A little while back I came across the concept of a gratitude journal. It’s such a simple idea, and yet I can honestly say it’s had a profound effect on my mood and the way I perceive the world. In fact, I’m such a convert that I want to spread the word to anyone who hasn’t yet heard of a gratitude journal. So without any further ado…

What is a gratitude journal?

A gratitude journal is quite simply just that, a journal in which you write the things you’re grateful for. However, unlike a normal journal or diary, you’re only allowed to write positive things in a gratitude journal.

Why keep a gratitude journal?

It can be easy to slip into the habit of focussing attention on the negatives in life. Perhaps you’re worn out by ill-health, or you might be experiencing financial difficulties. You may be unhappy with your current circumstances, or consumed by a desire to own something you just can’t afford,or it could be another reason altogether. Whatever the cause, it’s pretty miserable to feel negative all the time, and if that’s how you feel then chances are you’re attracting negative people or situations into your life, which just perpetuates a cycle of negativity.

Keeping a daily gratitude journal may help you to turn this around. By making a conscious decision to focus your attention on the positive side of life you can start to shift your thinking from negative to positive. The more you look for the good things in life, the more you’ll find.

How do I keep a gratitude journal?

Firstly, you’ll need a place to record your entries. You can use a notebook, a diary, a journal, a file on your computer or other method. The important thing is to pick something that’s going to work for you, because you need to be motivated to make daily entries in your gratitude journal. If a beautifully covered book will help motivate you, choose that, but if you prefer technology you may choose a computer file or even a blog (just have a think about whether you want your entries to be private or open to be read by the rest of the world!).

Once you’ve chosen how you’re going to record your entries, you just need to start. Each day, record in your gratitude journal the things you’re grateful for that day. If you find it hard to remember the things you’re grateful for when you sit down to write in your gratitude journal, it might help to make notes as things occur to you during the day.

I write in my gratitude journal each night, just before I go to sleep. For me, this means that I end each day on a positive note, I seem to sleep more peacefully, and I start each day in a brighter mood. But again, it’s important to pick a time when you’re going to be the most motivated to write in your gratitude journal. The important thing is to commit to making entries every day.

Opinions vary as to how many things to record in your gratitude journal each day – some people suggest that you list one thing, other people suggest that you record up to five or more things. I’ve found five to be a happy medium, simply because the first two or so things come to me reasonably easily each day, but I often have to stretch to get to four or five.

I’ve also seen seen it said that you shouldn’t record the same thing twice in your gratitude journal. I think it’s up to you. I try to avoid saying the same thing on consecutive days, but sometimes I’m just truly grateful for something that I’ve been grateful for before, and I think that’s ok.

Really, the one hard and fast rule is that you can only record positive things. Otherwise, I’d figure out what works best for you, and stick with that.

When you start, and on good days, you may find it relatively easy to think of things to be grateful for. After a while, and particularly on difficult days, it can be a struggle. However, it’s on the difficult days that it’s most important to make entries in your gratitude journal, as it’s on those days that you need your positive outlook the most. When I’m having a particularly trying day, and it seems hard to imagine that there could be anything to be grateful for, I’ve found it really useful to re-read my earlier journal entries to help to reframe my outlook and get some inspiration.

You might also want to mix it up when it comes to the things you record in your gratitude journal. I sometimes find that I’ve been focussing on one area of my life (for example, my family or my job), and when that happens I try to expand my horizons by including other aspects of my life (a smile from a stranger as I walked around the grocery store, or having a particularly great cup of coffee).

Once you get the hang of recording the things you’re grateful for in your journal, why not try spreading the gratitude with the people around you. Thank the person who made the great cup of coffee, pass on the smile to another stranger, send some good vibes to a friend in a postcard or email, or let your colleagues know how much you appreciate them. You might also like to visit Gratitude Connection to share your daily gratitude journal entries, and to see what other people are grateful for.

Today I’m grateful for…the opportunity to share what I’ve learned about gratitude journals. I’d love to learn about your experiences with gratitude journals, and to hear what you’re grateful for today.

The power of positive thinking.

How many times have you heard that phrase thrown around? It’s so much a part of our vernacular now that it’s almost become meaningless. We’d all agree that thinking positively is a good thing. Especially when we’re feeling positive. When you’re feeling good, how much trouble is it to think, “Hey, I like me. My life is cool. Things are going great.”

But what about when things are crappy? What about those days when you’re so stressed the veins pop out of your forehead? When you hate your job — or you’ve lost it? What about those days when you are sucker-punched by a series of unfortunate events that makes the life of Job look like a garden party?

I’ve met people who remain perky during really bad times. And to be honest, they make me want to slap them around a bit. That Pollyanna, “life is still beautiful” attitude when things are falling apart just yanks my chain. However, I’ve come to learn that these people know something I don’t.

Here’s the secret that’s not really a secret. It’s revolutionary, exciting science.

Positive thinking really does change your brain. Not in some magical, woo woo kind of way, but in a real physical way.

