinity.

Early last year Trinity took ill, she was listless, just lying about and wasn’t eating at all.  Concerned I called the vet and took her up to the vet the same day, it was a Friday.  The vet advised she would keep Trinity in over the weekend to keep an eye on her.  On Saturday morning we got a call to say that Trinity had a rare blood disease and they would keep an eye on her for a few more days and run some more tests.

On Sunday morning at around 4am I had an extremely vivid dream about Trinity.  She was lying in her bed, with her little paws folded over each other and her head resting wearily on her paws.  She spoke to me and advised it was time for her to leave.  I gently stroked her head and said; “are you not getting any better baby?”, Trinity looked at me with big brown eyes, tired and weary and shook her head.  I started crying and told her I loved her and how much we loved having her in our lives for the 4 short years.  I awoke from the dream with tears streaming down my face.

At about 7 am we got a call from the vet to say Trinity had passed away quietly in her sleep.  Naturally I was gutted and it took me a while before I could even talk about it.  She was a part of our little family and she was gone.  It’s hard for people to understand who don’t have pets just how attached we can get to our non human friends.

The connections we share

I truly believe that we are connected to everything in this world, be it animal, plant, rock etc, we are all evolving at different rates and I believe we can cross boundaries and communicate in some way.  My communication with Trinity was real and I often spoke to her mentally which gave us the connection we had.  Sound absurd? Maybe, but it helps me reconcile my connection with the real world and by ‘real’ I mean the natural world.  As Robin says in her book:

“What happened to our relationship with earth?how did our species lose daily intimate contact with her…………..We fly to the moon, yet we are further away from the stars than ever before”

When was the last time you sacrificed something today, for a better outcome tomorrow?

Life is full of trade offs. Buy the nicest clothes today or build your nest egg for later. Enjoy your ice cream tonight or fit into your pants tomorrow. They are everywhere.

Often it’s the short-term temptations that keep us from ever experiencing the long-term fulfilment of doing the things that are best for our lives and our bodies. Everywhere we look it seems like that we’re encouraged to exploit the short term. Most products, foods and advertisements focus here.

Don’t get me wrong, I am more passionate about the ‘carpe diem’ way of life than most. Today is the only day there is, so take advantage of it. Live it to its fullest and don’t look back. A life of passion begins with a day of passion. Being in the Now has been a buzz-phrase for years-the idea that fear only exists in the past and in the future, but in the present moment it all gets released and we’re free to enjoy.

I agree on all fronts.

But in a world of obesity and so many unfulfilled careers, I feel we’ve gotten the wrong message. It is crucial to live each day with energy and happiness. But just as important is having that align with your long-term visions for life. Blissful living and consumption without a care in the world for the future will likely get you into a deep hole if you’re not there already.

In my pursuit of a healthy and energetic life on purpose, I’ve found that every endeavor seems to come down to this core theme:

Short-term enjoyment vs. long-term fulfilment.

Starting a business has been one of the most direct trade-off experiences for me. I had so many friends and colleagues who were making good money, and conveniently getting paid every two weeks, as I stood there making no money, working like crazy on something I loved. It required a change in lifestyle.

I had to move home with my parents for a while. I had to cut back and learn to live simply. I made major shifts in the effort of building something that lead towards my dreams. At first they weren’t all comfortable adjustments, but I learned to love them all and looking back I would not have had it any other way.

Classic short-term trade-offs include:

Pursuing your dream of starting a business requires giving up the short-term comfort of income and job security.

Living a long and healthy life requires saying no to a few more drinks and French fries today.

A stock market investment requires the patience of forgoing current spending to enjoy a larger sum of money years later.

Building a happy family life requires major personal time sacrifices early on.

This list could go on forever. In order to experience any of these life plans with enjoyment, we must find a way to embrace the sacrifice.

How do we find enjoyment in the short term while still experiencing our dreams in the long term?

