I was speaking with Sharon, my wife, and a few friends,a few weeks ago, and we got around to talking about favourite colours, favourite flowers, favourite foods etc.  When one of my friends asked Sharon what was her favourite flower, Sharon replied ‘Well this week my favourite flower is the Orchid.’  When my friend questioned her use of the phrase ‘this week.’  Sharon replied that it changes all the time.  It is the same with her favourite colour, her favourite food and other favourites.  I think this is a great fluid way of thinking and it got me thinking about the phrases we use that keep us static in life.

If I ask you the question: Who are you? What would you say?

You will probably answer: I am (insert your name here)

Then if I ask you who is (your name)

You might answer with the roles you have in life, I am a construction worker, I am an admin assistant, I am a chef etc

Then you might go on to say I am a wife, a mother, a father, a son, a brother, a sister etc

You might then go on to speak about the you that identifies with your particular beliefs in life: I am a Catholic, I am a Muslim, I am a Christian, I am Buddhist etc

If I then ask you what attributes make up (your name)

You might go on to say I am kind, I am loving, I am a good listener, I am a good friend, I am a bad enemy, I am shy, and go on to list all your personable attributes relating to your personality, which is great.  We usually define the attributes of our personality in a positive light.

When I go on to the aspects that you don’t like about yourself you might say things like: I am no good at organising, I am lousy with technology,  I can’t cook, I can’t cope with change, I am no good at maths, I can’t write very well

What do you notice about all of the things above?

All the statements are static!

Identification

A fascinating part of our psychological makeup is that we identify with our roles in life, with our beliefs and with our values, and we can’t really tell the difference between our roles and ourselves.  It’s called ‘identification’

That’s all great, that we identify with these roles, beliefs and values in life, however they become static, and when something becomes static it is difficult to move.

Think of this statement below

I am an alcoholic

There are millions of people around the world who utter this statement every day, but when you look at the statement, it has nowhere to go, the person uttering this is stating a fact ‘I am an alcoholic’ – it’s like saying ‘I am human.’ That fact will never, ever change and that’s how your brain interprets statements that begin with ‘I am.’ – a fact that will not change.

So when the person saying ‘I am an alcoholic.’ They are really telling themselves that they will never not be an alcoholic.  This, I believe is a flaw in the AA, which is an amazing organisation.  The AA believes that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, but that very label of being an alcoholic can hinder the recovery process of someone who currently drinks too much to cope with their issues in life, or who likes alcohol too much at that particular point in their life.

Just like any other ‘I Am’ statement, you are leaving yourself nowhere to go and change becomes almost impossible.  All the statements we utter that begin with ‘I am’ ‘I Can’t’ are all walls we build around ourselves, and the more we say these statements the thicker the walls become and the harder it is to tear them down

Tearing the walls down

To tear down the walls we have built around us it’s important to understand the concept of ‘Identification’ which you can check out at Wikipedia to give you a start.  Once you understand the concept you can then begin to break them down and realise the statements we tell ourselves day in day out stick, and are acted upon in our unconscious minds.

When you say a statement beginning with ‘I am’ or ‘I can’t’ your brain interprets this information as fact, and there is nothing that can be done about it, and it does not try to look for new, fluid, solutions

The kind of things we tell ourselves and those around us should be fluid.  We are evolving beings, forever changing, forever in motion and using static statements can keep us stuck in life.

Fluidity

If someone asks you a question which you would normally answer with ‘I Am’ or ‘I can’t’  you can replace this with:

I currently work as (your occupation)

I currently follow the beliefs of Catholicism but am looking at different belief systems

I have not really tried to learn the art of cooking but am willing to learn

Just now I have not taken the time to be good with computers but am open to the idea of learning more

Obviously there are some things that are facts such as I am a father, I am a son, I am a wife etc, but on the whole the statements we make about ourselves are static and should be fluid..

Have a think about this and let me know what you think.

Images of dull, lazy people ran round my head, people who never get round to anything, people who have no sense of drive or ambition. Imagine. How awful.

This is not what I was expecting from this session and it certainly was not what I wanted to hear. Coaching sessions are about goal setting, surely. And this is the part of me I like, I thought, the best of part of me, the part that dreams big, the part that makes things happen. Why on earth would I want to let go of that?

Although at the back of my mind, I knew this is also the part of me that causes the stress: high expectations of myself, wanting everything done now and other lovely ‘Type A’ traits.

And I am a good student, so I forced myself to stay open-minded, to understand what letting go would actually mean – before I dismissed it as hippy nonsense.

‘It’s about not being attached to the outcome,’ Kelly continued. ‘It’s about being present and being happy whether you achieve your goals or not.’ My radar registered the word goals; I felt myself relax.

