I bet everyone of you dreams (at least sometimes) about having more money, love, joy, energy or health in your life? Right? And I also bet, that everyone of you has already done a zillion attempts to achieve just that. And though you had successes in some areas, I bet there are some areas, where you just couldn’t make it happen, no matter what? You try, you push, you change approaches, but you’ll always yield the same results. Why?

Because there is a subconscious mechanism within you, that won’t allow you to succeed in those areas. It is sabotaging your own efforts, to make sure you won’t leave your “Comfort Zone.”

Although you might have heard of your “Comfort Zone” before, you might have never heard about a way to alter your Comfort Zone, so that it allows your dreams to become true.

Would you like to learn such a system? I bet you do, so let’s go.

The Concept of Your Comfort Zone

You’ve heard the term “Comfort Zone” several times already. But although this concept is a true and useful one, it needs to be specified even more to become useful in tackling with your problems.

Your Comfort Zone has 3 key points:

1. Your Unconscious Upper Limit (UUL) – The Stall Mechanism
2. Your Unconscious Lower Limit (ULL) – The Kickstart Mechanism
3. The Neutral State (NS)

We should get to know these 3 key points of your comfort zone a little bit more in detail.

Your Unconscious Upper Limit (UUL) – The Stall Mechanism

This subconscious limit will stop you from rising above a certain level of success, money, love or happiness. This is the internal barrier that you have built up in your head, that won’t allow you to ever experience more joy, love, happiness, success or money, than you feel you are worth. It is like a plane going too high that will stall and fall down to a level, where the pilot is again able to catch the fall in a zone accustomed for the type of plane. If you compare it to a thermostat, this would be the temperature when it get’s too hot and the air conditioner kicks in. And that is how your subconscious feels. It’s getting too hot in here, so let’s cool it down. This limit is tightly connected with the concept of self-worth.

No matter how much you believe in yourself as a limitless, spiritual being, we all have these limits in our minds.

Even the most successful people have them. They have just learned to raise them, so they won’t stop them from achieving what they want.

It is not about whether you have an upper limit, it is about whether that one causes you trouble, frustrates you and hinders you from growing further at this time.

The Auto-Mechanism of Your Subconscious Mind

It is as if your subconscious had a built-in auto-mechanism driving you directly to the events that will guarantee the (maybe not so desired) outcome for you.

And that is exactly what happens. You have an internal feeling of comfort within a certain range. Let’s go with a money example now. Let’s assume you are making 60,000$ per year. And you did so for maybe 3 years now in a row. If I would ask you how sure you are that you would make 60,000$ next year, you might be pretty sure that you can make it again. What if I challenged you to make 70,000$? Well, you might feel a little bit uncomfortable about it, but not that much. You might have some ideas on how to get it. How about 80,000$, 90,000$ or even 100,000$. Now that uncomfortable feeling might be getting worser. Maybe you could imagine yourself making 80,000$ putting in a lot more effort, but I might have lost you with 90,000 or 100,000$. Then you might realize, that 80,000$ is your upper limit.

What Is the Psychological Reason for the Unconscious Upper Limit (UUL)

You subconscious is not your enemy. It is your friend. And it’s only reason to install limits within you is to protect you.

It wants to protect you from harm and from being dissatisfied. There is safety in shooting low. Missing a goal you were really going for, could be a devastating experience for the self worth (as long as you identify your self worth with attaining that goal, but that is another point). And your subconscious doesn’t want you to experience this pain. So going for less, for the safe side or the easy, achievable goal is a self-protecting mechanism.

Your Unconscious Lower Limit (ULL) – The Kickstart Mechanism

On the other side is another mechanism working. This limit is the lower threshold. This is how low you allow yourself to go, before all your instincts, all energy and focus is brought into play to get you back up. It is the level, where your subconscious associates a threat for your survival with the current situation. Again, comparing it to a thermostate, this is the point where it is getting too cold, so the heater kicks in. And so your subconscious gets you to move things and kicks in your efforts to get back into the comfort zone again.

Let’s assume now, again you are making 60,000$ (and you did so for 3 straight years). How would you feel, if next year, you would only make 50,000$. Well you might feel uncomfortable again, but you might come up with some things you could cut your expenses on. Let’s go even deeper – 40,000$ or 30,000$. I bet you won’t feel so comfortable then. How about 20,000$ or even 10,000$. There is again a level, where your subconscious would scream “NO WAY – I won’t allow this to happen. This is dangerous for my survival”.

Well, even if it won’t be threatening your physical survival (there are a lot of people surviving with less than 10,000$ or even less) there is a level where your subconscious associates massive pain with making only that much money. Again, you should find out that level for you.

The Neutral State (NS)

This is the state where you are okay with a situation. Not great, not bad, but okay. In the above mentioned example that might be making 60,000$ – or maybe not, depending on the feeling a person associates with this amount.

Establishing Your Comfort Scales

You need to establish your comfort scale, so you can exactly pinpoint how much comfort or discomfort you associate with anything. The key to this is focusing on your body feelings. Your body feelings will tell you much more precisely how comfortable you are with a situation, then your intellect.

Comfort is associated with body feelings.

Let’s establish a scale from 1 to 10.

• 1 being so much discomfort and pain, that there is no way to tolerate it. This is the ultimate life threat.
• 10 meaning the most enjoyable state you could think of.
• 5 would be neutral, so this would be the Neutral State (NS), where you are okay with a situation. It isn’t great and it isn’t bad, just okay. Although this sounds boring it is essential to know where this level is for you.

