About Steven Aitchison
If you have children, if you have pets, if you’re a writer, a blogger, a business person, a manager, a teacher, a coach, anything where you are leading someone or something then by definition you are a leader.
Now, being a leader doesn’t necessarily make you a good leader.
Our puppy, Kara
We’ve just bought a Golden Retriever puppy and to say she is a handful is an understatement. She is a puppy, but full of mischief and fun. However, she’s also full of pee and poo, and needed to be kept an eye on 24/7 whilst we house trained her.
This is where dog psychology comes in. It’s totally fascinating to learn about the psychology of dogs and putting theories into practice.
The one thing that has to be established immediately is to show your dog who is the pack leader, if you don’t you’re in for a rough time. There’s also a difference between being dominant and being a leader, and older dog psychology writings taught that you have to be dominant, and that there is always a struggle to gain dominance. I don’t believe this to be the case with dogs. I also believe this is true of human leadership. There is no need to use bully tactics, aggression or force to show your dominance, a leader leads by example and uses a reward model to train good behaviour and removes rewards for bad behaviour.
Whether we like it or not we are all, to a degree, followers for the most part of our lives. It’s only when we become independent do we make the choice to become a leader. Now, the following 5 things I’ve learned is not saying that we are like dogs, but I think it’s a good analogy when talking about leadership.
Here are a few things I’ve learned about being a leader just by training Kara, our 3 month old puppy.
5 Things Dog Psychology Taught Me About Being a Leader
Be consistent
Dogs need clear rules and boundaries. If you are not consistent with these boundaries then the dog gets confused and pretty soon starts to do it’s own thing as it won’t know if it’s coming or going.
The same is true of humans. When we are younger we need structure, rules and boundaries to tell us right from wrong. However the parent has to consistently keep this structure in place. It has been shown time and again that when a child grows up without boundaries there will, more than likely, be social issues later on in life.
As a leader, consistency, is crucial, in all aspects of your role. I’m not only talking about rules, I’m talking about personality: moods, treating everyone the same, and no favouritism. This has to be established straight off the bat.
I had a manager who was so inconsistent with the rules, polices and procedures of our workplace that the team he was leading started to get disgruntled within a month of him being there. After 3 months they just didn’t listen to him any more and relied on each other to get through, and pretty soon the manager was just a face.
Don’t give too much leash
When you’re out walking the dog, you have to let it know that you are in control and that they can’t wander aimlessly and go wherever they want. A short leash, with a call to “heal” has to be instilled quite quickly. As the dog gets older, there is more leeway as it has been taught to obey commands and taking it for walks will be a lot easier. Walk time is for walks, play time is when the dog get let loose and free to wander and run about like an eejit J
Being a leader is the same. When I am fooling around with my sons and they have overstepped the mark, a simple ‘You’re getting close to the line there..’ is enough for them to know that certain behaviour is not acceptable.
Never play tug of war
We made the mistake of buying Kara one of those thick, short, ropes to play tug of war with her. The thing with that is we teaching her to try and gain dominance over whoever was playing with her, which would not bode well when she is older. A better game would be ‘fetch’, and make it fun at the same time.
If you’re a leader you can mentally play tug of war with those you are leading; children, staff, readers, fans etc. This can manifest itself in lots of different ways.
If you’re a blogger and you start to see the size of your email list growing you’ll get a few complaints from readers.
I had a complaint whereby one reader said he didn’t like what I was writing and thought I was ‘full of shit’. After I had calmed down, I politely wrote back to him and advised my writing style is not for everyone and he could unsubscribe if he wanted to, that was his choice. He, promptly, wrote back and advised I should write more of what he liked and didn’t want to unsubscribe, which I found strange to say the least. I wrote back to him and advised I would not change my style to suit one person, stating ‘If I changed my style I would come across as false and insincere.’ He wrote back again, and I just unsubscribed him myself without telling him. We don’t need people like that in our lives, drop that rope, and there’s no tug of war left to play.
No sleeping on the bed
All pet owners will know not to let their pets lie on their bed with them whilst going to sleep at night. Again it’s about setting boundaries, the dog has her bed, and my wife and I have our bed.
