Comments on: 7 Tips for dealing with confrontation

By: Stuart Dykes

Stuart Dykes — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 19:50:20 +0000

“If all else fails, the nose is a good place to hit first which can temporarily blind them with tears.”

That is hilarious.

Good points throughout though.

Might add not to make the other person feel like you think they are completely wrong. Makes it into a fierce personal battle.

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 12:59:16 +0000

Just had a confrontation that’s why I found this site. A man and woman who live near just accused me of reporting them to social services. Told them I didn’t even know they had kids. I kept completely calm although my adrenalin was raised slightly. I’ve been training myself for years to calm down as I used to get into a lot of fights.

The strange thing is because I didn’t get angry and wound up and start laying into them like I might of done some years ago (the man at least) I felt a little flight reaction. It’s not a good feeling I know underneath all anger is fear but anger covers it up so well. Keeping calm doesn’t seem to for me lol. I wan’t to be able to reamain calm but also have very little fear.

I always control my breathing fairly well and I get into a subtle fight stance i’m always aware of what’s going on around me, but this flight feeling is a real danger. It makes you half hearted.

I read someone post that says he wants to start martial arts. It helps having confidence in yourself physically and martial arts can help mentally a little aswell, but 95% of fighting/confrontation is mental and you have to learn how to deal with the fear in your head first and foremost. Trust me most martial arts don’t go down the mental route half enough. Not to say they don’t help they really do, but if you find a meditation or technique that gets rid of 99.9% of fear please tell me! lol

By: tori

tori — Fri, 28 May 2010 04:16:42 +0000

I probably would not have looked at them or said anything, just kept walking–I think that would be the best way to handle it as it doesn’t provoke. What you did was quite aggressive. I would not call you a wimp at all. You are lucky you didn’t get attacked. You acted bravely. It’s great that you didn’t fight. No, you should not fight, just ignore them. You got some insults in and I bet you intimidated them–I think you showed strength.

By: Jack

Jack — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 18:15:41 +0000

Lol, I’m exactly the same…think about what was said and how i should of acted differantly….i know it as my weakness, and it really does drag me down. The thing that i’m trying to instill in myself is basically confidence, one thing my cousin said is to do self defence and get good at it….then your ontop in every confrontation as you know if it has to go to the highest level of self defence then you can dominate and protect yourself, then apparantly it takes away all stress and fear…..and it’s true, you never see a Marine or a black belt trembling and being to passive in a confrontataion…..hope this helps

By: Jeremy Johnson

Jeremy Johnson — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:17:44 +0000

Different people may handle confrontation differently. My first reaction is to always shy away from getting angry. I’ve seen the destructiveness of getting angry and losing temper in my life enough to know that isn’t where I want to go.

I think another good way to handle it is to plan for what you will do when it happens. Don’t plan at the time of the confrontation – just like anything in life if you are prepared before hand, you’ll have a much greater chance of success.

And lastly, I am married as are you – confrontation in marriage is another killer if not handled properly. I make sure to talk to my wife about how we should handle stressful situations (an out of control child, bad news, money decisions, etc…). In a nutshell, we ask questions first and always take time to examine situations before letting emotion dictate the situation.
Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..Introducing The First Wizard, Lisa Irby

By: Vern

Vern — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 05:42:38 +0000

Ha! That’s classic… the weirdest thing to deal with is someone irate at you for a reason you’re clueless about. Happened to me at work where I was a webmaster for a Microsoft training company. He came into my office screaming about if I take away his job, something, something… and kept getting louder. I sat there and tried to figure it out. He was a big guy, but I didn’t think we’d be physically fighting over it – he was off-the-scale enraged though. Other employees came in and pulled him out of the room. What happened? I still don’t know, our company had a “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t mention things that go wrong” policy. Lol. I think it had something to do with me taking away some of his sales because customers were now ordering online through our ecommerce sites I just built. What set him off, I haven’t a clue.

