This is the twelfth session of Ask The Coach. The main aim of this weekly session is to ask you, the reader, to ask a question to the coach by posting a comment on this post and each week myself and Ayo Olaniyan will attempt to help you by answering your question.
Question from Des answered by Ayo.
**Please note this is an edited version of the question**
I suffer from depression and low self esteem. People don’t want to associate with me or take me seriously when I do anything. I feel I have a lot to offer………
Hello Des,
Thanks for your question on ‘Ask The Coach.
There are several issues raised in the question you asked but they are associated with a) low self esteem and b) depression.
I suggest you read that article written on the eleventh session of ‘Ask The Coach’, which focuses on How to Deal With Depression.
This post will focus on a few ways to develop/build your self esteem.
Self Esteem refers to the overall beliefs, opinions you have about yourself; the value you place on yourself as an individual, your ability to cope and derive pleasures (happiness) from the basic challenges of life.
While Low Self Esteem, refers to your negative perception of who you are accompanied with the feelings of being inadequate, incompetent, unloved etc.
Once these views become accepted and established in your thoughts or mind, the negative view of self would revolve around every sphere of your life, producing faulty assumptions and an ongoing self-defeating behaviour.
The aim of this post is to slightly alter your way of thinking and suggest simple ways of building your self esteem. The benefit of having a list is to identify point’s exclusive to you and make choices to start developing new ones.
I hope these tips (points) would provide varied suggestions were you can pick out one or two aid in boosting your self esteem.
In no particular order, here are a few ways to build your self esteem:
- First of all, YOU ARE ……………….(mentally put your name in the blank spaces). Your name distinguishes you from others, it gives you a unique identity and if you bear the same names with other people you definitely don’t have the same features, skin colour, height, eyes etc
- Once you’ve understood the principle of being unique, it’s now time to accept and appreciate who you are (a human with emotions, feelings, imperfections etc)
- Whilst it’s great to accept who you are, you must also BE OPEN TO POSITIVE CHANGES.
- Be secured and comfortable in who and what you are.
- Discover your creativity and identify what you are good at. It builds your self confidence and motivates you to take action. (In your question, you mentioned you had a lot to offer, I am asking what it is.)
- Find out your purpose. Am I living life not caring about the positive or negative consequences? Lay down in specific terms what you want to achieve in your life. Never aspire to have unrealistic expectations because its end result is low self esteem, depression…
- Know what you want for your life.
- Be moderately proactive and plan carefully for what you want to achieve in life.
- Stop comparing yourself to others with a notion of self defeat or underachieving.
- Believe in your dreams because they will take you beyond your wildest imaginations.
- Work hard in everything/anything you do because the result of success is sweet.
- Show a sense of determination not aggravation to succeed in whatever you plan to do.
- Stop complaining.
- Learn to be thankful.
- Value your life experiences.
- Handle failures with dignity knowing that they are stepping stones to success, if managed properly.
- Master the art of being a good listener.
- Do away with the victims’ mentality. Stop looking for who to blame for your misfortunes, swallow the bitter pill, get up and do something about your life.
- Promote and be associated with good character by identifying and utilizing your likeable qualities.
- Always recognise the need for self improvement and development. (This is what you’ve done by posting this question on ‘Ask The Coach’)
- Communicate clearly and properly.
- Celebrate all forms of positive progress you experience.
- Be current with what’s happening around you, your environment, the world etc. Learn new things each day and be up for healthy discussions.
- Keep your ego in check.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself, come on give your self a break!!!!!!.
- Adopt the habit of taking risks in small doses. This will definitely begin increase your level of self confidence.
- Be driven or motivated to take important steps/actions.
- Develop positive relationships by interacting with positive and supportive people.
- Discuss or share your fears with loved ones.
- Start a new habit of resting each day.
- Be gracious when receiving compliments or constructive criticisms because they make you a better person.
- Be patient with yourself first and foremost, then others.
- Stay in shape by exercising.
- Improve on your physical appearance. Dress smartly, fix up, and look sharp!!!
- Show consistency in all you do.
- Make appropriate eye contact.
