This weeks coach is Steven Aitchison, owner of this blog. Next week Ayo Olaniyan will be asnwering the Ask The Coach question.

This Weeks Question Comes From Benjamin Lemon

Hello, I am a big fan and subscriber to your newsletter. I am only 19 years old but I have many questions but I will ask one that is most important to me at this time.

I tend to let people’s actions get the best of my emotions, and I also let my compassionate nature take over and that often allows people to manipulate me. How can I help people, and be compassionate without letting them hurt me?

Hi Benjamin, thank you so much for having the courage to ask a question like this. This is an extremely honest question.

To Start with you are already half way to the answer, you have just not realised it yet. You’ve recognised that you have an issue with people manipulating you due to your compassionate nature – That’s great, most people don’t even recognise what their problem is, they just know there is a problem.

The second part is just as easy, if you’ll allow it to be:

By asking the right questions you’ll come to a solution which will be relatively easy for you to implement.

The questions I would ask are:

Am I being compassionate because I want recognition to feel empowered?

and/or

How can I feel inwardly powerful and be compassionate at the same time?

The first question might seem a little strange and hurtful, but as a coach I would ask this question because I am honest and respect you enough to give me a truly honest answer. Once you’ve answered the first question you can then move on to the second question, if the problem is still the same.

Allowing Others To Manipulate You

Your situation is not about others manipulating you it’s about you allowing them to manipulate you. So this is a Benjamin thing, and only in your head will it change. Once you change your thinking and your anxieties about this, your perception of this will totally turn around.

Here is a 3 step plan to stop others manipulating you whilst you still remain true to yourself and be compassionate:

One Time Offer

The one time offer allows you to be true to yourself and still feel compassion for others and allows you to help them.

You simply trust them at face value until they give you a reason not to trust them. I believe this is how we should all live. If they do give you a reason not to trust them then you explain to them, very clearly, that you helped them out once and it will not happen again because they have taken advantage of you or manipulated you in some way.

The trick with this is to stick to your guns. Do not give the second chance, to those you don’t really know. Pretty soon you will be known for giving people a chance but are no fool and don’t like to be made a fool of and no second chances will be offered.

This might change for friends and family where you feel you have to give a second chance, but after the second time you have to say NO!, no more chances.

Feeling Powerful Inside

You’ll always be manipulated if you don’t feel respect for yourself. This is a horrible truth but one you have to know. You need to feel powerful inside, that is, know when to stand up for yourself, know when to be quiet, know when to stand up for others, know your own mind.

For this to work you need to do some work on yourself and get to know yourself very well. Know what you believe in, know what your values are, know why you love the music you love, know your principles. When you truly know yourself, and Benjamin, you will be years ahead of most people if you start working on yourself just now, you will feel alive with energy and have a silent power within you that nobody can manipulate.

Allow Yourself To Help The Manipulators

Manipulative people latch on to, who they perceive as vulnerable people, or people less knowledgeable, with less rank, with lower social status, lower intelligence etc As soon as you recognise that you are being manipulated in any way, turn around and offer help to these people.

But, you get the drift, offer to help people by telling them you know they are manipulating you, as soon as they realise you are onto them they will hopefully stop.

Stand Up For Yourself

If I can offer one piece of advice to one so young as you, I would say stand up for yourself: even if your voice gets shaky, your legs twitch, and you are sick at the thought of it. Believe me, the more you stand up for yourself the easier it will become and the less you will need to stand up for yourself. If you do this at the age of 19, you will be extremely, inwardly, powerful at the age of 21.

Benjamin, I hoped this helped you in some way. The readers of CYT will hopefully offer you some more fantastic advice, please let us know how you get on.

Question from Des answered by Ayo.

**Please note this is an edited version of the question**

I suffer from depression and low self esteem. People don’t want to associate with me or take me seriously when I do anything. I feel I have a lot to offer………

Hello Des,

Thanks for your question on ‘Ask The Coach.

There are several issues raised in the question you asked but they are associated with a) low self esteem and b) depression.

I suggest you read that article written on the eleventh session of ‘Ask The Coach’, which focuses on  How to Deal With Depression.

This post will focus on a few ways to develop/build your self esteem.

Self Esteem refers to the overall beliefs, opinions you have about yourself; the value you place on yourself as an individual, your ability to cope and derive pleasures (happiness) from the basic challenges of life.

While Low Self Esteem, refers to your negative perception of who you are accompanied with the feelings of being inadequate, incompetent, unloved etc.

Once these views become accepted and established in your thoughts or mind, the negative view of self would revolve around every sphere of your life, producing faulty assumptions and an ongoing self-defeating behaviour.

The aim of this post is to slightly alter your way of thinking and suggest simple ways of building your self esteem. The benefit of having a list is to identify point’s exclusive to you and make choices to start developing new ones.

I hope these tips (points) would provide varied suggestions were you can pick out one or two aid in boosting your self esteem.

In no particular order, here are a few ways to build your self esteem:

• First of all, YOU ARE ……………….(mentally put your name in the blank spaces). Your name distinguishes you from others, it gives you a unique identity and if you bear the same names with other people you definitely don’t have the same features, skin colour, height, eyes etc
• Once you’ve understood the principle of being unique, it’s now time to accept and appreciate who you are (a human with emotions, feelings, imperfections etc)
• Whilst it’s great to accept who you are, you must also BE OPEN TO POSITIVE CHANGES.
• Be secured and comfortable in who and what you are.
• Discover your creativity and identify what you are good at. It builds your self confidence and motivates you to take action. (In your question, you mentioned you had a lot to offer, I am asking what it is.)
• Find out your purpose. Am I living life not caring about the positive or negative consequences? Lay down in specific terms what you want to achieve in your life. Never aspire to have unrealistic expectations because its end result is low self esteem, depression…
• Know what you want for your life.
• Be moderately proactive and plan carefully for what you want to achieve in life.
• Stop comparing yourself to others with a notion of self defeat or underachieving.
• Believe in your dreams because they will take you beyond your wildest imaginations.
• Work hard in everything/anything you do because the result of success is sweet.
• Show a sense of determination not aggravation to succeed in whatever you plan to do.
• Stop complaining.
• Learn to be thankful.
• Value your life experiences.
• Handle failures with dignity knowing that they are stepping stones to success, if managed properly.
• Master the art of being a good listener.
• Do away with the victims’ mentality. Stop looking for who to blame for your misfortunes, swallow the bitter pill, get up and do something about your life.
• Promote and be associated with good character by identifying and utilizing your likeable qualities.
• Always recognise the need for self improvement and development. (This is what you’ve done by posting this question on ‘Ask The Coach’)
• Communicate clearly and properly.
• Celebrate all forms of positive progress you experience.
• Be current with what’s happening around you, your environment, the world etc. Learn new things each day and be up for healthy discussions.
• Keep your ego in check.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself, come on give your self a break!!!!!!.
• Adopt the habit of taking risks in small doses. This will definitely begin increase your level of self confidence.
• Be driven or motivated to take important steps/actions.
• Develop positive relationships by interacting with positive and supportive people.
• Discuss or share your fears with loved ones.
• Start a new habit of resting each day.
• Be gracious when receiving compliments or constructive criticisms because they make you a better person.
• Be patient with yourself first and foremost, then others.
• Stay in shape by exercising.
• Improve on your physical appearance. Dress smartly, fix up, and look sharp!!!
• Show consistency in all you do.
• Make appropriate eye contact.
• When necessary, seek the services of a professional counsellor, psychotherapist etc.