We wrapped up the session and off I went with my homework of letting go! Kelly had suggested watching The Peaceful Warrior as a starting point. At only £6 and 120 minutes, I decided I didn’t have much to lose. But I wasn’t expecting to gain much either. I love the world of personal development – I read loads of this stuff, as if this was going to throw up anything new (I know – the arrogance).

The Peaceful Warrior

I got myself comfy, looking forward to ticking done on my homework list. The film – based on the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior – is about a young, arrogant, talented gymnast, who gets good grades, all the hot girls and is training for the Olympics. But whilst on the outside Dan seems to have it all, inside this is not the case. He meets a mysterious stranger – who he refers to as Socrates – who ends up becoming his mentor, showing him a different way to live. This becomes even more challenging when Dan has a serious motor bike accident which threatens his whole way of life. But with the help of ‘Socrates’ he learns to let go of the person he thought he was and start living in a completely different way.

I got to the end of the film and wasn’t even sure if I’d got the key messages, surely they would be bigger I thought, surrounded by flashing comic book style lights or something, more obviously life changing.

Off I went thinking I’d enjoyed the afternoon and I would try to live in the moment a little more. Yada. Yada. Yada!

Oh how naive I was. I can’t believe how different life feels after what appears such a small and subtle change.

Living in the moment

I am making a conscious effort to live more in the moment, be present, enjoy the journey and not just focus on the destination, or whatever other personal development cliché you would like to throw into the mix.

And just like Dan continues to train as an Olympic athlete, I continue to work towards my goals: the relief, I haven’t turned into a lazy slob!

But I am definitely calmer and less stressed. If I feel worried about something in the future and I feel my mind starting to spiral, processing what ifs, running scenarios at an alarming pace, I bring myself back to the present moment; and I am more focused on enjoying the activity that I am doing, not just thinking about the result.

I have had some health challenges and been on a bumpy recovery journey in the last seven years (I am recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome); I am a ‘professional’ tester of therapies and techniques – physical, psychological and emotional. And I am always intrigued to see what works and what doesn’t. I’ll try anything (I even bought some crystals recently…) and sometimes it is the unexpected that has a huge impact. And I strongly believe that staying open to new ideas has been a fundamental part of my recovery.

Sometimes simple changes can have a huge impact

And as the wellness light shines brightly, beckoning me to leave the tunnel; as I continue to get stronger and enjoy the delicious feeling of being healthy, I am surprised something as simple as becoming – or at least moving towards being – a ‘Peaceful Warrior’ is one of the last pieces in my recovery jigsaw.

The biggest challenge for me is not being attached to the outcome of being 100% well, but rather to celebrate how far I have come and enjoy my life as it is now; it’s like the dieter who believes they will only be happy when they lose that last seven pounds. This isn’t about giving up the goals but about loving life anyway whether or not I achieve my goals.

I know it sounds simple writing it down and as with anything it takes work and practice. But if I as a self-confessed stress head can make headway on this, I am confident that anyone reading can.

So I leave you with this, my fellow personal development junkies: next time it is tempting to roll your eyes at a clichéd suggestion, take a step back and truly ask yourself whether there is anything there for you. When we are open, try something new, we just never know…and if that one isn’t for you maybe the next one is.

If you fancy joining me on my reinvention tour you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

My coaching sessions are with Kelly Oldershaw at Get Your Life Back from M.E.

These feelings prevent us from being aware of the beauty that is all around us and from recognizing opportunities that can vastly improve our lives emotionally, spiritually, creatively and financially.

Most people try to escape and run from these troublesome feelings, hoping they can leave them behind.

Unfortunately, such escape routes don’t really work—and for good reason. Our discomfiting feelings and emotions are an integral part of us.   Hence, when we try to run away from them, they simply follow us.

Indeed, the harder we try to “lose” them, the stronger they become and the worse we usually feel.

In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011), I refer to these unwanted feelings as our Personal Truths and explore how we can learn to let them go.  Here is an important key:

Before we can let go of negative feelings and emotions, we must first accept and process them.

This may seem counter-intuitive at first.  Why would we want to stay with something that we so badly want to be rid of?  Let me explain why.   Because these Personal Truths are part of who we are—at least at that moment—we need to “honor” them in some manner.   By that, I mean we must accept their existence and make an effort to process them.  When we do this, they begin to leave on their own accord.

To be clear, this does not mean that we should sulk or dwell on them; simply, that we must give them their “just due.”  However, in doing so, remember that,

Our feelings and emotions are not facts.

They are just feelings and emotions—nothing more, nothing less. Understanding this helps us to effectively accept and process them.   Here’s one helpful way you can do that:

1.   Stay with your pain and discomfort—even if for only a short while. Sense it, feel it—including physically–and accept that it is okay that you feel that way.