Now let’s fill this theoretical scale with life. For this money is a great tool, because for most of us, money is an essential ingredient of life and therefore, a good measurement for our comfort level.

So remember the Comfort Scale:

1 (Ultimate Discomfort or Pain) … 5 (Neutral, okay) … 10 (Ultimate Comfort or Joy)

Establish your Comfort Scale for HAVING THE MONEY

1. Consider you current annual income. Where on this scale are you with making that much money? Make a note, and experience how you feel in your body. Do you feel any signs of comfort or discomfort, when thinking about it? Look out for any change in your body: tightness, relaxation, warmth, cold, tingling, pain, sourness, nervousness, salivation just to name a few. This is your baseline point. It could be 5 or a bit below or above. Note that the baseline couldn’t be 1, since 1 is so much pain, that you would find a way to change it, no matter what. Even if you are not satisfied on a conscious level with your income, there is a part within you, who feels comfortable enough with it not to change the situation.
2. Think about how comfortable you would feel if you HAD 10%, 20%, 30% and more money per year. Go up as high as you like. Note for every amount, how comfortable you feel inside thinking about having it. Note for every new level the change in your body feelings.
3. Then think about making 10% less per year or 20% or 30%. Note how your Comfort Level changes and how your body reacts to this.

What you should have at the end are the body signs, that signal you the different comfort levels of your scale. You should be aware how your body feels when confronted with the different levels of discomfort and comfort.

Establishing this scale once is a very important step of the procedure.

Now let’s go one step further. This time don’t think about having the money, think about MAKING it.

Establish your Comfort Scale for MAKING THE MONEY:

• Start with your annual income. How comfortable are you with making it again next year?
• Then go up 10%, 20%, 30% and higher. How comfortable are you with making that much more money next year?
• Then go down 10%, 20%, 30% and lower. How comfortable are you with making only so little money?

Now compare those 2 scales, and you might be surprised.

You might find, that if you go lower than your actual income, that the pain of only making less money than you have is growing stronger but the trust in yourself that you can make it is also getting stronger. If you are currently making 60,000$, you will feel quite a discomfort about making only 40,000$ (maybe that is level 3), but you are quite sure, that you could make it (or better) next year (maybe Level 8,9 or 10).

Conversely, if you increase your annual income, you will find, that you would be quite comfortable with having it but the higher you go, the less you are sure, that you will make it. So if you currently are making 60,000$ making $90,000 would surely feel good (maybe level 6, 7, 8 or higher) but you are not so comfortable with your ability to make it (maybe 4 or even 3).

Remember – these levels are actual body feelings. This is key for the next step.

Raising Your Comfort Zone

Now you have 2 Comfort Levels for each $-amount. A Comfort Level for “Having the Money” and one for “Making the Money”. Remember money is here just an example. I could also say you have 2 Comfort Levels for “Wanting it” and “Trusting in Yourself that you can make it happen”.

The key to raising your Comfort Zone is by associating the feelings of comfort with the image of making a certain level happen.

Here is how to do it. The whole process consists of 2 Steps.

Step 1 – Dialogue With Your Fear

1. Ask your subconscious, why there are feelings of discomfort associated with you making more money.
2. Write down in your journey what comes to your mind. What negative consequences might be associated. Write them down.
3. Consider if these are actual, real problems, that could occur. Then thank your subconscious for bringing them up and consider them in the future.

Step 2 – Associating Comfort With the Steps Beyond Your Current Comfort Zone

1. Remember the good feelings of comfort in your body (choose intuitively from Level 6-10)
2. Imagine doing the thing (e.g. imagine making 90,000$ – not having, but actually earning them)
3. Now listen to your body. Once you really think about it, those old feelings of doubt, worry and discomfort will come back.
4. If so, drop the picture and try to remember the feelings of comfort again in your body
5. Bring back the pictures of you making it happen (e.g. making 90,000$)
6. If your feeling of comfort vanishes, drop the picture again, bring back the good feelings and then bring in the pictures again.
7. Continue to do so, until you are able to see yourself doing the things necessary to make it happen while at the same time feeling in your body feelings of comfort and trust.
8. Repeat this process for at least a week, better 30 days. Do it at least early in the morning and before going to sleep. You can do it more often if you like. Once you’ve done it 3-4 times, you will get it much faster.

Once your subconscious has build a neuro-connection for this new couple (picture of future success and feelings of comfort), you will no longer need to push towards making things happen. You will feel yourself drawn towards them. This will be one of the most interesting and releasing experiences you will ever have.

How to Use This Process to Change Anything in Your Life

This process is not only able to change your comfort zone towards money. Money was just picked for demonstration purpose. You can use this process for anything you can quantify and rate on a scale from 1 to 10.

Could you rate:

• your experience of love?
• your feelings of happiness?
• your health and vitality?

Of course you could and therefore you could use that process for all these areas. Try it and watch out for enormous changes happening to you.

Break through the glass ceilings that are limiting you in every area of life. Enjoy the ride.

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.~Gandhi~

We are often warned not to push anyone into a corner because that is when they fight their best and most vicious battles.

A cornered creature, man or animal, is dangerous, even vicious. That is the point at which one loses all fear. We become fearless when we lose that which we value the most. Because, when that happens, the rest doesn’t really seem to matter as much. And, we also realize the futility of having lived in fear of losing something that is now beyond reach.

We need to understand that we could possibly have been able to enjoy the finer intricacies of our object of desire much more if we hadn’t lived in constant fear of losing it. When we lose it, we see the futility of all the anxiety, the heartburn over it. We start looking for and finding ways of living without it. And the human mind and spirit, amazingly resilient as they are, discover reasons and conviction for why we are better off without that which is now lost.

