Comments on: 7 Tips for dealing with confrontation http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation to change your life Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:10:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: Mathew http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-201843 Mathew Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:40:54 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-201843 i have thiz music teacher at school and he proper shouted at me today for such an unjustified reason. his asked me to come and play drums for the orchestra, firstly i dont even play drums! , let alone read drum score and have never played in an orchestra in my life!, i just jam out in my bedroom! so anyway i turn up and the first 20 mins goes quite well, he can see that im not sure with the transfers in the piece of music so he starts off running through the changes whcih is pleasent off him. but when i dont get it right next time, he totally flips!, like hitting the white board behind him , seriously this guy needs to be put in his place, meanwhile everyone else is just watching as my heart beat triples the speed of this lousy piece of swing. he continues to raise his voice at me throughout the session. at the end i was totally pissed off and ready to rip this arrogant, worthless piece of s**t's head off. but just left quitely (you can tell im the non confrontational type :p) So yeh tomorow i plan to put this guy in his place, he probs wont even take note of what i say cos his heads so far up his own arse but heyy, ill give it a shot. i have thiz music teacher at school and he proper shouted at me today for such an unjustified reason.
his asked me to come and play drums for the orchestra, firstly i dont even play drums! , let alone read drum score and have never played in an orchestra in my life!, i just jam out in my bedroom!
so anyway i turn up and the first 20 mins goes quite well, he can see that im not sure with the transfers in the piece of music so he starts off running through the changes whcih is pleasent off him. but when i dont get it right next time, he totally flips!, like hitting the white board behind him , seriously this guy needs to be put in his place, meanwhile everyone else is just watching as my heart beat triples the speed of this lousy piece of swing.
he continues to raise his voice at me throughout the session.
at the end i was totally pissed off and ready to rip this arrogant, worthless piece of s**t’s head off. but just left quitely (you can tell im the non confrontational type :p)

So yeh tomorow i plan to put this guy in his place, he probs wont even take note of what i say cos his heads so far up his own arse but heyy, ill give it a shot.

]]> By: Chris Akins http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-200609 Chris Akins Sat, 12 Sep 2009 06:54:53 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-200609 There is an excellent method for communicating during confrontation known as the S.E.T. process. S.E.T. was developed by clinical psychologists for communicating effectively with people who are in crisis or are irrational. I've used this method in clinical and personal settings, and it is very effective. You can read about it at http://www.chrisakins.com/communicating-effectively-in-difficult-situations. Many of us are conflict averse, but when we learn how to manage our own emotional states, establish and maintain boundaries, and communicate effectively difficult situations we can gain the confidence to deal with them in an assertive and effective way. .-= Chris Akins´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.chrisakins.com/7-secrets-of-self-motivation/" rel="nofollow">7 secrets of self-motivation</a> =-. There is an excellent method for communicating during confrontation known as the S.E.T. process. S.E.T. was developed by clinical psychologists for communicating effectively with people who are in crisis or are irrational. I’ve used this method in clinical and personal settings, and it is very effective. You can read about it at http://www.chrisakins.com/communicating-effectively-in-difficult-situations.

Many of us are conflict averse, but when we learn how to manage our own emotional states, establish and maintain boundaries, and communicate effectively difficult situations we can gain the confidence to deal with them in an assertive and effective way.
Chris Akins´s last blog ..7 secrets of self-motivation My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: will4king http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-200582 will4king Fri, 11 Sep 2009 08:43:04 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-200582 Hi AJ Your note of being assertive is totally valid; But I am absolutely astounded by someone assumed to be a Catholic Christian can use the words "Jesus" and "Pussy" in the same sentence. there's some confrontation for you. Will PS! For those that did not read AJ's post yet just search for "Pussy" on this page! Hi AJ

Your note of being assertive is totally valid; But I am absolutely astounded by someone assumed to be a Catholic Christian can use the words “Jesus” and “Pussy” in the same sentence.

there’s some confrontation for you.

Will

PS! For those that did not read AJ’s post yet just search for “Pussy” on this page!