2.  Next, separate the objective facts and “truths” of the underlying issue or situation from the illusions and myths that your imagination and fears have conjured up.  It helps to write these facts and truths down and reflect or meditate upon them.

3.   Then be proactive by taking constructive steps based on the objective facts and truths that have been revealed to you.

For example, if you’re angry about what a friend said or did, rather than withdraw, brood or plot how you can get back at him or her, reflect on the real truths and “harms” in what was said or done, including what role you may have played in the matter. Then share these truths with your friend (preferably in person) and how they made you feel, but being careful not to accuse or judge.  Sometimes you will find that you misunderstood what was meant or intended. The important point, however, is that you will have accepted and processed your negative feelings, rather than trying to run from them.

The next time you are experiencing negative feelings and emotions, I encourage you to try accepting and processing them in a similar manner.  If you do, I am confident you will find that they will disappear much in the same way as when a defroster clears fogged windows.

Today I want to share some of the truths I have learned over the years that have stopped me moving forward in life.

Do any of these ring true for you?

1. Perfection – Perfection does not exist.  If you accept that everything can be improved upon then perfection cannot exist.  Give up the concept of being perfect and get on with your life as best you can.
2. Waiting for the right time – The right time is now, why put it off.  If you’ve been waiting for the right time for something and haven’t taken action yet, it’s going to be difficult to start.
3. Being stuck in the past – If you focus on the past, you stay in the past.  Moving forward is about acknowledging the past, but gently let the invisible cord of the past go, and move toward a better future.
4. Lying to yourself – Honesty with yourself and others will do wonders for moving you forward in life.  Start with yourself and be as honest as possible about who you are, what you’re doing and where you’re going.  If you’ve been a bit of an arse, admit it, and resolve to change.
5. Staying on the ‘Poor me’ train – The ‘Poor Me’ train never reaches it’s destination, because there is no destination, it’s just a train full of whiners and moaners.  Jump off at the next station and resolve never to go back on the ‘Poor me’ train again.
6. Befriending the vampires – Vampires suck the life force out of you.  It’s those people who bitch, moan, complain and generally suck the energy out of you.  Drop them as quickly as possible, if you can’t drop them avoid them as much as possible.
7. Keeping a tight comfort zone – If you’ve got a tight comfort zone then you’re not pushing yourself hard enough.  Push the boundaries of your comfort zone little, and as often as you can.  If you only do things you feel comfortable doing you will stop growing, mentally, emotionally and intellectually.
8. Saying ‘I can’t do that’ – As soon as you utter this phrase your brain will take it as fact that you cannot do it, and give up trying to look for a solution.  If you replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘I’m getting better….’, your brain will re-engage with you to look for ways to help you become better at something.
9. Comparing yourself to others – when you compare yourself to others you will ultimately fail.  If you work on exceeding your own expectations you will fair much better in life.
10. Moaning – we seem to live in a world of moaners, and it’s easy to get caught up in it.  Make it a point to only moan if you’re going to take action on what you’re moaning about, which should help cut down 99% of your moaning.
11. Multi tasking – Multi tasking is not possible, period! Or rather you can multi task, but because you can’t multitask and give 100% to each activity it’s impossible to do something well without giving it your full attention.
12. Asking ‘Why’ questions – A lot of the questions we ask ourselves are: Why does this happen to me, why can’t I do that, why is he better than me.  Most why questions cause you to focus on the past and gives your brain a reason to look for reasons why you can’t do something.  Instead you could ask ‘How’ questions, which are outcome oriented: How can I become better at that, how can I become the best I can be.
13. Trying to be in the circle – People in the circle want to be the same and conform into a group.  You’ve got around 70 years on this earth, spend it finding yourself and break free from the crowd, or at least find yourself and decide if you want to break free from the crowd or not.
14. Not spending enough time with yourself – When was the last time you spent time alone and really loved it? Being happy with your own company is a good indicator of getting the right balance in life, as long as you’re not alone all day every day
15. Trying for the quick fix – Get rich quick, Lose weight fast, build up muscle quickly.  Going for the quick fix in anything, usually doesn’t work in the long run.  Anything worth doing, is worth taking the time to enjoy the journey of achieving.
16. Being a control freak – Another thing that is impossible to do is to control life.  Life has a tendency to twist and turn when least expected.  Planning ahead is good, but trying to control what’s in front of you can only lead to frustration.
17. Thinking you never have any luck – Samuel Goldwyn said ‘The harder I work, the luckier I get.’ Luck comes to those who put themselves in the path of it, to do that you must get out there and be the best you can be.
18. Watching the news – watching the news only perpetuates, in your mind, that the world is a bad place.  The world is an amazing place with some bad people in it.  If you watch the news you’d think every second person is a murderer, rapist or paedophile.
19. Wishing well thinking – It’s great to wish for things in your life, and sometimes it can be a nice daydream to dream of winning the lottery, but if you are banking on your wishes coming true, you’re not going to go far.  Better to have wishes and work toward them than sitting around wishing.
20. Thinking the world owes you – Nobody, nothing or anything owes you a favour in life.  We all have to take action toward the things we would like in life, it’s not coming to knock on your door.
21. Watching TV – TV is another energy drainer unless used for educational purposes.  Watching soaps and reality TV actually gets you emotionally involved in someone else’s life, even though, in the case of soaps, they are fictitious.  You’re essentially giving away your energy to a box in the corner of the living room.
22. Blaming others – There’s are always others who hurt us, physically, mentally and emotionally, but blaming them for not moving on with life will stunt your growth, emotionally and mentally.  Accept that some people in your life have hurt you, and let them go mentally.
23. Not deciding what to do in life – A lot of people are unhappy in their jobs, not because they can’t get the job they want, but because they don’t know what job they want.  Decide what you truly, madly, passionately, want to do with your life and start taking small steps to get there.
24. Not finding a reason to smile – We all have reasons to be grateful in our life, even if it’s just for the fact that you have access to a computer to read this post.  Counting your blessings daily is a great exercise to improve the quality of your life.
25. Chasing others – If someone truly wants to be a part of your life they will make the effort to do so.  You don’t need to chase someone to be in your life, and waste energy trying to do so.
26. Giving up too quickly – If you fail at something, learn from it and try again, if you fail again, learn some more and try again, if you fail again, learn some more……………
27. Not taking risks – Life is inherently risky and you’ve made it this far.  Risk more in your life, as the rewards will far outweigh the thought of never having risked at all.
28. Not forgiving yourself -  There’s not a single person on this planet that has not made mistakes in their life.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes and free up your emotional energy for the things that matter.
29. Not enjoying the little things in life – Stop for a while to enjoy the little things in life, 30 years from now those little things will mean everything.