That is the point at which you start enjoying the positive aspects of fearlessness. For, when you fear nothing, nobody can manipulate you anymore. You would be your own person and not dependent on anyone for your happiness or peace of mind. Your best bouts of courage are reserved for times when you have nothing to lose.

Fear in relationships

In relationships, most manipulations occur because we hand over the weapon of our fear to be used against us to those we love most. A lover is able to manipulate his beloved’s emotions by threatening withdrawal of love and care. He will sulk, not talk or withdraw caring gestures — all the things that a loved one values. So you give in, bow to the will of the lover, and make compromises, all for fear of losing that which is cherished.

On the other hand, if the lover overplays his hand and carries on the withdrawal act beyond a point, the beloved may finally get used to the idea of rejection and taking the loss as an accomplished fact, and lose all fear in the relationship.

Fear of losing leaves you impotent not just in relationships but also in everyday situations such as your work life, with friends or relatives and even with strangers. It extends beyond material things to prestige, respect, happiness, peace of mind, etc.

Fear in life

At work, how often we let people get away with delivering shoddy work, doing an injustice to someone or cheating us just because we fear losing our peace of mind over an altercation?? We allow incompetent people to underperform for fear of creating a situation and so losing our calm.

In financial situations, fear of loss makes us lose money! In the ’60s, reportedly a couple who invested big time in a single stock, PepsiCo, saw a major portion of their money vanish as the market took a downslide. This scared them so much that they not just dumped Pepsi, but never bought a single share after that. If they had only overcome that fear of loss, the same portion in PepsiCo would have been worth $3 million by now!

For courage is not just required for doing battle, but also for maintaining a sense of calm, for making money, for living a good life — in short for everything. The ‘fight or flight’ syndrome kicks in irrespective of the fact whether the thing we fear losing is physical, mental or a financial threat.

Those who can learn the trick of transcending this fear of loss, would find the courage to enjoy that which they love most while they still retain it. What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.

Think of the worst that can possibly happen. Get used to the idea and accept it. From there on, things can only get better… and you can acquire courage even as you retain the object you feared losing, for you fear that no more. You know loss is a possibility and you are moving ahead with that in mind.

You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind. ~Dale Carnegie~

To a certain extent, I believe we have all been unfairly judged before, and because it is not something we can avoid, it pays to learn the steps necessary to beat prejudice. Even more so when the antagonist is our new boss or mother in law. While I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s easy, choices are, at times, not a luxury we own. In any case, here’s how it could be done.

1.Be tolerant

First of all, he or she does not hate you. Having prejudice towards another is not a choice made by the other person. It is mostly a subconscious act that is based on false ideology and interpretation that were cultivated since young based on personal experience, influence of the media and hearsay. If there’s anyone who is at fault, it is we who are too easy to generalize people in terms of race, gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation. So, instead of playing the blame game which only make matters worse, try and be tolerant.

2. Focus

It’s all too easy to let your emotions get carried away. After all, it’s certainly not fair for us to be judged on things we hardly have any control over.  Make sure to always keep in mind what you want, and ignore any emotions that may hinder such progress.

3. Be nice to them

What I often do is keep smiling and be nice to the person. This often works like a charm. Sure, we don’t owe them anything. But if you want their acknowledgment, this is the only road to take.

4. Understand what is expected of you

Now you may wonder, if it’s not hate, then what is it? He sure did make life harder for you, but that’s something we all have to deal with at some point in life. To get past the bias, try to look at it as someone who expects more from you than what he does of others, which is true. Don’t pay any attention to the little things. To find acceptance, you must first focus on what needs to be done, and that is; understanding what is expected of you and constantly perform beyond his expectations.

5. Don’t be desperate

There is no one, I dare say, that does not want to be acknowledged. Even so, when the person involved plays an important role in our life. But, no matter how important he may be, you should never be desperate for acknowledgment. Think of it as being in a romantic relationship. It is never advisable to be needy, right? The same goes for getting past the discrimination.

6. Avoid mistakes

If there’s anything you should avoid, it is making mistakes. It will only worsen their judgment on us as it confirms what they have in mind toward us, which is not something we want to be associated with. If you do, however, make mistakes, apologize immediately. Try not to give excuses for your mistakes as it does not help and can make things worse.

7. Surpass their expectations

This is where it matters most. You need to work harder so that you can constantly surpass their expectations. Always remember, the first one is a fluke. And so is the second one. The third is where things really start to count. And after some time, usually, the prejudice will slowly fade.

8. Be persistent

Don’t get disheartened when things persist. The key is to be patient. Unless he hates you, sooner or later he will realize that his judgment and bias is incorrect . But until that day comes, be persistent.

9. Kindly tell them if it persists

I would only recommend this as a last resort. No one likes to be called a racist or sexist, directly or indirectly. We all feel the need to be seen as someone who is fair. Especially so when the relationship is a professional one. But if you must, do so in a kind manner or things will only get uglier.

Wrap up

Instead of hanging on to the cliche that life is not fair, I always try to look at it as a trial or challenge. This works well to keep myself in a positive attitude. Since there’s no changing how hard life can sometimes get, it is better to change our perspective on things.

“Tension and discomfort are necessary feelings in the process of achieving your goal. In fact, if you do not experience them then the goal is not important or not what you really want.” Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Avy Joseph (p114)

Marines train their minds to over-ride the pain impulses of their bodies. They can survive under torture, and out in harsh terrain in ways that would kill the rest of us.

People have willingly died for their beliefs – and survived because of them.

