Line BreakAuthor: Steven Aitchison (433 Articles)
I am the owner of this blog and write about personal development with my passions being belief formation, thoughts, perceptions and emotions. You can get my FREE video course to help Change Your Life at www.AlterYourJacket.com
Change is never an easy thing to do in our lives. What is even more difficult is making the decision to change when we are unhappy about a certain aspect of our life but it is not so bad that it would cause us to take action to change.
In this video we will look at getting dissatisfied to make the change and why it is important. Many people are stuck between satisfied and dissatisfied, but won’t make the change because the hassle is not deemed worth it. If you want to be happy in all areas of your life – get dissatisfied with the status quo.
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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
I one got told that lasting change takes a revolution, and a revolution starts with being revolted by something. Taking this into account, unless you are revolted by what you want to change, chances are you will not have lasting change in that area.
Tom | Build That List´s last blog ..The Aweber Code….And Why You Need To Promote It!
Hi Tom, I know what you mean. This is indeed what we are talking about here, it’s about revolutionising your life and starting a revolution in your mind in order to be the best and have the best in your life.
Steven,
A great video post.
I think accepting the need to change is far the easiest part of the process, making the actual change becomes the challenge. I agree with your theory of becoming dissatisfied enough to provide a driver for making the change.
Regards
Paul
Paul´s last blog ..Love – What’s it all about?
Thanks for your comments Paul. It is very easy to accept that change is needed, but we really have to take action. taking the first step by getting really dissatisfied can be the start we need.
Isn’t it funny how we resist change until we are completely pushed against the wall? So often people stay in the positions that they are not happy in just because they are still somewhat comfortable. Only when the pain of staying becomes so unbearable we take the necessary steps.
Great video Steven and you are making a great point. I’ve been using this approach for quite sometime in my life – linking as much pain and discomfort to staying and as much pleasure as possible to changing.
Now I am also combining it with letting go and allowing. Might sound too “new agey” but it works miracles. What we resist persists, once we accept the situation and let it go, change happens often almost effortlessly. It’s a difficult combination – linking pain and discomfort but at the same time accepting and letting go. But it does work. Visualization helps greatly too to get you moving where you want to go.
Lana – DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..you won’t love THERE if you don’t love HERE first
Hi Lana. I know what you mean about letting go and know that it works as I use it myself. I would imagine that using the ‘get more pain’ method and ‘letting go’ would be difficult though, but a powerful combination.
I really liked this post. It fits my life right now…. The money is good at my job but there are other aspects of it that I don’t like. I realized that I could go years like this and until something external pushes me out I’ll just stay and be unhappy. So lately instead of thinking of the things I like about the job I’ve been thinking about the things I don’t like. Thinking about the good things only kind of masks the problem. Sometimes you have to think negatively to change. It’s working… I’m looking at other options with more passion…thanks for the post.
Hi Mary. I am glad this helped a little. I think it’s about weighing up the pros and cons and if the cons outweigh the pros then you kind of know that it’s time for a change. However, there is the practical aspect as well, that’s why it’s important not to just leave a job until another one is found –
“It’s easier to get a job when you already have a job.”
great video, takes guts to do that. however, change, what if you change too much? and not for the right reasons? is that choice, depending on your environment i think there are different reasons for change. i feel i have been constantly changing, i would like to stop that…
Hi Winnie. You know deep down in your heart when change is right for you. There’s no point in changing for the sake of changing, there has to be a good reason behind it. Usually change is geared toward growth of the individual, so if you are growing then it’s good.
Steve,
I understand what you are talking about, and agree for the most part. It seems to me that what we are really talking about is motivation for change. I would propose that the approach you are discussing is one aspect of motivation – which is an “away from” aspect in which the consequences of remaining in a specific situation become so horrid that we become motivated enough to take action to change it. The other aspect, which you alluded to in your example, is the “moving towards” aspect of motivation, that happens when we realize that the consequences of change are beneficial enough to take the risk of changing.
I think one reason why most people are more “away from” oriented because there is most often far less risk involved with remaining in our current situation, even if it really really sucks. Making a significant move to pursue a dream is usually scary for most because the risks are usually significant as well.
All of us have a degree of both “away from” and “moving towards” motivation. The key to making rational decisions is assessing the risks of change, versus the current situation, and deciding if the risks are acceptable taking a holistic view.