Same goes with being a leader. When people look up to you it’s unethical and immoral to lead them on to such a degree that they would want to share your bed in the first place. I don’t think anymore needs to be said about this one.
Reward for good behaviour
I would never want Kara to fear me. I reward her with good behaviour and take away the rewards for bad behaviour such as biting. She has already learned what we expect from her, this way we can all have a great relationship with her, and she does not have to fear us in any way shape or form.
Too many managers, parents, and teachers try and lead by fear. Whilst fear can be a strong motivator for some, it should only be strong if the person is putting themselves in fear e.g. rushing to get an essay completed for fear of failing a deadline, rushing to complete a presentation for fear of looking stupid. However, when someone else makes us afraid of them then that’s called bullying, its being aggressive.
Leaders also reward for good behaviour and take away rewards for bad behaviour, which can be done in many different ways.
You are a leader!
Most of you reading this just now will be a leader of some sort, you just might not have thought about it before:
If you’re a parent, you’re a leader
If you’re a blogger, you’re a leader
If you’re a manager, you’re a leader
If you’re a writer, you’re a leader
If you’re a coach you’re a leader
If you’re a business owner, you’re a leader
Leadership brings with it responsibility, but it also has great rewards which can change your life.
Let me know your thoughts on this article by leaving a message below.
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Hi,
Great post and so true. I wish more managers would lead that way!
Kara is a cutie! Goldens usually act like puppies for most of their lives, but especially for the first two years! They are so much fun and full of love!
Enjoy!
P.S. I like your style of writing!!!
I think a lot of managers of delusions of grandeur, but if you learn to play to that you can get by.
Thanks Steven.
Not being a dog owner, I can only imagine.
I’ve never been sure about the reward system either.
So I think one needs to add that the reward need not be physical. It can be meta physical
i.e. we can have a good time being together, or not.
Hi Peter, without a doubt the reward system is not just about giving something for a reward it can be praise.
my partner andI have reently bought a mixed busuiness in a small town,only one of 3 there.We imediatly set about re-establishing boundries and rules with the kids as the previous owner and none.We now get lots of please and thank yous and clearly state unacceptable behaviour,mostly reinforcing the local primary school lines,consistant.Thanks for confirming and supporting.Ps i love your style of writing.
Hi Sharon. thanks for your comments, I appreciate them.
Hope the business is going well.
Yeah, good wisdom – good blog.
Definitely some stuff to take into my new leadership role
Thanks Astarte, I appreciate your comments here.
Great post! Steve.
Thanks Usha.
Nice and great post. Thanks
Thanks Suresh, I appreciate you visiting CYT
Both as a Golden owner and a Learning Facilitator I do totaly agree with you. I am experiencing whatever you said during the facilitation process. Thnx for sharing. Rengin
I hope my manager adopts the ‘reward for good behavior’ technique instead of putting a serious, scary face all day long. Yes, he can lead us by this way, but more of because of fear and not respect. You described the tips of being a leader well, thanks Steve!
Hi Noel, fear does not work in the long run, however we have to remember sometimes it’s us that have the fear and some managers are just so good at what they do that we can feel intimidated which can almost lead to fear. So we have to work on ourselves as well, and recognise if the manager is leading by fear or it’s us that are intimidated.
I manage a team of people based in a number of locations. I try to respect & empower them (We are all adults).This works with most of them but there are a number who tend to bend the rules. No one is failing in their job but there are a number who “Could do better”. I probably am too soft with them. Have you any thoughts on how to tighten the leash without demotivating those who respect the freedom that I give them. I am concerned that I might make an OK situation worse rather than better.
Hi Fin. Sometimes more responsibility works with these types of workers, getting them on your side, praising them at team meetings. It depends if they are being disruptive to the rest of the team or not.
Hi, this is true…thank you for this article. Am not used to posting my comments here but believe me, I am your avid fan. I was once a military officer and leadership and management is very important for us officers to successfully lead the rank and file to achieve a particular mission. It has been said that keadership is all about the 3 Cs: command, control and communication…same is true in dealing with our kids and even with friends..if we dont set rules, boundaries and restrictions then it would be difficult for the kids to tow the line..for friends, you are right, we have to be consistent and to be able to set boudaries so respect is maintained between friends..
Aww thanks Emma, I really appreciate your comments.