- When necessary, seek the services of a professional counsellor, psychotherapist etc.
Can you come up with any more?
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
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Wow, Ayo.
This is an amazing resource. Thank-you. There are people I will be sharing this with immediately.
I would add to this already comprehensive list…
BUILD SELF ESTEEM BY ESTEEMING OTHERS
As you are doing here, Ayo, helping to build the self esteem of others has a big impact on your own level of self esteem. The more we can be generous of heart and give to others freely, and without conditions, the more the path to our own self esteem becomes clearer and brighter.
Shine on, Ayo.
Robin
.-= Robin Dickinson´s last blog ..Room-filling: the last thing a post-Internet leader does =-.
Hi Ayo, what a great list of esteem boosters. I think providing a list like this was an insightful way to approach this problem. You made it very easy for anyone to easily pinpoint which suggestions fit their particular situation. I truly feel that these are points we can all benefit from regardless of our perception of self-worth. Thanks for this.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..28 Things You Probably Never Knew About Me =-.
Ayo,
Fantastic list. Out of these, I like this one the best for building self-esteem:
Adopt the habit of taking risks in small doses. This will definitely begin increase your level of self confidence.
The more you take calculated risks and put yourself out there, the more reference experiences you’ll gain that tell you that no matter what happens, you’ll make it OK on the other side. After you realize you can truly handle any failure or success, your self esteem skyrockets.
In fact, this is pretty much what you said with this point, now that I’ve looked over the list:
.-= Brett – DareToExpress.com´s last blog ..4 More Ways to Identify Your Inner Champion =-.
@ Robin
Hi Robin,
Thanks for the compliment.I am humbled by this. By the way, I also agree with the reciprocal theory of building self esteem.
@Jonathan
Hi Jonathan,
Thanks for your comment. My initial thoughts was to explain and link a few points to low self esteem. Good thing I changed my mind and I’m glad you enjoyed it.
.-= ayo´s last blog ..Ingredients For Happiness =-.
Hey Ayo,
I was wondering why you bold-ed the bullet point about finding out your purpose. Then I realized it’s probably one of the core ways to build confidence. When you know what you and your life are about, you are a lot more centered.
Eduard
.-= Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Personal development ideas I can do without =-.
@ brett
Hello Brett,
Thanks for your comment.
I agree with you, learning to manage the events of life properly either in success or failures, certainly builds your self esteem
@Eduard
Hello Eduard,
Spot on!!!! Knowing what you and your life is all about, makes you focused and centered on your purpose.
.-= ayo´s last blog ..70 Love Relationship Tips =-.
Always love to read nice list…
The thing with building self esteem is not do you can take control of your emotions, but do you want.
We choose what we feel about ourselves and others.
.-= Marko´s last blog ..Are You Ready to Explore Life =-.
Great post, Ayo. You asked if we could come up with any more, so please allow me to humbly inform your readers that I created an article like this a few weeks ago called “40 Ways To Build Confidence.” These are the last 3 items on my list:
38. Keep private matters private – Your life may be an open book, but disclosing sensitive information about yourself to every person you meet is a sign of lack of intelligence. You may be confident about doing it, but you will not deserve respect from other people.
39. Be bold and daring – Every celebrity you know has probably encountered stage fright early in their careers, but they do get desensitized after a period of several exposures. Sometimes, you just really need to push yourself and get on that stage to build your confidence.
40. Be self-reliant – Avoid counting on people to do things for you. If you keep on doing that, you’ll never accumulate the right knowledge and skills that will eventually make you a confident individual.
Hope this helps. =)
.-= Ryhen Satch´s last blog ..Do You Know Kung Fu? =-.
@ Marko
I am glad you loved reading the list
@ Ryhen
Thanks for your contribution. The kung fu post caught my attention ………(I used to practice judo lol!!!) I will check it out. Anyway, I love the ‘Be Self Reliant’ part but I would add a clause to it because we need help from others at times.
.-= ayo´s last blog ..Value Your Self Worth =-.
Great idea.
I will surely going to use this.
You made it very easy for anyone to easily pinpoint which suggestions fit their particular situation.