People most often get themselves into big trouble when they run away from problems without considering the risks of change. People who take a critical view and plan for change are far more successful in the changes, and in the long run more happy with the changes they have made.
I am in a similar situation to the one you described in your video. Having been an executive with Rolls-Royce, Alcoa and another Wind Energy company I decided some years ago to make a career change to become a psychologist. As you know, in the US this means about 6 years of school and internships. I planned carefully and am finishing my Masters, and starting my PhD coursework in Clinical Psychology this month. The only way I was able to do this (and Im still far from done) so far is that I planned for it. I did not just “jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.” Whether or not I am successful is still TBD, but I feel good about my odds…
I only offer my example to highlight the need for planning for major changes. It can’t *only* be about getting fed up enough to make a move… it has to be thought out. And once we think things out we can make informed decisions and avoid a lot of heartache along the way.
Just my 10 cents worth!
As usual, your video was very thought inspiring. I look forward to the next installation.
Chris
Chris Akins´s last blog ..5 ways to make your thoughts more positive and change your world
Chris, thank you so much for your insights. You have put this beautifully and I wholeheartedly agree with what you are saying and i should have emphasised that more in the video. I said in a comment above that there is no point in leaving a job until another 1 is found: basically planning your move. So yes, planning change is very important.
I know you didn’t write about yourself for the Kudos, but it’s great to hear stories like yours – just grabbing life and going for it. Thanks Chris.
Hey Steven, another nice video here. I agree that sometimes we have things in our life that we would like to change, but it’s hard to do so if we enjoy some aspects of those things. You gave an example of being a job that you want to change, but also enjoying the things like friends or the work environment. It might be hard to change, but coming up with different reasons like how badly the boss may treat you and how you think you deserve a raise all this time but haven’t gotten, can be the difference that makes us to take action to change.
Hulbert´s last blog ..My Brother Got Pulled Over by the Police – Part I Interview
Hi Hulbert. Change is only good if it’s for the right reasons and it’s practical. Obviously when we are weighing up the pros and cons each point will have a weighting so if you have on the con side that your boss hasn’t given you a raise in 5 years but on the other side your pay is $1million per year, then obviously your current pay has a huge weighting factor
Gosh I hardly know anyone who enjoys change.
Since we don’t like change, we tend to turn a blind eye to the “negative” situations in our lives. This doesn’t create happiness, it just gets us stuck.
And feeling stuck, for me, feels much worse than the discomfort felt when making changes…
Susan Liddy´s last blog ..6 Powerful Questions… What are YOUR Answers?
Hi Susan. Change is never easy, but to grow we need to change or, like you said, we stagnate and accept the status quo whilst being inwardly unhappy.
Susan, I have to say I love what you’re doing on the web to brand yourself, you’re doing a brilliant job and you’re someone I can learn a lot from.
Hi Steve, someone once said that all meaningful change begins with discomfort (can’t remember who). I’m not sure that all conscious change starts that way, but certainly much of it does. When we are comfortable we may lack the motivation to make changes unless our desires get stirred up by something. Conversely, once we find ourselves feeling uncomfortable over our current situation on some level, our mind starts seeking a solution. The greater the discomfort, the greater the motivation to change. Good video!
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..The Value of Networking With Others
Hi Jonathan. Yep I’d agree with you there. It’s all about crossing the line and being more uncomfortable than your are comfortable, once that line is crossed then that’s the time we start seeking a solution to the way we feel. Getting more dissatisfied is aimed at pushing you toward that line and eventually crossing it.
Hey Steven, I get it all depends what motivates us more, the pleasure of making the change, or the pain of making the change. If we can frame those towards the results we want, we have the motivation to change. And as you put it, one method is to get so dissatisfied, that the pain of staying the same outweighs all other pains so change is then easier to justify.
Mike King´s last blog ..Making Money on Purpose
Hi Mike. That’s exactly what I was trying to convey
There;s always the risk/reward ratio and all change really has to be weighed up carefully.
Hi Steven,
Resistance is futile!