Victor Frankel got through a German concentration camp in horrific conditions because he believed there was something worth living for on the other side. He faced beatings, starvation and disease to extremes we can barely imagine.

This means that pain can be experienced to an outrageous degree but the people involved managed to live, get through it, and do what they needed to do to achieve their mission, or make it to the end of their confinement.

We in the West live in a society where life is ‘easy’ compared to most of the rest of the world. We medicate ourselves every time we feel a twinge, and dose ourselves with food, sex, drugs, and entertainment whenever we feel unhappy.

We run away from discomfort and tell ourselves we can’t stand the problems in our lives. See the examples above. As if we really know what ‘problems’ are!

As Avy Joseph says in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy:

“We all experience problems in many areas of our lives but don’t always realise that our minds and bodies respond to how we rate them. Evaluating a difficulty as unbearable is not only flawed but it also triggers images and feeling that fight against goal achievement (p31)”

I think we think we ‘shouldn’t have to experience ‘pain’ on the way to our success. Think again!

If you’ve ever watched the violent and satirical sci-fi film Starship Troopers you’ll see the drill sergeant spear a recruit’s hand with a knife and then announce (as the recruit screams) : “PAIN – is in your mind.” I think it probably felt quite real to the person with the knife through his hand!

Nevertheless, the idea is that it’s not just the feeling but what you tell yourself about it that determines whether you’ll get through it. In other words, it’s the meanings we choose to give to our ‘discomfort’.

Why we don’t stick with change

They tell themselves that they can’t stand the feelings that come with it as if the feelings shouldn’t be there. I know. I did this for years.

Here’s a revelation I had which is changing my life:

• those ‘feelings’ are completely normal. Yes, completely.
• They are as normal as hunger when you haven’t eaten, sadness when you loose something valuable to you, and breathing hard if you’ve run a lot. They are as part of you as sexual desire (although we don’t usually enjoy them as much!)
• They’re hot-wired into your mind-body system so they’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

All this time you may have been rejecting the natural tensions that come along with changing the status quo. Isn’t that kind of like hating yourself for breathing?

This is partly why Susan Jeffers said :”Feel the fear and do it Anyway” because fear seems like a stop sign but is actually just neurological-kinaesthetic information reporting to you how your perceptions are measuring the gap between what you have, and what you want.

But the experts say we are engineered for change? So why do we feel tense and uncomfortable?

Well, the simple explanation is this. Your mind is designed to reinforce what you already believe. It has too, or you could not live a life where you doubted every element of your existence. If you did, you could not function. You’d be too scared to step out of bed in the morning in case the floor ate you. Or the bed!

So when you attempt to change your mind and body resists. It sends out waves of discomfort. It ‘says’ Stop! The status quo is under threat. This, is completely natural.

And maybe you have stopped. Too often?

But now you KNOW those feelings are natural, they’re just part of the process of change where old beliefs fight for their existence, you have the first piece of what you need. I don’t deny that this is a hard piece of truth. But it is true.

If you believe that God made you, then you believe that every part of you that is made is ‘good for purpose’, even if we don’t always use/feel it so. If you believe you just evolved, then these signals are simply that – signals from a body and mind about itself and its environment. They’re not instructions, and I genuinely don’t think they’re an infallible guidance system as some personal develop writers suggest. If they are, mine must be broken…!

So if we are often going to feel uncomfortable with the process of change (and I acknowledge there are plenty of times when change is fun) then what will help us stick with it until the change is made?

• A goal we want
• Healthy beliefs
• Healthy self-talk
• Reasons to persevere

Exercise

So what is the thing you want to change? What will the outcome be when you have got it?

What difference is the change going to make in the ‘real’ world that is worth fighting for? How will I know I am different when I have made the change? What will be the improvements in my attitude and performance.

Grab a piece of paper write it down.

Now ask yourself what you currently think about making that change. Write down all the worries, fears, griped and ‘I can’t’ statements.

The next thing to do is to create a healthy belief about these feelings. It helps to write out a paragraph of what you want to believe instead.

Avy Joseph says a healthy belief = what you want + keeping it real (p98) unlike an unhealthy belief that usually demands the world ‘must’ and ‘should’ conform to its demands.

Let’s say that you were struggling to overcome your feelings. Let’s say your goal is to experience the remote control of power within you. Why a remote control? Well, if you hold it – no-one can push your buttons! You have some idea of what it will be like to see, hear and feel that.

After writing your negative thoughts, you might come up with something like this for a healthy belief:

“Labelling emotions as unbearable, too difficult, cannot override them, feel helpless in the presence of them, is definitely going to fail because of them are all ways of giving commands to your nervous system to create goal avoidance and away from motivation. (1)Removing these labels and downgrading them to ‘don’t love but can stand’, uncomfortable, I have the power to choose etc really helps me.

I can totally refuse (2) to use those labels and instead replacing them with ‘perhaps difficult but not unbearable’ or ‘in a different category to the comfortable emotions’ or even ‘all emotions are useful’ and ‘usefully produce discomfort in their message’ or ‘discomfortable messengers to prod me to alertness or to pay attention to something in my experience’. “

What I have done here is given new meanings to the feelings I had (1) and used statements where I acknowledge my ownership and control of the meanings I use (2)

Next, you will need to make a list of what you’ll get if you use the healthy belief as a reminder to push through the uncomfortable feelings – until they change.

Write out as many benefits as possible.

I’ll be more in control.

I’ll feel more empowered

I’ll be able to go on that date, ask that owner for referrals etc.

I’ll have more peace.

Etc

Now, you are armed and ready to go. You can repeat and affirm to yourself your new belief in the mirror. Claude Hopkins in the Magic of Believing recommends this.  When you feel like you need reasons to go on, read your reasons to go on!