Can you come up with any more?

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

This weeks coach is Steven Aitchison, owner of this blog. Next week Ayo Olaniyan will be asnwering the Ask The Coach question.

This Weeks Question Comes From Tarlach

How can I deal with deep depression as I have no one in the world I can talk to as I have not one friend. I am on a course and every student is totally self obsessed and selfish. I have no one to ture to and ask for help. How do I deal with this situation. I am totally alone in the world.

Hi Tarlach

Thanks for posting your question on Ask the Coach

I have to say that you are never ever alone in the world, although it may feel that way sometimes.  Knowing that there is always help out there for you may help alleviate some of your anxieties.  The kind of help I am talking about are student counsellors, doctors, help lines, online forums etc.

First off, I would like to state I am not a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist and can only offer general information on what might work for you.  However, I believe mild depression can be self treated with the right questions and the right approach.  I would advise you to see a doctor or your student counsellor about this if you believe you cannot self manage your depression.

What is Depression?

Although we may not think it when we are suffering from this, depression affects 1 in 5 adults in the western world and is the most common reason for visiting a doctor.  We can still experience a normal, healthy life if we suffer from mild depression however more sever forms of depression can lead to thoughts of suicide, self harm and even suicide attempts. If you feel at all suicidal then see a doctor immediately or call a self help line for someone to talk to until you can see a doctor, there are always self help lines avail;able, usually free of charge, to help you.

Symptoms of depression

If you don’t really know if you are suffering from depression here is a run down of some of the most common symptoms of depression:

Emotionally

Feeling sad quite a lot of the time
Losing interest in friends and family
Crying a lot for no apparant reason
Feeling alone even when in the company of others

Mentally

Thoughts of suicide
hating yourself
Thinking negatively about your life
Poor concentration and memory
Giving up on life and thinking ‘what’s the point’

Physically

Tired
Restless
Anxious
Difficulty with sleeping
Losing weight or putting weight on

Spiritually

Loss of trust in people
Loss of faith
Loss of direction in life

All of the above symptoms can lead to you emotionally cutting off from the world and isolating yourself  This might also lead to you become less active and finding yourself having difficulty and feeling stressed over the slightest little thing, like making a cup of tea.

You will more than likely know when you are depressed but having a look at the symptoms above will give you a good indication of whether or not you are depressed.

What causes depression?

There is no one single cause of depression and basically everybody is different in the ways they react to their situation in life.  It could be that you have had a run of bad luck and you’ve gotten into a negative thinking pattern or it could be a major event that you have just not been able to get over.

What to do about your depression

Often with the thoughts you are feeling Tarlach you sometimes feel that you know what everyone is thinking about you when this is just not the case at all.  You don’t have mind reading abilities so you cannot know that everybody is self obsessed and selfish, there might be someone else on your course who is feeling exactly the same way as you, and because you have not opened up they think you are self obsessed and also do not open up.  The fact is we don’t know what other people feel and think about and using the statistic above, 1 in 5 adults have suffered from depression, it is more than likely than some of your classmates have felt the same way as you.

Okay, down to what you can do to help yourself.

If it is mild depression there are always things you can do to help yourself.

Keep active

This is one of the main keys to staying healthy both mentally and physically.  Keeping active means you are always thinking about different things and not spending too much dwelling on yourself and your problems.  Dwelling on your situation makes it seem worse than it usually is and can lead to a downward spiral of negative thniking about other things in your life.

Keeping active doesn’t mean going to the gym it means getting out of the hosue and doing different things in your life such as walking, visiting friends, visiting family, going out to the cinema, just basically forcing yourself to go out and about and be amongst other people.  If you stay in too much you could develop a phobia about going out.

Talk to others

there is always someone to talk to even if it is a helpline of some kind and although there may be a stigma attached to calling help lines the fact it they could very well save your life and help you through a bad patch in life.

Resist using negative coping strategies

A lot of people turn to alcohol and drugs as a way to cope with their depression, this will only lead to you feeling even more depressed, guilty and anxious about life.  Alcohol is a depressant and will only make your depression worse and can lead to other problems which will not help your situation.

Join a group

You will usually find there is a group in your area running a group for people who are depressed.  These groups meet up and organise social events to help you stay integrated with other people.  These groups are a fantastic way to make new friends, and to get yourself out of the house and do something.

Conclusion

There are lots of things you can do about depression Tarlach and I hope this article has helped or given you some ideas as to what you can do.  You can always drop me an email if you wish using the contact form and I will be happy to help out where I can, however I would re-iterate that it is a good idea to speak to your doctor or student counsellor about this.

Question from Srinath answered by Ayo.

**Please note this is an edited version of the question**

How do you stay away from worries and feeling inferior, when you look at people who have got some of those things you long to have. Also, what are the steps required to focus on our goals and achieve them.

Hello Srinath

Thanks for your question on ‘Ask The Coach.

There are two issues raised in your question. They are a) inferiority complex and b) focusing on your goals.

I will dwell a bit more on inferiority complex because you mentioned it twice in the original version of the question and conclude the post with a few tips on how to stay focused/motivated on your goals.

From personal experience, I’ve discovered once you deal with issues revolving around your inferiority complex, you can manage your goals, dreams and aspirations properly. There are also times you become motivated to achieve realistic and reasonable goals as a result of certain issues giving rise to the complex.