As you ask to share in this community this is where i’m at:
Almost 40, most of this time has been friviously expended through poor levels of self confidence. Worse than that though, desire to change and move forwards into academic callings and cravings for a truly mutual, respectful, loving relationship with a like minded man has now sent my dissatisfaction levels with current lot into orbit, hence separation, single mumhood, and the teetering on the brink of starting a masters. The risk /reward ratio doesn’t exist yet because my ego takes care of that stuff and likes to spoil the way forwards. When Susan said ‘Gosh I hardly know anyone who enjoys change’ this made me laugh! What I picked up from one article however is that change is indeed uncomfortable and the more I wish to pursue change the more uncomfortable the experience is becoming and to be honest, being empty and ignorant was draining enough both physically and mentally, but this phase is positively exhausting as i’m not exactly equipped to deal with anxiety and the being out of comfort zones, yet paradoxically seeking to be in just those spots in order to break through. At the moment, change is blighted by resistance and resistance blighted by desire to change, so their is much irony in this topic for me. How ridiculous it that I should fear that which signals degrees of more satisfying happiness and maybe this might ring a bell with other readers? Or maybe its just me, I don’t know. And again Susan has struck a chord in me, “I’m stuck”. I see that now. No desire to retrea at last, yet for every step forwards, there’s a couple back. And its playing merry hell with my ‘life’.
However, despite drumming up courage for such pursuits, I have to say that there is something to said for group efficacy and without exposure to established, practising, positive thinkers, without the thoughtful prompting, I would be at least, oh another 5 years behind! Thanks for the inspiration and I hope any one else who might be struggling right now can drum up a little more spirit to keep them on the right tracks.
Best regards as ever,
Annette
Wow Annette, you have got a lot of spirit and it shines through in what you are saying. I imagine many people can understand exactly what you are going through, I know I can. It just takes the courage, strength and faith to keep moving through the various barriers.
i think blogs like this and the communities that surround them are great for encouraging others like yourself. I always wanted to set up a forum where people could meet more regularly but it has always been a problem with spammers in the past.
Thanks for such a wonderful, open and honest comment, I really appreciate it.
Great video post Steven and yes getting dissatisfied can be one of many reasons to make that changes needed in one life. For some crazy reasons change can sometimes be a big battle. I generally focus on the benefits I will be reaping once I have made that change. As the process of change in itself needs determination with self discipline form my own experience.
However, on one occasion I had been dissatisfied with my Job many years ago and did make changes .I simply moved and what happened then was I discovered that my manager would become my next door neighbour , she actually brought the house next door to me ..She was a lovely lady but I could not bear the thought of living next door to my manager. So in this scenario dissatisfaction did help Lovely post and video
Hi Fatima. that would be a nightmare, having your boss staying next door to you
Thanks for your comments on this.
Another great video. My husband and I built a home on my family’s farm when we were first married. We became unsatisfied after a few years and knew we needed to sell our home and move. It didn’t go over big with my family. We gained support from our therapist at the time, sold our home and moved to the city. I don’t like being stuck or miserable and sometimes the only way to change things is to take drastic action. We all go at our own pace but when you seek support, make a plan and release fear nothing is impossible.
His Tess, so true. Sometimes drastic situations require drastic action and I have found this to be the best way to move on sometimes. thanks for sharing this.
Funny to say, I am always dissatisfied and I enjoy change. Maybe I am wired differently? Any thoughts would be appreciated!
People say to me “look how much you’ve accomplished”. It is always an odd feeling when I hear that because the truth is, I look around and think that I have accomplished nothing yet.
Malcolm
Hi Malcolm, great to see you around these parts
How amazing does it feel to know you’ve not reached your full potential but
others around you are looking at you in awe because of what you have achieved?
Thanks for commenting Malcolm, good to connect with you again.
Hi Steve,
I agree that for some people, getting really dissatisfied is a great motivator for launching into change. It’s like the alcoholic who has to hit bottom before he/she can begin to get better. But, I’m not sure that it is the best way to stay motivated to make and sustain a change. I think it is more powerful to become so passionate and motivated about the possibilities that making the change will produce that you are actually compelled to move toward that possibility rather than away from what you don’t like. Creating a compelling vision of how your life will be when you have made the change successfully gives much more positive energy to the effort!
Hi Cindy,
I like your ideas, but I wonder, can you imagine how difficult it is to not feel passion and to have a motivation that rises and falls? To yearn for things and yet not have an adequate quota of enthusiasm! And to create a compelling vision means that you have to believe. I have hit rock bottom more than once with and without alcohol, so this post has really got me thinking now. I have started thinking about intuition and wisdom. Such things don’t make for obvious motivators but I think I’m starting to recognise what is pulling me along. Thanks again for your thoughts Cindy, they prompted me to dwell on such matters more and for this I am glad.