When you’re self talk criticises you, take it down pro-wrestling style! Albert Ellis in his wonderful book: How to Stubbornly Refuse to make yourself Miserable about anything ever again – yes anything!” says you really need to passionately and aggressively dispute your inner talk.

“Really?

According to WHO?

You and whose army?

Oh! So I have to feel helpless. Who decided that? Me. Well, I can decide OTHERWISE can’t I?”

Think about a couple having a humdinger of an argument. Then have it with your self-talk.

I like to think of changing the things that make us stuck as ‘psychological knots’. To undo a really gnarly knot my involve a lot of huffing, puffing, walking away in disgust and coming back again with a renewed determination. Changing your meanings and beliefs can sometimes be like this.

But persevere and you’ll get there.

Before you jump on a new opportunity, take a minute to get a feel for if it is worth it for you to pick that specific one.  The portion of that worth that I am discussing here is that related to how far you will take it.  The thoughts you have about how you will perform on a goal before you even start the goal define whether or not you will complete the goal, and if you will progress beyond it.  This is an area of concern that helps you decide which opportunities you turn down, and which ones you accept.

Example Of Expectation Matching Results – Quitting Smoking

I know an individual who said that he wanted to quit smoking a bit over a week ago.  He told me he had made the goal to completely stop, and asked me for some guidance.  I told him that it needed to be a real goal on his part, and not something said just to impress me or himself.  I got a sense that that is what it might have been.  I tried to keep it as neutral as possible, and not make any statements that would make him feel bad as a person if he did return to smoking.

A few days ago, he let me know that he didn’t continue the goal and smoked the day before.  After talking to him a bit, he ended up pointing out that the honest goal he had in his mind was to reduce the amount of smoking he did, but he hadn’t truthfully planned to quit completely.  I appreciated his honesty, and what he said reinforces this concept that the straightforward goal you really feel you can accomplish and want to accomplish is the goal you should write down or tell others about, because any goal that isn’t congruent with your thinking will not be fulfilled and will cause resentment toward one person or another.

The Attitude You Start Something With Equals The Success You Acquire From It

In the book The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, there is a portion where the author describes how the attitude children take into an activity(playing music in this case) is very correlated with their future success, as the ones who saw themselves practicing the activity in the long-term, and becoming proficient in it, were the ones that did, and the ones who didn’t have as much of a long-term aspiration before starting the process, and couldn’t really see themselves enjoying or succeeding in it, were the ones who didn’t go as far.

What you can take from that research is that your brain lets you know right away when you see a new opportunity as to whether it fits you, or if it would be a waste of your time.  There are loads of opportunities out there, so it isn’t like you have to accept every single one to succeed.  If you focus on the ones where you feel you are willing and interested in putting long-term effort in, you won’t end up in that lost-time cycle where you ask yourself if you should continue because of the time you have already put in, even though the interest isn’t there.

Personal power is something we all have in varying degrees. If we analyze the different aspects of our lives that contribute to our personal power, we find several sources.

Primarily, personal power is a combination of physical, intellectual, emotional, and material strength. Depending on who we are, one of these may appear to dominate the others as our primary power source. Which one seems to be greatest source of personal power?

They all play an important role!

In some situations, we may need to rely on shear physical strength or endurance. Another set of circumstances may require intellectual power, or even material support. Clearly, every aspect of personal power makes a valuable contribution the quality of our life.

However, the greatest potential source of personal power is not your physical, emotional, or even your material assets. Would it surprise you to learn that it is actually your emotions that hold the top position in your personal power arsenal?

By way of comparison

Perhaps we should do a few comparisons to help establish the potential value and strength of our personal emotional powerhouse. Let’s start with…

1) Physical Strength. If you are an athlete of some kind, it might feel like your physical strength is your greatest asset, but is that really true? There is no doubt that it feels wonderful to be in great physical condition. In fact our physical health has a profound influence on the quality of our life.

Taking reasonable steps to live a healthy and active life is something I encourage everyone to do. There are some people who have developed their physical strength to astounding levels. Olympic powerlifters follow carefully constructed training programs for years to develop superhuman physical strength.

Now think about this. We’ve all heard stories of ordinary people who were able to lift automobiles off of trapped children in an emergency situation. How is it possible that an ordinary person could exhibit the superhuman strength of an elite powerlifter?

Was it a flood of adrenaline? Yes it was, but what initiated the release of adrenaline? It was an emotional trigger called the fight or flight response. So, which is more powerful, the physical or the emotional?

2) Material Wealth. We often refer to the wealthiest people as the most powerful people. Why do we use such a metaphor? Because great wealth allows them to control many aspects of their own lives, and the lives of others. But that control is limited. Does being wealthy equate to being happy, fulfilled, or loved? Often times it’s just the opposite.

So if a person controls great wealth but is depressed and unloved, how fulfilling is there life? Because money can’t buy happiness, fulfillment or love, we need to ask, which is more powerful, the material or the emotional?

3) Intellect. Intelligence is a wonderful and powerful asset when properly used. Over the years highly intelligent psychoanalysts have explored human behavior from every angle. Does that mean that they have an accurate understanding of how to solve their own emotional problems? The answer is usually apparent. Once again, we need to ask, which is more powerful, the intellectual or the emotional?

The challenge is in learning to harness that power

Emotions can be our greatest asset or most devastating liability. Understanding human behavior means understanding human emotions. Personal development means learning to harness this great power so that it truly becomes our greatest asset.