Alfred Adler (Individual Psychology) described inferiority complex as a feeling of low self worth. It’s often stems from your imaginations and is associated with insecurity, discouragement, low self esteem and sometimes envy.

The causes are as follows:

• Feelings of Rejection
• Your Physical Appearance
• Your shortcomings.
• Mental Limitations
• Parental Attitude/Your upbringing
• Unnecessary Comparisons with the achievements of others
• Lack of proficiency.
• Self Pity.
• Poor Self Confidence/Self Esteem.
• Failure
• Social disadvantages and discrimination.

The list is endless, but it would be helpful to sit down for a moment, think deeply of circumstances, events and people that unconsciously bring about your feelings of inferiority complex.

Once you’ve done that, the next step is to look at possible ways of overcoming inferiority complex.

Here are a few suggestions:

Be Yourself

This is fast becoming my favourite slogan. Everyone is unique in his/her own way. You are born, brought up, conditioned differently. You need to increase the level of your self awareness, look out for your unique qualities, discover who you are, what you are passionate about, your skill sets, strengths, tolerance levels etc.

Celebrate Your Strengths/Achievements

Celebrate your achievements. It’s not easy getting to the point where you are. You’ve been strong, faithful, hardworking,…………(find more examples) to get to this stage in life. Go on enjoy each precious moment.

From research, people with inferiority complex tend to pay little or no attention to their success, achievements or strengths. They also find it slightly difficult to accept worthy praises for a job well done or any form of accomplishments because the focus is on what other people are doing(achieving) and finding reasons or questioning themselves for not attaining a particular level of success.(Please note: This is different from being inspired by the success of others).

Stop Making Unnecessary Negative Assumptions

Stop imagining people are going to laugh at or mock you for being you. Even if they do so, be proud and raise your head high up because THEY JUST DON’T GET IT. Stop assuming things will always take the turn for the worse, when it comes to you.

Develop the habit of positive affirmations and grow a healthy mind.

Develop Yourself

Be informed or updated about various events, things…….. happening around you. Don’t stop learning. Take time to develop your aptitude. Go on a self improvement exercise. If you need increase your level of education, do so!!!

Whatever it is, MAKE SURE YOU SHOW SOME IMPROVEMENT.

Face Your Fears

Learn to confront your fears and take calculated risks responsibly.

Network with friends/family/colleagues…

Networking/Collaborating with other people may help in achieving your desired goal. Positive networks help to establish, motivate and strengthen you as an individual. Associate with people who are ready to encourage you when you need it, speak the truth, drag you away when erring and finally provide support for you all the way.

AVOID PEOPLE WHO DELIBERATELY BELITTLE/DEGRADE YOU EACH TIME THEY SET THEIR EYES ON YOU. They are not worth the trouble.

Build Your Self Confidence

Developing confidence in whom and what you are, is essential in overcoming inferiority complex.

Don’t get upset at constructive criticism

Learn to accept constructive criticism and feedback positively. It forms a learning curve, aids your self improvement and chances are you could be driven to success in various fields.

Manage Your Failures.

Learn to accept that failure is a phase everyone must go through. See them as golden opportunities to rewrite the scripts of success.

Finally;

Become Focused And Take Action

This is where I answer the second part of your question·

I mentioned earlier; inferiority complex could serve as a tool for creating realistic/reasonable goals.

In working towards your goal you need to become focused and take action.

Here are a few tips:

• It’s very important your goal is realistic and achievable within a certain time frames.
• Curb your distractions.
• Have a plan
• Think carefully.
• Learn to be accountable and act responsibly.
• Avoid procrastinating
• Be determined.
• Show consistency in what you do.
• Manage your time properly

On a final note, ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL WITH UNIQUE QUALITIES.

I look forward to your feedback, comments and suggestions.

Question from Archana answered by Ayo.

Archanas question in full:

I live by myself and end up watching TV every time I eat. I am okay with watching TV for an hour and it ads up to about 2 and a half hours a day (1/2 breakfast +1 lunch+1 dinner). All the time is wasted watching random stuff as I try to stay as far away from news as possible (I am graduating in April and all the negative talk about recession gets to me). I have replaced the half hour in the morning with watching something inspirational on you tube, tech news, weather, etc. I would still like to do something more productive with the rest of it. I am out of ideas. Any suggestions?

50 Ways To Spend Your Time Productively

Hello Archana,

Thanks for your question on Ask The Coach. I hope this post will provide suitable ways to spend your time productively.

In no particular order here are ‘50 Ways To Spend Your Time Productively’.

Keep discovering who you are: Get engaged in self discovery by knowing your passion, temperaments, skills, abilities, finding out your purpose………

Observe Some Me Time: Give yourself some me time. It must be all about you for a little period. Create time for yourself. It’s not being selfish.  Do things to make you happy.

Avoid Making Comparisons: Avoid making too many comparisons with other people (friends, family etc).Remember we are individuals with different backgrounds, upbringing and each one of us is unique in our own way.

Face Your Fears: Face your fears knowing, it only becomes a problem, when you can’t stand up to the pressures that come your way.

Think: Stop for a moment to think. Think before carrying out any actions. Think before you speak. Think about yourself, friends, family, work….. As Christopher Robin (Winnie The Pooh) would say ‘Think Think Think’.

Develop your skills: Don’t be satisfied with the level of skills, talents and abilities you possess. There is always room for improvement and personal development.

Plan: Give your life some order and structure by planning. It helps to have a routine in certain areas of your life. Plan for your present  and the future.

Implementing Your Plans: It’s not just thinking or planning alone.  You also need to implement your strategies. Take positive actions that would have an impact on your life/future.

Doing something new: This is slightly different from the tip above. This involves you taking risks, being open to challenges, trying out new ideas, stepping carefully away from your comfort zone….

Sharpen Your Brain: Solve some mathematics, crossword puzzles, brain training games etc.

Set Targets: Set realistic targets for your life and strive to attain them.

Pursue Knowledge: You can gain constructive knowledge through several avenues such as the media (newspapers, television, radios…), blogs, books, schools, friends, colleagues etc.

Work on your vices: Work hard in replacing your bad habits, character flaws, negative thoughts, low self esteem etc. with positive ideals.

Stop Talking: At times you need to keep quiet and listen to your thoughts. Try as much as possible to think before talking. Be careful of the things you say, when you say it and how you say it. I am not sure it’s cool being a TALKATIVE.