]]> By: "Dee" http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-200026 "Dee" Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:31:29 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-200026 Hi Amy, First time veiwer/reading. My situation is very similiar to yours. I hope you have made some personal progress since you shared your story. We have a family member like you. Our family member has been fighting/bullying the for the last twenty years. It is now impacting the next generation in our family. No one "current" family member will confront this bully. My anxieties/fear is our children are now the target. Nasty,rude, and condescending remarks are directed at them. I feel I need to be an adovocate for my children I need to teach them and show them how to deal/handle people like this. I am their first teacher. Need help/guidance. D i Hi Amy,
First time veiwer/reading. My situation is very similiar to yours.
I hope you have made some personal progress since you shared your story.
We have a family member like you.
Our family member has been fighting/bullying the for the last twenty
years. It is now impacting the next generation in our family. No one “current” family member will confront this bully. My anxieties/fear is our
children are now the target. Nasty,rude, and condescending remarks
are directed at them. I feel I need to be an adovocate for my children
I need to teach them and show them how to deal/handle people like this.
I am their first teacher. Need help/guidance.
D

i

]]> By: Hobie http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-200006 Hobie Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:56:12 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-200006 Tonight I had a confrontation: I was eating at a restaurant outside. A man pulls up in an SUV with his lights shining directly on my table, just 3 feet away. He sat there for over ten minutes talking on the phone without turning his lights off. I made eye contact with him several times hoping he would get the hint and turn off the lights, but never did. When he finally got out and passed by the table into the restaurant, he casually said, "sorry 'bout the lights'. Normally I avoid confrontations because I get shakey, but I felt like I should speak my mind. So I said, "You could have turned your lights off". He immediately snapped back angrily, "WHAT???" So I repeated myself, still remaining somewhat calm. His reply was "I SAID I WAS SORRY! CAN'T YOU TAKE AN APOLOGY!!??" (he still had his cell phone to his ear). I said something to him about sitting there for 10 minutes with his lights on. At this point I was beginning to feel the pains of confrontation. He said something else which I can't remember clearly. Then he rolled his eyes and went inside. I looked down at my hands and they were shaking! I want to understand this reaction I have to confrontation and learn how to deal with it. I usually try to avoid these situations, but then I feel bad about myself for not standing up when I feel I am right. What training is out there to help deal with these situations. I kept repeating the situation over and over on the way home. I think I would like to encounter more to get used to feelings and learn how to deal with it. Thanks for this forum. It's good to be able to vent and find suggestions for help. Tonight I had a confrontation: I was eating at a restaurant outside. A man pulls up in an SUV with his lights shining directly on my table, just 3 feet away. He sat there for over ten minutes talking on the phone without turning his lights off. I made eye contact with him several times hoping he would get the hint and turn off the lights, but never did. When he finally got out and passed by the table into the restaurant, he casually said, “sorry ’bout the lights’. Normally I avoid confrontations because I get shakey, but I felt like I should speak my mind. So I said, “You could have turned your lights off”. He immediately snapped back angrily, “WHAT???” So I repeated myself, still remaining somewhat calm. His reply was “I SAID I WAS SORRY! CAN’T YOU TAKE AN APOLOGY!!??” (he still had his cell phone to his ear). I said something to him about sitting there for 10 minutes with his lights on. At this point I was beginning to feel the pains of confrontation. He said something else which I can’t remember clearly. Then he rolled his eyes and went inside.

I looked down at my hands and they were shaking! I want to understand this reaction I have to confrontation and learn how to deal with it. I usually try to avoid these situations, but then I feel bad about myself for not standing up when I feel I am right. What training is out there to help deal with these situations. I kept repeating the situation over and over on the way home. I think I would like to encounter more to get used to feelings and learn how to deal with it.

Thanks for this forum. It’s good to be able to vent and find suggestions for help.