The science is called neuroplasticity. It means that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains. The idea was first introduced by William James in 1890, but it was soundly rejected by scientists who uniformly believed the brain is rigidly mapped out, with certain parts of the brain controlling certain functions. If that part is dead or damaged, the function is altered or lost. Well, it appears they were wrong.

Neuroplasticity now enjoys wide acceptance as scientists are proving the brain is endlessly adaptable and dynamic.

It has the power to change its own structure, even for those with the severe neurological afflictions. People with problems like strokes, cerebral palsy, and mental illness can train other areas of their brains through repetitive mental and physical activities. It is completely life-altering.

So what does this have to do with positive thinking and with you?

It means that repetitive positive thought and positive activity can rewire your brain and strengthen brain areas that stimulate positive feelings.

In his widely-acclaimed book, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, Norman Doidge M.D. states plainly that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself and/or form new neural pathways — if we do the work. Just like exercise, the work requires repetition and activity to reinforce new learning.

Here are some actions you can take to change your own brain during the bad times.

Fear of failure.

Everyone fears doing something new because we don’t wait to fail. The truth is, we can do most anything if we take action, stop negative thinking, and shift our perceptions of the truth about our abilities.

• Action steps: Force yourself to stop thinking about reasons you can’t do something, even if you don’t feel brave or capable. Every time a negative thought creeps in, retrain your brain to think a positive thought about your abilities instead. Then take small actions every day toward achieving your goal or desired change.  Nike’s slogan, “Just do it,” has real validity.

Over-thinking/Worrying

Have you ever found yourself trapped in obsessive over-thinking about a problem or in a state of anxiety or worry that lasts for days or even weeks? It drains your energy, affects your sleep, and spirals your mood and outlook on life. Focusing on your problem only strengthens the worry function in your brain.

• Action steps: When you find yourself in that cycle of worry or compulsive thinking, remember the three R’s — rename, re-frame, and redirect. When the worry begins, mentally yell “Stop!” Rename the issue by reminding yourself that worry isn’t real. Rename it as a compulsive reaction, not reality. Re-frame your thinking by focusing on positive or distracting thoughts, even if you still feel anxious. Force yourself to think different thoughts. Redirect your actions. Go do something uplifting, fun or mentally engaging. The key is following these steps repeatedly, every time you worry obsessively, to break the pattern and rewire your brain.

Mood Disorders/Phobias

Sometimes we might feel blue or out-of-sorts, and it’s just a temporary fog that settles in and lifts after a few days. Some mood disorders, like depression or serious anxieties that morph into phobias, can be debilitating and unrelenting. Psychologists and therapists have used treatments based on neuroplasticity to get to the cognitive root of these disorders and put a patient’s life back on track.

• Action steps: A serious mood disorder or phobia requires the help of a trained counselor. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change destructive thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and feelings. If you suffer from severe anxiety or depression, you need someone skilled to help you get to the root of these thoughts and to show you how to change them. Ask them about CBT.

Scientists are now looking at neuroplasticity to approach a wide variety of cognitive problems and disorders including:

• Loss of senses — vision, balance and hearing

• Learning disorders and reading problems

• Auditory processing problems

• Autism and hypersensitivity

• The aging brain and memory

• Issues related to love and sex

• Stroke and brain injury recovery

• Cerebral palsy

• Chronic pain

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• Psychological trauma

• Depression and anxiety

• Cognitive problems after brain surgery

In his book, Dr. Doidge chronicles amazing case histories of patients whose astonishing progress had previously been dismissed as hopeless. Through the applications of this science, we all have the ability to be happier and more positive, raise our IQ’s, rejuvenate aging brains, and learn new skills with ease.

If you want to learn more ways to use the revolutionary science of neuroplasticity to change your thoughts and your life, check out Dr. Doidge’s website.

OK – we’ve all heard the old adage “Work hard – play hard”.

But what does it mean to you? And do you really know how to?

Imagine if you could get a lot more done at work, a lot better. Imagine if you could really relax every single day. The kind of relaxation that leaves you rearing to go to work the next day. Your ‘batteries’ fully charged. Your brain fully focused…

I recently finished my second reading of one of the best books ever written (IMHO) The Power of Full Engagement (by Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz). The book is amazing in many aspects (beyond the scope of the discussion here). But the most memorable lesson of all, is that we need to fully engage in work and fully engage in play to get the most out of our focus and our lives.

If you’re able to do that naturally – then perhaps you’re naturally gifted – lucky you. If you’ve made a special intuitive effort to work and play hard – clever you.

Or, if you’re like most of us, you’re probably thinking that you’re pretty good at both, but if you look closely you may find you’re not.

Let me explain what I mean with a brief example…

Have you ever been in a similar situation?

You’ve worked hard for the whole day. But really – you’ve got a million things done. It’s 9 pm now, and you can’t even think straight anymore.