Where do we begin? We begin with the realization that we all create our own emotions. That means that we can choose how we feel about any situation in our lives. Don’t misunderstand; emotions are very real and very powerful. However, that does not mean that we don’t create them, because we do create them.

The nature of emotions

Many people suffer from the misconception that emotions are entirely out of their control. They feel that emotions are something that is strictly spontaneous, some kind of unmanageable reaction to events in their life. Some feel that allowing themselves to experience their emotions will make them vulnerable to pain and suffering. Others feel that emotions are someone else’s fault, the product of someone’s words or actions.

Emotions are the spice of life. Without emotions we could never experience great joy or deep love. We also wouldn’t experience feelings of sorrow or despair. A life without emotions is a life without feelings and feelings are a two-sided coin.

How emotions serve us

When we feel positive emotions it’s a message that, what we are currently doing is probably something we should move toward or cultivate. We all naturally move toward pleasure. What is pleasure but an emotion?

When we feel negative emotions, it’s a message that, what we are currently doing is not working. It could be the way we perceive the situation, or it could be the situation itself. If we cannot change our perception, then we will naturally move away from the painful emotions that we have linked to that situation.

Either way, our emotions help to guide our decision-making process. Emotions also bring passion and motivation into our lives. If we avoid or deny those emotions, we are cutting ourselves off from our greatest source of power.

Share this Post

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Mr Self Development from MrSelfDevelopment.com

Do you have a written plan that details how you will succeed, step-by-step, month-by-month? If you don’t, then you are planning to fail.

I don’t care if you’re trying to lose 20lbs, become CEO, win a golf tournament, or start your own business; you’ll need a ’solid’ plan that you ‘believe in,’ in order to succeed.

Without a plan, you have very little direction, and it will be almost impossible to be consistent. Without consistency you will never make any long-term progress; you will never experience success.

Develop a Good Plan

Sometime ago when I was looking to start a weight-lifting regiment, I decided to put together a weight-lifting ‘plan.’ I read several books on weight-lifting, I scanned the internet, and I talked with several individuals who were currently lifting weights.

Based on my research, I developed a plan using the best advice from each of my sources and I placed that plan on the wall of my home gym.

[A 'good plan' should always include your goals, as well as specific daily direction to ensure you meet your goals.]

My plan included how long each workout would be, as well as what time I would begin my workouts.

Work the Plan

Of course, it’s not enough to just have a plan. In order for the ‘plan’ to work, you have to ‘work’ the plan. The ‘plan’ works, when you ‘work’ the plan.

If you’re trying to become a professional dancer, ‘working the plan’ may mean practicing 10 hours a day, but the plan has to be ‘worked.’

You must develop the habit of following the plan daily; ‘consistency’ and ‘habit’ will take you further than your ‘desires’ ever will.

Make Adjustments to the Plan

Although I believe I put together a good weight-lifting plan initially, it wasn’t a perfect plan. Three months into the plan, I realized that I needed to make some adjustments: I was over-working my pectoral muscles, so I decided to work them less frequently. I also made some additional changes in my diet.

Your initial plan will almost always change; this is not a problem (just make sure to have your ‘plan’ saved on your computer, so you can make quick updates and re-print as necessary).

‘Tweak the plan,’ until it’s the perfect plan for you.

Remain Faithful to the Plan

This is the most critical of all the steps. If you don’t faithfully work your plan everyday, how can you expect to succeed? A good plan will challenge you, it will stretch you, it will demand the very best from you.

Are you willing to remain faithful to your plan when things get tough?

Are you willing to stick to your plan, when someone is passing out ‘free’ donuts? Are you willing to stick to your plan, when everyone else has gone home for the day? Are you willing to stick to your plan, after you reach your goal? The question really becomes, how bad do you want it. If you want it bad enough, you will remain faithful.

In closing, if you don’t have a plan, develop a plan this week. Start with your research; find the best ways to get the results you seek (study folks who have already succeeded). Then begin to ‘work the plan’ daily; make adjustments as necessary, stay faithful to the plan (in the face of challenges), and you will succeed.

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Armen Shirvanian from TimelessInformation.com

What your thinking involves is what your actions soon become.  How much of what you think about is based on not letting others down, or making sure you fit in with the group, or not going beyond a social boldness limit?  When you pick a book to read at the bookstore, is it based on your interest in the topic and author of the book, or is it based on wanting to tell others you read that specific book, because it is currently popular and will make you look more intelligent?

Satisfaction Comes From Satisfying Your Interests As Well

The amount of satisfaction you will get out of an action is proportional to how much of the action is based on your own interests.  You get negligible satisfaction, if any, from the responses of others.  Due to this, it is worth taking a minute to see who the last few thoughts you had were about.  It can be eye-opening to find out that a large portion of your cognitive time is wasted trying to please others, when in fact it doesn’t even end up pleasing them.

Your Presence Is Relevant, Too

Where is the room for your own life and routine if 75% of your thoughts are about adjusting to what others have done, or limiting the loudness of your voice so you are not labeled as “overbearing”, or pleasing others so that they are more lenient with you pursuing your actual interest?  If you are having a high proportion of these types of thoughts, think about how there are others who are much more focused on satisfying their own goals than pleasing others.  These more successful people are thinking about the action they want to take, regardless of others.

Reserve Your Thought Energy For Completion Of Your Goal Steps

Whereas you might get to step #2 of a decision-making process about purchasing a large bookshelf to place in your room, before giving up thinking it would bother your significant other or roommate, a power thinker will go through all the steps of looking at various bookshelves, checking prices, seeing which one would fit best and have the appropriate color, and would lastly confirm with the person who they were living with if it would be okay with them.  Focusing on your own interests in your thoughts takes you near the final steps, where you can then consider others and still be almost ready to implement.