The best policy I’ve found in dealing with confrontation is to be super calm and just listen at what someone is upset about first. Usually they’re not narrowing it down into the 1-2 things that matter to them, and they’re all over the map with emotional outrage. If you can isolate the one thing wrong, two things wrong – and address them, you might find you agree…

Almost all arguments start out like this… one person is emotional, gets the other emotional – and then both are unable to listen and isolate the true cause. They might be furious at each other for no reason. Happens often!
Vern´s last blog ..Buying Houses on Active Volcanos

By: Jerry Taylor

Jerry Taylor — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:28:59 +0000

Sometimes I just listen to what they are saying and just reply “Damn” and walk away. Just letting them deal with it. It seems to be their problem not mine.

By: Jerry Taylor

Jerry Taylor — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:15:25 +0000

Just tell them like my Mom use to tell people all the time. “If you can’t say something nice please don’t say anything.”

My self, I may be open to discussion on a subject but, my judge is in Heaven.

By: Jerry Taylor

Jerry Taylor — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:08:11 +0000

Tell them the truth,That you don’t trust them to open up to them with your feelings and that maybe one day that could change but,not today. Also tell them you don’t wish to discuss it right now and you will tell them when your ready to open up .

By: Winnie

Winnie — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 05:59:43 +0000

Dear Rallison,
I just had a very similar experience today with my neighbor. She sent her son over to give back an old jewelry box that I gave her awhile back and along with it, a very STRONG worded note, telling me “to stay the F*** out of my house, stay the F*** away from me”, warning and then threatening that she would kick my a**, and, “oh, yeah, F*** YOU”, and “snake around your own F*****’ yard”….
I went over and knocked on her door (Didn’t POUND on it or anything like that). I have no qualms about addressing this ridiculous accusation because I was never “snaking around” in her yard to begin with.
Well, whoever was in there refusing to answer the door (I’m assuming it was her) peeked out the curtain but I saw the curtain move out of the corner of my eye, so I knocked a few more times, to no avail.
I ended up walking away thinking to myself how can someone be so tough and threatening in a letter, but then be the total opposite when approached about it.
Anyway, I went back home and wrote her an email telling her those were some pretty STRONG freakin’ words in that nasty note that she sent me.I stated,” LET’S GET IT STRAIGHT: I don’t occupy my time by “snaking aound” in people’s yards. You’re either letting your imagination run away with you, OR somebody’s giving you a line of bull****. I don’t know. Maybe both. ”
I ended the letter by telling her that if she wanted to discuss this obvious misunderstanding, like two reasonable adults,then by all means, let’s. But if not, then I guessed it would be her perogative if she wanted to keep acting like she had bats in the belfry.
There is only so much that you can say to someone in that kind of mental state. I mean, you can’t reason with a crazy person, because they’re not thinking rationably to begin with. It’s as simple as that.
I can understand how you felt, being made to feel like some terrible lowlife who just committed a cardinal sin against this woman’s poor, dear, lonely, sweet child. When the fact of the matter is, YOU AREN’T AND YOU DIDN’T. And on top of that, do you feel like, even though you’ve got absolutely no reason to, but you feel the need to walk on eggshells whenever you cross paths with this individual? And there’s no resolution because they’ve already jumped to their own conclusions, without even giving you a chance defend yourself?
The only thing I can tell you, that I have found is a worthwhile piece of advice is this: sometimes you’ve got to let things roll off your back like water off a duck. (My dear old Dad told me that) . When the person you’re trying to reason with is just too stubborn to deal with on any level, it’s time to wash your hands of them; they’ve already got issues that have nothing to do with you–you just happened to inadvertantly trigger a raw nerve in them that placed you in the wrong place at the wrong time, and they took it out on you.
Eleanor Roosavelt said some words to this effect: The only time someone can MAKE you feel inferior, is when you LET them.
I hope this letter helps.
Sincerely,
Winnie