Find Balance. Extremes can be the most difficult to balance. Even though you may be building a pristine body long term, doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy your favourite wine or some treats here and there. As soon as something becomes a chore, the fun goes away. Without fun, there’s likely no commitment.

Don’t Compare. The easiest way to be discouraged with your short-term decisions is to watch others with totally different goals. My goal was to have a lean, fit and energetic body, but it used to frustrate me to see others eating and drinking everything under the sun. They clearly had different priorities. As soon as I realized that, the pressure released. This is just as relevant with careers. Remember, you are the only one travelling your path.

Love the process. Every real surfer loves to paddle, since it’s about 99% of what they do. Learn to love the paddle of your life. If you’ve switched to a predominantly vegetable diet because you believe it’s most healthy, find the best and most fun ways to prepare your meals. If you are building your dream business, celebrate every day’s accomplishments. Everything comes down to the process. Learn to love it.

“It’s how you got there. Not what you accomplished.”

-Yvon Chouinard

Have fun with it. Feel awesome that you’ve decided to make a long-term commitment with your life. It’s fun to know you are intentionally living a certain way.

Live your purpose. If you know you are living your purpose and building the life you are meant to build, it will make any short-term difficulties all the more palpable or even enjoyable.

Living congruently with your purpose, value and mission is the best way to meld the short term with the long term. Health is my number one value so passing up many of the options at restaurants is not a big deal. I enjoy it. It makes me feel awesome physically and mentally. And after a while, it’s no longer a choice I have to make. It becomes natural.

Life is full to trade-offs between now and later. Most things if we don’t do now, we likely won’t do later. People will always do things that have the potential to throw you off. It doesn’t make a difference what they’re doing as long as you’re comfortable with your path.

The pay-off often comes sooner than you think.

In many instances it seems today’s enjoyments are traded for fulfilment 20 or 30 years down the road. But what you’ll realize once you start your journey is that the pay-off may come a lot sooner. Doing what you love for work means you’ll have fulfilment by the moment, not just when you reach the mountain top. Passing up rich food at lunch will pay off in the form of no stomach ache and loads more energy only 30 or 40 minutes later. A hard workout this morning leaves you feeling on top of the world before breakfast.

Those are almost immediate results for your actions. And those actions, when put into daily practice, will also yield your dreams many years down the road. Knowing results are closer than we thought, is what can keep us on track to realize the life we desire.

Remember, happiness not spent today does not equal more happiness tomorrow. If we cannot find a way to enjoy the short-term reality of our long-term pursuits then it’s all for naught. The beauty of living a congruent life is that the short and the long term become one. Daily healthy and congruent short-term actions eventually lead to a life of long-term fulfilment.

In the end, your life is a product of today’s decisions. Act upon them wisely and the results will be yours to enjoy…today and for the rest of your life.

I wrote this post for another blog and thought it would be great to share it with you here at CYT.

Your eyes can tell a lot about you and tell others even more simply by the way you use them.  Eye communication is a great skill to have and eye contact is a great tool to master.  We all use it and we all give away vital clues as to what we are thinking with our eyes.

References are made to our eyes in everyday conversation such as ’she has bedroom eyes’, ‘don’t give me those puppy dog eyes’, ‘giving me the evil eye’ and many more such phrases.

If you can learn the skill of reading eye signals and mastering the art of using eye contact it can make a huge difference in your personal and business life.

The Pupils

Your pupils and the size of them will give away a lot of secrets, and it’s something we can’t do much about. The pupils will either constrict or dilate depending on our state of mind. If we are aroused by something, or someone, our pupils will dilate and if we are turned off by something or someone our pupils will constrict.

Skilled street traders across the world look for the size of the pupils when bartering with their customers. If a customer sees an object and their pupils are fully dilated, then the trader knows they can keep the price of the item at the higher end.

When we are excited by someone we like, our pupils will dilate, and when we are in the company of someone we don’t like, our pupils will constrict.

Take a look at these two photos. Which one do you prefer?