You sit down in front of the telly and you find your favorite program of all time is on. Your conscious/thinking brain steps in and wisely advises you that you’re fully deserving of this ‘couch potato’ moment – you’ve worked your socks off today. So you listen and you start watching…

Then exactly 5 minutes into the program a niggly feeling starts eating at you. Something doesn’t quite feel relaxing.

And sure enough in the commercial break, you whip out your iPhone/Blackberry/laptop/(insert favorite techie device) and you start ‘doing’… just checking email. Or checking website stats. Or catching up on the latest industry research so you’re up to date in the morning…

Does that sound like anything you’ve experienced before? Anything you experience nightly?

“What’s the problem with that?” you may ask.

The problem is that you never fully disengage from work.

As a result you’re living in the ‘grey zone’. The ‘grey zone’ you’d guess correctly, is the zone between black and white. Or the zone between engaged and disengaged.

When you’re in the ‘grey zone’ you’re NOT focused. You’re multi-tasking – which btw is one of the least productive MOs. As a result the ‘fruits’ of your work are not optimal. And you’d be right to conclude that the same goes for the ‘fruits’ of your play.

You end up neither fully rested, nor fully satisfied with your day’s work.

You end up going to bed and feeling like this work thing is never-ending. And this play thing never started (even though you spent a good hour in front of the telly “relaxing”).

Now can you see the problem?

What’s the solution?

The solutions is simple in words. Much harder to implement. And incredibly rewarding when implemented.

In short – here are the 3 steps to follow to be able to work hard, play hard, and get real results:

Step 1: Prepare Yourself

– prepare a solution for when you catch yourself in the ‘grey zone’.
– make it something memorable and brief.
– give it a name – that way your brain has easy access to the solution – fast.

Step 2: Become Aware

– you can’t even begin to fix something, if you don’t know it’s happening right? Like with all addictions, the first step to getting help is to acknowledge you need the help…
– so watch yourself. Every time you rest – check if you really are. Every time you work – do the same.

Step 3: Take Action

– this one is very logical – if you notice the problem – take action to correct it.
– what may not be so obvious is that for this Action Plan to work in the long term, you MUST ACT RIGHT AWAY. Yes – not in two minutes time, but immediately!

The reason for the urgency is that if you don’t act with your “Step 1″ solution as you become aware of your behavior, you give your conscious brain time to start analyzing and rationalizing the situation. This negates the effect of your solution – makes things too complicated. And the aim here is to create an automatic/mechanical link (i.e. habit) for you between the behavior and the solution.

So next time you find yourself not fully engaged in your rest, your brain automatically applies the solution you came up with in Step 1.

Here’s an example:

As soon as you notice that you’re not fully engaged in either work or rest, name the behavior – “grey alert” (don’t laugh that’s what I name my ‘grey’ episodes ;o)). Then make a commitment that each time you say “grey alert” you’ll consciously make sure all distractions are cleared.

So if you’re resting and you find yourself thinking “what productive thing can I do whilst I’m sitting here resting?”, you stop thinking of that, and make a focused effort to relax. If it is an idea that you don’t want to forget, go write it down for tomorrow, but then come back and focus on the rest at hand… That’s it!

All that’s left now is to DO. It will take you a few times before you start to do this automatically, but trust me when you do – you’ll see how great it is.

So now that I’ve done all the talking here are my 2 questions again:

What does “work hard – play hard” mean to you? And do you really know how to?

If you don’t, now you have the solution.

Martin Luther King’s Achievements:

• travelled over six million miles and spoke over twenty-five hundred times
• awarded five honorary degrees
• named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963
• became not only a leader of American blacks but also a world figure.
• became the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize.

Alright, let’s be real.

At one point or another we have all looked up to someone else, and I think it’s safe to say a majority of people who are considered leaders may never amount anywhere near to what Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela have done. As true as this maybe,  does that mean we can’t be a leader in our own way?

I consider my father a leader, same goes for my business mentor, and even Joe, my mail man for six years.

But if we don’t need history-changing-triumphs to be considered a leader, then what do we need?

There are many characteristics that the both of us may take on when becoming a leader, to name a few:

• A Leader takes charge
• A Leader Builds teams
• A Leader has helps others succeed

All of these aspects do play a part in being a leader, but there is the question of how. How do you take charge? How do you build teams? How do you help others succeed?

In my personal experience and through what I have observed, here’s what I’ve learned when it comes to creating Newborn-Leaders.

To become a leader you must have influence, before influence you must be respected, but to be respected you must be good at something, and to strive towards being good at something…..you need:

Ambition

As obvious as it sounds that you will need to have ambition, it easy for people to not challenge themselves. And that’s because as a society, naturally, we all want the “quick fix”, a “get rich quick” strategy.  Take blogging for example, working from home is ideal for everybody (mostly everybody). But it’s not easy, and I’m quickly reminded everyday as I struggle to keep my own blog alive and running.  The best perks in life simply won’t come easy…unless we’re Paris Hilton.

So we have to be motivated, you and I.

Our biggest enemy is ourselves and there will be times when we (our minds) talk crap to ourselves,  “ You can’t do it! Don’t even try! Give up!“

But we can’t give in. Don’t worry dude, I have your back. And I’ll be damned if I sit back while you talk shit to yourself.

