Line BreakAuthor: Farouk Radwan (3 Articles)
Written by M.Farouk Radwan from http:/www.2knowmyself.com The ultimate source for self understanding
Someone I know well hates appointments from the bottom of his heart. She really hates to agree on a certain time and date in the future to meet someone or to do something.
When I examined how she reacts before appointments I found that she constantly keeps telling herself that she won’t catch the appointment on time and so she feels extremely stressed and overwhelmed.
Because each time she arranges an appointment to do something she feels stressed and overwhelmed she started to hate appointments.
She wasn’t aware that this is the reason why she hates them but all she knew was that arranging appointments was the last thing she wants to do in life.
In short, we don’t hate tasks, people or our jobs but we hate the emotions we experience while doing them.
Ask any person who hates his job to give you more details and you will soon find that he hates it because of the emotions he experiences while doing the job (maybe an amount of stress that he can’t handle or the fear of the arrogant boss who is managing him)
If that person learned how to manage his stress or to control his fear he won’t hate his job anymore!!
The psychology of hatred
The first day Sam went to college he was bullied by one of his colleagues in front of everybody.
When Sam went to sleep that day his mind kept wondering of the possible solutions to the bullying problem he faced. One of the suggested solutions by Sam’s mind came in the form of day dreaming where he saw himself kicking that bully and beating him up in front of everyone
But since the bully was stronger than Sam the suggestion was rejected and so Sam’s mind found no way to avoid the bullying pain but to keep Sam away of that guy.
Sam’s mind decided to let him experience bad feelings upon seeing the bully or even when expecting him to show up just to keep him away from him, these bad feelings are otherwise known as “Hatred”
People Hate others when they find themselves helpless
Didn’t you just notice something about the operation of the mind?
When the subconscious mind doesn’t find any solution to a certain problem it uses hatred as a final resort.
People hate their bosses because they can’t shout at them
People hate their jobs much if they can’t find alternatives
People hate things when these things harm them and they find themselves unable to defend themselves
In short, the next time you discover that someone hates you, make sure that he is feeling helpless. Instead of feeling bad or thinking that you are not worthy of being loved you should feel sorry for that helpless person.
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Its cent percent true that some ones hates us because they are not worthy of being loved. In future i will never hate the people who hates me.Instead i will feel sorry for them…
I am glad you liked it Daniel, thanks for your comment
Farouk, thank you for this post. Unfortunately there is such a feeling of helplessness prevalent in modern society that feelings of hatred are burgeoning, too. You point out that when “the subconscious mind doesn’t find a solution to a problem it uses hatred as final resort.” In one sense this is true, because when our mind cannot find a solution it often perceives the situation as life-threatening. We have a natural trigger response to threat that allows us the choice of “fight or flight.” Yet how many people can run away from a boss or job or situation they hate? Trapped, their feelings build up instead into anger, stress, hatred, and there can be destructive, explosive results.
Yes, from a perspective of compassion you can try to understand that someone in deep hatred may actually be feeling helpless. You may, however, still need to get yourself out of the way of such a person. All of us also need to understand that there are practical steps you can use to manage feelings of threat and anger much more constructively. Understanding and working with the body’s natural energy flows and rhythms is one of the best ways I know to do this.
Feeling helpless is a feeling that can be changed once we learn that we actually have the practical means and the inner power available. What we really need to be doing is getting the word out more and more that change is entirely possible, and that it can often be started on a physical level. Do we want to live in a world where hatred is growing out of control? We need to begin showing that there are alternatives.
Evening greetings from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Reviving Your Passion and Purpose in Spring Vibrations from Japan
your comment makes a perfect extension to the post, have it not been published i would have added your conclusions to it
, yes i agree with you Catrien, while the article focus on explaining how the process happens we are in need of more advice on how to control hatred and to channel our emotions correctly thanks for your comment 
))
I like this explanation – feeling of helplessness. I also think that when we feel that someone hates us, there is something in us that attracted that particular experience to us, maybe we don’t love ourselves enough. But I guess that’s a totally different topic:)
Lana – Daring Clarity´s last blog ..How To Finally End Struggle and Find FREEDOM By Doing YOUR THING
@ Lana
That’s a different topic but worth writing another article about , thanks for your comment lana
I completely agree that it is the emotions that we experience that we like or dislike.
Two techniques that have really helped me experience more positive emotions instead of negative ones are EFT (which Steve recently discussed) and daily meditation. I find that they help me stay in what I think is the natural state of love, happiness, and self-acceptance.
Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..How to feel better when you are REALLY down
There is so much intelligence in this post, Farouk. It’s not just about being hated by others, but addresses our own experience of hate.
When we feel a challenging emotion like hate, anger, or even sadness, there is a natural tendency to avoid the pain, so we project onto others in the outside world. As a result, we end up blaming people, trying to control situations that can’t be controlled, feeling frustrated and resigned – all sorts of misguided reactions.
What you are suggesting is to be aware of our own inner world and take care of ourselves inside so we don’t project our feelings onto others. This involves the willingness to meet all of our experience in open-heartedness and compassion. And, likewise, when we find ourselves the target of others’ unconsciousness, we can have compassion for them, even if we decide that keeping our distance is the wisest response.
Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..The Art of Listening to the Still, Small Voice Within
Great conversation going on here, and beautiful addendum Catrien
. Hate is such a strong word. Indeed, it seems correct that hate is ultimately a helpless state, an illusion of power. Real power is a state of peace. My first 30+ years on this planet were very angry. I spent my energy collecting grievances, carrying grudges and harshly judging others. When I was able to earnestly consider myself sufficient as I am, it’s was because I diligently practiced ‘Forgiveness.’ And all that means is to For-Give; GIVE up harsh opinions FOR refreshingly accepting points of view whenever a begrudging mood descends. This condition of progress calms the subjective mind and revitalizes the spirit, which gives us the real power of peace.
rob white´s last blog ..Right Feelings Generate Right Action
When most of us discover that somebody hates us, one of the normal reactions is to hate him or her back. But I think this would be a waste of time, and instead we should feel sorry for that person and just try to understand that he may have issues in his life.
Julius´s last blog ..A Day of A Deaf Blind Person
Great article and it explains a lot about something personal in my life. thanks
Randy
Randy De La O´s last blog ..Anita Salazar De La O
“In short, we don’t hate tasks, people or our jobs but we hate the emotions we experience while doing them.”This statement couldn’t be more on target. People hate because of the fear, confusion, or other negative emotions that they’ve come to associate with that which they hate. Very insightful post you have here.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..10 Ways to Live in the Now and Reawaken to the Present Moment
I think in order to avoid these feelings, one projects their thoughts onto others and this lets them think of themselves as the victim who can’t do anything about it because the other person is at fault. Understanding them can give us a bit of compassion for them. They will have to learn the hard way that a shift in their thoughts will change their lives.
Sherri Frost | Self Hypnosis´s last blog ..Overcoming Fears and Phobias with Self Hypnosis
Hate is born out of fear. Fear is born out of the idea that we are not enough to handle a situation. Perhaps the best thing we can do if we want there to be less hate, is to call out greatness in others, and really empower as many people as we can.
Justin Dixon´s last blog ..3 Mantras to Get You Through Hard Times
I always say that when people hate on you, they really feel down about themselves so they find something about you that they wish they were or had and attack you for it.
This is somewhat a coping mechanism. I feel sorry for people like this because they don’t have a sense of validation inside. They don’t feel a sense of self worth. It’s great of you to bring up this point.
Great post!
Jarrod
@ Lana
)
) thank uu
That’s a different topic but worth writing another article about , thanks for your comment lana
@ Greg
I heard a lot about EFT but you encouraged me to read even more about it now
thank u:)
@Gail
yes Gail, being conscious of our emotions and the reasons we experience them is the key to emotional intelligence which can make us live happier lives
thanks for the addition
@Rob
that makes a perfect sense, and am really happy you managed to get over this and turn your life around to become a great person , thanks for your comment
@Randy
Thanks randy
@Nea
Really glad that you liked it
@ Sherri
yes sherri, this is one reason i love self understanding and i write most of my articles targeting that topic , thank you:))
@ Justin
Very good point justin, i strongly agree, thanks for the addition
@ Jarrod
thanks a lot jarrod, i hope that i can always write posts that appeals to you and to other people, thanks a lot for commenting
@ Everyone
i am really happy to join this community and to have the chance to share my thoughts with brilliant and intellectual people like you, excuse me if i am slow to reply to comments because i am new to wordpress but am sure i will catch up shortly
Everybody, thank you
))
Nice post! Spot on with hatred. I’d hate a boss too, that’s why I’m aiming for self-sufficiency. Hopefully I’ll get it sorted, or I can see myself constantly angry. >.<
Craig Thomas´s last blog ..5 Big Ways to Add Time To Your Days
It’s with some irony, I’m sitting here waiting to go into training for the day.
Lately I have been very angry with myself, my wife and everyone around me. The anger is eating away at me, to the point it hurts. I keep forgetting the most important things in life like a smile once in a while, a kind word to someone and some time to myself. I’m going t0 try and think of this training in a different way today thanks to some of the comments. Look forward to looking through this site more when I get home. Thanks, George
He said he hates everything about me,and that he never loved me. My love for 7 years of my life, we have two children together. He left me 5 months ago for another girl.
He said that he hates me, and my children and that he wants nothing to do with me any more he wants me out of his life.
But he hid the girl as a secret from me, thought I didn’t know kept trying to string me a long sayin he loves me and he’s only with her to make me mad, immature.
But I don’t know what to do or how to feel the person who I love dearly hates me and his 3 year old daughter, not to mention the 4 month old I recently gave birth too!
Whenever I speak with him there’s a lot of animosity generating from him to me and its weird! Especially when he’s with her. If I ask about him getting our girls he hangs up.
HELP ME UNDERSTAND PLEASE
I’ve sacrificed a lot for this person and he just acts as if we never knew one another. He said he loves her now, and we will never be together he always says this when I put on a show as if its the least of my worries. Although sometimes I do worry if I lost him forever, and I don’t really know why he left me as sneaky as he did an now dosent want to do anything but be with that new gurl, he won’t even get his children!!!!!!!everything is about her. It makes me sick because I’m giving everything I have to raise our kids and he aint doin nothing. 2 weeks ago he had called and told me that he would do anything to be with his family again but its me and he can’t.
I’m so confused at one point an time I had no self esteem I had allowed him to strip that from me, but once I satrted u know coming out of his control he ran far from me…
But i feel like he’s my enemy, but I love him