The first photo shows the pupils constricted and the second photo shows the pupils dilated. The one with the pupils dilated would normally be the one that people picked, as it is more seductive and deemed more attractive when the pupils are dilated.

Next time you are talking to someone pay attention to the size of their pupils, don’t go right up to their face and make a nuisance of yourself, but just casually watch the size of their pupils. This will tell you what excites them when they are talking, it might also tell you if they like you or not as we can rarely hide our emotions with our eyes.

Different Types of Eyes

Wandering Eyes

Have you ever noticed when you are talking to someone that their eyes are looking everywhere and not at you. This in itself is an obvious sign of distraction or boredom however, it also means that the person is looking for a way to get out of your space. Looking out a window when someone is talking to you could mean they would rather be outside.

If you do this, be careful of the signals you are giving to the other person, unless you specifically want them to know you don’t want to be with them.

The Angry Eyes

When we are angry our eyes become narrower, brows are furrowed and our pupils constrict. It’s quite easy to tell if someone is angry when they have all of the above. what if they don’t show the above body language signals? Well, we have to look for other body language clues such as constriction of the lips, flared nostrils, staring, clenching of the jaw etc.

When you are speaking to someone who is displaying signs of anger you can either back down or stand up for yourself, depending on what the situation warrants.

If you stand up for yourself you should be holding eye gaze and not break it. This shows the other person that you are not intimidated by them. If you are the one to break eye contact in a heated argument you have all but lost the argument.

The Seductive Eyes

It’s quite easy to tell if someone likes us by the size of their pupils. In a well lit room, if you are speaking to someone face to face you can see the size of the other person pupils. If the eyes start to dilate they are interested in what you have to say or they find you attractive.

However, this is not so true in a darkened room like a nightclub as the size of our pupils will dilate to let more light in, in order to see better in the darkened room. So be careful to read the signals correctly before making a fool of yourself.

There are other ways to seduce someone with your eyes. The classic Lady Diana look with her head down and eyes looking up was one of the reasons so many people warmed to her. This type of look makes the observer feel more maternal or paternal and also brings out the protector in men which made Lady Di more attractive.

Your Gaze

When we are talking to our friends and in social situations, and are looking and talking with another person for some time we unconsciously gaze at the persons face in a controlled manner. However, if we have lost confidence or we are not yet socially adept we can lose this ability.  Here is a quick guide on where to focus your gaze when talking to someone.

Social Gazing

When you are speaking in a social setting you don’t want to stare into someone’s eyes as this is a bit strange for someone to do, and a bit off-putting for the talker. To get over this, use a triangle approach. First look at one eye of the talker, then look at their mouth, briefly, and then move onto their other eye. This shows you are still interested in what they have to say as you have not looked away from their face.

The Flirty Gaze

When we flirt with each other the eyes still move in a triangular way but with more range, downwards. I know the women reading this will have experienced men who think you are talking from your breasts, which is quite disconcerting, and I’ll explain a possible reason for this, apart from the obvious. However, we all do it, men and women, only women are better at it.

It has been shown that when we are walking toward each other from a distance, men and women, automatically check each other from head to foot. First time to check the sex of the person and second time to check the sexiness of the person.

Men are more likely to get caught checking out a females body, rather than looking them in the eye, because they have less peripheral vision than women. Women can look you in the face but still look at your body  because their peripheral vision is much better.

Our eyes contain two types of photo-receptors; rods and cones. Rods are responsible for scotopic vision, dark adapted vision. They also predominate the peripheral vision and women have more rods in their eyes than men do; hence why they have better peripheral vision and are better at seeing in the dark.

The Controlling Gaze

If you are looking to intimidate someone when you are talking to them, or are trying to control the conversation look at the area known as ‘the third eye’ which is the spot just between the eyebrows.

Many men do this to try and intimidate the people they are talking to and to try and control a conversation.

Can you tell if someone is lying with their eye movements?

Short answer to that is no. However, by looking at other body language signals and looking at their eyes you can get a good idea if someone is lying or not.