What’s my Solution? Reasons.

What kind of reasons? The reasons why you’re striving to better yourself, your goals, your dreams and aspirations. Most people have very unclear and vague reasons. That’s why they fail to achieve their goals. The more in depth reasons you have the better. Ultimately, whatever your reasons may be…. yell them out loud!  Upon yelling and listening to your own words of reason, if you don’t feel emotions ignited within your body–you better go back to the drawing board.

Why do you want to stir up your emotions?

Because the “impossible” happens when our emotions come into play. Take the countless stories of super-humans lifting up the “impossible” upon having a gush of emotions ignite their bodies.

Simply put, I want you to strive to set out on finding reasons that ignite you emotionally. Besides, if you’re emotionally affected by your reasons, it’s normally a good (or bad) sign that what you’re fighting for matters.

As you may or may not know, I teach people how to mingle and build relationships for a living and I worked hard to get where I am. There were many times when I went out to social events alone trying to meet and build connections with strangers. It was scary, sometimes traumatizing, meeting strangers alone. My mind would say discouraging things–variations of how I could not take charge, how I could not make friends, but mostly how I would not be successful. I was at a point in my life where I felt secluded, that no one liked me, and I was afraid that I would end up alone in life.

But in those moments of doubt, I realized that I wanted my life to be filled with friends who appreciated me for me. I knew that my future depended upon the relationships that I would build during those times.

And that’s when I manned up and decided to follow my ambitions.

Ultimately, the fear of being alone was more than enough for me to get my ass through that door and take action for my life. And those were my reasons to achieve my goals on becoming a social coach.

Four years later, 45 cities all over the world later, hundreds of clients who I’ve successfully coached later… here I am, talking to you. I wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t have reasons that emotionally ignited my body to take action.

Now my question to you is this: What are Your reasons?

Achieving success is an innate desire in all healthy people.  Although the meaning of success is unique to each of us, we are all driven to do our best to achieve it.  This is true whether success means becoming the CEO of a company, raising children to be happy and healthy, growing our own business, writing a novel, or just living a serene life.  Whatever our definition, we all want to be the best we can be at whatever it is we choose to pursue.

So how can we operate at our best to achieve our goals?  How do we achieve peak performance?

A great deal of research has been done to identify common characteristics of people who have achieved great things.  Some of the characteristics of peak performers include setting a vision, having a sense of adventure or curiosity, being willing to take risks, a devotion to personal growth, and a strong belief in themselves.  While there are others, I believe these 5 characteristics are the most important, and most commonly shared among top performers.  Each of these deserves further discussion.

Peak performers have vision. Before we can achieve something, we must be able to conceive it.  We must have a goal or a mission that is worthy of the sacrifices we are likely to make in achieving it.  For this reason, this mission must evoke passion and commitment so strong that it becomes larger than yourself.  It must be aligned with your values and enable you to see beyond the sacrifices, beyond the now, and into the future.  It must inspire you, and preferably others around you.

Peak performers take risks. John Paul Jones, the Father of the U.S. Navy, once told his men, “He who does not risk, cannot win.”  This has been a favorite saying of mine since I learned it on my very first day as a Midshipman at the U.S. Naval Academy, and to this day I use it in my email signature.

JPJ realized that in life we face many decisions, and each of them has consequences.  Anything worth achieving carries an element of risk.  I have found that the greater the potential achievement, the greater the risk.  Peak performers weigh the risks of achieving their missions against their vision.  While they are not reckless and may seek to mitigate risks through planning and preparation, they often take significant risks to achieve their goals.  If you are unwilling to take risks, to “lay it on the line,” for your vision, then it is almost certain you will never achieve it.

Peak performers see life as an adventure. Challenges and the unknown are part of life.  We can react to each in a number of different ways.  We can become frustrated, agitated, fearful, or angry.  Or, we can approach both with curiosity and interest.  Peak performers are people who see challenges and the unknown as part of the adventure of life.  They reframe challenges as opportunities to learn and accomplish; to adapt; to grow.  They view the unknown with curiosity and a sense of adventure.

Peak performers are dedicated to personal growth. Steven Covey introduced the concept of “sharpening the saw” in his blockbuster book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  He states that in order to be as effective as we can be, we must take time out to reflect and grow.  Peak performers routinely take time out, placing a priority on their own growth and development.  In doing so they learn from their experiences and are better able to adapt to the challenges and ambiguity that they face in pursuit of their dreams.

Peak performers believe in themselves. Perhaps the most important characteristic of over achievers is they possess a certainty that they will achieve their vision. This faith in themselves is not born of arrogance, but of a deep-seated belief in their mission and their abilities.  The source of this confidence comes from within, and is developed by deep reflection that leads to self-understanding and self-knowledge, and builds as peak performers learn from their mistakes and accomplishments.