Start Listening: Spend some time listening to people, understanding how they feel. You can also listen to various inspirational speakers to motivate you for the day.

Use Your Imagination: Have a creative imagination. Imagine a bright and positive future ahead of you.

Energy drainers: Weed off people, activities that drain your energy levels.

Improve your physical appearance: Go for a new look. Get a new hairstyle. Look beautiful or well groomed.

Keep A Diary/Journal: Your dairy could serve as a journal of your thoughts. Cultivate the habit of scribbling your thoughts on paper.

Show Love: Spend time showing love to people. You could be nice, care for them, help the needy, buy gifts/presents………..

Ideas: Come up with useful ideas for yourself, family, blog or business etc.

Difficult Tasks: Develop an interest in resolving difficult tasks.

Domestic chores: Enjoy spring cleaning and doing your own laundry. It could be fun at times.

Start a business: You could start up a small business to gain your independence, fulfil your ambitions, and create an additional source of income.

Get A Job: Go out and search for jobs. Don’t sit at home idle. If you are not happy with your current job, start looking for another.

Work: Work Work Work !!!! There are little/no more opportunities for lazy people. Work at home, on your blog, profession, job etc. Display a high level of excellence in what you do.

Lunch Break: The tip above said work,work, work!!But don’t neglect having a lunch break at work.

Delegate or Outsource. Learn to delegate or outsource certain jobs/ responsibilities. It will allow you focus on other important things and save you so much time.

Avoid Gossip: Being involved or listening to gossip is a big time waster. There are so many other productive things you can do with your time.

Budget Your Finances: Spend some time planning your finances, repaying your loans, credit cards and working towards living a debt free life. It’s essential you have a monthly budget, allocating funds to things that are of high importance.

Go shopping: I am sure the ladies will love this one lol!!! (My wife does). There is always a burst of excitement, pride, happiness, an increasing level of confidence, fulfilment associated with shopping and from experience it could raise one’s energy levels because we feel good about it.(Warning: Good practice is spending within your means, buying what is necessary and what you can afford.)

Spend time with your children: Children need to understand family values, build good character, know that their parents will always love, support and care for them.

Spend time with your spouse: Our spouses need time & attention too. Go for dinner, sight seeing etc. Do things together. This promotes better communication, understanding and builds healthier relationships.

Meditate: Take time to meditate. It refreshes you spiritually and mentally.

Sleep: Sleeping replenishes your strength after various activities in the day. It puts you in the right frame of mind and recharges your batteries.

Relax: Go for a holiday, participate in several leisure activities. Take time out to rest/relax your body, mind, muscles etc. Go for a massage, spa treatment, aromatherapy………..

Exercise: It is important you stay in good shape by exercising as often as you can. Apart from the healthy benefits, you would feel attractive, secure, confident and in shape.

Walk: Take long walks. Spend time alone walking and reflecting your activities.

Medical Check up: Go for regular medical check ups with your doctor.

Eat Healthily: It is important you eat healthily and have balanced meals each day. Don’t forget your fruits!!!! Eat with moderation and watch what you eat.

Study(Read): Spend time studying, reading and carrying out researches on various subjects. For you to become an authority in any subject, you’ve got to study hard.

Hobby: Start a hobby. It could range from supporting your local football, basketball or baseball team to having pen pals, building….

Get An Academic Qualification: I think it’s important you place a certain value or importance on boosting academic knowledge by going to schools, colleges or the university.

Contribute to the community/society: Serve your community or borough. Volunteer your spare time to do something positive for the community or society. Sponsor various charity organizations.

Cook: Spend time cooking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s very exciting if you cook with your spouse and before the men start acting too macho for their boots, remember there good male cooks such as Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay and my humble self laugh!!!.

Spend Time with Friends: Have fun with your friends. You need friends for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual support. Friends are there to encourage you, make you laugh, challenge you and admonish you when necessary.

Date: If you are ‘single and searching’ go out on a date. Stop staying at home alone and go out on a date!!

Networking: Establish positive networks with people of various fields, backgrounds, professions etc. Carefully join constructive groups on facebook and twitter.

Go On  A Facebook/Twitter Strike: It wouldn’t cause any harm abandoning facebook/twitter in a day. Curb your addiction to social media. I am not jealous of those who have large followers on twitter or friends on facebook (I joined 2months ago lol!!!) but it’s important to exercise moderation in what you do. 

Switch off the television/computer/mobile phone: Yes switch them off!!!(When necessary)  We are so engrossed in them. Switch off (silent) your phones, in order to get goodnights sleep, shut down your computer, and turn off the television because they could be a source of distraction.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

This weeks coach is Steven Aitchison, owner of this blog.  Next week Ayo Olaniyan will be asnwering the Ask The Coach question.

Overcoming Procrastination

Question from bretthimself answered by coach Steven Aitchison

Question

Here’s my question:

I’ve found that my biggest sticking point in all of this is acting quickly. I have always been a micromanager of decisions and deliberate before taking action. However, as I procrastinate and weigh the decisions of what to do next or when to do my project, my mind drifts off to different places (like dark corners of the Internet), resulting in exponentially more time lost. The only time I can seem to pull myself together and not procrastinate (especially when finishing one project and moving on to the next) is when there’s a deadline to be met. But the pressure of the deadline seems to suck the life out of me and my work.

The question is: how can I do the things I want to do without procrastinating or deliberating when there is not the stress of a deadline?

Hi Brett

Thanks for your question on Ask The Coach

I recognise what you are saying here and believe there is a lot of things you can do to help yourself with this.

Is procrastination bad?

I would first like to say that procrastination is not always a bad thing.  That might sound counterintuitive, especially after everybody seems to tell us that procrastination is bad and all the self help gurus tell us exactly how to overcome it.

For some, procrastination works and it can be a great motivator for getting things done, albeit at the last minute, like you describe above, when there’s a deadline.  This only works when there are a few deadlines throughout the year.  In the real world, there are deadlines to be met every single day, so you can’t run on the adrenaline of leaving everything to the last minute as you will quickly burn out.

Know what type of procrastinator you are

You will see from the following six descriptions what type of procrastinator you are.  It’s hard hitting, but it is good to know which type you are in order to overcome procrastination problems.