We have to set boundaries and rules otherwise the lines of authority get blurred and no one will know where ‘the line’ is.
Hey Steven,
Were all leaders in our own ways, and this was a good read on leadership. I like the part on never play tug a war, because there will always be critics. The more successful you become and the more critics you will have. What matters most is how you handle each situation. That’s what makes a true leader.
God bless,
William Veasley
I do believe we are all leaders in some way William.
thanks for your comments, always appreciated.
Hey Steve,
Great analogies here and right on point. I found it harder to keep a dog in check then people in my experience.
I’m a bit of a softy when it comes to our furry friends.
Hi Justin, I think a lot of us are softies when it comes to our little furry friends
Hi Stephen, thanks for the post – your new family member is beautiful! We work with animals professionally (I’m a qualified dog trainer) – totally agree with you about boundaries, being consistent and always using rewards, never punishment, to train. However, just for your info or your readers’, no need to become the Pack Leader – the research which proposed this initially very popular theory has been found to be flawed, and some of the so-called “dominance theory” methods have made some dogs very depressed and confused. Likewise,if you both enjoy a game of tug, even if she wins some, it doesn’t mean she’ll stop taking notice of you – it’s the feeling behind the actions that she’ll respond to, just like your sons. If you should want to chat about any of this, just email me.
Wishing you all loads of fun and joyful times together!! Sue Reid, Association of Pet Dog Trainers member 717. PS I like your style too!
PS – I like your style too!
Hi Sue, thanks a lot for the info. I find this subject of dog psychology really fascinating and gathered a lot of my research from Cesar Millan.
So, are you saying it’s the energy you are portraying rather than the action themselves?
Thanks again Sue
Hi Steven – Both are important, but dogs can read both our energies and our minds, as well as even slight changes in our tone of voice, with incredible accuracy. It’s important to be really clear, with your actions, thoughts and energy, about what you would like her to do,then make it easy for her to do it, then give massive praise when she does. If she oversteps the mark while playing,the game stops instantly, but restarts again as soon as she backs off or stops the behaviour, so she learns what stopped it and what makes it restart. By the way, the “Pack theory” research was done on captive wolf packs – these were later found to behave very differently from wild wolf packs, from whom dogs are believed to be descended, and who have a much more co-operative and family-like social interaction. Do email me if you’d like more info, there’s loads, but I don’t want to bore your PD readers! Best, Sue
Hi Sue, rather than keep asking questions, I went ahead and bought your ebook
Thanks again Sue
Thank you,Steven! This may not have all the info you want, as it’s about animals generally rather than dogs specifically, so if it doesn’t meet your need just let me know and I’ll refund your payment. But I definitely like your style!
Steve: Really great articles and insights. That was a crazy story about that reader who was complaining to you. I think that is great advice for so many bloggers because the most important thing really is to always be authentic and be who you are. I thought all the other analogies were spot on. Very informative. Great article and all advice I will be taking.
Hi Sibyl, great to see you here, it’s been a long time since we spoke.
Thanks for your comments, as always, I really appreciate them.
I like what Steven Covey says about leadership, “Communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they are inspired to see it in themselves.”
Wow, can I work for him?
Too many leaders want to tell those that work for them everything they do wrong instead of reinforcing what they do right. It’s as if great leadership skills are not taught in college.
Steven Covey goes on to list the four imperatives of leadership:
1. Inspire trust
2. Clarify purpose
3. Align systems
4. Unleash talent
I’m not sure I agree with your dog sleeping in bed statement. I think many “leadership” situations require flexibility and no rigid rules.
My ex and I got our son a dog for a specific reason. It helped our son to hang out together and she sleeps with him every night. He loves that dog. She helped him in more ways than I can list here.
She is still the well-behaved, loving dog that we trained and she has a way of nagging our son into bed.
Great post.
Catherine
Hi Catherine.
Stephen Covey is a great inspirational leader to follow.
I know exactly what you mean about your dog helping your son in a lot of ways.
Thanks for your comments, I appreciate them.
Hi Steve,
My dog Sam just turned 12. Great dog however I wished I had used greater Psychology on him we he was younger. I enjoyed your post & the analogies. Very useful & easy to apply. Thank you.
be good to yourself
David
Thanks for your comments David, I appreciate them.
