Line BreakAuthor: John Anyasor (2 Articles)
John Anyasor is a guest blogger for Change Your Thoughts who writes for the HiLife2B: Blog on Personal Improvement for a Good Life. He gives advice on personal development, life lessons, college life tips, and more. For more of his articles, follow him on Twitter or subscribe for his free updates.
As 2010 continues, leaving the hype of the New Year behind, I’m beginning to reflect upon why we as people are so adverse to change. Even with all of these blogs, countless self help books, a plethora of case studies, most of us still find it difficult to really change. Every year we make resolutions, only to break them no more than three months later.
We trust that the spirit of the New Year will guide us towards success, only to find ourselves in the same rut we were last year… and the year before that… and the year before that. It’s this never ending cycle that refuses to let us go. Or in other words, we refuse to let it go.
The culprit of ineffective change
There’s a name for this cycle. It can be commonly referred to as routine. The actions that we perform day in and day out fall under this cycle, for better or for worse. It helps us get through our daily lives, feed our families, and stay current on mortgage payments. Or it keeps us in a never-ending chain of boredom, forcing us to constantly watch TV, stay safe by living too much within our means, and not bother stick to our weight-loss program.
Why is routine so hard to break?
Simple. First, start by asking yourself how we get into routines in the first place. Most of you will answer that, well, you simply got used to it. The actions in a routine become second nature. It got comfortable. And this, my friends, is the reason.
When we get comfortable, we get lazy. Routines tell your mind and body that there’s no need to change. It is because of this that when we do something different (mostly in the form of a New Year’s resolution) we tend to drift back to our routines.
Can I have some “change”?
There’s no easy way to say this, but the only way to start changing who you are is to practice free will. You have to actively choose to change. That means back it up with perceivable action. For example, if you’re trying to lose weight, you might want to keep a diary and record how many fruits, vegetables, and junk food you’ve been eating. You’ll want to keep the fruit and veggies count high, and the junk food count fairly low. It’s a simple yet effective way to gauge your change in diet.
Change is not easy
Mind you, change is hard, especially when been in a routine for many years. But you have to find ways to make the changing process fun if you want to be successful at it. Be creative. Don’t see “being more outgoing” as a long, sweaty slog through awkward conversation. See it as a learning experience. You’re meeting new people. Get happy! 
There a ton of different ways to start changing yourself, but it doesn’t start with a mere vocal commitment.
It starts with YOU.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson
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Great post! Just shared it on Twitter!
Positively Present´s last blog ..make the 3-to-1 ratio of positivity work for you
Thanks Dani!
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Nicely put John. I often tell people when they’re stuck and not sure what to do with life to just get out there and try new things! Just this weekend passed my friends and I filmed a comedy parody video, to be released soon, we felt like stars with the camera men and doing our thing, who woulda thought I could be a star!
You just gotta do it! Great quote to finish on!
Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..Honouring People And Cultures With Language Skills
You’re doing a great service, Amit. Keep it up
You did a comedy parody? Nice! You’ve got to share it with on the blog when you get a chance.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
John,
Suggesting that someone change the side of the bed they sleep on or what they eat for breakfast can drive someone crazy. I think when we find we can make small changes it’s easier to make bigger ones. I only needs to become open and acceptive for change to happen.
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..The Time Of My Life
Small changes are very important in order to huge life-changing ones. One may be open to change, but it takes guts to actually try to change.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
I somewhat agree, but in order for change to be sustainable, the new habits need to become a part of the routine. Routine is not necessarily the enemy. Shaping your routine so that it facilitates change is the surest way to achieve your goals.
Dave – 30 Days at a Time´s last blog ..Taking Time to Consider Time
Of course, you’ve got it. Routine is not the enemy, because we all eventually settle into routines. But like I’ve said above, it takes guts to make changes, even to a routine.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Creatures of Habit and a Lack of Desire
If I told someone I would give them $1000 each time they went to the gym. The place would be packed.
Without desire, the discomfort of new change is challenging for people to overcome
Jon | Adventures of the Fearless´s last blog ..Interview with Dr Joe Vitale – Operation YES
Great beginning title. Short, sweet, and to the point.