Developing the characteristics of peak performer’s is not easy.  It takes courage and a dedication to the process.  It becomes a mission in itself.  However, we all have the ability within ourselves to achieve our goals and lead successful lives.

Learn from the pros

The best way to learn how to stop procrastination is to know what the professionals do

No I am don’t mean productivity professionals but I am talking about people who are professionals at wasting their time

I have interviewed some of my friends who are famous for their procrastination and came up with few mistakes that they all did and that made them become procrastinators

In this post I will tell you about those mistakes and how to avoid them so that you can help yourself put an end to procrastination.

It’s a promise that if you followed these advice then you will never be a procrastinator.

How to end procrastination today

• Not being focused: If while doing any given task you answered your phone, checked your mail, opened face book, replied to a text message or even went to eat something then you will never finish the task on time. After all you will never feel that you are wasting time because each of these tasks takes less than few minutes but their combined effect results in wasting your time. If you want to be productive then be focused on the task you are doing and don’t do any side task while doing it.
• Waiting for the right mood: Lots of procrastinators delay important tasks with the excuse that they are waiting for the mood but the truth is that this mood will never come and if it came it wont last for long. At one day you might find yourself irritated, at another you might find yourself angry while a third day you might find yourself feeling bad. Even if you felt good who told you that these feelings will continue forever? The key to being productive is not to feel good all the time but to keep working even if you are feeling bad, sad or even depressed.
• Waiting for the right time: A large group of procrastinators claim that they are waiting for the right time to start but the truth is that they are afraid of failure, they like to stick to their comfort zone or they perceive the task to be very difficult. In order not to hurt their egos they deceive themselves by claming that they are waiting for the right time while in fact they just need to be brave enough to face the truth. The right time is now and If you waited for the right time you will wait forever.
• Not having a clearly defined set of tasks: Lots of people procrastinate because they don’t know exactly how to start or what to do. Productive people on the other hand usually have a list of tasks predetermined in their minds before they begin working and that’s why they never waste time thinking about which task to start with.
• Are you doing that you hate: Sometimes we blame people for procrastination while they are innocent. In many cases procrastination happens when the person hates the task that he is doing, that’s why most children waste time instead of studying. While not everything that you hate can be avoided still you can make different choices in your life that ensures that you will be doing what you like more than doing what you dislike.

Stick to these tips and procrastination will be a memory

When I don’t take 100% responsibility for my life I block my own progress and happiness. Sometimes it’s easier to play in someone else’s business or back yard instead of changing what needs to be changed in my own. Using my creative power to be a proactive participant in my life allows me to transcend my limitations and live in joy.

The following tips will allow you to shatter both internal and external barriers as well.

8 Ways to Live a Powerful and Joyous Life

1. Honor and love yourself.

It’s impossible to love anyone more than you love yourself. It’s easy to love yourself when you feel good, look great and everyone cooperates. The real test comes with accepting your flaws, working with your shadow side and loving your humanness. I’ve learned to have compassion for the part of me that is greedy, inconsiderate and judgmental. Self-love allows me to heal these parts and move forward into a brighter light and deeper love for myself and others.

2. Become your own priority.

Pamper your body, mind and spirit. Take baby steps and begin to eat right and be impeccably groomed. Take scheduled breaks through out your day. Feed your mind with spiritual and inspirational information. You add beautiful, loving energy to our world as you learn to respect yourself.

I’ve recently decided to improve my exercise habits. Evita from Evolving Wellness has convinced me to eat healthier. I eliminated red meant from my diet 30 years ago. I’m now only eating fish, chicken and turkey (anything with a face) on weekends.

3. Stop comparing, competing, and criticizing.

As you eliminate draining little habits from your daily life your energy can flow freely into your dreams and happiness. Your role in life is like a puzzle piece that fits into the jigsaw puzzle of the universe, the world is incomplete without your unique self.

When I find myself stuck in the three “C’s” I know I’m off track. It only takes minutes to own my projections and move forward. I choose to live in the flow of life trusting myself with an open mind and heart.

4. Anchor your being in appreciation.

It’s a privilege to be alive at this time. I am grateful for the difficult lessons I’m learning from our economy, the oil spill, and the war. As I make inner changes, I see my exterior world change. In stead of focusing on the media and negativity I focus on the difference I can make.

Answers to our problems lie in each of us. Each morning I decide to “wake up and smell the day.” Life is precious, I won’t waste it wishing things were different. I choose to live more consciously. The individual changes we make will change the world.

5. Activate forgiveness.

Perfection in life is not required. We all do and say things we regret. I choose to learn from my mistakes. I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and others. Resentment and bitterness poison our mind, body and spirit. Forgiving others will take you out of the dark and into the light, that’s available always.

6. Record loving moments.

Keep a journal of the happiness, love and goodness you experience everyday.  Focusing on love and good times increases love and good times. A journal of “good stuff” can be used as a great pick-me-up in difficult times. You’ll find there are infinite experiences to record. Be a part of seeing the best in every thing and every one. I’ve kept gratitude journals for eight years. I’m flooded with appreciation for my ordinary existence each time I reread one.