Hi Steven, great article. One thing I’ve learnt as a dog owner/ parent/ leader is that rules and guidelines are great but it’s easy to get overwhelmed with a cacophony of conflicting advice, isn’t it! I have learnt to trust my instincts in most cases, with a firm foundation of rules backing this up. Incidentally, I find the Dog Whisperer Cesar Milan to be the most inspiring human psychologist I’ve ever witnessed! He has our fallible, contradictory and unpredictable species nailed! One of the world’s great natural leaders I think:))
Hi Steven, what a great article. I’ve been intrigued by dog psychology for a long time now, but my living situation doesn’t allow for a dog right now. But hope that will change one day. With regards to writing I never considered myself a leader, but now thinking about it, it might not be so far from the truth… thx for sharing your advice!
Hi Steven – thought you might find this interesting. A study done in 2002 by Nicola J Rooney and John Bradshaw using 14 Golden Retrievers playing Tug of War – they let one group win almost all the games, whilst the other group lost most of the games. All of the dogs were more obedient after playing tug of war regardless of whether they won or lost.John Bradshaw has just published a new book called “In Defence Of Dogs” which you might find helpful – I don’t necessarily agree with all of it but it does offer an alternative way of viewing dog behaviour.
Now I promise to go away and let you get back to PD! Many thanks for your interest and if I can be of any help just email me. Best to you all, Sue
Hi Steven, thank you for sharing with me, I really enjoyed reading your e-mails. I agree with you in life we all a structure something that can keep us in line, that is the reason we teach our children boundaries so that they can have order in life. Thanks for sharing your dog story with me IT WAS INTERESTING.
All the best Maleshoane
Nice angle in taking on a “large” topic (leadership) by relating it to training your new puppy! (and a very cute one, indeed.) I appreciate you noting in your post that most people try to lead by using fear based tactics/techniques.
I really hope consciousness changes and leaders do lead in ways that are motivational, inspiring, and empowering. Fear is not a fun feeling and that old school way of leadership needs to be left behind.
I’ve always been a pretty good dog trainer, so when I had kids, I developed what I called the puppy theory of raising children. Simple rules, stictly enforced, and lots of hugs and play time!
Steve.
This was a fun post on leadership. Last week my friend sent a poem about what she learned from her dog.
Here are a few more items of her poem that relate to leadership :^)and brought a smile:
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• Never pretend to be something you’re not.
Best wishes with growing your golden.
Thanks Steve for your ‘doggie’ insights. My dog just whispered in my ear – don’t forget that’to have friends be friendly’.
Well, I don’t necessarily agree with all of your dog training rules, but like you, training my dog has given me some valuable insights,not only about dealing with people but also about myself.
I find it very useful to be reflective when I notice I am unable to consistent with my dog, with my child, or with anyone else in my life for whom my ability to be consistent is important for the growth of our relationship. After all, when I am inconsistent, my actions are probably out of alignment with my core values and beliefs.
It’s hard to believe that someone could act in a way that is out of alignment with their values, but I see people do that all the time. Often, this type of inconsistent behavior occurs when we are overtired, hungry, or emotionally challenged or drained.
Most of us can easily identify when we are overtired or hungry. But many people have a harder time identifying emotional triggers.
Think about it. You know you want to reward your dog’s good behaviors, and redirect her when her behavior isn’t appropriate. But how do you react when you discover your dog has just destroyed a much cherished and irreplaceable family heirloom? The dog didn’t know the value of the object; she just thought it looked like a tasty or interesting toy.
Still, many people in a situation like this can’t resist the urge to punish the dog. That’s because it’s easier to punish the dog than it is to grieve the loss.
I suppose the bottom line here is that, if your behavior isn’t always aligned with your intentions or beliefs, you might want to reflect on why that is. What emotions are you resisting? If you can identify those emotions, and your reasons for resisting them, you’ll be better positioned to always act in a way that is congruous with deepest values and beliefs.
Well said.
I love how you use dog psychology to point out leadership gems. The one that I have to work on most is consistency. I have the following quote on my from Anthony Robbins as a daily reminder:
“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently”.