I think everyone at some point in their life will become dissatisfied with something. But it can need real courage to actually make the change that is needed.
Thanks for the Video.
Hi J. Thanks for your comments on this. It really does take courage but it is necessary to take the leap of courage and take the leap everyday.
Hi Cindy. Getting passionate and motivated is another strategy for change which would work great as well. It’s like what Chris and others have been saying you’re either moving away from pain or moving more toward pleasure. In the strategy you speak of you are obviously moving more toward pleasure which is a great way to stay motivated.
Thank you for your input Cindy, I really appreciate it. This is turning out to be a good conversation on motivation and change strategies.
Hi Steven,
How are you? These video series are very insightful and I thank you for putting up this webisode. I would like to share my story of change. I will make this short as possible .
In 2006, I was working full time for an aerospace company in the research development department and was always fascinated of the business side of the company because it was literally down the hall and everyone would be in their business attire and I would be wearing a lab coat.
A year and half later of working in a lab, talking with the same people who have been there for 20 + years with the same stories and how they were promoted every few years or so. I knew this job was not for me, because there was little room for promotion and I did not want to end up like my co-workers. With that said, I was dissatisfied and had a burning desire to make change. On July 31 2007, I quit my job and enrolled in a University where I was determined to graduate. I found many opportunities, and even a found great job, but eventually was laid off due to the economy.
All in all, it boils down to the desire to change and the ability to take action!
Cheers,
-Brian
Hi Brian, thanks for sharing your story. There are lots of components to change and it really does boil down to desire, belief and ability to take action.
Steven –
An interesting viewpoint. I believe that it is easier to find dissatisfaction than satisfaction for most people. What I find for most of the people I work with is that it takes an infraction point or symbolic moment to make a change. If you get screwed over by your colleagues or robbed of a bonus you thought you deserved that can spur us on to change. However most change comes from a positive focus and that needs to be cultivated too – change to run away is often unconstructive.
Phil
Great point Steven. I think you really explained this well. We really have to do whatever we can to breakout and not just accept the status quo because it is easy. The reality is that change requires continued motivation and dedication and if we can be honest with ourselves and realize that we really do want to be in another place, we will really create the change we want. Great video yet once again. Thanks for the insight.
Hi Steven,
I don’t believe that I am back here again, posting a third comment! Goodness me, between your article and a book i’m reading at the moment, so much realisation is triggering off all at once, and on the back of a all to recent learning curve too. The point I was trying to make to Cindy has become clearer still (and I guess there’s more to come reg actualising), but for anyone like me who thinks a tremendous amount of the time, passion and motivation are synonomously linked to thoughts and feelings, the feelings which in essence, are almost tangible things. Here’s me, ’struggling’ but always with the view to a greater good. So how can anyone, least of all me, quantify what intuition is and learning that translates into wisdom? These are pragmatic matters which I am still even less equipped to tackle but now recognise! These are my ‘motivators’ I do believe. Mix my intuition and wisdom ‘in progress’ into the melting pot of articles on this site, literature and wisdom of yourself and other commentators and this site and bingo!!!! This forum does indeed seek to achieve what it set out to in the beginning. And always will in some way.
More than enough for me to be going on with!
Hi Steve,
Your ideas are refreshing and inspiring. I work for a dotcom business which incorporates giving to charity from its profit. You know how it is when you work for a good-doer organisation that it seems a given for you to always feel and do good, too? As I am human, I am not exempt from heartaches and disappointments which at times may make me feel low. But it seems expected of me to always be of good cheer so I can, in turn, cheer up others. On the personal side, I am a single mum. And that alone comes with a lot of struggles. Your posts give me the energy to keep on and maintain that optimism. Come what may, and love it. Thanks, Steve!
Thank you – great video. I’ve found that to be the case, and it’s an example of how the mind follows focus. It’s a daily practice, along with being honest with oneself. A favorite quote: “…What’s terrible is to pretend that the second-rate is the first-rate. To pretend that you don’t need love when you do; or you like your work when you know quite well you’re capable of better.” (Doris Lessing)