7. Set your intention.

Each morning set your intention for your day. “I intend to be patient today. I intend to be kind. I intend to live in the moment.” You choose your attitude, energy and direction. Consciously create the incredible and amazing life you desperately want. Resolve to choose the best for yourself. You’ll learn to brighten your own day!

8.  Serve others.

There is a story about heaven and hell…In one room a pot of delicious stew sits in the middle of a big round table. The people at the table are holding unusually long handled spoons which made reaching their mouths impossible. They are thin, sick and weak. This room represents hell.

The next room also has a large table and a delicious pot of stew as well… The people around this table also hold long-handled spoons. However these people are plump, healthy and happy because they’ve learned to feed each other. This room represents heaven. Find someone to serve everyday. Expect nothing in return.

It’s easy to lose hope, blame others and feel victimized in our world. Yet, our power lies in establishing thoughts and habits of goodness and love. Imagine throwing your pebble of good thoughts and habits in the water. Yours connect to other like-minded good thoughts and habits. Soon you begin to notice and take part in a whole new world. And everyone will ask you, “How did you get so lucky?”

Have you ever thought of taking up meditation? Perhaps you’ve been interested but never given it a try. If that’s the case, then here’s your chance…

With the right technique, meditation is both fun and easy to learn. In this post I’ll introduce you to one of my favorite meditation techniques. Why start with meditation?

Ultimately, meditation is a spiritual practice. For example, in Buddhism they speak of enlightenment as the highest attainment. Anyway, in this post we’re not concerned with spirituality but rather with improving your quality of life.

To most people, meditation is a tool that brings balance and inner peace into their lives. Moreover, meditation is often used to soothe and dissolve stress, which it does very effectively. Others use it to increase focus for effective learning. As you can see, it’s possible to apply meditation in a number of ways.

Meditation is most relaxing. When the mind is calm and the thinking slows down, it feels almost like being in paradise. It’s a very pleasant mental state.

Guided Meditation

I wholeheartedly recommend guided meditation, which is sometimes called voice guided meditation. As the name suggests, the meditator follows voice instructions.

There are many benefits to this meditation technique:

It’s really easy to learn

Free downloads available online

No need for a meditation teacher

You can practice virtually anywhere

What makes guided meditation so easy to learn?

Guided meditation is as easy to learn as it’s effective. All you have to do is sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Put on your headphones, select play and close your eyes.

Let the soothing music relax your body and mind. Then, follow the voice instructions – that’s it.

Head over to Google and search for “free guided meditations.” Download the files to any portable mp3 player and there you are.

Guided meditations are usually between 5-20 minutes long. Some meditations
feature nature sounds while others have inspiring music. Experiment to see
what works best for you.

Always sit or lie down in a comfortable position. In the very beginning, it’s helpful to meditate in a quiet room.

With some experience it’s possible to practice while commuting to work and
in nature. You can also do a session just before going to bed at night.
Finding the time to mediate shouldn’t be an issue even for the busiest people.

One of the beauties of guided meditation, is that you don’t need a meditation teacher. All you have to do is to relax and follow the straightforward voice instructions.

Meditation Tips

Here are some suggestions that will help you get the most out of your meditation practice:

- It’s easier to concentrate when the body is at ease, so always meditate in a comfortable position. It doesn’t matter whether you’re sitting or lying down, however it’s easier to relax while lying down. Use pillows and blankets to make yourself as comfortable as possible.

- Avoid distractions at all costs. Shut the door to your room, switch off the sound on your cellphone and close your eyes.

- Don’t try too hard. Just relax and follow the voice instructions. Let go
of everything round your and become one with the meditation.

- If you have the time, you can repeat the session which will take you deeper and make you feel even more relaxed.

- Meditate before going to sleep at night and wake up feeling refreshed.

- You can create an inspiring atmosphere by lighting candles and incense. That can be most supportive.

- It’s both fun and motivating to meditate with friends. Why not start an informal meditation group?

- Meditate as often as you like. The more you practice, the more you benefit.

Good luck with your meditation practice!

Previously, I wrote that personal development was not personal in that it was not about YOU: the inherently valuable aspect of you that is beyond definition and peoples’ critical judgement. Some call it Spirit: I call it the divine spark of life that God put in you.

If you want to read that article, click here:

But if you want a secret to the implementation and usage of the personal development material you are using – here it is: you need to personalise the change you want to make for yourself. A little later I’m going to show you a very powerful method of doing so.

I want to briefly define ‘implementation’. Implementation is where you make the things you were planning actually happen. It’s where the rubber hits the road. It’s where you start pedalling and the chain gets engaged and you go somewhere. Only for some of us, we pedal and the bike doesn’t move because the chain’s come off….

Why might this be? Let’s go back to childhood for a minute. (We won’t stop long!)

Have you ever seen any normal child suffering from lack of motivation to explore and implement? There is a reason we move objects off the low shelves, cover plug holes and use rubber door stoppers!