]]> By: Jen http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-199920 Jen Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:52:43 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-199920 Hi. I hate confrontations too. I have such a problem with my anger. It used to be too little, now its way too much. Just this morning I was enjoying a lovely morning with my two year old and this womans black cocker spaniel comes running by. My son gets all excited and wants to pet the puppy. the woman is at least 50 behind, but when she catches up, she says 'He might bite.' I scoop my son up and as she passes me she looks away from, out into the distance, and says with such attitude, like she's trying to school me, 'You don't know that dog. He could turn on you.' Taken aback by her manner, I had been quite peaceful, it took me a while to think to say 'Then your dog should be on a leash.' It started an argument, and she basically she said she was trying to help me raise my son right --- by not chasing strange dogs. I found this comment so incredibly inciteful it was all i could do not to bust her face open. I've been arrested for this before, learned my lesson. anyway i thought of a hundred things i could have said. none of which would have been any better way to handle this. i mean how dare she walk by a kids park with her dog not on a lead, then claim he might bite and then call ME a bad parent. it really did ruin my morning. don't know what i could have done differently. some will say i shouldn't let me kid chase dogs. Noted. But she still should have had hers on a leash. At least we have somewhere to vent the fiery rage. Hi. I hate confrontations too. I have such a problem with my anger. It used to be too little, now its way too much. Just this morning I was enjoying a lovely morning with my two year old and this womans black cocker spaniel comes running by. My son gets all excited and wants to pet the puppy. the woman is at least 50 behind, but when she catches up, she says ‘He might bite.’ I scoop my son up and as she passes me she looks away from, out into the distance, and says with such attitude, like she’s trying to school me, ‘You don’t know that dog. He could turn on you.’ Taken aback by her manner, I had been quite peaceful, it took me a while to think to say ‘Then your dog should be on a leash.’ It started an argument, and she basically she said she was trying to help me raise my son right — by not chasing strange dogs. I found this comment so incredibly inciteful it was all i could do not to bust her face open. I’ve been arrested for this before, learned my lesson. anyway i thought of a hundred things i could have said. none of which would have been any better way to handle this. i mean how dare she walk by a kids park with her dog not on a lead, then claim he might bite and then call ME a bad parent. it really did ruin my morning. don’t know what i could have done differently. some will say i shouldn’t let me kid chase dogs. Noted. But she still should have had hers on a leash. At least we have somewhere to vent the fiery rage.

]]> By: Judith http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-199513 Judith Sun, 19 Jul 2009 08:41:46 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-199513 I work at an apt complex and this Puerto Rican Woman had been having trouble wuth her refrigerator leaking, maintenance had been over a few times, etc, and this was ten minutes until closing(which doesn't matter to me, I leaver when work is done). She called and screamed about the horrible embarassment when she came home from work and there was some water on the floor. I put her on hold, called the maintenance tech. He said we have to just swap her refrigertor out and give her one that is in a vacant unit. He was finishing up a no ac call and said tell her to give me five minutes to finish up and he would be over. In the meantime I had to go make sure we had a refrigerator. She started cursing and screaming b/c she wanted me to stay on the phone until the maintenance guy got to her apt and THEN she needed me to call her with a status after that. I told her I had to locate a fridge right now and the tech would be over with it. She was cursing f-ing b, mther f-er. I told her I was not listening to her any longer and hung up. She came in to the office and went crazy, asying everytime she sees me in the office, I hurry her along and always "jittery, she repeated that over and over. I told her she could not be in the office and act like that. My mgr and the tech had to physically pull her out of my office into the package room. Seriously she will probably kill someone someday. She needs mental help. I told my boss, "she acted like she discovered America with the "she's jittery thing" . I need to never have caffiene, but always moving and doing and upbeat. She has more serious issues that water on her floor........ I work at an apt complex and this Puerto Rican Woman had been having trouble wuth her refrigerator leaking, maintenance had been over a few times, etc, and this was ten minutes until closing(which doesn’t matter to me, I leaver when work is done). She called and screamed about the horrible embarassment when she came home from work and there was some water on the floor. I put her on hold, called the maintenance tech. He said we have to just swap her refrigertor out and give her one that is in a vacant unit. He was finishing up a no ac call and said tell her to give me five minutes to finish up and he would be over. In the meantime I had to go make sure we had a refrigerator. She started cursing and screaming b/c she wanted me to stay on the phone until the maintenance guy got to her apt and THEN she needed me to call her with a status after that. I told her I had to locate a fridge right now and the tech would be over with it. She was cursing f-ing b, mther f-er. I told her I was not listening to her any longer and hung up. She came in to the office and went crazy, asying everytime she sees me in the office, I hurry her along and always “jittery, she repeated that over and over. I told her she could not be in the office and act like that. My mgr and the tech had to physically pull her out of my office into the package room. Seriously she will probably kill someone someday. She needs mental help. I told my boss, “she acted like she discovered America with the “she’s jittery thing” . I need to never have caffiene, but always moving and doing and upbeat. She has more serious issues that water on her floor……..

]]> By: Renee http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-199512 Renee Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:35:30 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-199512 In regards to the wet dog situation. I am the world's worst in holding back my laughter in front of somebody. I probably would have said to the man, he needed a d--- shower anyway,sorry dog stinks like his master. In regards to the wet dog situation. I am the world’s worst in holding back my laughter in front of somebody. I probably would have said to the man, he needed a d— shower anyway,sorry dog stinks like his master.