According to Linda Sapadin (author of The 6 Styles of Procrastination and How Students Can Overcome Them© (Penguin, 1999) with Jack Maguire) procrastinators fall into one of 6 styles:

The six types of procrastinators

Dreamers – This type of procrastinator want to have an easy, laid back life and not have to worry about the real things in life.  They have had many jobs and live in the world of the unconscious where everything is magical and assume they are special in some way.  They make promises they cannot keep and love the pleasure of buying something new, but hate the pain of paying for it.

Worriers – This type has a very small comfort zone and doesn’t like to stray too far out of the comfort zone.  They love the security of their world and constantly fret when faced with fear or change.  They suffer from ‘what if’ syndrome and everything might have a negative consequence.  They put off a lot of things in their life in case something bad happens to them and hate facing a task head on.

Defiers – This procrastinator hates authority and cannot stick to a task given by a manager or someone else higher in authority.  They promise the world but deliver an island.  They tend to withhold on tasks given to them and delay them stating how busy they are and how important their other tasks are.  This strategy gives a feeling of power and can even spill over into relationships.

Crisis Makers – This usually starts at school when the crisis maker has one night to prepare for an exam and they are all traumatised as they haven’t prepared however they are secretly boosting that they can get the work it takes other s 3 months to do in one night.  The pressure and adrenaline spurs them on.  They carry this on to the real world, and quickly find that running on adrenaline every day doesn’t work so they burn out quickly.

Perfectionists – It all or nothing for this type of procrastinator.  It will take ages to get them going but once they do the job will be perfect, only trouble is, what should have taken 20 minutes takes 2 days.  Their self esteem is on the line on every single task they do, because of this they avoid tasks they don’t think they can do perfectly so they miss out.  Again this spills over into their life as well.

Overdoers – The overdoers will take on the world and make your dinner at the same time.  They constantly aim to please and pride themselves on being able to do lots of jobs at the one time.  However they cannot deliver on all their promises simply because they have too much to do and cannot concentrate on one task long enough to do it well.

The 6 steps of overcoming procrastination

Write it down

OMG not another person telling me to write it down.  Yes, I am afraid so, ever wondered why so many people advise this? because it works.  Write down your to do tasks for the day and realistically assign a time value to each one of them.

Start at the top and work your way through them until all your tasks for the day are finished.  Do not reward yourself with the Internet, reading, TV, or anything else until all tasks have been done.

Pretty soon, if you practice this every day, you will develop a new habit and you will soon be known as the person who gets things done.

Remember do not reward yourself at all until all tasks are completed.

Stop making it a drama

If you get into the mode of thinking this is terrible, it’s never going to work, I am going to look foolish, what’s the point anyway – STOP! literally stop your mind from chattering and focus on the positive outcomes of what the task will achieve.

Do it now

Brett, you said you tend to consider things before you start them which leads you to drift off to other things.  Whenever you have a task do anything that will start the project off and I really do mean anything.  As soon as you get a task to do, don’t think just take the first thing in your mind that needs to be done and get going with it.  It’s easier to roll a snowball down a hill when you have already made the snowball, it’s the starting of making the snowball that’s the problem.  So do anything at all to get going and pretty soon things will start to snowball and the task will be complete.

Let go of the adrenaline rush

People who do things at the last minute actually thrive on the adrenaline rush.  However, you cannot expect to live like this every day of your life.  It’s good to recognise that you like this adrenaline rush and it’s quite exciting but it’s time to try another way.

Get your adrenaline rush elsewhere.  Go jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet (with a parachute of course!).  Leave the adrenaline rush where it should be and start to work a different way to get your tasks complete.

You can get smaller adrenaline rushes by assigning deadlines for yourself.  For example when you have been given two weeks to do something, give yourself a week to do it and create your won deadline.  This way you will get finished a week early.  If you do this religiously with every task you will, again, develop, a new habit of completing things early.  However, a note of caution here: if you are going to do this for a boss, make sure you finish the task within the week but hand it in to your boss 2 days before the deadline, this way the boss will not start to pile things on you as they see you are someone who can get things done quick.

Stop trying to perfect the world

You cannot be perfect, it is literally impossible.  Your perception of perfect is someone else’s perception of imperfect.

If you are a perfectionist, you might be proud of it, but it stops you doing things in life, you might not try new things as you are not able to perfect them.

To overcome being perfect try doing things the wrong way, try being late for an appointment, try dropping a cup onto the floor so it breaks – get out of the mold of being perfect, your life will change forever.

When you take on new tasks do so with an open mind, but take them on, don’t think that you might not be able to make it perfect just take it on and start straight away.  It’s all about developing a new thinking pattern toward your tasks.

Learn to say NO!

Stop taking on too much work.  You will learn in life that there are times when you have to hold up a hand and say NO!

You can’t do everything and to do something to a satisfactory level you have to be realistic about the amount of work you can take on.  When you have taken on a certain number of tasks it’s time to stop any more work from being piled on you and gently remind the people who are trying to pile the work on you that you’ve got enough for now.

Saying No will also empower you and give you much more satisfaction and confidence in yourself.

Well Brett, I know this was a bit long winded, I got an idea and went with it, but I hope it has helped you in some way.  Let me know your thoughts on this.

Question from Tim Stewart Answered by coach Ayo Olaniyan

Tim’s question in full

Hi

I work in an environment where there is a lot of gossip, I find myself getting angry, when I hear about rumours about myself that are not true, and I don’t know how to handle people that make their judgement of my charachter based on those rumours…knowing that they haven’t taken the time to even get to know me.

In one particular instance there is a person who makes it a point to ignore me at work, gives me the evil eye etc. I have confronted her, and the reply I got before she walked off was “I do not want to converse with you, you can’t be trusted”

I now don’t talk to that person as i believe that I have done all that i can do, and now believe that she is the one with the problem, but I still feel uncomfortable around her.

Hope you can help.

20 Ways To Deal With Office Gossip

Hello Tim,

Thanks for posting your question on Ask The Coach.

Office Gossip is simply idle talk or rumours about the personal or private matters of colleagues at work.  It is a very painful experience being the victim of an office gossip and saying I have all the answers on how to resolve such issues would be false.

My response to would be split into 3 different stages:

• Victim Recovery.
• Resolving The Problem.
• Learning from the whole experience.

Resolving The Problem:

This involves looking at various ways of putting a stop to all the unnecessary rumours about you.