What I’m trying to say is that we naturally want to learn by doing and by doing so we naturally learn. We play, and we learn. To alter a phrase by the great inventor Thomas Edison (who made the light-bulb and telegraph) we are not squeamish about exploring because we realise that all of life is a great experiment.

Have you ever seen a two year old not wanting to try something new out? So what happens? Well, it varies but for many people their natural curiosity gets blunted by adult indignation: “Don’t touch that!” “No”.

I’m not saying it’s all our parents’ fault (although I did go through that phase) but that older people around us, (mostly because of their own problems and lack of nurturing) tell us things we believe because we don’t know any better. And those things are usually limiting and toxic.

If the ability to implement could be thought of as a conduit from mind-to-muscle then for many of us it is clogged up worse than the kitchen sink. If you keep tipping ‘yuk’ down a sink eventually the water won’t go anywhere. If you keep stifling the desire to take action that comes from great thoughts, neither will you…!

What does it really mean to ‘know’ something?

Secondly, here in the West we seem to have a strange delusion about what it means to ‘know’ something.

In the Ancient Far East the Aramaic speaking peoples’ word for ‘word’ meant a simultaneous combination of thinking and doing. This is well expressed by a statement of Jesus who said to the people around him: “If you are truly my disciples (learners and followers) then you will obey my teachings. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

Pick that apart a bit. Essentially Jesus said: When you take the actions and think the way I command you to do, that doing will reveal the Truth to you. And then the Truth that you now know (because you experienced it) will set you free. No doing, no experiencing – no real knowledge – and no Truth or freedom.

Some of us Westerners, when asked about a subject we are familiar with, say, “I know that” – and we mean, “I’ve memorised a fact about it”. But I suspect, if you have been into personal development for a while, that you know a few people who can tell you far more about the subject than they can demonstrate has actually turned up in their lives.

You might be one of those people. I certainly was, and have a lot of catching up to do from 15 years of reading… but I now have some decent implementation methods now, methods that get from mind-into-muscle and start producing real behavioural changes.

Making the change ‘personal’

Personalisation is one of those methods. Here, we are using a particular method called ‘identification’. This is something we do all the time when we say:

“I am a man/woman/coach/lawyer etc.”

These identifications – ‘I’ = some concept, are usually not harmful unless our conceptualisation of these roles are destructive. For me, I am a man, a husband, a father, a Christian, a coach and trainer and a lot of other things.

Identification is one of the most powerful change-creating frames of mind. Who we ARE affects our perception of our entire being and how we act. Michael says “…identifying sends commands to your neurology to consider the two “the same” and “real”. (p124)

Basically, we are more likely to act in a way consistent with who we think we ‘are’.

This, of course, has a negative side as well…

When we say ‘I am’ a failure, worthless, stupid etc. then we identify our one level of our selves (the ‘I’) as being absolutely equivalent with the concept. And the effect can be to frame out any positive ideas about ourselves completely. We need to be careful what we identify ourselves with!

So if we want to create radical shifts we can deliberately identify ourselves with an idea and it will often pervasively affect our thinking and behaviour. The trick is to do it on purpose.

As L. Michael Hall notes in his book Achieving Peak Performance “once you set this [identity frame], violation will generate one of the greatest pains we humans experience – the pain of being untrue to ourselves. It leads to feeling incongruent…inauthentic…hypocritical… wrong etc…”

Up front I will say I trust you will identify with an idea that is healthy for you and those in your life. That’s the ecology check done…!

The Personalisation Pattern

This pattern is adapted from one in Achieving Peak Performance.

The Pattern:

Choose a frame (idea, belief, state, emotion, value etc) that you want to identify with. This will be ‘x’.

1)     If you were to choose something you would consciously like to identify/equate yourself with, what would it be?

Example: I am a business man

2)     As you imagine what it would be like for you to be x  does it fit in all areas of your life? Does this personalising have the kind of quality that you want? What happens when you personalise it by saying “This is about me?”

Example: well, I want to make sure I am an ethical business man so I need to adjust this description a bit – “I am an ethical businessman.” When I say “this is about me” then it seems ok but I’ll need to work it into my identity as its not yet.”

3)     Imagine something that you truly own, something that you would not let anyone take away from you (body parts are good for this) and when you fully feel the state of ‘mine’, think about this x, and claim it by affirming loudly ‘mine’, ‘mine’, ‘mine’ until you feel the sense of ownership settle into your body.

Example: I own my heart. No-one can take this from me. It’s MINE!

4)     Identify yourself with the frame by recalling a time that you had the experience of being so connected with something it seemed like part of you. It could have been a toy, a pet, a boy or girlfriend, a town or city. As you think about this thing, NOW think about the x you desire as part of your identity. I have found completing the description “I am someone who…”

Example: I am someone who thinks in terms of systems, profits, adding value and so on.

Imagine how you would look, feel, speak and act. Make it bright, colourful, vivid and dramatic. ‘Try it on’. Enjoy the ‘me’ with this frame of mind.