I hope you enjoyed this article.  If you have anything to add, just add a comment below and share your thoughts.

It was one of those situations where you know it’s really bad but you continue on because it’s all you know.  I call it situational ignorance. I was in survival mode for most of my life and in the brief moments where there was no fighting or domestic violence, I had moments of reprieve.

At one point during all of this, I slept in a tent in the front yard for about 3 weeks.  I could not bear to be inside any longer.  It was too painful to see my mother get beaten and when I did muster the courage to go back inside, I would put push butter knives through my door jamb so as to make my own deadbolt lock.  This way, the lunatic boyfriend my mother was seeing could not break in and harm me.

After securing the door, I used to get out my typewriter and I would write things.  I fantasized about some family I wish I had and I used to escape to far away places in my mind that were warm, comforting and people were happy.  They actually acknowledged me, didn’t yell at me, and were sober.  It was just too big for me to imagine, but I did.

Back at school I was called every single name in the book.  And because I was so terrified of loud noises, when someone would slam their locker shut, I would flinch.

The path that most people follow in this situation is most usually one that never ends up very productive or good.  They are angry at the world, full of self-pity, or just purely lost and have given up.  As I sit and type this, however, you could be sitting next to me and never have one single clue that I was raised this way.  You would never know what I had a Master’s degree or that I love helping invest in their future selves.

I learned a few things on my own while growing up and I feel that these are important skills to have.  I also feel that they are life-changing skills which can turn an ordinary non-productive life into a life where you are making great things happen.

Have you ever felt that your past was holding you back? Have you ever felt that there was something nagging at you inside and you could not put a finger on it?  Whey the beat you down, there are two options. You can choose to stay down or you can get up.  The universe really doesn’t care either way.  We want to believe it does, but you will find at some point in life that it just keeps on doing what it does.

I learned that I could not get in my own way.  Sure, things really were not that good. They were really bad actually. But what is bad? Was I going to sit around and let it rule my entire life? Was I really going to carry this around with me? What good was it going to be? Who was going to take it away?  The fact is, the only one that was in my way, was myself.  And I chose at the ripe old age of 14 that I was not going to stand in my own way.

I also learned about choices.  Every single thing you do from the minute you wake up is a choice.  We make choices to say things, do things, go places, believe in things, support things, etc. And each one of those choices has a related consequence.  Now you might be thinking, “big deal, I know this.”  But do you believe it?  Knowing about something and actually believing it are two separate things.

When you get in control of your choices then pretty amazing things start to happen.  I had to make tough choices all the time and I learned that based on my choosing, not the universe or anythings else, the outcome would be up to me to deal with.  I tend to forget this sometimes and that’s why I feel out of control.  Ever felt like nothing was going right and soon everything seems self-defeating?

As it turns out, making choices sounds easy in words but to put this into practice can be tough because not all choices are easy or enjoyable at the moment.  But you are in control.