In regards to your last point, that’s not completely true. Most people desire a lot of things, but aren’t willing to take the pain that comes with it – sometimes, myself included. You just have to deal with it. Easier said than done of course.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Change all the way! I tend to follow the principle that it takes 21 days to form a habit. May be effort at first but eventually it becomes routine and wolah, change!
Nice post and perfect ending quote.
Craig´s last blog ..Finding a Quiet Space When Life is Busy
I may have to try your method of forming habits. Glad you like the post, my friend.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Hi John,
Great article! I like it because you underlined the fact that change is not easy. By acknowledging this, I think you have made an excellent case for the potential to change and I can buy into your suggestions. Sometimes its not what is said but the way it is said, and you say it well. Thanks!
Annette
I’m glad to be of service. You give way too much credit though – I just try my best to give good advice.
But sure, no problem, Annette.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
“You are the only one that creates your reality” – I heard that off of a Youtube video…
That youtube video was right. Mind sharing?
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
You are like the king of understatement! Change is NOT easy. Unless it’s change you don’t want and then, inexplicably, it’s amazingly easy. (I think there’s a law of the universe tucked into that maxim!)
It does start with me (you!) and the idea of creating the experience we want instead of letting our environment do it for us.
It’s a very bad practice to depend on external influences to change you. Why should my life depend on what another person deems of me? It’s up to us to determine what we want for ourselves. Having the guts to try and change for what we want is what matters.
It starts with YOU, Hayden. Glad you liked my post.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Hey John!
This subject hits close to home. All the wise ones throughout time have said, truthfully of course, that success is a habit, and so is failure. If you want something, you need to make the efficient pursuit of it a habit.
But here’s the deal for me. I have a natural resistance to routine. I have habits, of course. And some are bad. And I am lazy too, which doesn’t help matters. But I have a he** of a time “adopting”a new routine to undo the old one. Does that make sense?
But as much as I wax on about what folks need to do, I have never mastered taking control of my habits. It is my Achilles Heel.
Thanks for reminding me!
LOL
Terrific post. And I love your blog too! You are a crisp writer. I like your style.
All the best,
Hugh
Hugh DeBurgh – The Passionate Warrior´s last blog ..The 5th Secret to Getting the Life You Want
Glad to hear you’re a fan of the blog.
You’re lazy too? Join the club, my friend. I’m not the most productive person you’ll ever meet, but I know that it takes courage and will in order to change. Don’t be so lazy as to think what’s necessary to get you where you want to be is too troublesome.
Don’t try to adopt an ENTIRELY new routine. Like Tess said above, start small and you’ll be able to knock out the big ones in no time.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Hey John: Great article and great point. So many of us have set goals and are trying to accomplish change in our lives, but the only way this will really ever happen is if we break out of being complacent and accepting the status quo. You are so right that it is something you have to stay continually committed to and realize that it will happen one small step at a time. Thanks for sharing.
alternaview – Sibyl´s last blog ..How to Immediately Get in a Better Mood…(especially when you are just having a so-so day or someone has upset you)
Thanks!
You’re right – it takes more than just setting goals to actually achieve them. Change yourself and your habits; that is the only way for your goals to become reality.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Hi John, thanks for your thoughtful post.
From my perspective the reason change is so difficult is that we try to do it at the level of the ego-mind. Another problems is that we actually believe our thoughts and forget they are just words we give meaning to. The third barrier is that the ego-mind is always focused on the past or the future where change is impossible.
Real change is possible only in the present, in the state of awareness. Mindfulness allows us to develop the observing presence of a higher mind/Self. That impartial level of consciousness allows us to think and act more from a deeper wisdom than the noisy mind.
I write about consciousness, peace, passion and purpose and sometimes rant about politics over at:
http://www.explorelifeblog.com
Joseph
Joseph Bernard´s last blog ..Placing Your Mind In The Back Seat
I find the thoughts you have in the first paragraph so true. We place so much value in the past that’s too late to fix or a future that hasn’t happened yet. If we focus on the now, we give ourselves more power to change.
Really cool thoughts, Joseph. Thanks for sharing.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
For me, having a routine is empowering. Without a “structure” for my day, I’ll get unfocused and feel scattered.
Having said that, I also need to be careful to not get caught up in a rut… Too much structure/routine can become quite boring and can stifle my personal growth. It’s important to me to “flow” with life… allow my day to unfold…
So, I guess it’s about balance. And, its also about watching out for expectations. Staying present in the moment, being conscious about what I’m thinking and feeling… embracing opportunities to step out of the “Safety” of the structure while allowing that same structure to empower met.
