Line BreakAuthor: Nik Karlil (1 Articles)
Nik Karlil is the main writer for Personal Development Pro. A Personal development blog that focus on the making of an independent, strong, simple and happy individual. Though his blog may sound boring and lame, he is indeed trying very hard to crack jokes from time to time. And to demonstrate his sheer awesomeness, his favorite post of all time is How To Be Interesting...
To a certain extent, I believe we have all been unfairly judged before, and because it is not something we can avoid, it pays to learn the steps necessary to beat prejudice. Even more so when the antagonist is our new boss or mother in law. While I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s easy, choices are, at times, not a luxury we own. In any case, here’s how it could be done.
1.Be tolerant
First of all, he or she does not hate you. Having prejudice towards another is not a choice made by the other person. It is mostly a subconscious act that is based on false ideology and interpretation that were cultivated since young based on personal experience, influence of the media and hearsay. If there’s anyone who is at fault, it is we who are too easy to generalize people in terms of race, gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation. So, instead of playing the blame game which only make matters worse, try and be tolerant.
2. Focus
It’s all too easy to let your emotions get carried away. After all, it’s certainly not fair for us to be judged on things we hardly have any control over. Make sure to always keep in mind what you want, and ignore any emotions that may hinder such progress.
3. Be nice to them
What I often do is keep smiling and be nice to the person. This often works like a charm. Sure, we don’t owe them anything. But if you want their acknowledgment, this is the only road to take.
4. Understand what is expected of you
Now you may wonder, if it’s not hate, then what is it? He sure did make life harder for you, but that’s something we all have to deal with at some point in life. To get past the bias, try to look at it as someone who expects more from you than what he does of others, which is true. Don’t pay any attention to the little things. To find acceptance, you must first focus on what needs to be done, and that is; understanding what is expected of you and constantly perform beyond his expectations.
5. Don’t be desperate
There is no one, I dare say, that does not want to be acknowledged. Even so, when the person involved plays an important role in our life. But, no matter how important he may be, you should never be desperate for acknowledgment. Think of it as being in a romantic relationship. It is never advisable to be needy, right? The same goes for getting past the discrimination.
6. Avoid mistakes
If there’s anything you should avoid, it is making mistakes. It will only worsen their judgment on us as it confirms what they have in mind toward us, which is not something we want to be associated with. If you do, however, make mistakes, apologize immediately. Try not to give excuses for your mistakes as it does not help and can make things worse.
7. Surpass their expectations
This is where it matters most. You need to work harder so that you can constantly surpass their expectations. Always remember, the first one is a fluke. And so is the second one. The third is where things really start to count. And after some time, usually, the prejudice will slowly fade.
8. Be persistent
Don’t get disheartened when things persist. The key is to be patient. Unless he hates you, sooner or later he will realize that his judgment and bias is incorrect . But until that day comes, be persistent.
9. Kindly tell them if it persists
I would only recommend this as a last resort. No one likes to be called a racist or sexist, directly or indirectly. We all feel the need to be seen as someone who is fair. Especially so when the relationship is a professional one. But if you must, do so in a kind manner or things will only get uglier.
Wrap up
Instead of hanging on to the cliche that life is not fair, I always try to look at it as a trial or challenge. This works well to keep myself in a positive attitude. Since there’s no changing how hard life can sometimes get, it is better to change our perspective on things.
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Hi Nik
I wanted to be the first to comment and welcome you to CYT as a first time guest author. For anyone who hasn’t heard of Nik I would urge you to check out his blog as there is some gold in it. Thanks for being a guest here Nik and I hope everyone will make you feel welcome as they have done all the other guest authors here.
Once again, thanks for this opportunity to guest post and join the great community of writers at Change Your Thoughts, Steven.
Karlil´s last blog ..7 Simple Ways To Keep Yourself Motivated
Nik. First of all, thank you for starting to address such an important issue!
I like how you focus on some of the things we do have control over rather than how to change someone else (which is rarely a fruitful approach!).
I might go even further and say that all judgement is ‘unfair’ in the sense that it categorises and the effect is to turn us into objects. It ignores the fact we are all constantly changing beings that stubbornly defy any attempt to label us. Prejudice is even more problematic because it labels en masse and lumps us all together with everyone sharing the same feature (whether gender, sexual orientation, colour of skin, religion … whatever).
I like how you point out some things we can do to stand out as individuals in the face of prejuduce – I do wonder though that if we try to please the ‘antagonist’ (avoiding mistakes, trying to exceed their expectations etc.) then we’re just playing their game and actually making things worse? I’m curious about your thoughts on that.
Ian | Quantum Learning´s last blog ..How To Fully Enjoy Life
Karlil, Steven,
This is an important subject and one that I can remember knowing nothing about until I experienced it myself as a teen.
What I find encouraging is these young kids growing up today (at least where I am) truly seem untouched by prejudice. I wonder if they begin to learn about it when they experience it firsthand (like I did) and if they do encounter it first hand, will they be apt to think of it as an exception rather than the rule?
