Line BreakAuthor: Armen Shirvanian (5 Articles)
Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.
Editors Note: This is a guest post from Armen Shirvanian from TimelessInformation.com
What your thinking involves is what your actions soon become. How much of what you think about is based on not letting others down, or making sure you fit in with the group, or not going beyond a social boldness limit? When you pick a book to read at the bookstore, is it based on your interest in the topic and author of the book, or is it based on wanting to tell others you read that specific book, because it is currently popular and will make you look more intelligent?
Satisfaction Comes From Satisfying Your Interests As Well
The amount of satisfaction you will get out of an action is proportional to how much of the action is based on your own interests. You get negligible satisfaction, if any, from the responses of others. Due to this, it is worth taking a minute to see who the last few thoughts you had were about. It can be eye-opening to find out that a large portion of your cognitive time is wasted trying to please others, when in fact it doesn’t even end up pleasing them.
Your Presence Is Relevant, Too
Where is the room for your own life and routine if 75% of your thoughts are about adjusting to what others have done, or limiting the loudness of your voice so you are not labeled as “overbearing”, or pleasing others so that they are more lenient with you pursuing your actual interest? If you are having a high proportion of these types of thoughts, think about how there are others who are much more focused on satisfying their own goals than pleasing others. These more successful people are thinking about the action they want to take, regardless of others.
Reserve Your Thought Energy For Completion Of Your Goal Steps
Whereas you might get to step #2 of a decision-making process about purchasing a large bookshelf to place in your room, before giving up thinking it would bother your significant other or roommate, a power thinker will go through all the steps of looking at various bookshelves, checking prices, seeing which one would fit best and have the appropriate color, and would lastly confirm with the person who they were living with if it would be okay with them. Focusing on your own interests in your thoughts takes you near the final steps, where you can then consider others and still be almost ready to implement.
There Are Some Things That You Are Best Suited For
Seeing as how there is only one person in your position, it doesn’t even make sense to place worry and anxiety about others highly in your thoughts. You are not responsible for the happiness of others, and not only that, it is not fair to your value as a person to be worried about theirs. Go through these thinking steps at times:
- take note of your strengths
- realize that some others don’t have the same strengths
- think about how others view the strengths you have as features they would want
- understand that the majority of your focus has to be on usage of your skills if you want to implement them
- use that knowledge to make use of the skills and advantageous thinking you possess while the opportunity is there
Self-Directed Individuals Are Wonderful To Be Around
A perfect example of the way you want to act just showed up as I was writing this. A person I know who is very direct and self-oriented came in and checked his stock price on the office computer I am on. He didn’t worry about bothering me or looking bad or anything of that nature. Due to his calmness and direct action, it makes me feel relaxed and more glad as well. This is the type of person you want to emulate. When your thoughts are about your own actions, as you would see them unfiltered by expectations you think others have of you, you act more smoothly, and others will appreciate that. It makes others happy when you don’t try to please them, because it doesn’t put any pressure on them to respond in some polite or desired way.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Putting myself first in my thoughts has been my inclination (I thought). However, my actions are not; they are always directed to the expectation of others. I think this satisfies my lack. Instead of improving my well-being, I measure myself with the criticisms of others.
Your insights here is an eye opener for me.
wa´s last blog ..Powerful blog secret: Affective writing
Walter: This makes sense. I think that more people than not are in that category. The change has to start right now. If your next action, and the one after that, isn’t about yourself more than others, it is hard to say that there is a point to putting out effort. We might as let the other person take the action while we just watch.
Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Verbally Attacking Others Shows A Lack Of Intelligence
It’s definitely important to prioritize our own interests, and for this reason, it’s important that we know our personal values so that we actually know what to prioritize.
I agree that it’s important to know our strengths as well, but it’s even more important that we use these strengths in a way that aligns with our values.
Vin – NaturalBias´s last blog ..My Story of Determination to Overcome Poor Health
Vin: That is true. I sure didn’t mention values there. Values come up a lot in what I read, but I assume that little action is taken in relation to them. If someone values people socializing in public, and wants to hear people exchange words more often, they shouldn’t care about others who want to only hear conformist thoughts or have others listen to them. Another example would be a person who values punctuality, who would want to enforce others being punctual when going to a meeting. If we don’t defend a value we think we have, we don’t actually have it, and it has no basis.
Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Verbally Attacking Others Shows A Lack Of Intelligence
Its best to keep our selves for most in our mind. To think of how you can better your self and not allow others to put limitations on how you think. Thinking and acting in accordance with who you are as an individual is the secret to success. I’m not saying you should not take advice from people who arey our friends and colleagues. But you need to think of how you can stretch your comfort zone, be the best you can be and take action immediatly.
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Jonathan: I like how you say it is the secret to success. That sounds about right, as we don’t get success from doing nothing in worry of disappointing others. During a time of “worry”, nothing is being produced or completed, so nothing valuable comes out of it. Also, people who worry about others more don’t take action as often, making them look weak and confused from an external viewpoint. Thanks for your thoughts.
An insightfull post. Will definitely help.
Thanks,
Karim –
Positive thinking