1. Think: Think carefully on how you want to approach the issue.
2. Know the facts: Be sure to have/know all the necessary information and facts of the matter before confronting any individual involved in spreading such rumours.
3. Confrontation: Once you have thought of how you want to deal with the issue and your facts are correct, it’s up to you to make that  choice of confronting the individuals involved, to find out why they take delight in slandering you.
4. Higher Authorities: If it’s absolutely necessary, get the higher authorities (managers, supervisors) involved. Your reputation may be at stake here and it’s worth salvaging all that is left of it.
5. Natural Death: Give enough time for the gossip to die down naturally. Don’t force, push or strive hard to extinguish it. It would eventually fizzle out before you know it.

Victim Recovery:

I feel this is important because it’s a human that’s been slandered. The victim goes through all kinds of frustration, damaged reputation, anxiety, all sorts of unnecessary worries just because of such rumours.

1. Always Be Yourself: This is very difficult particularly when you are going through all sorts of slander.  Don’t lose your identity or make compromises in order to gain acceptance or be a people pleaser.
2. Integrity: Keep building your credibility and working on your integrity. Act responsibly in any given situation. Work on areas where there are elements of truth that may damage your reputation.
3. Safeguard your emotions: Try as much as possible to guard your emotions. There may be a tendency to ‘explode’ in anger due to what’s being peddled about you or retreat to a shell worrying about the backlash of events, should there be some truth in it. At this point I recommend you be in total control of your emotions. The last thing you want is creating a big scene giving rise to another rumour, disciplinary actions, exchange of words…… There are better ways of expressing yourself and being firm, assertive and in control.
4. Get some rest: Worrying continuously tends to disturb your sleeping or rest pattern. You need rest to maintain a healthy body and be refreshed for another day’s hard work. Your health or work shouldn’t suffer because you are unable to get adequate rest due to various worries.
5. Value positive relationships: It’s important you value positive relationships with people who refused to partake in such gossip. They serve as your defence in whole scenario and you can draw so much strength from them.
6. Revenge: Don’t attempt to carry out any revenge on the individuals peddling such rumours. You may not be as skilful as they are and their hearts may be as hard as stone. Deal with any urge to start a rumour (true/false) about such individuals. Resist the temptation of carrying out any revenge because you stoop so low by coming down to their level of reasoning and it makes you just as horrible as they are.
7. Avoid arguments: Learn to call it quits when you are not making any headway with the individuals involved in peddling such gossip. Avoid all forms of unnecessary arguments because it creates unwanted tension and anxiety.
8. Maintain your self confidence: Hold your head high up when you walk and live by your principles/examples.
9. Reconciliation: Reconciliation is coming together to reach a compromise in order to resolve issues or difficulties that may exist with anyone. It is very difficult to come to a place of peace, understanding and tranquillity when it comes to resolving office gossip, but maturity is displayed when you come together to resolve your differences even if it means you going separate ways, enforcing discipline or minimizing your levels of contact.

Learning from the whole experience.

1. In the event of it being true, learn to be disciplined and act responsibly.
2. Avoid creating any suspicions in the minds of people.
3. Do not be found in compromising positions and situations.
4. Where there’s been a betrayal of trust by someone you speak with regularly, it’s time to redefine such relationships.
5. Always remember what is private, stays private. Don’t reveal unnecessary information that won’t foster work progress.
6. Be delighted and hold your head high up, when you’ve been criticized for being efficient in your job.

The Final Word:

If you have been involved in starting or promoting an office gossip, STOP IT!!! YOU COULD BE THE NEXT VICTIM OF A NEW OFFICE GOSSIP.

I look forward to your positive feedback.

This weeks coach is Steven Aitchison, owner of this blog.  Next week Ayo Olaniyan will be asnwering the Ask The Coach question.

Overcoming Internet Addiction

Question from Cat answered by coach Steven Aitchison

Cat’s Question in full

Hi guys,

I have a question that has been driving me increasingly nuts of late and thought I would turn it over to wiser heads than mine.

I have a real problem with my internet usage, keeping it disciplined, focused and under my control rather than simply looking at whatever happens to catch my eye.

I’ve read (and applied) a lot about personal development in the past, & have made wide-ranging and permanent changes in my life as a result, but this one thing continues to slow me down and waste my precious time. I have tried numerous tactics to try and manage it, including making to-do-lists, limiting my online time, focusing on the more important things I want to achieve instead, and these appear to work maybe one and a half times before becoming ineffective.

Pondering it, I have realised that when I first started using the internet it was pure escapism from an unpleasant home situation. However, I’m no longer in that situation and currently living a dream I’ve had for years. I really shouldn’t need that kind of escapism any longer.

Given that I seem to be unable to be a ‘man and be more disciplined’ (the preferred advice of many of the blogs and books I’ve read), what can I do to permanently keep my internet usage under my control, rather than the opposite way round?

Hi Cat

Thanks for writing to Ask The Coach.  This is a great question and one I find very interesting.

First, of all I suspect your problem is quite common nowadays and there have already been reports about ‘internet addiction disorder’.  Kimberly Young, Ph.D and David Greenfield Ph.D. of the Center for Internet Behavior conducted a study with ABC News.com in 1999 and is author of Virtual Addiction.

He believes that some services available over the Internet have unique psychological properties which induce dissociation, time distortion, and instant gratification, with about 6% of individuals experiencing some significant impact on their lives. However, he says it may not best be seen as an addiction but rather as a compulsion. Greenfield claims that sex, gaming, gambling, and shopping online can produce a mood-altering effect.” (Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_addiction_disorder)

Study your pattern of usage

By studying what you are doing online and the sites you visit and recording these, you will gain a better understanding of what you find stimulating about the internet.

I don’t believe people can be addicted to the internet itself rather they are addicted to the stimulation they receive when they visit the sites on the internet such as chat rooms, information from blog’s, news sites, shopping online, gambling, pornography, gaming etc.

I imagine there will be sites which you visit quite regularly. Take a note of all the sites you visit in a week, there will probably be hundreds so here’s a quick video for you on how to do it

Now that you have all the sites you have visited. Go through the ones which you visit most frequently. Take a note of them and ask:

Why do you visit them?

What do you get out of visiting the sites?

How many hours a day do you spend on the internet?

Analyzing the data

Now that you have a gist of what sites you visit, why you visit them, and what you get out of visiting them we can begin to formulate a plan for cutting down your usage and focusing on the tasks you want to accomplish.