5)     Now notice what it’s like as you imagine moving into the days and weeks to come with this self-definition…do you like this? Is it ecological for all your relationships?”

Example: Yes, as long as I confine doing this to the areas of my life where I do business, it’ll be fine.

There are numerous implementation techniques around. The NLP swish pattern can act as one as well but I advise you to use this technique wisely. If you have any concerns, get a professional (like me!) to work with you.

One other way to kick start the process of implementation is to do what William James, the father of psychology said: “Never leave the scene of a decision without taking some action, however small.”

Translating what we ‘know’ into what we ‘do’ is important as it underscores our entire personal growth. I urge you to study this important subject as a fundamental life-skill. Mastering implementation can enable you to become an exemplar and a leader in your field – and you can.

God bless

Doug Cartwright

]]> http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2010/07/03/want-real-change-this-time-it%e2%80%99s-personal/feed/ 19 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2010/06/29/looking-for-peace-in-troubled-times/ http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2010/06/29/looking-for-peace-in-troubled-times/#comments Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:51:01 +0000 Christopher Foster http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/?p=2823

Looking for peace and sanity in difficult times?

The answer may be simpler – and closer – than you think.

Be Kind!

Some think it’s a sign of weakness. But having a kindly attitude toward others and toward life isn’t weak. It’s a sign of strength, because only the strong can be gentle.

When I think of kindness, I think of Nelson Mandela, as he was portrayed by Morgan Freeman in the movie “Invictus.”

Kindness — a kindly attitude and spirit — was not something that got turned off or turned on in him according to circumstances.

Far from it.  It was part of his character.  It was part of his strength. Whether he was in jail, suffering injustice at the hands of his oppressors — or whether the situation reversed, and he was in a position of power over the former apartheid rulers — his resolute, but kind-hearted spirit never wavered.

It’s the reason his jailer was drawn to him and they became enduring friends.

It’s why he was able to come through his dreadful ordeal in prison, forgive his oppressors and unite his country behind him.

A small kindness can last a lifetime

It’s remarkable how a small kindness can last a lifetime.  I can still remember the surprise and delight that welled up in me during World War II when for some unknown reason my father, who was overseas in the Army, sent me a subscription to a British yachting magazine.

Perhaps my mom had written him about my love of the sea and boats.  In any case, when the first issue arrived — as I say, totally unexpectedly — it immediately became one of my most treasured possessions. I pored over each issue like a mother cherishing her new baby. Every night when my aunt lit the Aladdin lamp and brought in a bowl of apples for our snack (no electricity of course in our remote north Devon cottage) there I was studying my yachting magazine.

A visit from an angel

I experienced a similar moment last evening when the doorbell suddenly rang around 6 or 6.30.  A heavy snow was falling not only over Loveland but over the whole of Colorado and beyond.  Who could that possibly be? my wife and I wondered.

I wasn’t sure whether to get up and open the door or not, but an inner voice said go ahead.  Shivering in the cold but with a big smile on her face was a 12-year-old Angel from across the street named Kirsten.

She had one of her Mom’s warm, freshly baked loaves of bread to give us along with a small cup of butter.  “Kirsten, you shouldn’t be out on a night like this,” I said as I took the gift from her — but her smile simply got bigger.  We chatted for a brief moment, her hands clutching her coat close to try to stay warm, then she turned and ran back home with footsteps as light as snowflakes.

Not only was the bread a blessing.  The beautiful spirit that made the bread and brought it to us was a blessing too.

Kindness can’t be forced

True kindness has a natural, spontaneous quality to it.  It’s not something that can be forced, or faked.

I came across a great quote about this at www.akinderworld.com. “One cannot invent kind acts by searching for people to be kind to or by brainstorming ideas about kindness.  Life is all around us and all life needs kindness…. most of the time, it just takes a tiny word, a scribbled line of thought, an act of sympathy, a smile or a nod in the right time and place to bring sunshine to the life of another person.”

Ultimately, when we speak of kindness, we are speaking of Love, aren’t we, the great mysterious force that does indeed make our tiny speck of a planet go around — along with all the other planets and galaxies and universes in existence.

When you open your heart to kindness, you open your heart to your own integrity, to your own divine nature.  Stay with it, and you will find with absolute assurance and certainty that any feelings of emptiness or discouragement will surely dissipate just like the snow that fell so heavily in our area last night is dissipating even now in the sun’s presence.

Be alert to the kindness of others

There are two aspects to kindness.  There is what we ourselves express into life that is compassionate and kind, helpful and creative — a blessing to our fellow humans, or to nature.  But equally important is being alert and open to the kindness which comes to you from others — thankful for what they add to your life.

The truth is, life sets a feast before us constantly.  The waitress who smiles and asks how you are doing as she passes you your meal or your cup of coffee.  The inquisitive dog straining at its leash, insisting on saying hello to you as you walk past in the park.

The more we open ourselves to see and appreciate the kindness of others — and the more we express a kindly spirit in our own lives — the more we know the love that is at the core of all being.

Mark Twain put it so well: “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”