I also learned about anchoring.  Remember that little scene in my bedroom with the typewriter?  I was happy then.  I was content.  It felt safe and good.  You can create a place like that too.  Just imagine something so great that it warms your entire body.  It could be a place, people, a memory or anything that elicits a calm feeling.  Now, when you get into a situation or tough spot, you remind yourself of that place and the response is physical and mental calming.

Anchoring is like magic on the soul.  I actually use it now for many things. And best of all, it’s fast, free, and easy relief.

I am not 100% sure how I learned these things. But for a long time I followed the typical work/life template and finally decided that it was not for me. My true purpose was to help others live and work on their own terms.  I use the things I learned and my experience to do that.  And I truly feel that had I not been given the life of being beaten down, I would not be the person that I am. In fact, I may not have the gifts to offer that I do.

Remember that you are not bound by anything other that yourself, your choices, and your ability to take action.  Circumstances may not feel as such but truly changing your life to live on your own terms can be the most amazing experience you ever have.

I have always been interested in the Law of Attraction, but always found there was something missing with it.  It’s only in the last 5 months that I believe I have found out what’s  missing, and the results of my own experimentation has been amazing.

I’ve been experimenting for a few months now and I’d like to share it with you today.

Other Peoples Energy

Whilst standing in a queue at the bank, I felt strong vibes from a woman in front of me.  She was extremely impatient, sighing and tutting as she wasn’t getting attended to quick enough.  There were only two tellers on at the time, and there was about 6 people in front of us.  I could feel that she was getting more and more frustrated and angry and could almost physically feel the vibes she was sending out.

She eventually turned around to me, hoping to get me in the same state, and said ‘you’d think they put on more clerks at the till.’ I smiled politely and looked straight ahead.  A few minutes went by and she turned around again and said ‘I mean it’s lunch time, you’d think they would know it’s going to be busy.’ Now, I hate being around people like this, so I said ‘What can you do about it?’ She gave me a funny look: ‘What do you mean?’ she replied, ‘Well, you’re wasting all this energy getting annoyed, but it’s not going to make the queue go down any quicker is it?’ When she realised I didn’t feel the same, she turned and waited in line quietly, but probably seething inside.

We all know people like this in our lives.  People that give off these vibes of anger, of negativity, boredom, un-satisfaction.  The thing is they don’t need to say anything most of the time, we can actually feel it inside us.

We also know people who are radiant and as soon as they walk into a room, there is a hoard of people attracted to them.

It’s the same when we walk into a restaurant, a nightclub, a party at a house, we immediately get this ‘vibe’ about the place.  Why is that, and what is it telling us?

When you get a ‘vibe’ about something, you are really saying ‘I am feeling a vibrational energy inside of me.’ think about it for a second, that’s exactly what a vibe is.  You can’t touch, it, smell it, see it, hear it or taste it, you FEEL it.

So if we presume that a vibe is vibrational energy, and it’s this energy that causes a reaction in us to FEEL something, you therefore have to presume that vibrational energy is real, although unseen, and causes a reaction inside of us.

If someone else, or a place, can cause a reaction inside of us with it’s vibrational energy wouldn’t it be a good idea to play around, with a sense of curiosity and excitement, with the idea that we can project our energy, and even match energy of a similar nature and pull it toward us to get the things we want in life.

Matching Vibrations

Have you ever tried to tune a guitar by ear?

What you have to do is pluck the 1st string (maybe tune it first), then on the second string hold the fifth fret down and pluck the string so it matches the sound of the open, first string.

Basically what you are doing is matching the vibration of the first string to the vibration of the second string, and you do this with all six strings, until the guitar is tuned.

I believe we also match vibrations when we want something in our lives.

Just like a magnet, we are repelled away from people who do not have a similar vibrational energy as us.  For example, can you think of a time when you were in a great mood, happy, and loving life.  You got to work with the same energy and come across someone who is on a real downer.  Three things can happen in this situation:

1. You avoid them like the plague as they will sap that energy straight from you.

2. You lend some of your vibrational energy to the other person to pick them up, however you can only do this for so long, as your energy will be gone before long.

3. They avoid you like the plague as you are too damn happy for them.

Matching vibrational energy helps our body/mind seek out vibrations of a similar nature.  I believe this is how we get the things we want in our lives and I’ve been playing around with this idea for months now with some great results.

How to match vibrations

There’s lots of ways to match your internal vibrations with the things you want in life:

Visualization – We all know this one and may have tried it, but there’s a trick to this which i’ll share in a moment.

Writing – write down what you want to have in your life

Belief working – work on your beliefs about why you have not got what you want in your life.  There’s sometimes, or a lot of times, when you have a limiting belief stopping you matching vibrations to the thing you want.