With the work of Bandler and Grinder and their excellent work on NLP we have an idea of how our eye movements relate to how we access information from the brain, which can help to tell is someone is lying or not.

Visual Accessing Cues

(VC) Visual Construction : Looking up and to the left.  The person is accessing information from their imagination and might possibly be making it up.  For example, if you asked someone what their dream home would look like they would, more than likely, look up and to their left.

If someone is lying about something and making stories up they might be using this eye movement.

(VR) Visual Remembering : Looking up and to the right.  This is when we are actually accessing a memory and picturing it in our heads.  It is more than likely that this is a memory that actually happened.  Ask your friend what they had for dinner yesterday and they will most likely look up and to the right.

(AC) Auditory Construction : Looking middle and to the left. This is where our eyes might go if we were constructing a sound in our mind.  For example if you asked a friend to think of what their voice will sound like when they are 80 years old, they would more than likely look in this direction.

(AR) Auditory Remembering : Looking middle and to the right.  This is where our eyes might go if you were remembering a sound that you have heard before.  For example ask your friend what the sound of their partner sounds like and they will more than likely look in this direction.

(K) Kinesthetic :Looking down and to the left.  This is the direction your eyes might go if you were accessing your actual feelings about something.  For example, if you ask a friend about their feelings on the issues of capital punishment their eyes might go in this direction.

(AD) Auditory Digital : Looking down and to the right.  This is the direction our eyes might go when we are talking to ourselves.  We do this all the time and it is called self talk.  Believe it or not we talk to ourselves a lot and we can learn a lot about ourselves by paying attention to our self talk, but that is for another article.

The information above represents the majority of people, but it may  be different for some.  However, it is still possible to work out a persons representational system by observing them when you ask them questions.

Using the information above should get you started on the road to being able to read people using their eyes as signals.  Remember, as with all body language signals, that they should be read together and not separately.

The power of positive thinking.

How many times have you heard that phrase thrown around? It’s so much a part of our vernacular now that it’s almost become meaningless. We’d all agree that thinking positively is a good thing. Especially when we’re feeling positive. When you’re feeling good, how much trouble is it to think, “Hey, I like me. My life is cool. Things are going great.”

But what about when things are crappy? What about those days when you’re so stressed the veins pop out of your forehead? When you hate your job — or you’ve lost it? What about those days when you are sucker-punched by a series of unfortunate events that makes the life of Job look like a garden party?

I’ve met people who remain perky during really bad times. And to be honest, they make me want to slap them around a bit. That Pollyanna, “life is still beautiful” attitude when things are falling apart just yanks my chain. However, I’ve come to learn that these people know something I don’t.

Here’s the secret that’s not really a secret. It’s revolutionary, exciting science.

Positive thinking really does change your brain. Not in some magical, woo woo kind of way, but in a real physical way.

The science is called neuroplasticity. It means that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains. The idea was first introduced by William James in 1890, but it was soundly rejected by scientists who uniformly believed the brain is rigidly mapped out, with certain parts of the brain controlling certain functions. If that part is dead or damaged, the function is altered or lost. Well, it appears they were wrong.

Neuroplasticity now enjoys wide acceptance as scientists are proving the brain is endlessly adaptable and dynamic.

It has the power to change its own structure, even for those with the severe neurological afflictions. People with problems like strokes, cerebral palsy, and mental illness can train other areas of their brains through repetitive mental and physical activities. It is completely life-altering.

So what does this have to do with positive thinking and with you?

It means that repetitive positive thought and positive activity can rewire your brain and strengthen brain areas that stimulate positive feelings.

In his widely-acclaimed book, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, Norman Doidge M.D. states plainly that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself and/or form new neural pathways — if we do the work. Just like exercise, the work requires repetition and activity to reinforce new learning.

Here are some actions you can take to change your own brain during the bad times.

Fear of failure.

Everyone fears doing something new because we don’t wait to fail. The truth is, we can do most anything if we take action, stop negative thinking, and shift our perceptions of the truth about our abilities.

