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How to make true friends - Part 2 - The Pride of loneliness

March 21st, 2008 • Related • Filed Under

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Read: 7 Ways to make friends – Part 1 – Knowing yourself

The world has never been so connected but we have never been so alone. When was the last time you had a conversation with your neighbours? When did you last strike up a conversation with someone in a lift (an elevator)? Our world has become so exciting and manic that we are forgetting to connect with each other.

If we want to speak to someone we send a ‘quick email’ or give them a ‘quick call’, if we want to see our friends holiday snaps we check out their Bebo site, if we want to meet someone new we check out a dating website.

If we want to make true friends with people, we have to start connecting with them on a genuine way.

Playing games

A lot of us have become so psychologically and politically aware that we are all playing games with each other. When you are dating someone new have you ever held off calling that person for fear of them knowing you like him or her, have you ever come across this scenario:

You have met someone you like and it’s clear they like you, you go to call them to meet up:

You: ‘He might think I like him too much so I will hold off calling them, I’ll wait another few days’

Them: ‘I wish she would call, I don’t want to call in case she thinks I am desperate, I’ll wait another couple of days and call her’

We play games at work, in our love life, in our business life and even in our family life. All of this adds up to us feeling even more alone and isolated from each other.

Being genuine

If it’s one thing I have learned in life that has helped me more than anything and that’s being honest and genuine. By genuine I mean not having an agenda when speaking to someone. I have gained a reputation of being a very honest and open person. If somebody asks me a question that they may not like the answer to I always ask ‘Do you want me to tell the truth here or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?’ I have mixed reactions to that question, but it has gained me a great reputation of being trustworthy and honest.

It’s time to stop playing games and being honest with yourself and being honest with others, this will start you on the road to connecting with others again.

Being honest can be hard for some people however the effort of being honest will stand you in good stead for making friends easily.

We all need people to help us in life, we need love, we need praise, and we need conversation. Even online we need people to help us reach our goals. If it wasn’t for you reading this article right now I wouldn’t have a blog, I wouldn’t have 2000 subscribers to this blog, I wouldn’t have written one single word if it wasn’t for you. I have made some great contacts through blogging and I am one of the most anti-social people you could meet, however I choose my relationships wisely and don’t collect friends for the sake of it. I recognise the importance of creating lasting friendships for myself and for others.

We are social creatures and we all need somebody. Why not smile at that person in the lift and strike up a conversation, stop and speak to your neighbours for 5 minutes, have a genuine conversation with no agenda with your work colleagues. It’s time to become a social-human again instead of a techno-human.

The next article in this series will be ‘The art of honesty’ and I look forward to seeing you here.

Some other articles you might enjoy

Serious health risks of lonlieness - Diethack

The Fondness of being lonely - Life is elsewhere

The Seven wrong reasons people fall in love - William Strickland

6 Ways to make true friends in your workplace- The Daily Mind

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Pingback by Art Blog » How to make true friends - Part 2 - The Pride of loneliness on 21 March 2008:

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Comment by Karl Staib - Your Work Happiness Matters on 21 March 2008:

I try to live my life like this article suggest. Everyone is a potential friend and teacher. I’ve learned so much from random people that I’m adicted to striking up conversations with people in the grocery store or at the library. My wife gets a kick out of it, most of the time. Wherever I’m at I’m ready to learn. One of the greatest changes I’ve made is listening to other people and not just waiting for a moment so I can interject something of my own.

Comment by Andy's Plumbing Tips on 26 March 2008:

Interaction to others is important. Learn to listen to the stories of other people. And also it’s important to develop a healthy relationship with others.

Comment by spostareduro on 2 April 2008:

“Techno human”..so easy to become isn’t it?

Comment by Lottery on 12 April 2008:

Friendships are complicated, may have many friends but can usually count on one hand the number of “true” friends in a lifetime.

Pingback by Mr Achievement’s Top Positions - Week of April 25, 2008 on 25 April 2008:

[...] Part 2 - The Pride of Loneliness [...]

Comment by Jimbojones on 7 June 2008:

I moved 3 years ago, haven’t made any friends yet. The only people i know in this town is my jobmates. That doesn’t help cause I hate half of them. BTW, I work in public so we have breaks one a person at a time so there’s like no time where i can talk with them. I go on every invitation i get, but it’s pretty rare. Since i never go out, I don’t even know where I could have a date.

Comment by smitty on 26 July 2008:

When I got married, I gave up all my friends and my wifes friends became my friends (sort of). My wife then cheated on me, and now that we are divorced, I dont have any friends anymore. Now I feel so abandoned, worthless and lonely. My wife has all the friends and goes out having fun all the time with guys etc while I’m left alone. Friday nights and Saturday nights are the worst since everybody is out and I’m home alone. Its a sad thing since I dont make friends that easily. I tried joining sports teams but seems all the teams are already full. Everything I try same deal. Even when I meet people in the park, chances are I will never see them again, besides its not safe meeting strangers in the park.

Comment by Ajith on 17 November 2008:

Thank you for posting this advice for us. I recently moved from UK to northern California.
I love the great weather and all the space I have here. But I cant help being lonely, missing my friends and the British accent around me.
I want to make a new start and make new friends. Especially, I am a thoughtful person and need someone who can get together with me and share my thoughts.
Your advices are great..!

Comment by Alvin little on 8 December 2008:

I do series of people how can i find a friend that will care about me but give me unsatisfiying answer.

Comment by Ron on 29 December 2008:

What amazes me is how many guys have such a hard time making friends. Part of my own loneliness is the isolation I have felt in believing that I am alone in my lack of ability to make friends. I’ve been here 7 years now and still not a single close friend. Lots of close acquaintances, but not a single real friend. My wife is my best and only friend (of almost 30 years!). As great as this is, it doesn’t take the place of having some sort of male companionship.

Comment by Mark on 30 January 2009:

Forget about yourself

Comment by alice radio on 23 June 2009:

great thoughts. but i like simple relationship between friends and simple life though the world is not so simple as i expected. but just keep calm then to be who you are. that’s so important.