There’s a lot of other ways, but with all of them there is a huge factor missed out when the likes of ‘The Secret’ and ‘LOA’ authors speak about it, and that is: FEELING.

When the authors of ‘the Secret’ spoke about using our thoughts to attract the things we want in life, they were only giving you an introduction to the subject.

What has been missed is that you do indeed use your thoughts, but it’s not your thoughts that have the power, it’s the feeling you get when you have these thoughts. But, you have to keep using your thoughts to get that deep feeling inside you, ‘The Vibe’.  When you have ‘the Vibe’ then you know you are matching your vibrational energy and aligning it with the object of your desire, whether it be money, a new job, a new person in your life or whatever it is you want.

When you get that vibe, your body becomes radiant and, I believe, there are no boundaries to the distance of your radiance.

Charging Your Vibrational Energy

What I have found is that ‘the Vibe’ needs charged.  It’s no good getting your vibe charged up only to let the charge run down, you have to keep charging it up with whatever method you choose to charge it: visualization, writing, talking etc.

One word of advice.  I wouldn’t use affirmations for matching vibrations.  When we use affirmations, I believe, we are really affirming what we don’t have instead of what we want.  I used to use affirmations in the past but after experimenting with this vibrational energy matching I just don’t believe they work anywhere near as good as the likes of visualization.

Another thing I have learned with my experiments is that desperation causes you to lose the very thing you desire in your life.

For example if you want more money in your life, and all you think about is money, you obsesses about it and get more frustrated as the more you think about it, the less of it you get.  You’re holding on too tight.  What you should be obsessing about is the process, and the service you give to others.

How it has helped me!

I’ve just finished my accounts for my online business for the last financial year, April 2010 – April 2011.  I managed to get around $1500 per month directly from sales of my books, courses and blog advertising etc.  However I also managed to spend around $1300 per month on advertising, new programs, new software, courses, coaching, affiliate payments etc.  I was so involved in lots of different programs to make more money, that I lost track of why I was doing it.  It’s not just about the money, it is about serving others and teaching what I have learned myself.  When I started to focus on the question: ‘How can I better serve my subscribers, and the readers of the blog?’ My income shot up.

This year to date I have, April 2011 – August 2011, I have a net profit of around $2000 per month, and gross sales of around $4,000 per month, with $2000 being spent on servers, email accounts, coaching, affiliates, designers etc  I still have a full time job, so the figure could be much better.

Sales of How to Become an Advanced Early Riser account for 25% of the net profit, which is great as it wasn’t really selling at the beginning.  Word of mouth, and relationship marketing alone have increased the sales more and more each month

I had a limiting belief about my income, believing that if I could reach $1,000 per month online I would be happy, but I didn’t re-calibrate this belief and sales were stuck at that ceiling when I reached it.  When I re-calibrated back in February/March sales started coming in thick and fast.

I also had a lack of urgency.  As I have a full time job there is no immediate urgency to do as well online, when I pushed myself to set target dates, coupled with getting rid of the limiting beliefs, focus, energy and income shot up.

My feeling now is to net over $10,000 per month with gross sales reaching $12,500 per month

This is purely down to realising why I write, why I do what I do, and focus my actions on better serving readers, subscribers and advertisers on the blog.  I also look at my beliefs about what I am doing and re-calibrate my vibrational energy to match what I want and how best to help others.

Got questions?

This is obviously a brief introduction to working with your vibrational energy.

If you have any questions or thoughts on this, let me know by leaving a reply below.

Today I have a special recording that I made with Barrie Davenport as part of the Mind Alchemy: Intervieing the Coaches series.

This time I have included the full interview for you.

Listen to the full interview here:

Download audio file (BarrieDavenport-fullInterview.mp3)

Barrie is the author of the great ‘Discover Your Passion’ course, and she has kindly agreed to give all CYT readers a 20% discount on the ‘Passion Igniter Course.’

Barrie has packed a punch with this course and here is a taste of what you can expect:

What will Discover Your Passion do for you?

• Gain a better understanding of yourself and what makes you happy and fulfills you.
• Identify what is holding you back, getting in your way, causing you fear, limiting your growth, and keeping you stagnant.
• Create a vision of your ideal life and work lived with passion.
• Develop specific action steps to make that vision a reality.
• Learn to be the creator of your life rather than the reactor to it.

Barrie twenty-five years in a successful public relations career before she figured out what was missing in her own life . . . the passion.

What you Will get with the course

The Complete 7-Module, 116-page PDF Discover Your Passion course packed with assessments, worksheets, and actions steps, as well as an accountability plan and calendar.

Bonus #1: The Bold Living Guide: 7 Key Ingredients for a Meaningful Life, 46 pages of inspirational and actionable strategies for creating a life full of joy, fulfillment and real purpose.

Bonus #2: The Life 101 Master Course, a list of 101 ideas and actions you can take to stop reacting and start creating your life.