@Ian
Hi Ian. I personally think it is important to play at their game, rather than avoiding them, if you want their acknowledgment. I mean, if you avoid the problem, then there’s really no solving them, would it? At least from my experience, this is how I get rid of prejudice. Thanks for the comment.
@Belinda
Hi Belinda. From what I heard, prejudice is not as bad as it were in the olden days. And even if there’s any bias toward gender, color, etc, maybe it’s not so bad as to make a big deal out of it?
Karlil´s last blog ..7 Simple Ways To Keep Yourself Motivated
You are right. All of the above things are imperative. I believe, to come extent every one knows it too, but why it is not followed is because it’s difficult. We are so reluctant to observe discipline of mind.
Darshan Chande´s last blog ..Can you freely talk about sex?
It’s hard not to be prejudice from first glance. I don’t mean this by color such as being white, black, brown, yellow, etc., but being prejudice from anything such as age to the way people dress. What you’ve provided here are reassuring ways to get by prejudice and make the world a better place.
Tristan Lee´s last blog ..Respect: Follow Through With Your Words
Nice article Nik. If we can avoid the tendency to take things personally, it’s a lot easier to avoid the negative thinking trap. You made some valuable points in #2 to help us in this area. Great job!
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..The Key to Making Wise Decisions
I enjoy the overall premises of this article, to focus on the circumstances that are under your control regarding the issue. This applies in any area of life. We won’t often be able to change the minds of others, but we can be our best, which may at least give them something to think about.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..10 Natural Health Tips to Prevent Swine Flu (and Everything Else)
Isn’t it great when your prejudices are overturned. You know, when you step aside to avoid a pierced tatooed thug then watch them help an old lady across the road. Things like that are a great reminder of how wrong it is to be prejudiced and how much richer life is when you’re open minded.
Nik, I find to surpass their expectation is a good way to get past prejudice. Although it takes time but at least you prove what you capable of doing and if lucky enough, it will silence the complaints and false judgment they have. To keep our emotions stable is hard but something we must learn to do for the sake of both sides. A good advise to share with many. Thanks.
@wchingya
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Ching Ya´s last blog ..3 Easy Ways to Share Selective Tweets on Facebook Pages
At first glance, I thought this post was about how to avoid being prejudiced. It’s refreshing to see an article from the other side of the fence and offer suggestions. “1. Be Tolerant” resonates with me the most and works from both sides of the prejudice. If everyone were tolerant with others, and didn’t judge or feel judged, the world would be a more peaceful place.
Eric´s last blog ..Get that debt monkey off my back!
Hey Steven, I know Niks blog. He is a very good writer. Good choice
Hi Nik,
I love how you have tackled such a delicate issue, so gently. Each and every point is gentle yet effective. Way to go!!
I like the “smile a lot”..it truly does work like a charm
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Our Life’s Shelter
Thanks for all the wonderful comments guys. Again, it’s my pleasure to guest post for this blog. Especially so, when the readers here are simply awesome.
Karlil´s last blog ..5 Simple Body Language Mistakes To Avoid
What a wonderful discovery this article is. Prejudice has and probably always will be a very sensitve subject. I’ve experienced plenty of prejudice in my day and I am always trying to find sounds ways to teach my children how to deal with it. I am going to share your article with them as it is filled with very sound advice. I especially like how you advise to exceed their expectations. It’s a great way not only to deal with this issue, but to grow as a person as well. Thanks again for this article.
Kim – self improvement and motivation´s last blog ..Weight Loss Motivation Tips
Good morning Nik. The world can certainly use the kind of good advice you’ve posted here. Passing judgment on people has wreaked all manner of havoc for many generations. When someone says “you’re worth less than me because I’m bigger, smarter, richer or different”….big pain results if I believe them. In fact, I can be made to feel literally worthless….if enough people judge me and find me wanting. But it’s not just being poorer or weaker that hurts. It’s a fact of life that I’m poorer or weaker than lots of folks for instance. Those are accurate judgment calls. The problem comes from judging our LIVES to be worth less than other lives. When someone believes their heart and soul or spirit can be worth less than others (worthless even) that’s where the trouble begins. I think most of us realize this of course. But here’s something most of us don’t realize. It’s impossible for one life to be worth less than another. Certainly I can be worth less MONEY than you. Or be judged to have less brain power. But when it comes to my LIFE….it’s impossible. Why? Because there’s only One Life and we all share it. Here’s an example of how silly judging each other’s LIVES is. Imagine I asked you “is the life of a rabbit’s tail worth more than the life of his ears?”. What would you think about that? You’d think I was nuts, because there aren’t two lives there to judge. There’s only One life there and it’s Mr. Bunny’s. Right? Exactly. Same holds of your life and mine and everyone else’s. So how come we don’t see this simple fact of life? That’s too long a story for here. But suffice to say….if we finally did see this truth….a whole lot of positive change would happen. Cheers Nik and keep on putting out that good Karma. John Duffield
John Duffield´s last blog ..Yes There is Real Magic
I particularly like the step “Be nice to them.” It’s so simple and easy. There’s nothing like using your charm to get anything you want!
Nikka´s last blog ..The Yoovolution Project