There Are Some Things That You Are Best Suited For

Seeing as how there is only one person in your position, it doesn’t even make sense to place worry and anxiety about others highly in your thoughts.  You are not responsible for the happiness of others, and not only that, it is not fair to your value as a person to be worried about theirs.  Go through these thinking steps at times:

1. take note of your strengths
2. realize that some others don’t have the same strengths
3. think about how others view the strengths you have as features they would want
4. understand that the majority of your focus has to be on usage of your skills if you want to implement them
5. use that knowledge to make use of the skills and advantageous thinking you possess while the opportunity is there

Self-Directed Individuals Are Wonderful To Be Around

A perfect example of the way you want to act just showed up as I was writing this.  A person I know who is very direct and self-oriented came in and checked his stock price on the office computer I am on.  He didn’t worry about bothering me or looking bad or anything of that nature.  Due to his calmness and direct action, it makes me feel relaxed and more glad as well.  This is the type of person you want to emulate.  When your thoughts are about your own actions, as you would see them unfiltered by expectations you think others have of you, you act more smoothly, and others will appreciate that.  It makes others happy when you don’t try to please them, because it doesn’t put any pressure on them to respond in some polite or desired way.

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Ayo Olaniyan from Discovering Purpose

I am starting a series this month titled 6 obstacles, 6 things and 6 reasons. Several bloggers have written on various topics such as 10 reasons why you should blog, quit your job, fall in love… I am hoping to target areas such as 6 obstacles threatening your progress, 6 reasons why you should get a life, 6 things you should know about yourself, 6 reasons why you should be happy and 6 reasons why you should go to the toilet (laugh).

According to the elook online dictionary ‘progress means the gradual improvement, growth or development in a positive way. It’s also the act of moving forward toward a desired goal, while obstacles are things standing in our way that must be removed, circumvented or surmounted.’

We often want to make progress in our jobs, personal development, finances, behaviour, business, eating habits, exercising, with families….. the list is endless. It’s wonderful to have great ideas, pictures of the future, think positively e.t.c but we must realise that there are subtle obstacles that stand in the way of our progress.

What are these obstacles?

The Claim to Know Everything: This relates to people who think they know it all and refuse to accept advice or information that would enhance their productivity, from anyone. If you want to increase your chances of being successful or making a change for the better, you should be open to suggestions before disregarding any which may not be suitable for you. Those who claim to know everything make statements such as ‘I knew that already, I was going to do that, I agree with you but I am sure there’s another way….

Their minds, hearts, level of reasoning are completely closed to new ideas or suggestions BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT READY OR WILLING TO BE TAUGHT. Of course we need to strike a balance before everyone starts listening to time wasters offering ‘random suggestions;’ the focus here is to be open to ‘constructive contributions’.

The Fear of Change: This is a topic in its own right, but I would do my best to summarize it. In a positive context, change is the process or result of becoming different. It’s a transformation or transition from one level of development to another. We desire to experience or make changes in various aspects of our lives but it requires drive, motivation and commitment. We are afraid to make changes for the following reasons:

• We don’t want to be pushed out of our comfort zone into the unknown
• We lack the desire to experience change.
• We associate change with anxiety and nervousness.
• We’ve become conditioned due to an emotional/physical trauma we’ve experienced in the past.
• We feel we may lose our rights as individuals and possibly get exploited.

When we get to a crossroad and we sincerely want to make a change, it might be useful to think on the following tips:

• Think on the positive impacts that would be achieved from experiencing change
• Picture someone else in your shoes knowing if they handled change positively, you can.
• Think of the worst case scenarios which could occur and find alternative solutions to them.

Inconsistency: In order to attain the desired level of progress we have pictured, imagined or is striving towards, we need constant practice. Developing the qualities we desire, attaining a high level of personal growth/development requires a constant repetition of successful behaviours, skills, programs etc we’ve implemented to see such results. We get better and excel in certain projects by being consistent in our actions, methods and character. Footballers go through rigorous amounts of training before any game and a player found unfit on the training field or during the game is sidelined to the bench.

In order to develop good habits, it’s compulsory we build them on a daily basis.

The Blame Game: There’s a tendency to always trade blames on anything and everyone, wishing you never went down certain routes, made certain judgements, made decisions etc. Sometimes our egos have a way of interfering with us taking responsibilities for certain actions and our only way out, is to blame others. It’s common to hear statements such as, I would have succeeded if only my ….. supported me, I would have passed my exams if you didn’t…….., I would have been rich if I didn’t get married to you(laugh, I’ve actually heard that).  The list grows!!!! STOP IT TODAY!!!! REALISE OUR LIVES ARE OUR RESPONSIBILITIES.

Failing to take action: In the last 5-6years I have fallen in love with Nikes slogan, ‘Just Do It’.  For us to be effective and yield results in our daily lives, we must make an effort to follow certain procedures. If we want to excel in any phase of our lives we need to be willing TO DO things differently. We mustn’t be comfortable in acquiring knowledge only but also take that step to practice what we’ve learnt. We are afraid to take actions for the following reasons:

• We lack self confidence.
• We are afraid of failing.
• We don’t want to get embarrassed.
• We are filled with negative thoughts, believing those steps may not turn out to be successful.

I have got three words for you: JUST DO IT

Negative Thinking: We would always experience tough challenges in life and the easiest obstacle that confronts us is getting drowned in negative thoughts and pessimism. There’s a tendency to make bad decisions or judgements based on negative information fed into your mind. Dealing with negative thoughts when faced with stiff opposition requires perseverance, constant positive thoughts – looking at alternative solutions/suggestions to dealing with the present situation.