Bonus #3: The Passion Booster: A Simple Guide to Loving Relationships, an eBook full of ways to create strong, healthy relationships.

PLUS THESE FREE BONUSES!!!

Flying By The Seat of My Soul

by Tess Marshall

The Life Cleanse Starter Kit

by Katie Tallo

Ramping Up Your Self Esteem

by Jonathan Wells

Motivated in Minutes

by Jason Gracia

The Make It Happen Manifesto

by Arvind Devalia

Super-Charged Guide to Smart Living

by Jeff Nickles

How to Establish New Habits

by Mary Jaksch

Heart of Peace

by Linda Gabriel

When listening to the interview you’ll know how passionate and genuine Barrie is, and know that you are getting an amazing deal as the course is $47 to CYT readers.

How to get the course

Click the image below to get the course and put in the code CYT for your special discount

This offer is only open for another 71 Hours so please make sure you get over there and type in the code: CYT on the order page of the ‘Igniter Package.’

I am sure Barrie would be happy to answer any of your questions, so post a question below for her and take advantage of her wisdom.

It’s been a few days since I’ve written a post as I have been fully focused on the new Mind Alchemy program that’s just been released.  However this article kept on tapping me on the shoulder saying ‘I think you should write this.’ So I have decided to listen to my intuition and just write it.

It’s occurred to me over the last few days that I have somehow ignored my intuition, and my unconscious mind for a few weeks.  It wasn’t until a few days ago, right in the middle of the launch of Mind Alchemy that my unconscious mind tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘You should send this email out to your list.’

I had a fancy email to send out to remind readers what the Mind alchemy program was all about and at that particular point my partners and I had about 32 sales of Mind Alchemy, not great but still good for the first edition of the paid version of the course.  I was about to send out an email with some contrived copywriting and my intuition said ‘Listen, just tell everyone how mind alchemy came about and tell the real story about you ,and how far you’ve come in life.’  I sat down and wrote the email in about 10 minutes, straight from the heart, even though I’ve told the story before. I almost advised readers not to buy the course if they didn’t feel in their heart it was right for them.  The result was another 52 sales in the next 24 hours, obviously with the help of my partners.

The point is not about the sales, but about listening to my intuition and trusting it to help when I needed it.  It’s also about being inspired and listening to that inspiration when it strikes.  Another example is another product that came directly from doing the launch of Mind Alchemy.  My unconscious kept telling me ‘Are you going to write a product about how to make cartoon videos?’, I kept ignoring it, thinking I had far too much on my plate just now, but oh no!, that little voice kept bubbling, saying I should write this product and show other marketers how to do this.  I have since listened to it and started making the product with my son, who is going to do some voices for me on the videos.

Ignoring the unconscious

All too often we get a feeling about something, but our logical brain takes over and tells us not to listen to a feeling.  After all, why should we listen to a feeling when it doesn’t deal with the real world? The feelings we get sometimes, are reminders, I believe, that we are connected to something much bigger than us.  If we learn to listen to those feelings and act on them, we develop an almost sixth sense and hone it the more we listen to it.

Crossing the Bridge Technique

To be able to work effectively with the unconscious mind there’s one huge tip I can give you:

Ask it a question you wish to have answered, and then leave it be to work out the answer

I call this ‘Crossing the Bridge Technique’ as it bypasses the conscious mind altogether, and goes straight to the unconscious mind. One thing to do here is to keep the conscious mind busy, as it will throw up all sorts of logical, immediate answers to the question you ask to the unconscious mind.

That might sound a little strange, but I’ll give you a perfect example here.

Have you ever been speaking to someone from your past and thought ‘what the hell is this person’s name?’, your logical, conscious mind racks it’s brains for the answer but it just isn’t coming.  You try for a few hours to no avail, you’ve flat out deleted that person’s name from your memory banks, or so you thought.  You then turn the question over to your unconscious mind, and let it search about for the answer whilst you busy the conscious mind with some task.  Suddenly the name of the person comes to you, and you feel relieved.

You can also use this technique with the bigger questions in life.  Another perfect example of this recently was when I was making the pre-launch videos for Mind Alchemy.  I was searching for ways to make the videos a little different, something that nobody has really done before.  I turned the question over to my unconscious mind,  and busied my conscious mind with writing and editing websites.  Then it came to me: ‘Make a video using a cartoon character and interact with it.’  Immediately I wrote the idea down and waited for more information, and that’s how the pre launch videos came about for Mind Alchemy, something that nobody has done before and something different and engaging that would get a lot of people talking. I am using a lot from my recent launch as I have been so engaged in it for the last month

Let me know what you think about this and your experiences.