]]> By: Regina http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-196901 Regina Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:20:26 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-196901 you were not wrong for what happened but you added to the mix by calling them girls bitches. Next time wait until you leave to add oil to the fire., you were not wrong for what happened but you added to the mix by calling them girls bitches. Next time wait until you leave to add oil to the fire.,

]]> By: michelle http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/comment-page-1/#comment-188328 michelle Sat, 09 May 2009 00:51:50 +0000 http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/03/29/7-tips-for-dealing-with-confrontation/#comment-188328 I had a not so nice confrontation about two weeks ago. I was on my lunch break from work and going to a local dollar store to pick up some detergent that was on sale. Well the buggies are outside the store so I grabbed my buggy and went to the entrance. Now picture this, the doors don't open automatically you have to open them yourself. So I'm on the phone with my boyfriend holding the door open pulling the buggy in behind me when these two women walk up together with their children. Well I get my buggy in the door ahead of me when one of the womens little girl comes up right behind me and I was gonna hold the door open for her. I saw the girl reach up for the door to grab it so I let go to turn around and get my buggy and get out of everyones way and go on about my business. The next thing I hear is "Mame" and I ignore it thinking it was another customer asking me where something was which isn't unusual when I am out in my work uniform. Then the "Mame" had gotten very loud and was right behind me and I turned around. It was the mother of the daughter talking to me. And it wasn't in a soft voice she started saying this. She started telling me that I let that door hit her girl in the head pointing to her daughter. And I said no I was holding the door open for your daughter. Then she and her friend both started getting very loud with me telling me no I let that door hit her daughter, and again I said no I was trying to hold it open for your daughter, then they started getting loud and people was looking. So I told her I was sorry I held the door open for her daughter and it hit her in the head and I turned around and walked off and my boyfriend who I was on the phone with asked me what had happened and I started the conversation off with him "This b*tch" and told him what happened. Well the two women heard me and again at the register we had another confrontation because they over heard what I said. I'm sorry I was defending myself from them. I'm not gonna let someone get in my face and yell out me and have everyone look at me like I did that on purpose. I didn't even know the door hit the girl even if it really did. So the last thing of out of our confrontation at the register was the other woman calling me a wh*re and I yelled back at her b*tch. Now I have both women coming up to my job making faces at me and trying to get me fired, which isn't working. But I don't know what to do! I had a not so nice confrontation about two weeks ago. I was on my lunch break from work and going to a local dollar store to pick up some detergent that was on sale. Well the buggies are outside the store so I grabbed my buggy and went to the entrance. Now picture this, the doors don’t open automatically you have to open them yourself. So I’m on the phone with my boyfriend holding the door open pulling the buggy in behind me when these two women walk up together with their children. Well I get my buggy in the door ahead of me when one of the womens little girl comes up right behind me and I was gonna hold the door open for her. I saw the girl reach up for the door to grab it so I let go to turn around and get my buggy and get out of everyones way and go on about my business. The next thing I hear is “Mame” and I ignore it thinking it was another customer asking me where something was which isn’t unusual when I am out in my work uniform. Then the “Mame” had gotten very loud and was right behind me and I turned around. It was the mother of the daughter talking to me. And it wasn’t in a soft voice she started saying this. She started telling me that I let that door hit her girl in the head pointing to her daughter. And I said no I was holding the door open for your daughter. Then she and her friend both started getting very loud with me telling me no I let that door hit her daughter, and again I said no I was trying to hold it open for your daughter, then they started getting loud and people was looking. So I told her I was sorry I held the door open for her daughter and it hit her in the head and I turned around and walked off and my boyfriend who I was on the phone with asked me what had happened and I started the conversation off with him “This b*tch” and told him what happened. Well the two women heard me and again at the register we had another confrontation because they over heard what I said. I’m sorry I was defending myself from them. I’m not gonna let someone get in my face and yell out me and have everyone look at me like I did that on purpose. I didn’t even know the door hit the girl even if it really did. So the last thing of out of our confrontation at the register was the other woman calling me a wh*re and I yelled back at her b*tch. Now I have both women coming up to my job making faces at me and trying to get me fired, which isn’t working. But I don’t know what to do!

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