Love the dichotomies of personal growth!
You’re right about routine’s potential to quickly become a drag – it’s not something I like realizing. Sometimes stability is nice, but there are moments when it gets to be a little too comfortable.
Balance is the key. No one lives life exclusively on either of the two extremes – peaceful and adrenaline-pumping.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Hi John (and Steven), I think this is the crucial part: “That means back it up with perceivable action.” Yes. And I have found that change and action are easier IF we DON’T think about it. We often get stopped in our track when we THINK about the actions or change, but if just act, even if initially mechanically, we will find we quite rapidly move forward. Usually the THOUGHT of action or change is MUCH worse and larger that the actually action or change itself. JUST DO IT!! type of thing really can work. Thank you John. Appreciate this fine article. Robin
Thinking is the death of action. Very nicely put, Robin. I’ve recently been trying to get a bit more out of my comfort zone, so I can identify.
I say think for 3 seconds and just go for it.
You’re welcome and glad you liked it.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
I have found it’s difficult to “break” a habit but it is possible to “extinguish” a habit over time with persistence and focus. This focus of change has to win over the other routines of life. Thanks for sharing a great point of view. It makes you go hmmmm.
LeanLifeCoach´s last blog ..If You Lived 130 Years?
Hey, glad you could find something useful in my post. I do what I can. By the way, could you elaborate on the difference between “breaking” a habit and “extinguishing” it. A bit confused on that part.
Thanks.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
You make a good point here but I will also add that sometimes it isn’t change that’s hard, it’s our minds telling us that the change is hard because of what we’ve heard from so many other people.
If we really sat down with ourselves and realised how simple and maybe hard, maybe not so hard change is, we could do it without listening to everyone else talk about why and how to do it exactly.
Eric´s last blog ..Lets Help Each Other
I think you’re right. Some solutions are actually pretty obvious. They just take a little action to get going. Write down the steps necessary to change and it’ll be much easier than you think.
John´s last blog ..The Laundry List of False Motivations
Hi John, some great stuff here! Yes, comfort is the culprit, but my question is, how comfortable are we really? If we have a big change we want to make, and push it temporarily to the back of minds, say, as we eat another pizza and flick through tv channels, are we really comfortable, or are we just temporarily anesthetized against feeling anything at all… including the discomfort of NOT making that change, and sticking with our routine?
I wrote about this in my last post… about the comfort/discomfort conundrum in resisting the changes we really want. I’d love your thoughts!
Cheers,
Miche
Miche | Serenity Hacker´s last blog ..Making Big Changes: Energy and Resistance
Neutral discomfort is the same thing as comfort. Comfort is: not feeling a need to exit any particular state (because of safety, familiarity, etc.). Sure it annoys me to know that I’ve been watching TV for three hours, but that doesn’t mean I’m uncomfortable enough to stop what I’m doing.
Put in the effort to stop being comfortable and challenge yourself. Only then is change within reach.
Anytime, Miche.
John´s last blog ..Dear Reader: My First “Business” and a Plea
Thanks for this Steven. I know from experience that change is hard. I just went from getting up at random times from 9-1 in the afternoon to getting up at 9am for 30 days straight. Feels fantastic!
Now that is change that I can get behind. Congrats, Richard. I think it’s time I did my own 30 day experiment as well.
John´s last blog ..Dear Reader: My First “Business” and a Plea
i loved the ending quote
nice article
Thanks, Farouk.
John´s last blog ..High Risk, High Reward
Hi John,
I really enjoyed this article. I have to agree that vocal commitment is only half the battle. Writing the reasons down on paper on why you want to change and repeating in on daily basis, will pursued you to take perceivable actions.
Keep up the great work, I look forward to more of your articles.
Cheers,
-Brian
Brian´s last blog ..10 Remarkable Differences between Procrastinators and Go-Getters – Which Side Are You On?
Thanks Brian. Actually taking the actions to change is ten times as difficult compared to simply writing them down. But when you stop thinking about the difficulty and start acting towards your goal, it gets easier. It’s hard for a lot of people (myself included) to step out of their comfort zone, but it’s even harder to never try.
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