Today I want to ask you ten questions about your personal development and I’d like you to give yourself a score out of 10 for each question.  After each question there’s a few other questions to help you answer the main question.  Just give yourself a score out of ten for each of the main questions in bold.

Question 1: How clear are you about where you are going in life?

Do you know what you want from life? Do you know where you are going in life? do you have plans to get to where you want to go?

Question 2: How competent are you in the things you do in life?

Do you do just enough in your work to get by? Do you have mastery over the different areas of your life and work? Do you need to learn more to become more competent?

Question 3: How confident are you as a person?

How confident are you in general? How confident do you feel within yourself in new surroundings? How confident do you feel speaking up?

Question 4: How open are you to asking for help in your life?

Can you ask for help, when needed, or do you tend to struggle along?

Question 5: How expressive are you about your thoughts, feelings and life plans?

Can you express your thoughts and feelings to others when required or do you keep everything inside?

Question 6: How creative are you as a person?

Do you express your creativity in life, at work, at home?

Question 7: How open are you when it comes to trying new things in life?

Are you able to try new things without fear of embarrassment? Do you try new things without really bothering what others think?

Question 8: How empathetic are you as a person?

Can you put yourself in someone else’s shoes to see things from their point of view? Are you open to listening to what others feel? Are you open to different beliefs?

Question9: How true to your beliefs and values do you live your life?

Do you live your life according to your beliefs and values or do you stray from them when things get a little tough? Do you listen to others first before putting your own values first?

Question 10: How much control do you have over your own emotions?

Can you control your anger? Can you show your emotions appropriately? Do you think irrationally a lot?

Your score

Once you have completed this, add all the scores together to give yourself a score out of 100 – What was your score?

What do you notice about all the questions above?

All the questions are internally driven.  So there are no external factors involved in trying to improve these areas of your life, it’s all you.

This means that if you worked on each area above and tried to improve your score by 1 or 2, your life would improve dramatically.  Not only that, but if you improve your score in one area it will have a knock on effect in other areas of your life, so improving each of the above ears has a cumulative effect on other areas e.g. If you improved how clear you were about what you are doing in life, this would improve your confidence, your competence, and your determination to live by your values.  So all of the areas are intertwined and have a knock on effect on each other.

Asking questions like these often enough will keep you focused about your personal development and willingness to improve your life in all different areas.  Breaking it down into questions like these don’t make the task of personal development so daunting, and it gives us areas to focus on and try and improve.

What areas could you improve upon?

Yes, visualizing is a great exercise. However, at the same time, there is no denying that your negative thoughts and feelings related to achieving your dreams have been causing you to feel down. Instead of feeling uplifted, you experience a drain in your energy shortly after. And you become caught in a downward spiral for the day.

What you need to understand is this: your current habit patterns of thought, words and behavior – which essentially affects your paradigm – have already attracted your current situation. This means that if you are hoping for something better than what you are currently already enjoying, you would need to make a change. In energetic terms, you would need to move vibrationally upwards in order to attract a new set of reality. The Law of Attraction explains it as “like attracts like”.

Conscious intent for change

So if you are habitually having negative thoughts and feeling poor, then it is time to make a conscious intent for change. How are habits formed in the first place? Through conditioning. It may be through your parents, caregivers, friends, teachers, and so on. Conditioning usually starts at a young age. Via repeated affirming experiences, a habit is formed. Or you simply have adopted the belief that you have as told. Over time, the act, behavior or thought becomes an automatic response from you.

Habits are not all that bad to begin with. A regular habit of brushing teeth or drinking water is a good one. Adopting habits offer routines to help us organize our lives. However, without awareness, it is possible to have cultivated bad habits that sabotages our well-being. We are not usually conscious of these until we repeatedly find ourselves being held back because of our bad habits.

Bad habits can take the form of using vulgar words, for instance. Since words arise from seeds of thoughts in the first place, you would be aware that the mind has not having a negative thinking. When expressed with plenty of emotions, the vulgar words have a strong energetic resonance to them. Most certainly, a habit of spewing vulgarity would be unhelpful if you are hoping to exude love, patience and expansiveness – all important attributes to abundance.

Someone once said to me, “no change is necessary because it comes from a place of dissatisfaction from the self. And if we understand how complete we are, all that we are motivated to move towards is not necessary.” There are some nuggets of truth but allow me to explain my perspective to make things clearer.

Change is best viewed not as a “have to” or “must”. It is really more like a flow. A constant flow. To begin with, everything in life is in a state of flow. And change is innate in life’s second-to-second movements. So when we loosen up to our shoulds and musts, we become more at peace with the change. There is no destination that we are hoping to reach. We come from a space of moving into alignment rather than a disatisfaction. We are not reacting to the moments of apparent conflict. We allow our true self to unfold.

And hence, if we choose to view “change” appropriately, then the shift happens – with much ease.

What are your thoughts on this?