As you make progress there would come a time where the mind is unsettled and uncertain of the future. To stay on top of your game; you’ve GOT TO SHOW SOME OPTIMISM.

On a final note, do not expect everything to take a turn for progress overnight. These obstacles will be crossed as long as you remain diligent, hardworking and persistent in your quest for attaining progress.

**Remember DOING NOTHING, IS NOT DOING ANYTHING.

I look forward to various comments.

Editors Note: This is a guest post from Celestine Chua of The Personal Excellence Blog

Excellence – noun. the state of excelling; superiority; eminence:

Are you someone who strives for excellence? If you are reading this post, chances are you are . Personally, I firmly believe that all of us are here to achieve greatness; to be the best that we can be and to shake and move the world. There is nothing more satisfying than overcoming a challenge that was previously deemed insurmountable; nothing more satisfying than looking back at who you are now and realizing that you have grown much more than you thought you could. To be human is to live to our highest potential.

Like you, I’m someone who endlessly strives for excellence. Excellence is one of my top values in life and is something which I hold myself towards ever since I was a kid. When I was in school, I was constantly striving for the best; I graduated from my business school as the top student in my major (I was in marketing). In my career, I secured placement in the best company in the world for marketers, after being pit against hundreds of applicants and evaluated in multiple rounds of tests and interviews. Even as I ultimately chose to quit my corporate job last year, it was a decision made to wholly pursue my passion in personal development and helping others to achieve personal excellence.

In my years of pursuit of personal excellence, I have found 5 timeless steps in ensuing my own growth which I’d love to share with you here and I hope will be useful to you:

1) Believe in Yourself

Self belief is the utmost important step. If you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect anyone else to believe in you? If you want to achieve greatness, you have to first believe that you are capable of doing it. Know that there is no one else but you who can attain what you want to do. As Napoleon Hill puts it, “What the mind can conceive, it can achieve”.

One of my favorite stories is Sylvester Stallone’s real-life rags to riches story. Before he was propelled to stardom with the Rocky series, he was living out what others would deem as a ‘paltry’ existence as a wannabe actor. Because of his birth complication where he was born with a side of his face paralyzed and a slurred speech, he was rejected by countless casting agents in his quest for his dreams. At some point, he became poor as a pauper, and even his wife left him. But he never gave up. He firmly believed that he would be able to make it as an actor – not just an actor, but a movie star. And he finally did – today, he is an internationally acclaimed movie star, film director, producer and screenwriter. This would never have happened if he gave up his self-belief.

2) Keep Building Your Skills

The path to excellence is a continual one which requires constant upgrading and skills development. It’s said that it takes someone 10,000 hours of practice to reach the top in his/her discipline. Have you invested your 10,000 hours to develop your skills? If you haven’t, when can you start investing the time? If you have, how can you invest another 10,000 hours? No matter how much time and effort we have already spent in developing ourselves, there will always be opportunity to improve and be better.

Think about the skills which you possess at the moment as well as skills which you would like to have, but have yet to acquire. For example, some of the skills which I target to build for the upcoming few months are (1) Writing (2) Public Speaking (3) Productivity (4) Discipline (5) Organizational Skills (6) Badminton. How about yours?

3) Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

When you are out of your comfort zone, you are already growing by default. Comfort zones are called comfort zones because it’s where you feel safe and comfortable. When you stay in an area of comfort, you subject yourself to things you have become accustomed to – which leads to little or no growth. On the other hand, if you move beyond that area of comfort, even by a little bit, you start facing things which you are not exposed to before. This new context and new stimuli triggers off a reprocessing process  in your mind as you adapt to handle them. This means growth.

What are your comfort zones when it comes to your work? Environment? Diet? Daily routines? Places you go to? Clothes you wear? People you hang out with? Your goals? How can you change them around just to experience something different? How can you push yourself to an uncomfortable zone so you can grow? The more uncomfortable you feel about something, the more it means you are growing.

4) Be Around the Best.

I love this quote from Jim Rohn, which I feel sums this up – “You are the average of the five people you are around“. Who you are with has a role in affecting who you become. If you hang around people who are committed to excellence, sets themselves up to achieve nothing but the best, you are going to emerge a different person compared to if you hang around people who are jaded and are constantly lamenting about life. Cut yourself loose from people who don’t support you and increase your contact with the people who do. Above all, connect yourself with the best – the cream of the crop. If you have a goal to be a chef with your very own restaurant, start linking up with the top chefs of your country, or even possibly the world as you move forward on your endeavors. Even if it’s not possible to be personal friends, you can be connected with them by virtue of exposing yourself to outputs of their work – books, shows, interviews, etc. You will find yourself improving by leaps and bounds just from framing yourself together with them.

5) Set Huge Goals.

Emphasis on the word huge. Not the normal, standard goals which you know you will definitely be achieving with a certain amount of work and effort. We’re talking about the humongous goals which make you feel somewhat nervous and uncomfortable on whether it’s possible to even attain them. These are the goals which will really make you stretch yourself, soar, and then beam with an incredible lot of satisfaction when you do achieve them. Even if you don’t eventually get to nail them in the bag, the most important thing to realize is you have grown a lot more than if you set puny goals and achieved them. Be focused on the amount of growth you get and don’t be attached to the specific outcomes, because the outcomes don’t define who you are – Who you are define who you are.

Do you have any other personal ways / strategies to achieve personal excellence? I’ll love to hear from you Please share them in the comments section!