Rachel Lavern
Personal Transformation, Enlightenment and Development Coach
“Live without limits because nothing is impossible to you.”
Hi Steven, it´s been a while since I visited your site. Still great content though. Not that I expected anything else
There are many dog owners out there who should read this post. Many people take a dog and then just leave it untrained and unattended.
You´re also right about us all being leaders in different situations. Although we might not always think about it that way. Thank you!
Steven, I love this post! I’ve often thought that we can learn so much from dog and cat trainers! And I love your call to leadership. As much as we don’t want to admit it sometimes, we are all leaders, either doing the job poorly or doing it well. Thanks for the challenge and the reminder.
I am curious if you are familiar with the negative affects that rewards cause? Your theory of reward system is a flawed one as far as leading humans are concerned. I don’t have enough experience with animals so I can’t speak to that but rewards undermine intrinsic motivation and cause poor performance.
Great article on leadership. It’s so interesting to see how both animals and humans have so much in common.
So many people are looking for inspiration and motivation today so I am delighted to find a blog that is so interesting and attractive. Keep up the good work and I look forward to future content.
I can also recommend another inspiring site at http://www.InspirationMessages.com
I can not believe what I just read.
I am studying animal psychology/behaviour at the moment & I have to say how far of the mark you are.
Domestic dogs are NOT pack animals, this is something that has been proven time & time again. Study after study has shown that while domesticated canines are sociable animals they are not pack orientated, sure you get bullys but that is as far as it goes.
The Classic instance to this are the semi feral dogs that run free in Romania, there are literally thousands of dogs that live on the streets, live wild & have no interaction with humans. Not in 1 instance has any dog shown any form of pack hierarchy status, they occasionally grouped together where there was a mass food source or female in heat & after that parted ways.
As regards to humans being a pack leader to dogs, its just not plausible.
Dogs are very smart animals, they know we are not dogs.
Its a shame there’s people like ceaser millan advocating such things,its just making lives more difficult for pet dogs.
I recommend you read the works of the following.
B.F Skinner,
Ray Coppinger,
Dr Ian Dunbar,
Jean Donaldson,
Karen Pryor.
All world leaders not just in dogs but animal behaviour at its core.
I will not add quotes to this as I do not know the legal issues regarding publicised studies.
If you still struggle with the concept then think of it like this.
There is such a massive diversity in domestic dog breed range that the idea of all dogs being pack orientated is ludicrous.
Take for example a Bassett, a dog bred to work with other dogs & love company, despite this they still do not show pack behaviour, no 1 dog eats b4 all others like wolves, the father does not raise pups like in wolves & you watch a troop of basset’s charge through a farmers gate, its every dog for himself.
Now take a pyrenean mountain dog, a massive foreboding dog that has been bred to work by itself protecting sheep from wolves. The concept of a pack to this dog is completely alien & Id like to someone alpha roll 1…….
What a beautiful puppy you have! You are right on about the correlations between being a leader to a dog and how similar attitudes exist in the human world. I have two Lhasa Apsos who are real handfuls too. But I trained them from day one and maintained my leadership role with them. It is so true that dogs want to be guided since it gives them comfort in which place they are in. Like humans, dogs like routines and don’t like unpredictability, which is why as leaders, we must be consistent with them.
Unfortunately, me ex who was with me when we first got these puppies, was not consistent and did not assert much leadership with my dogs. As a result, the pecking order in our household according to my two dogs’ points of view was that I was number 1, they were numbers 2 and 3. My ex was viewed by my Lhasa Apsos as number 4. It was actually quite amusing to watch sometimes as they never listened to her at all!
Your puppy is beautiful. But please heed the advice from Sue Reid and Andrew Williams. Read the authors that Andrew suggests, most importantly Karen Pryor’s Don’t Shoot the Dog, Jean Donaldson’s The Culture Clash and Patricia McConnell’s The Other End of the Leash. Those three books should be required reading for all dog owners. Read real dog trainer’s views of Cesar Milan. Your blog is powerful. I know you are trying to relate working with dog’s to working with people. However, people respect you and it is important that you are correct in your statements. You know about leading people. Turn to the respected leaders in animal training about training dogs not the “showmen”. The following link will give you some “food for thought”. http://www.urbandawgs.com/divided_profession.html