• Action steps: Force yourself to stop thinking about reasons you can’t do something, even if you don’t feel brave or capable. Every time a negative thought creeps in, retrain your brain to think a positive thought about your abilities instead. Then take small actions every day toward achieving your goal or desired change.  Nike’s slogan, “Just do it,” has real validity.

Over-thinking/Worrying

Have you ever found yourself trapped in obsessive over-thinking about a problem or in a state of anxiety or worry that lasts for days or even weeks? It drains your energy, affects your sleep, and spirals your mood and outlook on life. Focusing on your problem only strengthens the worry function in your brain.

• Action steps: When you find yourself in that cycle of worry or compulsive thinking, remember the three R’s — rename, re-frame, and redirect. When the worry begins, mentally yell “Stop!” Rename the issue by reminding yourself that worry isn’t real. Rename it as a compulsive reaction, not reality. Re-frame your thinking by focusing on positive or distracting thoughts, even if you still feel anxious. Force yourself to think different thoughts. Redirect your actions. Go do something uplifting, fun or mentally engaging. The key is following these steps repeatedly, every time you worry obsessively, to break the pattern and rewire your brain.

Mood Disorders/Phobias

Sometimes we might feel blue or out-of-sorts, and it’s just a temporary fog that settles in and lifts after a few days. Some mood disorders, like depression or serious anxieties that morph into phobias, can be debilitating and unrelenting. Psychologists and therapists have used treatments based on neuroplasticity to get to the cognitive root of these disorders and put a patient’s life back on track.

• Action steps: A serious mood disorder or phobia requires the help of a trained counselor. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change destructive thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and feelings. If you suffer from severe anxiety or depression, you need someone skilled to help you get to the root of these thoughts and to show you how to change them. Ask them about CBT.

Scientists are now looking at neuroplasticity to approach a wide variety of cognitive problems and disorders including:

• Loss of senses — vision, balance and hearing

• Learning disorders and reading problems

• Auditory processing problems

• Autism and hypersensitivity

• The aging brain and memory

• Issues related to love and sex

• Stroke and brain injury recovery

• Cerebral palsy

• Chronic pain

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• Psychological trauma

• Depression and anxiety

• Cognitive problems after brain surgery

In his book, Dr. Doidge chronicles amazing case histories of patients whose astonishing progress had previously been dismissed as hopeless. Through the applications of this science, we all have the ability to be happier and more positive, raise our IQ’s, rejuvenate aging brains, and learn new skills with ease.

If you want to learn more ways to use the revolutionary science of neuroplasticity to change your thoughts and your life, check out Dr. Doidge’s website.

A lot of us in life don’t achieve the things we want to achieve for a lot of different reasons.  I believe one of the main reasons is that we are not confident about where we are going.  We over analyse, over question, over prepare, over fret, over everything.

Think about it : When you go on holiday abroad and I was to ask you a few questions such as:

Where are you going?

France

Where about in France?

Paris

What hotel?

Hotel De Crillon

Who are you going with?

My wife and two children

What Airline are you using?

American Airlines

Where are you flying from?

JFK

What time is your flight?

2pm

etc etc etc

When you go on holiday you are totally confident about where you are going to.  You don’t necessarily know what’s going to happen when you get there, or if there are going to be delays, but no matter what, you are booked on a trip and you know exactly where you are going.

Why don’t we do this in life?

Book a goal and just go there.  It doesn’t matter how you get there, but just be confident that you will get there.  Don’t worry about it being realistic, just book it and starting walking toward it.

This is not another motivational article saying ‘dream big, visualise, see it in your mind and it will manifest itself’.  This is an article about being confident that you are going to reach your goal.