5 Step plan for cutting down on the internet

1. Recognise that the internet is an important hobby

It’s important to tell yourself this as you may think it’s a bad thing to love the internet so much. It’s not a bad thing at all. Like any other hobby, people can become extremely enthusiastic about their hobby. So it is with the internet. However, you maybe becoming obsessed with it and this may be evident if it is starting to interfere with your normal day to day activities or with your social life.

2. Cut out the internet for 1 day per week

Use the internet as much as you want for six days, providing it does not interfere with family life etc. Designate 1 day per week when you are not allowed to use the internet. Remember you are allowed to use it as much as you want for 6 days but keep 1 day free where you do not use it at all, you are not allowed to turn on the computer at all.

This will achieve two things 1) It will show you how obsessive you have become with using the internet 2) It will allow you to focus on other things which need to be taken care of in your life on the designated ‘non computer’ day.

3. Cutting down the hours

Once you have got used to not using the internet for that 1 day per week, say for 4 – 6 weeks it’s time to mix your internet with your daily tasks.

When you want to use the internet for anything, hold off using it until after completing a task you need to get done. i.e. if you have work to do in the house complete a house-work task and reward yourself by using the internet for 1 hour. In that 1 hour visit any site you like or check your email, or your stats, your earnings, whatever. After the 1 hour complete another task you need to get done and then reward yourself by using the internetagain.

This will help you compete tasks you need to get done and it will also, over the weeks, begin to cut down your internet usage.

4. Resisting the urge

After a few months of doing the above, you will be more in control of the urge to go on to the internet. Now, whenever you feel like using the internet or get the urge, do something like go for a walk, a drive, take the dog out and do it for half an hour. This way the urge wears off and you are getting something else done instead.

The reason for this is to start being the controller of your urges instead of the urges controlling you like you mentioned in your statement.

5. Start practicing discipline

Like anything else discipline of the mind can be learned and one of the best ways to discipline the mind is to practice mindful meditation. Do a simple mindful meditation like focusing on your breath for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening and your discipline will strengthen with each passing day. Before you discount the practice of this, please try it for 1 week to see the difference it will make in your life.

If this does not appeal to you do something else which requires discipline but make it part of your life.  The practice of discipline will spill over into other areas of your life and you will become more focused and more task oriented.  You are by no means any less of a man, as you said, it just means your discipline is less practiced.

I hope this has helped a little Cat, if you have nay more questions about this please post them on this post.

All the best

Steve

please let us know how you get on.

Question from Linda Answered by coach Ayo Olaniyan

 Linda August 21, 2009 at 4:24 pm

When we experience something major in our life, what some may term as a crisis, then how do we learn completely so it is not necessary to repeat this in an endless cycle.

Hello Linda,

Thanks for posting your question on ‘Ask The Coach’. I would express my thoughts on your question to the best of my ability, but I must stress it’s a bit vague so a lot of general knowledge will be applied.

The steps involved in resolving crisis/difficulties follow similar trends however the word crisis is relative because we have different tolerance levels. What may be seen as serious and worrying to you may easily be overlooked by another person. For example: If you owe 1000 pounds and is worried, someone else who owes 10000 pounds may show no signs of being worried. The underlying factor is, the processes of coming out of debt either big or small are the same.

My approach to a problem is to find resolutions, gather experience, build confidence, become smarter/wiser,  hopefully this would equip you in dealing with future problems and help you handle or avoid similar difficulties.

Here are my suggestions:

Resolve your “what if’s”

You are faced with many questions when experiencing difficulties such as, what if it gets worse. What if I never find an answer? What if I wasn’t supposed to do this? What if I shouldn’t be here? What if the problem repeats itself? What if I fail? What if I am not liked? These questions stem from the fear of the unknown. Make a decision today to deal with your ‘‘what if’s’’ and stay strong. The problem exists and worrying or dwelling on the ‘‘what if’s’’ won’t get you anywhere.

Plan Ahead

Change is constant in life and you must be prepared to deal with the new experience (positive or negative) as it comes. It may set you back a bit but you have to make sure you move forward. This is where determination is needed to ensure you take that step.
You need to have alternatives and make sure every aspect of your life is treated and thought of, to the best of your ability. Having a back up plan is essential just in case things don’t go as planned. This isn’t pessimism but rather a case of getting prepared and making sure there are solutions to unplanned events.

The benefits of planning ahead shouldn’t be overlooked and it is very effective when goals are combined with it. You might say, I see no sense in how planning affects my current situation, I just lost my job, the debt collection agencies are after me, my partner/spouse just left me, I don’t have friends etc what do I plan for ?

The answer is ‘A LOT’. You need to make alternative plans in order to ensure the reasons why you fell into debt, lost your job/spouse don’t happen again. They are painful or rather tough decisions but you must make them.

Is it worth the effort?

Some struggles you go through are either caused by bad judgements, mistakes and some are results of  greed or being selfish. If it’s not worth fighting for, you need to put an end to it immediately. Burdens would be easier if you knew why they existed and their level of importance. Can you get to a stage where you do away with them and still live a normal life? These questions are answered when you go back to the drawing board of your life. Your efforts and energy can be channelled to a more productive activity.

Exercise Patience

Exercise patience. Don’t be hard on yourself. Being calm is a state of mind understanding the fact that although the pressures or conflicts are raging against you, it’s important you always keep your thoughts together, rest well, eat well. Being patient prepares you for the appointed time, it allows you handle the situation with confidence and assurance knowing a solution definitely exists in any circumstance.

Problems throw you off balance bringing you to a point of uncertainty. Gain control of your emotions, stop complaining, or being fussy. As long as you are making efforts to resolve the issues and prepare ways for avoiding them in the future, it’s only a matter of time.

Problems require clarity for resolution and this can’t be achieved with you being hard on yourself or being occupied with too many thoughts on your mind. Many times you seem caught up in work, circumstances, the economy, your future ambitions or current failures, people etc. that you don’t learn to APPRECIATE YOURSELF AND EXERCISE PATIENCE.

You need to cultivate the habit seeing a lot of good in yourself no matter the state you are in. There is usually a lot of good in you but it is often overshadowed by problems you face and being hard on yourself. If you think deeply, you will see positive sides to life.

Take things one step at a time. Crawl before you walk, walk before you run and run before you fly. Don’t be in a rush, because frustration could set in while trying to resolve the problem and it could lead to depression.

Be strong and confident

Learning to handle difficulties in a matured manner equips you with the appropriate mindset to see things moving in a positive direction. You are able to deal with challenges this way because you refuse to allow pessimism cloud your thoughts. Being strong requires determination, decisiveness and the will power to keep your focus on the results you intend to achieve from resolving your personal difficulties.