When I coached a client recently and asked them what they want to do in life, I got back the answer: I would love to be an artist.  I asked them if they had painted anything and he advised he had, I then congratulated him on becoming an artist.  Somewhat confused he said he hadn’t sold any of his work so he is not an artist.  ‘Ah’ I said, so you don’t want to be an artist, you want to be someone who gets paid for their artwork? Isn’t that what all artists want? ‘Not necessarily’ I replied, artists paint because they love to paint, they don’t necessarily need the recognition for them to be confident about their artwork.  He replied he wanted to be recognised as a great artist.  I asked him, recognised by who? An art critic who has never painted in his life or by someone who doesn’t recognise the meticulous brush strokes he used when creating his artwork only for them to buy it because it would go well with their bedroom colour scheme.

If you want to be an artist, paint a picture and call yourself an artist and brush up on your skills whilst painting more pictures (pardon the pun )

If you want to be a writer, write a book and call yourself the author of (fill in the blank) and keep writing because you love to.

If you want to ride in the Tour De France, get of your arse, start peddling and make it happen

The need to over (everything), it

We have this need sometimes, to over analyse things and put barriers in our way.  If you have a goal in life all you need to do is be confident about your goal, know, within yourself, why you are doing it, get passionate about it and keep your eye on the goal at all times.

Deal with the hurdles as they turn up, but don’t create the hurdles before they turn up,

Deal with the stress when it arises, but don’t create the stress before you get there,

Listen to others opinions about your goals, but don’t let the opinions put you off,

Deal with what you will do when you get there, when you get there, but don’t analyse what you will do before you get there, as you will never get there.

Don’t stop to think about it, go with the flow whilst your goal is hot and passionate and turn your ‘I’m going to……’ into ‘I am….’

We all have different glasses we wear when looking at the world, and in particular, when dealing with certain events that happen in our lives.

I’d like to give you an example of what I am talking about here.

A few years ago when I was driving my eldest son home from one of his clubs, I noticed a car just outside our home and next to it was a man who looked to be shouting at a young boy.  As I drew closer, I noticed the young boy was my youngest son and he was crying.  I slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car and lost it with the guy who was shouting at my son, and being honest, I was ready for decking him.  The guy retreated and held up his hands and advised me there had been a misunderstanding.  He was simply asking my son who his mother and father was as he had nearly knocked down my son who was showing off to his friends and standing in the middle of the road when cars were going by.

I looked at my son who confirmed with his eyes that the guy’s story was correct.  I calmed down almost as quick as I had flared up, apologised to the guy, and explained what I saw from my point of view.  We spoke for a few minutes and everything was okay.  Needless to say my son was grounded after explaining to him why, what he had done, was dangerous and trying to look big in front of his friends had earned him a two week grounding, plus the fact I nearly decked a guy as I thought he was shouting at my son and making him cry.

Lessons learned

My Son learned valuable lessons on that day: showing off and trying to act the big man is not good, and his father would do anything to protect him.  Kids need to know that their parents will protect them at all costs and from that point of view my son knows how much I love him and how what I would do to protect him.

In that situation, I wore the glasses of a father protecting his son.  Thinking about it, I could have worn so many other glasses to see the situation from another point of view.  In the UK, all workers working with the public have to go through something called a disclosure, to make sure we are fit to work with the public.  If there is a criminal record of any type comes through on the disclosure we would be sacked or would not get the job in the first place.

Had I thought about the situation, wearing the glasses of a public service worker I could have approached the situation differently, knowing that I would lose my job if I got a criminal record for punching someone’s lights out.

Putting on a different pair of glasses

We all have different glasses we can wear in life and it’s good to mentally change our glasses in order to be able to see the world from a different viewpoint.  We have the glasses of:

A parent

A brother/sister

A daughter/son

A worker

A spouse

A breadwinner

A friend

A hater

A lover

A doer

A thinker

I think you get what I mean here.  There are so many glasses we can see the world through and it’s great just to step back sometimes and just wear another pair of glasses sometimes.  See the world through a different lens.

It’s amazing how your perspective can change when you mentally say to yourself ‘I am looking at this from my own point of view, how does the situation look if I look at the world from a loving husband’s point of view/a workers view/ a boss’s view.

Be interesting to hear what kind of glasses you wear.