Build Experience

“Experience is a great teacher”. Let each positive or negative event mark a significant learning process in your life. Pick up precious nuggets of knowledge from these experiences. The sole purpose of every experience gained, is to make you a better person who can confidently face whatever life has to offer.

Be secured

Insecurity has no place in the game of life. I keep placing emphasis on accepting who you are. Learn to love/appreciate yourself, including your strengths and weakness. Being able to give little importance to yourself will enable you assess what you have, what you need to get and how to work hard achieving this.

Underestimating your capabilities will make you a pitiful, insecure individual.

Share your fears and Build Positive Relationships

Discuss your fears and worries with friends and family. In the context of friendship, if you’ve developed trust with certain individuals and isn’t scared to discuss private matters with a fear of being judged or getting disappointed, go ahead. Sharing your experiences with a network of trusted friends could provide huge benefits, enhance your level of reasoning and expand your horizon. There are several approaches to resolving different issues and you can learn from the experience of others. I believe sound counsel could reduce stress levels and bring about happiness. Be around people you are accountable to, who won’t be afraid to speak up when you are going down the route of disaster.

What’s your next move?

Once you have recognised the root of the problems, formulate a plan of action which is the solution and stick to it!!!  Carefully weigh each pros and cons. Remember to tread lightly, for one little mistake might bring you back to square one.

Be Optimistic:

Optimism by definition is being positive about life. The glass is either half empty or half full. Drowning in difficulties creates a lot of negativity, because you think there is no end in sight. Learn to think positively but don’t just stop there, TAKE ACTION.

Be optimistic that all events would create an experience which becomes  very useful in the learning process of life.

Take positive steps to bring about the desired outcome.

REMEMBER: YOU WILL BE OKAY!!!

I look forward to hearing from you.

Question from Elham answered by coach Steven Aitchison

Question: How do I use the Law of Attraction in my life?

Hi Elham thanks for asking a question on Ask The Coach

You asked how to use the law of attraction in your life. This is a question a lot of people have asked ever since the film ‘The Secret’ was released and made even more popular by Esther and Jerry Hicks books.

I think a lot of people are slightly confused about the law of attraction and how it works. To be honest I used to think that the message they were trying to tell us was ‘If you think about something long enough you will eventually attract it into your life’. This is not true at all and when I got more into it and started using it, the principles of the law of attraction are relatively easy, but you still need to work at it.

My take on this Elham is that when you think about something you want in life, you essentially plant a seed in your mind. If you left this seed without watering it, i.e. don’t think about it again, nothing will happen. However, if you think about what you want everyday you grow the seed into something bigger. There will come a point where the seed has grown into a small plant and it has started to flower. When you get to this point you will not be able to ignore it any longer and you have to take action to get what you want.

The point where you take action is the point that things will start to happen for you. You will start to notice possibilities that you didn’t see before, you will start to meet people who can help you with your goal. This is the part they call ‘The Law of Attraction’. It’s not the point when you first planted the seed, it’s the point when you first started taking action on the seed that had grew into a plant.

5 Steps to using the Law of Attraction

1. Plant the seed

I would write a list out of the things you really want in life, no more than 10 items on the list. Then, put them in order of importance to you.

2. Water the seed

From the list you made, take the most important and start thinking about it. when I say thinking about it, take 5 minutes and imagine what it is like having it in your life, see it, who is there with you? what are the surroundings like? what does it feel like? really get into it as if you had it in your life already. Keep doing this for as long as it takes until the dream becomes so big you have to do something about it.

3. Taking action

Now the dream has grown as big as it can in your mind it’s time to take action on it. If your goal is to become a writer, start writing immediately. Don’t worry if you are no good at writing just now, the only way to become good at writing is to write. Don’t analyze, don’t study, just write. When you keep writing you will want to learn more about the craft. This is when you start reading other writers you admire and look at their style, but keep writing.

4. Keep going

Using the example above if you keep writing every day and have studied your favourite authors you will start to develop a writing style, your own voice. This is the point a lot of people give up. They have gotten so close to their goal but they give up at the crucial point. This is also the point that you will start to see, seemingly, strange coincidences in your life. You will start to notice flyers for writers groups in your area, you will see ads for freelance writers, you will be asked for help from other aspiring writers etc. This is when you know that what you are doing is right and it fuels you even more to continue with your goal.

5. Look at your other goals

Some goals will take a long time, like the example above, other goals might happen a lot quicker depending on what they are. You will also notice that from the list of 10 goals you had, some of them will have started happening for you, simply because you have started using the law of attraction and you are automatically using it on a daily basis.

Using an example from my own life. 6 weeks ago I decided that I really wanted to grow my blog and make a real go of making it big in blogging. I started writing every single day. Nothing much happened at first but I kept going. Then I noticed an ad for a blogging bootcamp run by a famous blogger, after that everything started taking off and I now have a part time paid position with a big blog, have written and published a few freelance articles and have had a lot of requests for help. It really does work, the trick is to persevere and to help others along the way.

I hope this answers your question Elham

Meet the coaches

For anybody who doesn’t know me here is a short bio. Steven Aitchison has been writing for Change Your Thoughts blog for 3 years. He has a BSc in Psychology and is currently working as a drug and alcohol addiction worker. His main interests in the field of psychology are thought processes, belief formation and the dreaming mind.

‘I believe anybody can be coached to reach their true potential, sometimes it just takes a nudge, some direction, and a little encouragement.’

Ayo Olaniyan has recently joined us an author on CYT and writes for blogs across the net as well as his own at www.discoveringpurpose.co.uk He is a certified Unitive™ Life Coach, having completed an Advanced Postgraduate Level tutorial in Unitive Coaching with the foremost UK Life Coach Charles Bentley PhD. He is currently studying for a Post Graduate Certificate in Personal and Professional Development (University of East London) with a view to carrying out research at a Masters Level on completion. He also holds a BSc. in Chemistry, Certificate in Counselling from the Institute of Counselling and a University Diploma in Psychotherapeutics from the University of Derby.

Other questions answered by the coaches:

How do I make my own decisions based on what I think I should do?“

How can I drop bad habits easily?

How can I improve my communication skills

How do I implement change in my life?

what can I do to move forward, to hopefully manage and deal with anxieties for the future?

If you would like to ask the coach a question:

Click This Link to post a question

.